Work Text:
Whisper Lodge
“Okay, first of all, fire,” Steve said. “Then we can explore.”
“We’re not going to explore the murder lodge!” Tony exclaimed.
Bucky grunted, walking over to the couch. “It’s better than the murder tundra.”
“Don’t put me on the couch!” Tony barked immediately. “It probably has bed bugs! I will not have bed bugs on my person.”
Bucky raised his eyebrows but obediently did not set Tony on the couch, because he liked his testicles exactly where they were. “What, rich people can’t have bed bugs? What’s the rich people parasite?”
“Tape worm to make us thin,” Tony sniffed.
“Why did you have an answer for that?” Bucky asked, dismayed. “Why was that a question you knew the immediate answer to?”
“The answer will only upset you,” Steve warned, and let out a dismayed little noise of his own when Tony nodded in agreement. “Rich people are psychotic.”
Tony huffed at him, offended. “Rich people don’t get called psychotic until they commit cold-blooded murder, Steve. Until then we’re just eccentric.”
“Sometimes I think you want to give me nightmares,” Steve complained as he finally got the fire going. He shivered a little and waved Bucky over. “C’mon, we need to get Tony warmed up.”
“Can I put my feet on your back?” Tony asked.
“No,” they both said without pause, and Steve threw another log onto the fire.
Tony crossed his arms, muttering petulantly, then hissed as Bucky finally set him down. His ankle throbbed. And of course the rest of the team would find out that he hadn’t gone down fighting Hydra, but by tripping over a piece of his own goddamn armor after it had been blasted apart. He hoped his ankle wasn’t broken. The ribbing might be too much then.
“Everything is awful and my life sucks,” he complained, frowning, and curled his toes just to make sure he still could.
“It can’t be too awful,” Bucky said, smiling a little. “You’ve got me an’ Stevie here.”
“You won’t even let me warm up my toes on you. Do you think my ankle’s broken?”
Steve reached out for his ankle, carefully feeling around the swelling. Tony winced, but it didn’t hurt too awfully. “I’m going to give it a cautious but pretty solid no,” he said after a moment, then pulled his shirt up and gently pressed Tony’s feet to his stomach. “–Shit! Cold. Tell me when you’re warm enough, okay?”
“Okay,” Tony said unhappily. He wanted to gloat about getting his way, but it must have looked really bad if Steve was doing this without complaint.
“This isn’t so bad,” Bucky insisted, pressing up against Tony’s back.
Tony rolled his eyes, taking the out to complain that he’d been given. “We’re in an abandoned lodge in the middle of nowhere after being attacked by Hydra. Sure, you’re totally right, nothing bad could ever happen here. I’m sure this wasn’t their hide-out or anything.”
“Too obvious,” Bucky replied, rubbing his hands up and down the smaller man’s back. “It’s probably just regular murderers here, not Nazis.”
“How dare you make me listen to that with my own ears,” Tony said, and then yelped when Bucky lightly pinched his side. “Steve! Bucky is being a brute!”
Steve snorted, rubbing a hand back and forth over his good calf. “You usually like it when Bucky’s a brute.”
“Well!” Tony began, then turned to narrow his eyes at Bucky. “…I’m injured.”
“Boo fuckin’ hoo, that never stopped you when you had cracked ribs and wanted to suck my dick,” Bucky replied with a scoff.
Tony humphed and tilted his head back to stick his nose in the air. “Well! I can see when I’m not wanted! I won’t suck your dick ever again then!”
“Listen you little sass,” Bucky began, rolling his eyes, then stopped abruptly and went very, very still.
“…Bucky?” Tony asked, voice small.
“Shh,” Bucky answered sharply.
Steve stared at him for a moment, brows furrowed, before he closed his eyes and listened, too. Tony looked back and forth between them worriedly, fidgeting. He knew none of his senses were as sharp as theirs, so he had no choice but to wait, quiet, so as not to break their concentration.
“Someone’s here,” Steve said after a moment.
He began to stand, but Bucky shook his head and passed Tony over so he was in Steve’s arms instead. “You’re like a bull in a china shop, Steve.”
“Hey!” Steve exclaimed.
Tony patted his arm sympathetically. “Stealthy you are not, honeybuns.”
“Unbelievable. It’s supposed to be me and Bucky picking on you, not you and Bucky picking on me,” Steve muttered petulantly, but took some of the sting out of it by pressing a kiss to Tony’s nape. “You could at least pick on me with kisses like we do with Tony.”
“Tony, will you kiss this big baby while I’m gone?” Bucky sighed, rolling his eyes.
Tony immediately turned and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of Steve’s mouth. “’kay.”
“Oh my God,” Steve sighed, rolling his eyes as well, then whined when Tony leaned back with a frown. “Hey, no, I didn’t say stop!”
“Pathetic,” Bucky snorted, and it was a wonder his eyes didn’t just roll out of his head. “Stay here. Stay quiet. Protect Tony or I’ll never forgive you, Steve.”
“Of course,” Steve said reasonably as Tony let out an outraged squawk.
Bucky left before Tony could pitch a fit, because he would rather deal with an unknown possible enemy than Tony’s incensed ranting about how he did not need anyone to protect him. He’d had to sit through one of those before. That was how he’d learned Tony could swear in most languages.
Steve curled his arms tighter around Tony’s waist and pressed his lips to his ear. “Shhh,” he whispered softly, even though he knew that Tony wouldn’t have really pitched a fit with the threat of someone lurking in the building with them. He and Bucky should have searched for possible enemies before settling down with Tony. He’d just been so distracted with Tony’s injury, and then the worry that he might get hypothermia before they could get him warm. He’d been an idiot. He should have tucked Tony up in a corner and checked things out.
Tony curled up against his chest, head tucked up under Steve’s chin. “Can you hear him?”
“No,” Steve whispered back. “I usually don’t until he’s walked into the same room with me, though. Remember when I broke that plate the other day?”
“Yeah,” Tony breathed.
“He startled me and I broke the plate in half to use as weapons.”
Tony let out a startled laugh, then covered his mouth with a little gasp.
Steve ran a hand down his back, tilting his head to listen again. He still couldn’t hear anything except the voices. He couldn’t hear what they were saying–just that they were talking.
And they never stopped.
“Okay, so, don’t be alarmed,” Bucky said, looming up out of the darkness and making the two of them jump. “But I didn’t see anyone so I’m pretty sure it’s ghosts.”
“No one?” Steve echoed in disbelief. If Bucky wanted to find someone, they got found, especially if when it came to the safety of those Bucky loved. He couldn’t imagine Bucky not being able to find the source of the voices. “Did you check for secret passageways?”
“There were some old servants’ corridors,” Bucky admitted. “But I didn’t find anything in them either. Sometimes it would get louder, like I was close, but… nothing was ever there. I don’t like it and I think we should wrap Tony in a blanket and leave.”
Tony stared at him. “…Are you serious?”
“Do you think I’d joke about your safety?!” Bucky snapped.
“You want to wrap me in blankets probably infested fleas and take me back out onto the tundra because of ghosts?” Tony asked dubiously.
“I’d honestly rather it be ghosts than an enemy I can’t corner,” Bucky spat. “I’m not risking your safety. Like you said–this is a murder lodge.”
Tony gave him an incredibly sour look. “Yes, because abandoned ski lodges in Russia are crawling with murderers.”
“Listen, if I can’t find the people talking, it’s not safe. I’m not letting my boyfriends stay somewhere that it’s not safe,” Bucky informed him sternly. “So yes, I’m going to wrap you in some of these blankets I found, fleas or not, and Steve and I ‘ll take turns carrying your prissy ass.”
“Just for this I am definitely never sucking your dick again,” Tony hissed. “Do not wrap those blankets around me. Don’t you come any closer!” he barked when Bucky stubbornly advanced on him. “If you touch me with those I’ll break up with you! I’ll write you out of my will! I’ll kick you out of the toWER YOU BEASTS UNHAND ME!!!!” Tony wailed as Steve held him still so Bucky could swaddle him. “I’ll never forget this betrayal! I’m breaking up with both of you! These smell like mothballs what the hell–”
“If he bites me, I’m going to kick your ass for not wrapping him tight enough,” Steve told Bucky, and Bucky shrugged, conceding. Being bitten by Tony was not always as pleasurable as one would expect. “Put out the fire, will ya?”
“The old Petrov Lodge?” one of the villagers they’d stumbled upon later asked. “Oh, yeah, this rich family got murdered there years ago and it’s been abandoned ever since. It’s totally haunted.”
“HA,” Bucky shouted, pointing in Tony’s face.
“It’s totally a Hydra base and you were definitely picking up radio waves with your communicators,” Natasha said.
“HA,” Tony shouted triumphantly at Bucky, and thumped him on the shoulder.
“Well,” Steve sighed. “At least there were no bed bugs or fleas.”