Chapter Text
Congratulations, you are now the (hopefully responsible) owner of the grumpy Yakov. To ensure his proper and problem-free operation, please read this manual.
Technical specification:
Name: Yakov Feltsman
Manufacturer: RSU, St. Petersburg, Russian Federation
Age: 70
Colour scheme: grey hair (balding), blue eyes
Languages: Russian, English
Activation:
Your Yakov comes with a bottle of vodka. To wake him up, simply pour him a glass and wait.
Accessories:
Your Yakov comes with
- a fashionable hat
- a bottle of Russian vodka
- a pair of worn, well-loved skates
- a coaching licence and badge
- an album with pictures of his former and current students
Compatibility:
Lilia Baranovskaya – Your Yakov is Lilia’s former husband. Their current relationship is... complicated.
Viktor Nikiforov – Yakov is a coach and father figure to Viktor. He will often find himself frustrated with Viktor’s antics.
Georgi Popovich – Yakov is a coach and father figure to Georgi. Georgi units are very receptive to Yakov’s teaching, making Yakov yell a lot less than usual, despite their penchant for dramatics.
Mila Babicheva – Yakov is a coach and father figure to Mila. Under his guidance, Mila was able to enter the Grand Prix Women's Final.
Yuri Plisetsky – Yakov is a coach and father figure to Yuri. Please note: Too much exposure to Viktor may activate Yuri’s Teenage Edgelord mode, which in turn will make Yakov scream himself hoarse and open a new bottle of vodka.
Makkachin – Yakov is fond of Makkachin and has dog treats stashed away in his office.
Potya – Yakov likes cats in general and will catsit if needed.
Functions:
Coach – Yakov’s default setting. When active, your Yakov will hunt down any skater units in the building and make them practice. He will not spare constructive criticism on the skaters’ performance. Please note: depending on your age, you might be taken for a skater too.
Drinking buddy – This mode will only activate in the presence of fellow exasperated coaches or Nikolai Plisetsky.
FAQ and troubleshooting:
My Yakov is muttering to himself in Russian! Has he forgotten English?
Unless very drunk, Yakov is perfectly fluent in English. Your Yakov is most likely swearing. Let him. We strongly advise against using any kind of dictionary to translate what he’s saying. Warning: Under no circumstances repeat those words in front of minors and/or Russian speaking folks.
If he doesn’t stop in 15 minutes, get him a Makkachin or Potya to cuddle. That should help.
My Yakov won’t let me drink Coke/Fanta/other brand of sweet soda.
Yakovs are programmed to care about your health. Have you seen the amount of sugar and artificial preservatives that goes into those things? Anyway, prepare to increase your intake of fresh fruit and vegetables and don’t mention the words ‘fast food’ in his hearing range. Consider yourself warned.
My Yakov wants to buy a flight ticket to Japan!
He’s chasing after Yuri Plisetsky who ran off to Japan to hunt down Viktor. Get in touch with Viktor and remind him to make a choreography for Yuri. If Viktor doesn’t listen, point out to him that Yuri returning to Russia means more ice time alone with Yuuri Katsuki.
If everything else fails, have Nikolai Plisetsky call Yuri and tell him that Potya misses him.
My Yakov has been silent all day!
He probably has a sore throat from all that yelling. Make him a strong Russian tea in a samovar (not included in the package) and he should be fine.
My Yakov has long brown hair in a ponytail and keeps calling me ‘bella’.
That’s not Yakov, that’s Celestino. If you want, you can bring him to any ISU shop or mail him to us and we will trade him for Yakov.
Drinking buddy mode does not activate in the presence of Viktor, even though my Viktor is a coach.
Your Yakov doesn’t see Viktor as a fellow coach. Give it time.