Chapter Text
Liara sat next to Shepard's bed, reading from the book of Robert Frost poems that Shepard had bought for her when they had first been together on the Normandy SR1. "He's always been my favorite poet," she had said. "I hope you can get as much pleasure from his words as I have over the years." Liara smiled remembering the way Shepard had dropped her eyes and began shifting from foot to foot. It was the first time she had ever seen the Great Commander Shepard show any type of nervousness.
As she continued reading from the book a tear escaped her eye. She may never see Shepard move again. She had been in a coma since they had found her in the rubble on Earth after she had destroyed the Reapers. At least, everyone assumed she had, as she had not yet awaken to tell the tale.
Liara shook her head, turning the page from Asking For Roses and moving on to Nothing Gold Can Stay. She began reading the short poem, her voice taking on a cadence so that she barely recognized it as her own. Her heart broke as she read the words aloud, but her voice never faltered...
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down today
Nothing gold can stay.
Liara wiped a hand over her eyes, trying to stem the flow of tears that fell upon the pages of the book she held. "He's right, Shepard," she whispered to the still form of her best friend. "Nothing gold can stay..."
She moved to kiss Shepard's temple, brushing her short hair from her forehead. Liara jumped when she heard a groan. She pulled back, eyes wide, as Shepard made another noise, her head shifting and her eyelids fluttering. "Shepard!" Liara exclaimed, the Frost book falling from her hands, forgotten. "Shepard, can you hear me?"
"Thane..."
Liara's heart sunk. "No, Shepard. It's Liara."
Shepard opened her eyes, slowly, squinting around until she found Liara's face. "Liara? What are you doing here?"
"I've been here every day, Shepard. I never left," Liara said through her tears. Her hand found Shepard's. "I'm here."
"Why?" Shepard whispered. Then her eyes got wide. "I'm not dead."
Liara sighed, a small smile on her lips. "No, Shepard. You're alive. We're at Heurta Memorial. You've been in a coma. Try to relax, you haven't moved in some time, and your wounds are still not fully healed."
Shepard closed her eyes. "Then Thane..."
Liara's smile faltered. "Thane is gone, Shepard. I'm sorry."
Shepard opened her eyes, focusing on Liara... and then she began to cry.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Harlow, let me go! I need to see her!"
"Garrus, I'm not letting you go," Harlow said calmly, still holding Garrus's arms behind his back as he struggled to get free. "I told you, she doesn't want to see anyone."
"I don't care! I'm going in there!" Garrus renewed his struggle against the C-sec officer, determined to get in to see Shepard. He had to. She was his best friend, she was awake, and he wasn't taking no for an answer.
"Garrus, calm down," Tali said from somewhere beside him. He was too focused on the door to Shepard's room to pinpoint her location. "If she doesn't want to see us, then we can't force her."
"I'm going," he growled.
Garrus twisted in Harlow's hold, managing to get one arm free enough to elbow the officer in the gut, causing him to lose his hold and double over. Garrus ran forward, entering Shepard's room and securing the door before anyone could stop him.
What he saw had his mandibles on the floor.
Shepard was awake. It seemed that was the only improvement though. Her skin was paler then normal, her eyes sunken. There were tubes going into her arms, presumably to feed her as, from what Liara had told him, she had refused to eat. Her hair was matted and her lips were dry and flakey. Apparently she refused to drink as well. But that wasn't the worst part.
When he entered the room she had turned her gaze to him, and he could feel his heart breaking for her. Her eyes, her lovely emerald eyes, usually so full of laughter and determination, were terrifyingly blank and dull... as if she really were dead.
"Shepard..."
She turned from him without a word, her focus going back to the window. She didn't say a word, didn't even acknowledge his existence other then that brief, lifeless glance.
"Shepard, I'm so glad you're okay. Do you have any idea how worried I've been?"
No response.
He moved toward her, his voice shaking as he spoke. "Look at me, Shepard. Talk to me."
Nothing.
"Please..." he begged.
Lifeless eyes continued to stare out the window, never really focusing on anything. Garrus could feel his throat tightening as his heart was shattered in his chest. This wasn't Shepard. This was not his best friend. This was a cheap imitation, and nothing more. She looked like one of those undead creatures in the zombie movies she had loved so much. It hit him with more force then he expected, making him take a step back... Shepard was gone.
He didn't hear the doors open behind him. He only knew they had when Tali's hand found his own.
"She's... gone," he whispered, choking on the last word. He took a shaky breath. "Her eyes..." His voice was barely more then a whisper.
He heard a small sob come from Tali, and turned to embrace her, to comfort her, but his eyes never left what was a shell of his best friend.
~~~~~~~~~~
"She wouldn't talk to you, either." Liara's words weren't a question, but Garrus shook his head anyway. Liara sighed, her eyes dropping and her shoulders sagging. She suddenly felt very old. "She woke up looking for Thane."
"Oh, Keelah," Tali gasped. "She's like this because she thought she would die. She wanted to."
Liara nodded, unable to look at her friends, but she felt the truth in Tali's words. She let out a defeated sigh. "Yes, I thought that as well."
"How long as she been like this?" Garrus asked, his voice quieter then usual.
"Since she woke up, pretty much," Liara told him, still unable to meet his eyes. "She asked for Thane, and when I told her he was gone, she cried. That only lasted for a few minutes." She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "Then... this. It was like she lost the will to live. She even lost the will to grieve." Liara shook her head and began to pace. "I should have known something was wrong. I should have prevented this. When Thane died, she didn't cry, didn't mourn. I never realized it was because she had already sentenced herself to death. But I should have known. Damn it, I should have known!"
"Liara," Tali said gently, stepping away from Garrus to grab Liara's shoulders, forcing her to stop her pacing and look at her friend. "This is not your fault."
Liara's eyes welled with tears. "She was there for me when Thessia was taken... I wasn't there for her when Thane was taken." A tear escaped, and she swiped it away angrily. "I should have been there."
Garrus spoke from behind Tali. "I was, Liara. At least, I tried to be... at first." He took a deep, ragged breath. "She just said 'be with Tali. You need to be with Tali.' So, I was. If we're going to place blame, I deserve at least some of it."
"So do I," Tali said, grabbing Garrus's hand. "She did the same with me. 'Be with Garrus.'"
Liara shook her head. "Are we terrible friends? Is this our fault?"
"I don't think so," Tali said quietly. "We were all scared. We overlooked a friend in need, but I don't think that makes us terrible. Just ignorant."
Garrus sighed. "No, we're terrible," he said quietly. "No one can take as much as she did and be okay. We should have seen it." He looked at Liara, his icy blue eyes hard. "We need to fix this."
Liara met his eyes, a look of determination on her face, despite the tears. "Yes. We do."
