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A gap in Trina’s world formed the day Marvin left her. The day he said that he was going to go be with someone else. It was the summer before senior year and Trina had never felt so heartbroken. Which was… strange. Because why should she? Marvin hadn’t been affectionate with her at all and he didn’t even seem to care about what she thought most of the time. Trina could cognitively understand why. He wasn’t interested in her. Or any girl. In fact, the night they went to the movies and Trina asked to kiss him, Marvin excused himself and didn’t show up until almost the credits.
Trina, deep down, couldn’t fault him for it. He was… he couldn’t be himself around her. But still, the actual event hurt her deeply. She hated the thought of being left just when she hadn’t done anything wrong . Those first few days of summer were agonizingly long, and even more so when she checked her phone and saw pictures of Marvin hanging out with this guy who took photographs with a real camera. Whizzer . His name was Whizzer Brown and Trina had heard of him but hadn’t actually met him. And it killed her that she saw the appeal of him. She wasn’t personally attracted, in no way then or now, but he was pretty. A bit charming. And he knew his way around a crowded lunchroom.
Anyways, Trina looked down at the little camera she had, the film not yet developed. Trina loved disposable cameras. She adored the delayed gratification of being able to simply take a picture and travel back in time the moment you got them back.
Marvin, look at your face , she had said, smiling at a particular picture taken during a baseball game when the team was winning.
Trina shoved the camera, the sixth in her and Marvin’s relationship, back into a drawer. She hated the fact that she still had it. She hated that she wanted to keep it. Because in her adventures in time travel, she would so photographic evidence of Marvin drinking his milkshake while telling her to put the little disposable camera down.
Thinking about it made her want to cry again. It was well into June now. Almost four weeks since the breakup and three weeks since she officially changed her Facebook status to single. Trina hated Facebook. She only had one because her parents and her relatives liked seeing the pictures of her winning competitions or whatever. They always wanted her to be the best, never the best for her .
All the negativity was really getting to her so she thought the best option would be to take a walk. She spent one hour walking through town. All over town. And it didn’t faze her because she really didn’t want to think about anything, especially Marvin. She made it past the craft store, the butcher’s, the driver’s education school, and the kosher bakery. On her way back through town, she thought she would walk around the other side of the park where the grocers was set up.
Her headphones were in her ears, playing upbeat music. Trina was trying to trick herself into being happy, but it clearly wasn’t working. She didn’t even notice she was crying until a hand rested on her shoulder and Trina nearly jumped. Actually, she did. Just a little.
She spun around, already formulating some way to get out of whatever situation was going to happen. But instead of any sort of threat, it was a simple, concerned face.
“Mendel?” Trina pulled out her earbuds and wrapped them around her hand.
Mendel didn’t say much for a moment, taking in Trina’s face. He looked a little stunned, but he quickly recovered. “Are you… alright?” He was looking pointedly right below her eye level.
It was then that Trina wiped her forefinger along the bottom of her eye, coming away with tears. “Oh,” she said hastily, trying to gain control over herself, “yes, fine. Sorry.”
Mendel didn’t look entirely convinced.
With a small sniff, Trina just smiled at him and asked him how his day was. Mendel thought about it and, compared to Trina, it looked like his day was pretty good. He slept in and was about five minutes late to work, but no one seemed to mind too much. It was the first time in a long while.
“Fine,” he responded, more worried about Trina than making small talk. “What about you?”
Trina shrugged. “Fine.”
Mendel gave her a look. Not a glare. Not a frown. Just a sort of… worried face. “Are you sure? Do you want to talk about it?”
There was a moment of hesitation and Trina knew that she was probably being overly sensitive for someone whose breakup was four weeks ago . “It’s just… Marvin…” she mumbled.
There was a nod from Mendel. It was understood to everyone in their first-year study group what was going on. Back in second year, there were assigned groups for doing group reflections and projects for Biology. Mendel, Trina, Marvin, and Cordelia were all in one group, seeing as Marvin and Trina had already started dating, Marvin and Mendel were in their math class together, and Marvin and Cordelia were neighbours. Later, Cordelia’s girlfriend Charlotte joined their group the next year for Chemistry.
Trina just sniffed once and looked like she was going to be on her way, so Mendel quickly said, “how about some ice cream?”
An incredulous look crossed Trina’s face. “Ice cream?”
Mendel nodded. “I just got off work and I have some time, so we could stop by the creamery and get some ice cream. What about caramel swirl?” After so many group meetups at the mall in the next town over, Mendel knew that Trina loved caramel. She loved caramel apples and caramel candies and Mendel just kept that in the back of his head the entire time he had known her.
Trina looked like she was debating going, but finally, she agreed. Mendel smiled and they began walking.
Maybe to Trina it was a secret, but it was clear to everyone in school that Mendel really liked her. Mendel’s eyes lit up whenever anyone mentioned her, and his heart raced whenever she shook his hand. Trina did that. She hated high fives so she shook people’s hands.
They made a reasonable amount of conversation for the five-minute walk to the ice cream place. Trina tried to steer clear of talking about Marvin, though every now and then a reference would be made.
When they got there, Mendel strangely insisted on ordering his ice cream first. Trina didn’t argue, and soon after, she figured out why.
“It’ll be this, and whatever Trina wants,” he said to the girl behind the counter. Her name was like… Diane? Or Caroline? Or… it ended with an “ne” or something. Mendel couldn’t really remember too many people’s names that well. Whoever it was, she didn’t particularly love Mendel, but she nice enough.
Trina’s first instinct was to protest and offer to pay for her own, but Mendel looking at her sincerely and asking her if she would let him won her over and she simply picked out the caramel swirl and waited at the table by the window for Mendel.
He returned quickly with two cups of ice cream. Trina thanked him and started absentmindedly eating hers. Mendel took slow bites, trying to stall their time in case Trina actually wanted to talk about what was really bothering her.
They sat in silence for a while until Trina piped up, “you’ve known Marvin a long time, right?”
Mendel thought about this. Well, they’d known each other since high school orientation, right? “I mean, I’ve only known him a year longer than I’ve known you,” he offered.
Trina nodded and kept nursing on her spoon, sort of just feeling the plastic on her tongue. She was neglecting the actual edible food for right then. She had sensitive teeth so she had to wait for it to melt a little. Mendel was glad because it meant they had more time together.
“You know, I’m not going to judge you because I’ve known Marvin longer. I know he has a temper and can be pretty tough to deal with.”
“Right…” Trina took the spoon from her mouth and bit her lip. “Yea, he’s not that nice of a person when he’s angry. I just…”
When she didn’t continue, Mendel felt an urge to say something-- anything --to get her to open up. “Hey, you know, I know that you’re hurting, so why don’t you share it with me? Why you’re hurting. I know that it’s because of Marvin, but is there anything else ?”
There was a pause. “He doesn’t listen,” she said finally. “Marvin just doesn’t listen. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of all these happy men who can get away with anything. They rule everything. It doesn’t matter that I’m upset, or that I don’t like something he does. It just matters that he looks good, brainy, and confident. I hate it. I’m tired of all these happy men who rule the world.”
Mendel stopped and thought about that. About… Trina. And what she said made sense. “It’s a good thing I’m not happy,” he replied.
Wait- what?
Trina blinked and looked up at him. “What do you mean you’re not happy?”
Mendel’s found himself unable to exactly come up with the best words and tried a few times to start a sentence that he knew he wouldn’t be able to finish. “I just… meant… you said happy men. I guess I’m just not happy because I don’t rule the… world?”
Silence. Trina tilted her head at him, trying to figure out some sense by what he said.
Mendel could swear he would start to sweat. What he said was that he wasn’t happy. What he meant was that he wasn’t happy seeing Trina up et. That he wasn’t happy about the fact that Marvin hurt her this way. And he wasn’t happy with the fact that maybe she didn’t fully trust him yet. Because Trina definitely wasn’t telling him something.
The silence ended when Mendel asked her if she’d like some water, which Trina, glad for the break in tension, said “yes” to.
Mendel hurried off to get some water from the water dispenser, leaving Trina with her thoughts.
Upon his return, he sat down, offered her the water, and then tried to think of what to say.
“I’m sorry you’re upset with Marvin,” he said.
“I’m not.”
Mendel was surprised by this.
“I’m really not,” she affirmed. “Why should I feel bad about what he did? He left me for Whizzer .“ Her face contorted to something a little more spiteful.
On the one hand, Mendel thought it was a natural reaction. On the other, maybe Mendel wasn’t sure how to comfort her if she was confident in her feelings. They sat and drank their water and ate their ice cream and Mendel realized that their time was almost up because they were both almost done.
“Um… anything else you want to talk about,” he asked, hoping that Trina would say something else.
Trina seemed hesitant. Why? Mendel could figure it was because he was friends with Marvin first, or because Trina didn’t feel comfortable talking specifically to him, or because Trina just didn’t want to talk about it at all.
“I just wish he hadn’t told me that he loved me. Because I was stupid and I believed him. And I should be smarter than that,” she said, her voice full of regret. “Those three small words and I was such an idiot. I fell, he held me gingerly at arm's length, then let me down.”
She covered her face with her hands, trying not to cry and trying not to let Mendel see just how upset she was. But Mendel could tell. He could tell it was eating at her. So he reached across the table and took her hand and she peaked through her other hand at him curiously.
“Can I tell you five small words?” He asked her.
Trina didn’t say anything. Just took her hand from her face and nodded.
Mendel gave her his warmest, most winning smile. “I’ll never let you fall.”