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What a season it had been. Probably the worst season Maxi had, had so far. A lot had happened that put him to the test and stressed out everyone on the team. It had been tough but they got through it together. He was lucky to have such good mates but he was constantly battling with his mind and the intuitive thoughts that kept creeping up on him. He hadn’t really discussed them with anyone, he didn’t want to be a burden, nor did he want anyone judging him.
It was near the end of his shift. It had been a relatively nice day. There was still quite a crowd left on the beach at 6pm. One hour left before he got to go home. He was down at backpackers by himself. Chappo and Kerrbox were up in the tower. Reidy and Harries were patrolling in the rhino, going from the middle of the beach to the north and back.
It had been a hectic day. Maxi probably had done about 7 rescues, reunited a lost child, run from the tower to backpackers twice, been out on the jet ski for an hour and treated 3 minor injuries. Not to mention that he was late for his shift and hadn’t had lunch. He was exhausted to say the least. So many things had been going on. The problem was that he couldn’t leave his post to grab some water or a bite to eat. He huffed as his stomach growled at him.
Suddenly he saw two children struggling in the rip. Quickly, he stripped off his shirt and sunglasses, grabbing the rescue board beside him and ran into the water. He reached the two children and easily got them onto his board. The paddle back to the beach was harder than the paddle out. Maxi felt like his body was giving up on him. Once in shallow water, he let the children get off. They thanked him and ran off to find their family. Maxi dragged the board back onto the dry sand and struggled to catch his breath. He looked up the beach to see Harries paddling out with Reidy not far behind him. Looking into the water, he could see at least 6 people in trouble. There was a chance that he would have to run up to the middle of the beach to help them. No sooner than he thought that, his radio crackled.
“Maxi go help the boys in front of the tower” Chappo’s voice echoed through the radio with urgency.
Maxi took a long deep breath before picking up his board and began running. His heart rate rose significantly and it pounded in time with the speed he was running at. When he got there, he leapt into the water without hesitation and reached the group of troubled swimmers. Reidy was already on his way in. Harries was getting 2 people on his board. Maxi had to pick up the last 2 people there. It took all his strength to get them both on the board. As he paddles back in, he could see Harries and Reidy congratulating each other on the rescue. Finally, he made it back onto land and tipped his 2 patients off the board. He slowly dragged his board out of the water and looked up to see Harries and Reidy putting their shirts back on and joking about.
Something inside Maxi just broke. He was done with everything. He wished he could just curl up into a ball and hide from the world or get swept out to sea never to be seen again. He knew he had to get back to the south end since no one was there. He reluctantly began walking back to backpackers without saying anything to the boys. As he walked back his mind began wondering...
You’re good for nothing you know.
You shouldn’t be a lifeguard.
Go drown, see if anyone saves you.
Jump off the cliffs.
Maxi made it back to his post with tears forming in his eyes. Checking his watch, it was nearly time to go home. He placed the board back on the stand and picked up his stuff. Chappo had begun to take the signs down at north end. Harries was on the megaphone announcing that the lifeguards were packing up.
Maxi couldn’t stop some tears from escaping his eyes and roll down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away, he didn’t want anyone to see him weak. The radio crackled.
“Good job today boys, been a tough one. See you back at the tower” Kerrbox cheerfully said.
Harries and Reidy were helping Chappo pack up all the gear. Maxi made his way back to the tower before they could get to him and collect the gear down south. His vision blurred with tears as he walked up the stairs to the tower. Kerrbox was looking out the windows and didn’t notice him enter. Maxi grabbed a bottle of water and gulped it all down. He could feel more tears rolling down his cheeks. Kerrbox had finally realised he wasn’t alone in the tower.
“Hey Maxi” he greeted as he got up to stretch.
Maxi remained silent, scared that if he spoke his voice would crack. Kerrbox noticed he was getting the silent treatment and stepped down the steps to see what was going on with the youngster. Maxi didn’t, couldn’t face him. He placed his hand on Maxi’s shoulder to get his attention. Maxi slowly turned round with his head down. Kerrbox noticed a few tears drop onto the floor. He was immediately worried.
“Come on, let’s go for a walk” Kerrbox wrapped his arm around Maxi’s shoulders and led him outside onto the beach. Maxi didn’t protest even though he was so tired.
They walked along the wall heading up to north bondi.
“Want to tell me what’s got you upset, mate?”
Maxi was hesitant at first “Just been a challenging day, that’s all”
“My arse mate! It’s got to be more than that” Kerrbox exclaimed.
“Challenging season then. So much had happened. It’s just got to me. Been thinking a lot, dwelling on things. Guess my mind has got the better of me. Been having some... bad thoughts lately” Maxi admitted.
Kerrbox thought hard about what Maxi had just said. Did Maxi just admit he was depressed... or even suicidal?!
“Mate... um, like, what kind of thoughts?” Kerrbox needed to know if Maxi was possibly a danger to himself.
“I shouldn’t be a lifeguard. I’m not helping anyone and that I should... drown”
Kerrbox felt his heart sink. Maxi was barely 20 years old and he was thinking such awful things. He tightened his grip on Maxi’s shoulders, afraid that he might run into the water or do something stupid. “Shit Maxi. You should have come to one of us. I’m sorry. Maybe you should talk to a professional, only a suggestion.”
“I know, I know. I’m an idiot. I didn’t want to seem weak or annoying” Maxi sobbed.
“You are not annoying and definitely not weak. You’re a brilliant lifeguard and all the boys love having you around. Don’t listen to those thoughts. You’re still young and have a lot going for you” Kerrbox attempted to cheer him up.
Maxi weakly smiled “Thanks, Box.”
They were now heading back towards the towers where the shutters were being pulled down over the windows by Harries.
“You gonna be alright?” Kerrbox asked nervously.
“Yeah. Don’t worry. I’ll go see my doctor and I’ll ask Hoppo for some time off. You think he’ll be ok with that?”
“Of course. He’ll understand and if you ever want to get something off your chest, for god sakes just come talk to one of us”
“Will do. Thanks for everything, I mean that” Maxi dried his eyes.
“Don’t go all soft and soppy on me mate” Kerrbox laughed, making Maxi laugh to.
They had reached the tower. After collecting their things and changed in the locker room, they both parted their ways and went home.