Chapter Text
“Oh Jiminie.” Kyung Mi cooed softly.
His big soft eyes sparkled at the affection that seeped out of her words. The blonde haired darling was so deep into Little space, his mouth only producing babbles and giggles. And as much as the caretaker loved the purity that encased his entire persona, they both had classes to attend and no option of letting the tiny mochi stay in his cuddly state.Wiping the maple syrup off his sugary lips, Mi Mi tutted at the mess before kissing his nose. A bubble of giggles erupted out and it was so endearing, so incredibly soft for her poor heart.
There was a very big chance that those lips would tremble the minute she tried to get him to leave his safe space. But it had to be done, her boyfriend would never forgive himself for missing any class whatsoever.Taking a deep breath, Kyung Mi spoke in a calm voice, in hopes that it would lighten the blow.
“As happy as Mommy is with you being a good messy boy, my angel.” She leaned forward to card her hands through his hair, an action that always caused a happy hum in response. “You’re going to have to try and be a big boy, Sweetheart. We both have classes and you know you can’t go to a place with big adults this way.”
It took a moment for Jimin’s baby brain to register the words. Once it had seeped in, his lips trembled and eyes watered. A large pout was formed, his arms crossing over his chest as he spoke in a small and wobbly voice.
“No. Jiminie no wanna. Mommy not making me.”
It was quite a strange thing to witness a grown man, in a tight black shirt and ripped jeans, his hair brushed backwards to show his eyebrows and forehead, a man who looked like literal sex on legs, be so childish.
Of course such an outfit was chosen by the rather lustful girlfriend herself. She could never in her life get over the fact that a man like Park Jimin was hers. Someone so effortlessly beautiful, so softly adorable, so fiercely hot , to be hers.
Someone with thick thighs and rock hard abs, someone with small yet skilled hands, someone who could dance like a God and be as graceful and agile as a cat. Someone who could make Kyung Mi’s heart race, even after a year and a half of dating. A boy so perfect that even angels cried from his beauty. Mi Mi tried not to drool, remembering that he was in Little Space and that she had responsibilities that did not include ogling over her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend.
Her mind took a different direction, trying to think of any way she could avoid a temper tantrum because neither of them had the time for such an endeavor.
Kyung Mi’s mind went to the first and most easy solution.
Bribing.
“If you’ll be a good boy and do what I say, Mommy will buy you ice cream on the way back from school. Any kind you want.”
This stopped the Little from erupting into a flurry of tears and shouts instantly, his eyes sparkling before he frowned. He seemed to have some common sense in him, enough to know the tactic Kyung Mi went for.
“You can’t blibey me, Momma. Little Jiminie smart very much.” After an internal groan and a slight squeak for the most adorable mispronunciation to ever exist, the caregiver gave her baby boy a stern look.
“I’m going to have to punish you, young man if you don’t listen to what I say.” The boy’s eyes widened so much that it almost cracked her heart.
It took a second before Jimin shook his head wildly, pouting even further.
“No. Me wanna stay home an’ cuddle with momma and play and watch Ponyo.”
The hidden side of Lee Kyung Mi, the Little side, peeked her head out. There was a large part of her who simply wanted what Jimin wanted but without the hardships of being constantly Big.
With a gulp and a swift scolding towards her child side, Kyung Mi softly glared at her boyfriend. It was not much but it was enough for Jimin to whimper and that made her want to whimper and go sleep with a stuffie close to her chest.
“No crayons for a week.”
The horror that struck the tiny human was equal to the horror of finding out your whole family was killed in a fire.
Jimin stood up quickly, stomping his foot and staring down at the girl, because of course he was taller than her.
Mi Mi gulped, knowing that the stare Jimin was showing wouldn’t even scare a squirrel, but her mind had been disintegrating and she hadn’t been in Little space in so long. To her, at that moment, Jimin looked fierce and scary.
She swallowed those irrational thoughts down and hardened her glare, which made the Little’s eyes waver and fall to the floor.
“The longer you take to accept defeat, the more punishment you get.” Kyung Mi lowered her voice, seeming intimidating even to herself.
After a few seconds of no words and Jimin shuffling his feet, his mommy drew closer to his face.
“No cartoons for a month.”
This was outrageous, to both him and her. It was so clear that Jimin wanted to fight back and argue, but at what cost?
There was still silence and Kyung Mi was so surprised at how stubborn he was being. She didn’t want to continue this, she hated upsetting him so much but they really had to leave soon. Missing class was really not an option at this point, for both him and her. Continuing with the process of making her boyfriend kneel, even though she hated doing so, Kyung Mi mentioned Jimin’s weakness.
“I’ll confiscate your stuffies.”
She had expected the gasped that escaped the blonde’s lips. Fear had grasped him by the throat, seeping into him like venom as his heart almost gave out.
“Not Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy Bearington.” With a hushed whisper, the boy’s resolve slowly cracking.
And so did Kyung Mi’s heart.
Because how could she possibly take Mr Fuzzy Wuzzy, the cuddliest teddy bear to ever exist , away from her sweet baby.
In truth, she wouldn’t, if Jimin was Big he would know that it was an empty threat. But, she was so close to getting her brat to do what she wanted that she scarily whispered back a ‘yes’. Anyone would have expected that Jimin would finally listen to her but a part of him felt angry and upset over the fact that she would ever choose to keep his precious friend as a hostage.
Big Jimin also would have known that ‘hostage’ was a big stretch.
Crossing his arms, the Little swore to remain a brat as he shook his head once again.
Being difficult should be on his resume. I swear to God.
Kyung Mi decided to skip a few steps, leaning closer to her precious baby boy and gripping his hips tight.
“We could start with sexual punishment then? Hmm? Would baby like that? Would he like his mommy to tell him all the things she could do to him?”
Her voice had become husky, hot breath hitting Jimin’s ear.
The Little knew that this was where he should stop being a hard head and simply do what his mommy asked him to do.
He still decided to shake his head, though it had less vigour and more hesitance.
“I don’ wanna.”
Was all that left his lips and it was then that mental exhaustion began to weigh her down. With determination, the girl’s nails dug into the Little’s skin. A soft whimper escaped him and a very selfish part of Kyung Mi wanted to shout and say:
‘No fair, I should be the one whimpering. I wanna be small. I wanna be held and cuddled.’
Blinking back her tears, Mi Mi made a mental note to take out time for herself so that she could pamper the Little part of her as much as she could. She couldn’t stand up for much longer now and it was nearing to being painful.
“Baby.” She warned, her voice dangerously stern and impatient.
With a sniffle, Jimin moved away from her grip and murmured out three soul crushing words.
“I hate you.”
Of course, the sweet boy could never ever mean such a thing. It was a sin in itself for him to even utter those words, he loved his Mommy more than anything else in the world.
Kyung Mi couldn’t hold back the gasp, even though she knew that Jimin was being an unfair stick in the mud at that moment. To the tiny, affection craving, child, it hurt a lot.
With a cracked and defeated voice, Kyung Mi spoke softly,
“I’m going to go get ready. You better think of what you’ve said and get out of your head space when I’m done.” It was only when his girlfriend had weakly slammed the door, did Jimin realise what he had said to her.
He drew a shaky breath before feeling a big fat tear slip down his plump cheeks.
The girl had to force herself not to slide down onto the bathtub and simply curl into a ball. The hot water felt good against her shivering skin, the reason she was shivering was unbeknownst to her. Her fingers felt good against her scalp as they massaged them gently. It was a habit of hers to try and pretend that her hands were someone else’s as a way to make her feel more comforted.
As a way to make her feel less alone in the times where she felt distressed and unsettled, as if she didn’t have anyone.
It was also a habit for her to hum, the vibrations soothing her as they spread from the back of her throat to the top of her chest. It never reached her heart though but it was all she had.
The one song she always hummed was an artist who gave her warmth. Someone who made her feel less lonely.
An artist by the name of J hope.
Just like his name, he gave her hope. Sometimes, Kyung Mi couldn’t help but cry endlessly at his voice and his words and the way he made her feel.
Sometimes, she actually felt like she was being taken care of. That she was loved, that she mattered even when she couldn’t help others.
When she would hear Jung Hoseok’s voice, Kyung Mi would believe that she had worth with or without being the cause of someone’s happiness.
Because to her, for the longest time, the broken girl truly believed that she only mattered if she made others happy or if she was useful.
J hope gave her a few minutes of inner peace. He was peace itself. And she would forever be grateful.
After calming down, the buzzing in her mind quietening, Mi Mi finished washing up. It was like a routine for her, to spend her morning showers like this. To always start her day with a mantra of ‘you will conceal everything you feel’.
Kyung Mi got out of the bathroom, almost forgetting the cruel words that were thrown at her. Jimin was sat on their bed. He simply laid there, foot thumping against the floor as his upper half started to slide down.
Kyung Mi had no energy for anymore of Jimin’s behavior and so she ignored him. It was always a hard thing to do, because she loved her boyfriend to no end, but her whole mind was numb to the point of feeling no empathy or care.
She changed quickly, not sparing a glance at Jimin. With an oversized sweater (most likely belonging to Jimin) and yoga pants, Kyung Mi was ready.
Not glancing his way, Kyung Mi combed through her hair while gathering her thoughts. Most of it was about the dance practice and her assignments and the important thesis she was working on.
Her waist was encaptured in Jimin’s arms as they pulled her against his chest. No words left either of their mouths as Jimin placed his chin on her shoulder and began kissing his beautiful girlfriend on the cheek.
“I’m sorry for saying that. I’m sorry for being a brat. I’m sorry that I hurt you and didn’t listen to you.” Jimin’s voice was still soft and sweet but Kyung Mi could tell that he was out of Little Space.
She didn’t speak and simply let the boy kiss her neck and then her shoulder, nibbling gently on the skin as a way of apology.
Mi Mi knew she had forgiven him the moment he wrapped his arms around her, but she still felt so drained and tired.
Of course, she didn’t want to share her problems with her boyfriend or else he’ll know that she wasn’t built for being his mommy and that she was forcing herself.
It was strange how much love could make people lie about who they really were.
It was always a fear of Kyung Mi’s that if she wasn’t a Dom to Jimin, then he would leave her for someone who could provide the pampering he needed.
It had been a whole year since he had told her he was more of a submissive and had shared a very intimate secret, him being a little. And in truth, they had been dating for one and a half years and he still had no idea that his girlfriend was not made out to be anything more than a Little as well.
It seemed unfair but to Kyung Mi, she loved Jimin way too much to not provide for him. And along the way, it had become very fun but at the same time, she was all on her own when it came to taking care of her needy side.
“It’s okay, Jiminie. Let’s just get to school. We have that afternoon class together, right? Then dance practice. We’ll talk about all this later.” Jimin had agreed hesitantly, still planting kisses on Kyung Mi’s body causing her to let out a small, tired giggle.
They were off to school in no time at all, swinging their intertwined hands around. Jimin would make her twirl and pick her up randomly and it made Kyung Mi feel content because as shitty as her life felt at that moment, she still had a very loving boyfriend.
They sat close on the bus, Kyung Mi’s head on his shoulder while Jimin rested his cheek on her. They wore an ear bud each and listened to music throughout the ride, Jimin still providing apology kisses and saying “I love you” over and over again to make up for the harsh words that he spoke.
He even promised to buy ice cream for her, which gave her heart a warm glow.
Once the couple reached the university, they hugged tight. Classes were to begin soon and both of them didn’t like the idea of leaving each other after a hectic morning.
Giving her head a million more kisses, Jimin whispered a promise to run to her once their break starts. It was a promise he always made and always kept.
While Kyung Mi was a Humanities major, Jimin was a Science major and the only time the actually hung out in school was for their psychology class that both took a course on. And of course, they would stay after school for dance practice since both had a passion for it.
They both had part time jobs, while Jimin helped teach children how to dance, Kyung Mi was a waitress at a café.
Or she used to be, until her boss fired her for all those times she couldn’t come to work because of Jimin being in Little space. It wasn’t really hard to believe that her boss would fire her for not coming to work a few times or for not always being a ball of energy during her shifts due to lack of sleep, her boss was an ass and a creepy one at that.
So she was happy to an extent, because staying up late at night when Jimin couldn’t sleep or taking care of him when he was deep in little space was a better job than any.
Of course, it wasn’t a source of income and though the rent for their apartment was handled with the allowance both their parents sent, there are many other problems that would inevitably arise if she doesn’t get a job.
A part of her really wished she had told her boyfriend, she should but Jimin’s stress had only increased with the overdose of assignments and him being the lead of the dance group. They had an important showcase coming up soon and while Kyung Mi was also part of it, she still did not feel the amount of pressure that Jimin was constantly bearing on his shoulders.
So, she did her best to give him affection and soothe him when he had stress induced panic attacks and nightmares.
It had been hard to do that and find a job, do her school work and keep the secret of her unemployment and crumbling mental state from her precious beloved.
It was hard, but she had convinced herself that she, somehow, would be able to get through with it and that Jimin did not need to help her in any way.
She always felt safe in her classes, at the back of the room with great lecturers teaching her about the world and making her passions come alive. Her literature and philosophy classes would always bring a smile to her face because it was what she enjoyed the most, it made her feel at ease even with all the assignments and exams that came with it.
There was this guilt, however, because she knew that Jimin would always miss her and she would too. She would miss having his hand to hold or the warmth that he exudes, but her whole mind was in so much chaos that she was just tired of having Jimin always around her because that meant she had to hide herself constantly and handle his pain and insecurities while increasing her own.
It was the most painful thought she could possibly have, because it just felt mean and harsh to like being away from someone who loves being with you and it took her awhile to realize that it didn’t mean she was a bad human, it just meant she was human and sometimes, humans need space. Even from the ones they love.
And as always, once the bell rang and she knew that there were two hours before Jimin’s class ended, Kyung Mi ran out and went to the one place where she could be herself or as much of herself as she could be.
It was a bench in the far corner of the university where no one came across, especially during the certain times that Kyung Mi would be free. At first, she would always rush into the bathroom to cry away any stress or pain but her mind felt more at ease in the open air.
With her thoughts whirling in her head and legs stumbling to get to her safe haven, she fell on the grass and turned herself into a little ball of sadness.
The brave girl’s walls tumbles down, heart squeezing in agony as her lungs lost the oxygen in them. In three seconds, Lee Kyung Mi was in tears, gasping out for breath as she sobbed all the emotions that were suffocating her.
It was a long time until everything that existed in her soul had poured out into the real world. It was lonely, to her. No one was there to hold her and give her cuddles or to simply know that she was suffering.
She never thought that she would live the same way even as an adult, even when she had someone who loved her so much.
Every teardrop reminded her of when she was a teenager, finding out about what Little Space was and loving the security she felt the deeper her mind regressed. She remembered all those nights where she would sob into her plushies and beg the universe to give her a caregiver, to give her someone who could comfort her.
It was the same as before but more painful, because now that she actually had someone, the temptation to fall and break only ever increases and only ever stays in the bubble of awful thoughts and demons. And as more time passes, it slowly crushes her as the light in her eyes dim into tiny flickers.
Deep down, even she knew that those flickers were not sustained for her. Kyung Mi was alive because she didn’t want to be blown out when there was a Little to be taken care of.