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"Check on Boyle for me?" Rosa asked, leaning her hip against Gina's cluttered desk. Unlike Peralta's landfill masquerading as office furniture, Gina's desk had that lived in look, messy but useable. It didn't take a forklift and a four hour long excavation to find that folder you stupidly let Peralta borrow two weeks ago for yet another Holt tormenting Peralta to teach him a lesson project. Rosa couldn't believe she'd nearly ruined a case helping that idiot.
Gina blinked, tilting her head and blinking twice more. Not that Rosa blamed her, concern for Boyle was not something she was known to show.
"Pretty sure I broke him." Rosa paused, considering the state the man had been when she had walked away. "Again."
Not that she could blame herself for leaving him as she had.
It had been a good day at the precinct-- no Peralta sassing the new captain, no Santiago trying to slide up to her for sister solidarity. The Captain had invited them to a party, and she'd even made inroads on a tough case, and was heading down to records to double check the timeline of her perp against the robbery. Rosa might not have the numbers of Peralta or Santiago, but she was proud of her closed cases, and eager to add one more to the books.
But Broyle had to ruin all of that, surprising her with yet another unwanted intrusion into her privacy, trying to guilt her into attending some stupid show with him.
After the whole Citizen Kane thing, she'd stopped offering to pay him back for his advances-- after all, he was an idiot if he still thought she was interested with all the dismissals she had given him. And her offering to pay him back had only seemed to encourage him.
Rosa wasn't sure what to do. This wasn't a problem she could smack around until it recognized her authority. And taking a page from Peralta's book had backfired-- even after Gina had gotten her retail manager friend to pretend to be a psychic to help with the whole Broyle situation, he was still doing these little stunts, and they only seemed to get more annoying as they wasted her time more and more.
His pleading eyes when he had showed her the tickets had made her want to stab things. Stab ALL the things, starting with his stupid eyes and ending with the papers she had been so distracted that she had left in the records room.
But what really frustrated her today was him playing that partner card like it meant something outside of the line of fire. Like it meant he was guaranteed her time outside of work. Like there was a part of her that was his, and that was completely unacceptable. Rosa valued her privacy, and work intruded into her private live only when she allowed it. And certainly not when Broyle decided to try and woo his partner with tickets to some half rate show on Broadway.
He was lucky she had just dismissed him coldly and walked away, leaving him making what sounded suspiciously like crying noises in her wake.
Good, she thought. Maybe this time he'll stop.
Gina rolled her eyes, stretching back in her creaky seat as if she knew what Rosa was thinking and knew it was as hopeless as Rosa did. At this rate, talking to HR might be the only thing to make it stop. Or an axe, but Broyle wasn't THAT bad. Just annoying, which was the root of the problem. It was easier to deal with men like Broyle when they were awful, but when they were decent and unaware of how creepy and wrong they were acting towards women? Then it got muddled, and Rosa did not want to deal with any more mess. The precinct was was chaotic on the best of days-- she did not need yet another distraction.
Yes, too bad this couldn't be fixed with an axe.
"You really need to stop doing this," the lone civilian in the office said, squinting up at Rosa's scowl and setting aside the paperwork she had been transcribing for the Captain. It looked suspiciously like a party list, information Rosa intended to spring on Santiago if she got clingy at the party that night. "There's got to be something you can do to get it through his head that you don't want him."
Rosa shrugged. "I don't suffer fools."
Gina sighed. "But you are enduring one for sure, and while this whole thing was amusing for, oh, five minutes, I lost interest in the whole thing ages ago. The whole thing is pretty creepy if you ask me."
"Try living it." Rosa said dryly. "And he's not terrible, just annoyingly persistent."
"If he was terrible, it would be easier to get him to stop," Gina agreed, chewing on her bottom lip as she considered. "Nail his ass to an HR complaint and goodbye Mr Clingy!"
"He's an okay detective," Rosa shrugged. "Just not about this. And I don't hate being in the same general space as him, at least when he's paying attention to something besides me."
"That's faint praise, even for you Rosa."
"I don't hate most of the people we work with. Broyle is annoying, but he hasn't screwed up a case with this thing."
"Yet," Gina waved her finger. "But you and I both know it is going to happen eventually. Men are stupid, and they don't all understand the concept of no or boundaries."
"What do you suggest?"
"The trouble, Rosa, is he's always focused on you. Or at least, the imaginary you he's got his head wrapped around. He's never going to get a hint unless his focus goes somewhere else. So you've got to push yourself out of the Broyle spotlight somehow and let something else take the heat."
"Why should I do that?" Rosa frowned. "He's the problem, not me."
"Charles doesn't see his behavior as a problem, and he never will. Guy has it bad, Rosa, which is why right now, if you don't fix this yourself, I can see this going two ways. You can report him to HR and deal with the fall out from that, or you can keep doing nothing and watch as the problem keeps escalating. You know how weird the nine nine is. Sure he's buying movie tickets now, but who knows what he'll do months down the road? Do you really want to keep dealing with this?"
"I'm not going to report him." Rosa shook her head, her jaw set firm. "Yet. How do I fix this?"
"Well there is physical violence, but that would just get you fired. But it might be hot to watch."
Rosa tapped her heel against the back of Gina's desk, considering it for a long, lingering moment before shaking her head with a firm no. Broyle wasn't worth the write up, and besides it wasn't like he was a threat to anyone but himself. He was just annoying. "So I push something else into the spotlight? Put his focus on that? Sounds like a good plan. But... how do I do that?"
"Well, Charles is a geek, you've seen him freak out over fancy foods. There has to be something that would distract him long enough for him to forget this stupid thing he has with you. It just depends on a lot of things-- how bad he's got himself imagining himself in love with you, how much the new thing distracts him. It won't be easy."
"I'm pretty hard to get over." Rosa agreed. "Not sure why, been this way since I was three. Who knew pulling the boy's hair right back would make them fall in love with you?"
"Only you, Rosa. Only you." Gina shook her head, snorting. "But seriously, I'm drawing a blank on what would get his focus off of you. Except.... another woman, maybe?"
"You want me to toss Broyles at another woman?" Rosa considered it before shrugging. "Well, he wouldn't be my problem anymore I guess. So what should I do?"
"Well, didn't Holt inviting everyone over for a party later?"
"I'm great at parties." Rosa said, dry as ever. "But how do I throw him at another girl?"
"Not literally toss him, Rosa-- although Broyle with a concussion would be hilarious to watch, I don't think that would suit our purposes. But Holt's husband has a lot of fancy type friends, and who knows? Maybe what Charles needs is the complete opposite of Rosa Diaz to draw his focus off of you."
"So… you don't think I'm fancy."
Gina gulped. "… No?"
Rosa smiled. "Good. This is a perfect plan. I'm sure it will work."
And much to Gina's surprise, it worked... almost entirely without either of them lifting a finger.
Five minutes into the party and Rosa was having second thoughts on their plan. Not the plan itself, that was a good -- the party had plenty of fancy chicks a normal man would be easily distracted by. The trouble was, as usual, Broyle. He had stuck himself to her side and refused to budge, chattering animatedly about some cheese platter the Captain’s husband was standing beside and obviously taking Rosa’s scowl as interest.
She could feel her blood pressure rising, blood pounding in her ears. She should have brought an axe. Everyone loved axes at parties, right?
“Rosa,” Gina slid herself between Broyle and Rosa, painted nails digging into Rosa’s arm. A large bag was clutched in her free hand-- a bad Rosa did not remember Gina arriving with. “I need your help.”
Broyle brightened. “Oh, I’m sure I can help you with your problem!”
He was banking on Rosa points, even though she clearly had no fucks to give. “No, no Charles,” Gina said quickly before Rosa acted on the frustration tightening her face. “This is a lady problem, for ladies.”
“You forget I had a sister-”
“Broyle, get me some of that cheese.” Rosa blinked, the detective scampering towards the platter. “Quick, let’s make our escape. Cheese is the only thing he cares about more than this stupid crush.”
“Oh I don’t know about that, there’s plenty of women here who might tempt his eye. Like that brunette with the awfully tight librarian bun, you just know Charles would dig that type.”
“Eh,” Rosa shrugged. She looked boring, and Rosa had a feeling it would take a flash of something brilliant to distract Broyle. “What about that one? She has glasses, she looks smart. Broyle seems like he likes smart people."
"Oh no Rosa, she's your nerd clone.” Gina shook her head quickly. “Right down to wearing the same dress. Seriously though, that cleavage?" Gina grinned, nodding slowly at her companion. "Nice."
Rosa shrugged-- it was the only fancy dress she owned, and it wasn't like she cared enough about the night or impressing the captain to buy another for one stupid party. "I don't see it. We look nothing alike."
The woman in question had noticed their gestures "Aw, look at that, she's even got your scowl!"
“Maybe he might like her. So how do we do this? Do we let the woman know in advance or just… spring Broyle on her unawares?”
“Somehow I think a woman would peg Broyle for what he is after, oh, five words.” Gina rolled her eyes as the man in question managed to spill what suspiciously looked like salsa over his dress shirt and nearly toppled the cheese platter in the same klutzy motion. “Maybe less.”
“So… which woman?”
But the Sergeant rounded them up before Gina could answer, ending in an awkward team huddle, what was fastly becoming a Brooklyn Nine Nine standard. But Terry had put her with Gina (whose bag was definitely heavier than it had been the last time she’d noticed it), and that only helped their plan.
They were lurking at the edge of the party, watching as Broyle wandered from group to group, striking out with men and women alike. Clearly, whatever the man was selling, no one was interested in buying.
Maybe it was how ridiculous he looked in Terry’s sweater. Or maybe it was these nerds had developed annoying people radar.
“We could chat him up to some of the women.” Rosa watched as Broyle squared his shoulders and headed towards yet another well dressed woman who looked old enough to be his mother.
“I’m not sure there is anything we can say that would make Broyle into something desirable. Rosa, I think our plan has a terrible flaw-- the universe clearly wants that man to remain single.”
But Rosa wasn’t certain. This woman was actually showing positive body language-- leaning towards Broyle when he talked, touching her hair, actually laughing at something he was saying.
And neither woman had lifted a finger to make this happen. Huh. Maybe her original strategy of doing nothing really was the best strategy when it came to Broyle.
“What’s he saying?”
“Something about food I think, that’s the only thing he’s allowed to talk about, remember?”
“She’s got to be loaded. Look at those pearls!” Gina was bouncing on her toes-- being out of the center of attention of the party was clearly affecting her-- she hadn’t tried to steal anything for a whole three minutes. “Maybe we should push things along.”
“No, I think they’ve got this.” Rosa shook her head. “He’s distracted by another woman, that’s exactly what we wanted.”
Gina shrugged. “So what do we do now?”
Rosa pretended not to notice the woman pocketing an ornate letter opener as she spoke-- Rosa would have to frisk the civilian before they left the Captain’s home. But she owed Gina a bit of mischief for this evening’s misadventure.
Just not the ire of their Captain over what Rosa suspected was an entire drawer of kitchen utensils, judging from the jingle and how fatigued the woman’s arm looked carrying the heavy bad.
“Let’s go interact with these dummies." Rosa did not wait for Gina to reply, squaring her shoulders and marching in the direction opposite of Broyle and his interest. It just happened to be towards a trio who, judging from the 2-3 glasses ratio, were likely coworkers of the Captain's husband.
Nerds. Ah well, at least they couldn’t be as annoying as Broyle, right?