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Claudia opened her eyes, blinking in the bright white light and Leena smiled at her. “Oh god, I’m dead. I’m dead, aren’t I? The ritual failed and I crumbled to dust instead of Mrs. Frederic and--”
“Claudia.” Leena’s voice was soft but just the sound of it was enough to bring tears to bring Claudia’s rambling to a halt and tears to her eyes. “I’m not dead, am I?”
“No, you’re not,” her smile was as gentle as her voice but somehow the reassurance in words and expression made Claudia cry harder. She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand trying to stem the flow.
“I’m sorry you died, Leena. I didn’t want you to die and there was so much I wanted to say to you and then you were dead and I couldn’t-I couldn’t,” she stuttered to a stop, overcome by too many emotions at once and blurted out, “I didn’t expect you to be here.”
“I know. But you wanted me to be here, so here I am.”
“That’s it? That’s how it works? I want something and it’s true?”
“Right now it is.” Leena was as calm and frustrating in her calm as Claudia had always remembered her to be.
“What if I want it to stop being true?”
“Then want it to stop.” There was something the subtle emphasis she put on the word want that let Claudia know her bluff had been called.
“What if I want it to keep being true forever?” She whispered.
“Then it will be.” Leena’s soulful eyes reflected Claudia’s own image back to her.
“I’m supposed to be becoming the Caretaker right now.”
“I know.”
“Mrs. Frederic is going to die.”
“Yes.”
“Why are you here?!” Claudia shouted, pushed into yelling by the calm facing back at her, scared and exhausted and exasperated. “Is this some sort of sicko joke? ‘Let’s mess with Claudia’s head just as she’s about to get a whole Warehouse installed and see if she goes crazy again.’?”
“You were never crazy before. Joshua was there and you found and saved him. The world perceived you as crazy but you saw the truth and held onto it, you held onto who you were, and you did good things because of it.”
“Why are you here?” Claudia asked again, at a normal volume this time.
“You wanted someone to be with you, to cross the threshold from your life before being the Caretaker to your life after becoming the Caretaker, so I came.”
Claudia laughed, a hollow sound. “As easy as that?”
“As easy as that,” Leena agreed smoothly, finally approaching Claudia and wrapping her arms around her.
She smelled exactly as Claudia remembered. She felt exactly as Claudia remembered. And though Claudia wanted to revel in the feel of her arms, to press their bodies together, to savor the warmth they shared, she made herself step back after a moment.
“You’re a memory. You’re not actually--” she choked on a half sob, unable to finish the sentence.
“Memories are real, Claudia. They make us feel things, they preserve the pieces of our lives into one cohesive whole. But no, I’m not alive. I’m not physically here. I might just be a figment of your imagination, manifested out of your fear and desire for comfort in a stressful moment.”
“Might? Seriously, we’re in a blank white space like we’re having a Harry Potter train station death scene and my version of Dumbledore is giving me psychobabble nonsense and cryptic answers about memories and reality. This movie sucks, I want a refund.” Claudia took a breath and centered herself.
“Alright, if you’re my Dumbledore, then what do I have to do? Like, what are my choices here?”
“What do you want?” The question was asked in that too calm voice that used to set Claudia’s teeth on edge, but right now it just made her feel a bit sad. Okay, majorly annoyed too, but also sad.
“What I want is to finish the ritual and become the Caretaker and get out of this light based torment. Seriously, you practically need sunglasses to see in here.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” There it was again, that same subtle emphasis on the word that she’d used before.
“Dude, yes. I already did my whole yes, no, maybe thing on being the Caretaker and it’s a little late to back out now. Like, my wrist is bound to Mrs. F’s there was a lot of chanting and ritual stuff and I’m fairly sure it’s a done deal. I just need to get through whatever this is and get out of here so I can be the Caretaker and Mrs. F. can finally move on.” There was a waver in Claudia’s voice that hinted at her indecision despite the certainty of her words.
“Then want an exit.” Leena gestured around the empty space. “Decide you want to move on and accept the role and go.”
“I’ve been wanting an exit since I got here,” Claudia grumbled as she looked around trying to will an door into existence.
“No you haven’t.” The reply was implacable.
“Since when did you become a psychic?” Claudia rounded on her. “You don’t know anything. You don’t know me anymore. You’ve been gone for years and I’ve grown and changed and moved on and you’re just the same. You’re just--” She cut herself off with a visible effort, taking another deep breath. “You’re just a manifestation of my whatever the hell, and I am getting out of here. Right now.” She glared at a patch of empty space as if daring it to do anything other than become a door. The empty space was apparently unimpressed with her glaring abilities because it kept on being empty space and no door appeared.
After several moments she gave up and flopped down on the ground, in as much as the vast empty space that they were apparently surrounded by on all sides could be called ground anyway.
“Mrs. Frederic is going to die.” She said as Leena came over and sat down next to her. “She’s going to crumble into dust and then she’ll be gone and I won’t be able to ask her what to do anymore and I’ll have to be in charge and while that part’s kind of cool, it’s also a big responsibility. I’ll be the Caretaker and she’ll be gone. And then I’m going to live just as long as she did and everyone else I know and love will die too and I’ll have to watch it happen because I’ll be tied to the Warehouse and semi-immortal or whatever and I’ll be alone and it occurs to me now that maybe I should have worked all this out in my head before we started the ritual but apparently I suck at planning for these kinds of things.” She laughed sadly as she drew her knees up and put her face against them.
“And everyone knows I totally suck at letting the people I love die. I mean, look at Steve.” She lifted her head up and looked at Leena for the first time in a while. “Do you know about Steve?” When Leena nodded she laughed again, “Yeah, of course you know about Steve, you’re in my head, right?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “What if I’m a terrible Caretaker? What if I mess it up? What if I go all evil and start running rampant with artifacts and bringing people back from the dead again?”
This time the pause was long enough for a reply but none came. She glared at Leena. “You really suck at this afterlife manifestation of my subconscious stuff, you know that right?”
“I only said that I might be that, not that I was.” There was a small smile playing about Leena’s lips as she made the teasing comment. Then silence descended over them and stretched on through the empty space.
“Mrs. Frederic is ready to die.” Claudia finally said. “She’s had years to prepare and she’s lived a really long time. Nothing surprises her anymore, so it really is like death is the next thing. She’s done everything she can here, so she might as well go try that. It’s just a different sort of eternity.”
The silence stretched out again.
“I’m not going to go crazy and start stealing artifacts and raising the dead. I mean, I could, but I’m not. I know what’s real and what’s not, and I know my own truth. That’s what you were getting at when you brought up Joshua. Steve was a one time thing and while I’m really glad he’s alive again, that’s the sort of thing that has huge consequences and shouldn’t be repeated, no matter how much I want to.” She paused. “I’ll still be alone though.”
“Was Mrs. Frederic alone?” Leena asked simply, causing Claudia to wince at the use of the past tense. “Where is she now?”
Claudia looked surprised by the question. “She’s in the Warehouse, with me and Dr. Calder and Artie and Myka and Pete and oooooh.” The penny dropped and it looked like it hit a few things on the way down given the stunned expression on Claudia’s face which gave way to a forced calm. “I knew that.”
“Of course you did,” Leena’s smile was bright enough to match the space they were in.
Claudia threw herself sideways and tackled Leena with a hug that almost knocked the both of them over.
“I still miss you,” Claudia mumbled into Leena’s shoulder, letting their hug help her hide her face.
“I miss you too,” Leena replied, her hands coming up to stroke Claudia’s hair.
“I wish you weren’t dead.”
“Me too.”
The silence seemed to stretch on for less time now, but somehow Claudia didn’t think it was any shorter than the previous ones, it just felt that way.
Eventually they separated and helped each other to their feet.
Claudia looked around the space, some of the awkward teen she’d once been creeping into her features under Leena’s gaze. “So now is the part where I wish for a door?”
Leena smiled at her proudly as the white began to fade, the reality of the Warehouse rushing back towards her. “Claudia, now is the part where you wish for endless wonder.”