Chapter Text
Namjoon has changed throughout the years, well, to be completely fair, they all have. Nevertheless, there is something about the leader’s “evolution” that is constantly catching everyone’s attention. According to others, he has become calmer, softer, kinder, and more caring above all.
They all laugh when they get together and after some drinks they start picking on the ‘leader’s transformation’ as how they had decided to refer to the issue as.
“Are you even listening, Joon?” Seokjin asks while poking Namjoon’s ribs with his ‘not awful, just… different!’ fingers as the leader had addressed them once.
“Should I? I don’t get any of all these meme references you guys are onto!” He jokes and takes one of his hands to his forehead pretending that this is ‘all too much’ for him. It never is. He would do anything to have more time to spend like this; eating, drinking, and laughing with the little shits he loves the most.
“Hyung, it’s okay. We totally get that you’re now too old to get our jokes!” Jimin teases and before he can even laugh at his own joke, he receives a smack on the back of his head “Hey!”
“If you’re calling Namjoon old, what is left for me?!” Seokjin shrieks while his right hand is still raised over Jimin’s head.
“Sorry, hyungs!” He exclaims while dramatically bowing and paying respect to his elders. They all laugh at the action.
Namjoon gets why everyone’s a fan of bugging him; he has indeed changed, but what they don’t know is that this ‘soft’ part of him that everyone makes fun of, is there since their pre-debut days.
________________________________________________________________________
Kim Namjoon, aged 18, is standing right in front of the enormous and elegant glass building with a giant sign that spells ‘Big Hit Entertainment: Headquarter’. He feels his throat getting drier and drier as he is about to ring the bell. When he does, and he finally hears a little ‘buzz’, he knows he’s now allowed to enter.
He’s been there before. He has been practicing and practicing for so many hours that many of the vocal and dance rooms’ floors have had his blood, sweat and tears all over them. He knows the building like the palm of his hand, but on that particular day, he felt like every little thing around him was different. He wasn't entirely wrong about this, though; Big Hit did acquire some new goods, such as new furniture here and there, and well, 6 other guys who would now spend at least 23 hours a day with him for God knows how long. (He could only ask for it to be forever).
He knew some of their faces already; It was impossible to not see them around when he spent most of his time there, nonetheless, there was one face he was sure he would have remembered if he’d seen it before.
________________________________________________________________________
“Jin-hyung!” Jungkook called from the other side of the table, making Namjoon react and go back to where he really was; sitting right next to Jin with a beer can on his hand. “Could you please pour me another drink?” The youngest asked while putting his glass right in front of the eldest’s face.
Kim Seokjin was not only an excellent cook; He could also prepare amazing beverages. Even though he would normally act annoyed and reluctant when the other members asked him to prepare something for them, he actually enjoyed doing so. Taking care of the others was something that grew on him as time passed.
“Yah! You take advantage of your hyungs now, Jungkook-ah?” Jin asked jokingly and the youngest smiled while shaking his head. The eldest served Jungkook and warned him that this was the last drink one he would have; Not because he wouldn’t prepare more, but because the youngest one didn’t have that much of a resistance with alcohol.
“That’s right, Jungkookie! You are not allowed to drink anymoooore!” Taehyung squealed while shaking his own drink in front of Jungkook’s face. The latter blushed in frustration.
“Don’t be a prick, Tae. It seems that you already have had enough as well” Yoongi claimed and took Taehyung’s drink from his hand. The younger one was about to stand up and fight the ‘drink thief’ when Namjoon spoke.
“Okay, kiddos… and Jin” The eldest looked offended for a second “I believe it’s time for us to clean this mess and go to sleep” He stated while picking some empty cans and tossing them in the same plastic bag in which they were brought home.
Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin moaned as a complaint, but after one of ‘Mama Jin’s lethal stares’ they all stood up and started cleaning. They wouldn’t risk to be left without Jin’s cuisine once more. Last time they had to eat chicken flavored instant noodles for a week while the rest ate delicious home-made meals. Jimin even got food poisoned and now every time someone even mentions the freaking noodles he pukes.
________________________________________________________________________
When all the trash was thrown away and the place looked normal again, they headed back to their rooms. Curiously enough, neither of them followed the original ‘roommate’ system anymore; Jungkook and Taehyung would usually stay up late playing Overwatch on the youngest’s computer so they naturally started to sleep in the same room. For Yoongi and Jimin it was different; After that time when Jin decided to punish the younger ones and Jimin got sick, no one really wanted to stay in the same room as him, as he would wake up in the middle of the night feeling sick, and run across their flat to get to the bathroom. Long story short, Yoongi and Jin’s room had its own bathroom and since Jin wasn’t sleeping there anymore, there was an empty bed. Yoongi slept with his noise-cancelling earbuds anyways, so he didn’t mind Jimin staying there. Hoseok’s story was simpler; after everyone noticed his weird sleeping habit of stroking himself while dreaming about whoknowswhat, he now slept on his own.
Oh, why did Seokjin stop sleeping on his room? Well…
“I’m gonna check on Eomuk and Odengie and be right back, Joon” The eldest stated while poking one of Namjoon’s dimples, making him smile.
“I’ll wait for you” The leader answered and sat on ̶h̶i̶s̶ their bed after washing himself and changing into his pajamas. He was really sleepy, but he would wait for Jin. He always did.
________________________________________________________________________
“Hello! I’m Kim Seokjin, I’m 20, and I will be a part of the vocal line!” He said while bowing right in front of Namjoon.
“Oh, hi… Uhm, I’m Kim Namjoon, I’m 18, and…”
“You are the leader, aren’t you?” Jin interrupted him and then realized that… “You’re 18? Well, I guess that even though you are the boss you’ll still have to treat me as your hyung’”
“Well, hyung, I’m Kim Namjoon and…”
“I’m kidding, just Jin it’s more than okay” He interrupted again. Namjoon smiled.
“Okay, Just Jin” he mocked him and Jin bursted into a not-so-delicate laughter that made Namjoon and the rest laugh as well.
They were going to be just fine.
________________________________________________________________________
Jin had just left to feed the sugar gliders, but for Namjoon it felt like much more time; probably because he was so sleepy that he could feel his limbs getting heavier and heavier, and his brain becoming drowsy. As his eyes closed, his mind traveled through some of his best memories and he finally fell asleep with a smile on his face. He could only hope that Seokjin didn’t mind too much.
________________________________________________________________________
It all started weirdly and awkwardly. Some cheeky winks during dance and vocal practice, some grabby hands even when they weren’t on camera trying to please people with their ‘charms’, and even some intertwined fingers under random places’ tables. Neither of them said anything about this ‘situation’ they were in, but they both knew that it was something they would have to talk about at some point.
Months after, it finally happened.
________________________________________________________________________
“Oh, fuck this! I can’t fucking do it!” Namjoon yelled and ragefully kicked the stereo, making the music stop abruptly.
Everyone was shocked at the leader’s sudden behavior, but J Hope’s priorities were slightly different.
“Dude, what the fuck?!” the dancer approached the stereo and examined it for a few seconds before coming to a conclusion “You totally ruined it”
Namjoon didn’t even look at him and blew up again, punching the nearest wall and screaming both of pain and anger.
“Hoseok” Jin called with a severe voice that made everyone who still hadn’t gulped in fear, do so.
The lead dancer just raised his hands in an apologetic gesture and joined the rest again.
Namjoon could feel the tears accumulating on his eyes, and he definitely didn’t want the others to see him cry. He slowly sat on the floor, resting his back against the big mirrored wall and put his sweatshirt’s hood on. A shaky sigh left his lips and when he couldn’t see, Jin gestured the others to leave the room.
If someone could comfort Namjoon, it was him.
The door clicked when it was closed from the other side, and Namjoon raised his head again thinking he was on his own now. Luckily, he wasn’t.
“Why are you still here?” His voice was low and raspy, but Jin was able to hear it anyways.
“I think you know why” The eldest answered while slowly kneeling down in front of RM, and putting his hands on the younger’s knees.
The leader looked at him only hoping that this time his guesses were correct.
They remained silent for a couple of minutes and they were both grateful for it since they used that time to organize their thoughts.
“Jin”
“Namjoon”
They spoke at the same time, but Namjoon granted Jin the opportunity to talk with a nod.
The eldest removed his hands from the other’s knees just to wipe them on his own. He was nervous, but he was finally sure of what to say.
“You are the best leader our team could have gotten” He started but Namjoon shook his head and opened his mouth to respond but-
“Oh, Jin-hyung, you’re too nice” the eldest said while putting one of his fingers over RM’s lips to shut him up. The younger seemed surprised as that was- “I bet that was exactly what you were going to say” He was now whispering, which made every little hair on Namjoon’s nape rise. Jin moved a little bit closer with every word. He was now between the other’s legs. “You have to start believing in people when they tell you how amazing you are” He put his hands back again on the rapper’s knees and continued to talk. “Although… you would be even greater if you could just accept and admit your feelings”
Namjoon felt his throat closing and a sweat drop sliding down on the side of his face.
Jin smiled, but his eyes were intensely looking straight into the younger’s.
“I’m not only talking about the ones you have for me, Joonie”
Shit. Fuck. Shit. Did his heart actually explode inside his chest or-
“You are allowed to say that you’re tired when you are, Namjoon. No one is going to judge you” Jin got even closer and took the other’s hood off his head, revealing his blushed face. “You can’t keep hiding like this! Even though the others may not notice when you’re not feeling right, I do, and it kills me that I can’t just come and help you because you won’t let me!”
Namjoon stared at the black-haired boy in front of him, and he was about to say something, anything really, but he was stopped once more.
“I’m not done yet, brat”
The younger blushed even more, frustrated, but willing to hear the other.
“What I’m trying to say is… I want you to allow me to be a part of you, and allow yourself to be a part of me as well” The eldest whispered and took one of his hands to Namjoon’s face to brush some wild hairs onto the back of his ear.
The younger opened his mouth but closed it again, not sure if he could say something yet.
“You can talk now” Jin giggled softly but Namjoon quickly closed his eyes. He could feel the tears escaping.
“I just… I just want to be strong, hyung” The younger finally spoke so shakily that Jin’s chest hurt. “For all of you” He sighed. After a few seconds, he continued. “What kind of man am I, if I’m not even able to complete a simple rehearsal because I’m too tired?” His volume started to rise. “What kind of man am I if I can’t even be honest with my feelings?” He started to become more and more desperate as he talked. He removed Jin’s hand from his face and shifted uneasily. “Tell me, Seokjin-hyung… What kind of man am I if I can’t even keep my shit together in your presence?” He was now fully screaming and multiple tears were rolling down his cheeks. “W-what kind of man am I if I can’t hold back my tears?” Jin was completely sure that he witnessed the exact moment when one of the concrete walls around Namjoon’s heart was wrecked.
The younger tried to hide his face on his hands, but Jin grabbed him by the wrists and made him look at him until his sobs slowly stopped. The rapper tried to escape the grip a few times, but it was impossible; He was a mess, and Jin was determined.
When Namjoon felt calmer, he spoke once again.
“What kind of a man am I if I can’t even escape from your hands, Jin?” He whispered weakly and lowered his face, avoiding Jin’s stare, but not for long since the eldest grabbed his chin and forced him to face him again.
“The kind of man I’m in love with” Seokjin answered with a straight face and he relaxed his grip on the younger, now almost caressing his face with the tips of his fingers before continuing. “And I will make sure that you never get to escape from my hands, dear”
________________________________________________________________________
Until this day they are not sure who leaned in first, but they decided to agree on the idea that both of their lips met half way.
Jin tends to tease Namjoon by saying that his lips were wet and salty from his crybaby tears, but the younger knows that if that would’ve been an actual problem, he wouldn’t have kissed him again and again and again.
________________________________________________________________________