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“Why do you always wear that hood? You know, it really wouldn’t hurt to let me flaunt my cute boyfriend once in a while,” Kiba teased while pulling down the taller man’s hood in front of him.
“Kiba… You know why I wear my hood up. It’s not because you don’t want me to, but it’s because it creates a more closed atmosphere similar to what my beetles enjoy,” Shino responded, yanking his hood back up.
Kiba bit his upper lip in a faux pout; he knew that Shino could see right through his scheme, but that didn’t stop him from acting bratty. He took the seat next to Shino, continuing to tease his partner’s hood while others slowly streamed into the room. Trying his best to ignore the shorter man’s escapades, Shino leaned over to his other side and began feeding his beetles.
“Agh!!! Shino, you know you can always feed those gross little things somewhere else! Nobody wants to see that shit!” Shino turned to see a boisterous blond yelling at him and making exaggerated gagging noises. All the while, a shorter raven-haired girl was quietly protesting.
“I’m sorry Shino, you know how he gets. I’ll talk to him again after this,” HInata apologized in a meek voice, giving the bug owner a thin-lipped smile. Shino simply dismissed the two of them and went back to watching his beetles. Somehow, Kiba managed to snake Shino’s arm over his shoulder, to which the other man made no protest. They sat like that for awhile until a sudden thud echoed through the room.
“Sorry I’m late everyone. A mad hoard of students invaded my classroom and demanded that I assist them with their papers. I tried to decline, but a good professor like me could never leave his precious students waiting,” Kakashi smiled cheekily, rubbing the back of his head as everyone else groaned.
“So,” He cleared his throat, regaining the attention of everyone. “We’ve narrowed possible shelters to fundraise for to the Konoha Animal Shelter or the Pause and Help Paws Animal Sanctuary. Both focus on our feline and canine friends. The first one is more popular, and therefore helps more animals. However, the latter focuses more on taking animals out of abusive households or off the streets. Discuss.” Kakashi announced, taking a seat near the door and crossing his arms.
“I think we should go for the Konoha one. Even though the animals aren’t in as bad shape, they do help more of them. And the more animals helped, the better!” A young blue-haired girl piped up from the other side of the room from where Kiba was sitting.
“You’re crazy Fu! The animals in Pause and Help Paws need even more help, and they’re just as important! In fact, that sanctuary is where Akamaru here is from!” Kiba shouted, gesturing to the big ball of fluff laying on his feet.
Kiba remembered it like it was yesterday; a few years ago, he had stumbled into the shelter dripping wet. Despite his mother’s snappy tone, Kiba had left to go to the sanctuary regardless. He had promised himself that he would adopt a dog today, and a little rain wasn’t about to stop him. Upon entering, he saw a tiny white pup almost-hidden from sight quivering in the back of its cage. Immediately pulled towards it by some unknown forces, the dog’s head perked up and its tail started ferverously wagging.
The rest of that day was fairly predictable. Both Hana and Tsume immediately fell in love with the newest member of the family, although Tsume wasn’t as obvious about it. She pretended to be still upset over the fact that Kiba could have fallen ill, but she didn’t really care at this point since he hadn’t.
For about a week, Kiba struggled with coming up with a name for his new companion. That all changed once the pup was covered with tomato sauce and the putrid odor of skunk. He looked absolutely adorable covered in the red gunk- as long as the stench was ignored. So, he named him Akamaru after the color of the ketchup.
Naturally, everyone agreed with Kiba’s decision when he mentioned Akamaru. The dog was the most popular member of the little club, after all. No one, except for maybe Shino, could resist his enthralling charms. But he always had his beetles with him (to most people’s dismay), so that excused him from not falling victim to the playful Akamaru.
The meeting progressed as normal; most everyone swooning over Akamaru except for Kiba and Shino (Kiba swooning over the latter, and the latter swooning over his beetles), Choji suspiciously eyeing Kakashi’s hair that resembled a swirl of whipped cream, Naruto yelling at Shino for not appreciating his boyfriend’s dog, and so forth. By the time Kakashi skedaddled out of the room, muttering an excuse about his students, everyone had unanimously decided that they were going to hold the fundraiser for Pause for Paws.
A month later, everyone was brimming with excitement (even Shino, though not visually). The fundraiser was about to start, and they had decided on a triple threat; at the car wash, they were going to be selling both cookies and raffle tickets. That way, they would be able to donate the maximum amount of money to help the shelter.
But there was something wrong.
Easily the most avid member of the motley crew, Kiba, was nowhere to be found. Everyone would have expected him to have been deeply involved with all the planning, considering the fact that the shelter resided so close to his heart. For once in his life, Shino was the center of attention, human flies buzzing around him pestering him with questions about Kiba. He had no idea; he just wanted to be left alone! It was stressful enough being paid attention too as much as he was, but anxiety was also eating him away due to the fact that Kiba hadn’t answered his text.
A few weeks ago, after the lack of spotting Kiba around, Shino had texted his partner plain and simple: Where are you? Are you okay?. But, the emotionally volatile man had simply left Shino on read. This worried him even more; Kiba never left Shino on read, even if he was flooded with thousands of responsibilities.
After that, Shino swallowed the nervousness clawing away at his throat and called Kiba a few days later. Hopefully Kiba would pick up, knowing full-well that phone calls were a rarity for Shino due to the awkwardness of them. Well, he did, but not in a way that Shino would have expected.
“Can you stop fucking stalking me??!! I don’t wanna fucking talk to you, so leave me alone!” Kiba snapped harshly into the phone before pressing the button to hang up. Shino would have bet all his beetles that if Kiba were on a landline, he would have heard the startling slam of the phone back on its rack.
Thus, Shino was extremely stressed as of now. For today, Kakashi had assigned Shino to work on the car-washing crew; the insect-lover’s lack of people skills being the main reason why. When the cars began piling in, Shino diligently got to work on sponging and drying them as quickly and thoroughly as possible. It would have served as a great distraction if he wasn’t such an obsessive personality.
Each time a paper towel was pressed to a windshield to clean it off, Shino imagined for a split-second that Kiba’s smiling face was in the driver’s seat. Dunking the sponge back into the bucket of soapy water, memories of Shino getting soaked while assisting Kiba with Akamaru’s baths flooded his mind. Even one girl’s bindi reminded the man of Kiba’s red stripes.
After what had seemed like an eternity, the fundraiser came to a close as the sun dipped below the horizon. Everyone was gathered together, excitedly chattering on about how much money they made in just one day while Shino sat off to the side, head in his hands.
“Shino, you look upset. Are you worried about Kiba?” A timid voice questioned as Shino turned to see one of his closest friends, Hinata, sit next to him. A faint smile threatened to stretch Shino’s mouth when he realized that he was not going to be allowed to wallow in sorrow tonight.
“Yes, I- He’s not answering his texts, and he yelled at me when I called him. Does that mean he wants to break up? I know I’m not the most expressive, but my feelings for Kiba are tr-” Shino began, but was cut off as thin arms tightly wrapped themselves around his figure.
“I know Kiba. He- He wouldn’t just leave you like that. Something must be wrong, Shino. I-I really think you should go see him. He probably really needs y-you right now,” Hinata stammered, trying her best to keep her voice calm. She had never been one of the best at consoling others; Kiba had always been that member of the group. Still, Shino desperately needed her support right now.
“Do you think so? Then I should probably be going to his house right now. Thank you Hinata,” Shino stated in a much more collected voice, before lowering to a soft whisper. “I really hope he’s okay.”
“With a boyfriend as nice as you, I’m sure he will be,” Hinata smiled as she let go of her best friend.
After giving the girl a quick nod of thanks, Shino stood up and walked to the rest of the group, muttering a quick excuse as he wheeled around and hurried to his car. He could feel a pit throbbing in his chest as he neared Kiba’s house; would he really welcome Shino in, or would this just make things worse? Well, no more time to wonder about that, Shino thought as he pulled into Kiba’s driveway.
Snow crunched under Shino’s boot as he stepped out of his car and approached Kiba’s door, punching the bell and stomping his feet off on the welcome mat. After a few minutes, he was greeted with a worrisome sight. Big black bags hung low under Kiba’s eyes, and he smelled as if he had been rolling around in garbage. From what Shino could see of his house, Kiba might as well have been.
But what worried Shino the most was the look in Kiba’s eyes.
What light had been there before had been snuffed, leaving a gaze devoid of any emotion whatsoever. Kiba looked tired. What possible could have happened to Kiba to cause such an extreme personality change?
“What the hell did I tell you about leaving me alone?!” Kiba tensed before letting his shoulders sag. “Well, you’re here, so there’s not a whole lot I can do about it. You might as well come in,” He added in a monotone voice, gaze stuck on his own feet.
Silently, the two men made their way to Kiba’s living room. If Shino thought that the entrance hallway was a mess, then the living room was a nightmare. Crusty pizza boxes, half drunk beer cans, and ominous-looking stains were only the first few aspects that he noticed. But Kiba was more important right now, so he shoved the neat-freak part of him somewhere far away as he sat on the couch- but not after moving an empty box of Oreo’s.
“Kiba, what’s wrong? Why won’t you talk to me?” Shino asked, some rarely-expressed emotions breaking through his icy facade to show Kiba his true concern. This wasn’t like Kiba at all; he tended to be, quite frankly, an open book that wore its heart on its sleeve.
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. He’s dead Shino, he’s fucking dead!” Kiba exclaimed wide-eyed, clenching his hands around his partner’s. Ever so slowly, dread began to settle in Shino’s bones. As soon as Kiba mentioned death, Shino noticed the lack of a certain furry companion in the household.
“He broke his leash and the damn idiot ran out into traffic to chase a squirrel. He died right there, Shino! Why didn’t I have a bigger leash?! What the fuck, I-” He cut himself off as he choked back a sob. His hands moved from Shino’s cold palms to pull at his hair roughly.
“It wasn’t your fault, you-”
“No, you don’t fucking get it. How could you possibly understand? It’s not like your fucking beetles even care about you or could run into traffic. You know what? Forget it. Just go. Now,” Kiba interrupted, nearly growling the harsh words as his ireful glare came to rest on Shino’s flinching figure.
“You’re obviously not yourself right now. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I left you when you so desperately need help? I know that I’m not the most outgoing person, and that I can seem offstandish and aloof, but- I really do care about you,” Shino stammered, leaning towards Kiba to pull the shorter man into a hug. He nuzzled his head into the Aburame’s chest as harsh sobs began to rack his both physically and emotionally exhausted body.
They sat like that for awhile: Shino gently stroking his hair, Kiba nearly quivering with sobs, his harsh breathing filling the otherwise silent, dim room. At some point, Kiba had wrapped his arms around Shino too, clinging onto the taller man as if he was the sole anchor keeping him from sinking even more into depression.
“Are you okay?” Shino finally broke the silence, looking down at the messy mop covering Kiba’s head. Subconsciously, he began running his fingers through it, relishing in the fact of how soft it was despite the other man most likely having neglected personal hygiene these past few weeks.
“I-I don’t think I am,” Kiba nearly whimpered, hugging Shino even tighter. “He-He’s just gone. And to think that I almost pushed you away too. I-I’m so sorry. I-I can’t do t-t-this,” Kiba finished, once again losing himself to the heavy stream of tears rushing down his face. Akamaru was everything to Kiba, yet now he was gone. But he didn’t lose everything.
“I’m here,” Shino simply responded, sliding his hand down to hug Kiba again, reassuringly keeping the other hand on Kiba’s head. He was worried sick; sure, Kiba had lost dogs before, but never had he seemed so broken as he was now.
Shino wasn’t sure if Kiba, if they, were going to be okay. Maybe after tonight, Kiba would just shut Shino out again, and everyone else along with him. Maybe the void that threatened to consume his being would snap its jaws shut around Kiba’s spirit, dragging it to an immeasurable, eternal abyss. Maybe the Kiba he knew was gone forever. Sometimes, an animal just becomes one’s soul. And if part of your soul dies, one never truly recovers.
Maybe what Shino had to give was too little, too late.
But maybe, Kiba would crawl out of the hole, tooth and nail, fighting for his life, his happiness. Maybe in a year, or two, or ten, he could look back on this and smile. Smile not because he lost a loved one, but smile when he realized that he was never, not even for a moment, truly alone. Maybe the part of the soul that Akamaru took with him to the grave could be (not replaced by Shino’s) a copable loss, eased by the presence of Shino. He pondered these thoughts as he looked down on Kiba, whose breaths had slowed and was (seemingly peacefully) asleep.
He could only hope.