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Lance sighed and sank deeper into his cocoon of bedsheets.
He hadn’t even made an effort to actually, physically, get out of bed for the whole day except for first thing in the morning when his conscience had screamed “I can’t do this!” just as he woke up. And so he proceeded to trudge to the bathroom, where he brushed his teeth as well as wash his face half-heartedly. He wasn’t even surprised by his reflection in the mirror; his hair looked like a birds’ nest and tiny pimples began to emerge on his face. Extreme stress zits, he supposed. Lance lumbered back into his room, locking the door with a click and then miserably flopping onto bed. He really wasn’t in the mood for anyone’s shit.
And that’s the position he stayed in for 5 hours, at least. His room was so messy and disorganised at this point: souvenirs he’d collected from all the planets they’d visited were lying all over the floor, his video game console lay forgotten in the corner, coated in a layer of dust bunnies. His digital clock was somewhere in this mess, but then again, he couldn’t understand how the hell Alteans measured time anyway, so what was the point?
Thinking about Alteans made him think about Allura, and the more he thought about Allura the more he thought about Lotor. The more he thought about Lotor, the more he wanted to cry.
Lance was stupid, but he wasn’t that stupid. Allura and Lotor clearly had feelings for each other. He’d seen the way they looked at each other, seen the way Allura got unusually happy when Lotor was around. They shared a bond due to their Altean heritage, and Lance could never share that type of bond with Allura.
And it really just sucked. Allura wasn’t just a girl Lance had been flirting with since day one. Somehow, somewhere along the line, he’d grown to love her as an individual. She was the heart of Voltron, a kind soul who had grown to care about him as well, comforting him when he was down. She inspired him to become a better person. It was a friendship built upon mutual love and respect. But she certainly wouldn’t be able to comfort him now.
And then there was Lotor. Lotor, emperor of the Galra Empire. Lotor, a skillful orator with enchanting charisma. Lotor, whose mere presence commanded everyone in the room. Lotor, and his stupidly gorgeous looks. Lotor, who Allura fell in love with.
Just as he was getting closer to Allura, just as he felt like he belonged in the team, Lotor had mercilessly ripped that away, leaving Lance helpless and back to square one. Heck, he wasn’t even sure Lotor knew his name for crying out loud.
He had no right to intervene in their relationship. They were content with each other, and honestly, he should have been happy for Allura, but he just couldn’t bring himself to because his troublesome feelings were in the way. Even Pidge and Hunk made fun of him for that. They teased him for moping over Allura, and while he knew that they were merely poking fun, Lance would be lying if he said their words didn’t hurt. It was already bad enough that he was hung up over such a “small matter”, and the fact that they just rubbed in his face made the situation all the more worse.
It wasn’t just that incident. He had already felt himself drifting away from the both of them a while back. At first, he considered them to be his closest friends on the team, but now he wasn’t so sure what to call them anymore. Pidge and Hunk had grown closer due to their love for technology, which Lance was obviously far too stupid to comprehend. They spent majority of their time doing some wacky tech stuff for the castleship, like ensuring the removal of viruses, tracking the Galra and yada yada. Boringggg.
Well, there was Shiro too, but recently Shiro hadn’t been feeling well. He even talked to Lance about the matter, that he had been having some strange, ominous flashes and glimpses of Haggar recently. Couple that with some ear ringing and frequent headaches, Shiro just wasn’t feeling himself at the moment and hence Lance gave him some space. He really did not want to burden Shiro with his dumb love problems.
Finally, there was Keith. And shit, he missed Keith so much more than he wanted to admit.
When Keith had first become the leader, he had tried his best even though his leadership skills were pretty much non-existent. The one thing Lance appreciated the most was that Keith listened to Lance’s opinion and input, as if both of them shared a unique connection like they were the co-leaders of Voltron. He wished he could feel that feeling again someday.
It was fun having a rivalry with Keith, to have someone ignite a spark in your chest to make you strive to do your best. Keith was a source of motivation and competition for Lance to maximise his potential in everything that he did. Even if somewhere down the line, their rivalry had turned into playful teasing, and eventually blooming into newfound friendship. They grew closer together, especially after they had that heart-to-heart talk. Even though Keith was more of a stab-first-speak-later kind of guy, he reassured Lance that he was an essential member of the team, not just because he was the leader, but because he was Lance’s friend. Lance had felt something bloom within his chest that day; a sense of belonging.
Now Keith was gone. He claimed he left the team to continue his training with the Blade, but Lance could read Keith like an open book. He knew that Keith didn’t feel confident in his abilities and decided that removing himself from the team would be the best option for everyone. Lance couldn’t help but feel that they were so similar in this sense but at the same time so very different people as a whole.
There was that and the fact that Keith felt a stronger connection to his heritage when he was with the Blade. Lance couldn’t blame him, he would do anything for his family too.
But now Lance was frighteningly alone.
He had nobody on the team to turn to anymore. Not even the mice.
Bang. Bang. Bang. “Lance?”
It was Hunk. Lance scrambled to yank the covers over his head, burying himself in the darkness. Maybe if he stayed like this long enough the blanket would consume him and he would disappear forever.
“Lance, I know you’re in there.”
“Go away, Hunk.” He said hoarsely. His voice was totally muffled by the duvet but Lance didn’t care.
“I’m not leaving until you open —”
Lance threw the covers over his head in a haste and let out an angered shout. “I said go away! Leave me alone!” His chest heaved up and down as he took sharp breaths. All he could see was red.
He didn’t want others to reassure him. It was such a trivial matter that Lance saw no point in burdening others with his whiny ass because he didn’t want to waste their time. It was merely Lance himself who somehow spiraled into a chain of negative thoughts.
Suddenly, he heard the faintest sound of Hunk’s footsteps growing softer and softer as he walked further and further away. Just like how everyone in Lance’s life did.