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Three a.m. She passed another dark, curtainless window along the brightly lit corridor - eerily, dreamily bright to someone who wasn't used to it. Then again, at this time of night there was only the regular crowd around to see anything; just a few nurses scattered about the place. The more sensible, or more influential staff were all tucked up in bed, which was exactly where the patients were supposed to be.
"I'm here, Rachel." She closed the door and took the alarm gently from the woman's grip. "I'm Evie, remember? You've been seeing a lot of me lately."
Evie preferred the night shift, though she didn't let her colleagues know that - that would mean she couldn't barter with them over it anymore. She liked the quiet, and she liked caring for sleeping wards. Not out of laziness, mind. It was just so much nicer to be able to talk, to take your time with someone and make them feel cared for. She had other work, of course, just like in the day, but paperwork and chores didn't have the same hold as serious medical care. She could always catch up later.
Rachel nodded, taking deep breaths under the nurse's instruction. Another night filled with fire and smoke - she couldn't remember the details - but this time there was something more. She felt sick with shame, not fear; she didn't like the new direction her dreams were heading in.
"I'm not tired." It was true. Despite how weak her body seemed and how groggy her head felt, she knew she didn't want more sleep.
Evie sighed. "I'm not surprised. You slept straight through to the night after surgery, you've been sleeping without anaesthetic since about six."
Rachel frowned slightly, coming to her senses now she was fully calm as well as fully awake. Yes, another operation. She couldn't quite remember what for, and she convinced herself she didn't care; that was her doctor's business. The nurse interrupted her thoughts.
"I'm presuming you're not in any pain. If that changes, let me know, okay?" Rachel nodded, her eyes still glazed with disorientation. Evie smiled, and tried to cheer her up. "That man said he'd be here later. The one who came with you to casualty."
Rachel mumbled, feeling sluggish. "Eddie."
"Yeah, that's right." She smirked, then felt a little wary of her position. Rachel sighed, and turned her head on the pillow, looking at yet another cold, dark wall. This woman might have been the only thing making her feel safe most nights, but she was worse for gossiping than Steph Haydock. At least she took the hint.
"I know you said you're not tired, but maybe you're best off trying to get back to sleep? You're not really in a state to do much else." She smiled with genuine sympathy, helping Rachel to settle in bed before she went back to her desk. Best get back to that paperwork.
It was nine hours later that Eddie arrived. Lunchtime visiting hours: the ward had none of its usual calm, and Rachel felt glad to be hidden away in her alcove. She didn't feel so great about her visitor, though - she felt more frail than she had in the night, her head was dizzy and aching and she was constantly convinced she was about to throw up. Not to mention she probably looked a mess. He bounded happily into her cosy little corner nonetheless, grinning like an excited puppy.
"You look well."
"No I don't, I look awful." She was mumbling again, barely more than a whisper. He couldn't help showing his concern.
"How do you feel?"
"Pathetic." She replied with as much scorn as she had the energy to express.
Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Rachel's lunch. A nurse came over, knowing she'd need help eating, but Eddie gestured that he could take care of it.
Rachel looked over to the tray. "What is it?"
"Tomato soup. You'll eat that, right?" She frowned, feeling useless as he lifted the spoon towards her lips. She ate reluctantly for a minute or so.
"Stop it. Stop!" Her voice was growing in strength. He put the spoon down and listened. "I, I can do it."
Eddie sighed. "Rachel..."
"Eddie, let me do it!" She raised her voice with visible effort, so he shrugged.
"Fine. Go for it." He sat back and watched as she pushed herself further up against the pillows. She put a hand out towards the table, but it was out of reach.
"Eddie!" She was angry and impatient, hissing as if he was deliberately thwarting her attempt. He lifted the bowl towards her, and she picked up the spoon delicately, holding it for a moment before it slipped back down with a splash.
He stopped her quickly, putting the soup back down. "That's enough, Rach, you're gonna scald yourself." She glared at him as best as she could with her drawn, tired features. He shook his head, growing more angry himself. "You stupid, stubborn..." A pause where her eyes widened before he filled the gap. "Woman."
A second glare. He lifted another spoonful to her, to which she promptly turned her head away like a baby in a high chair.
"Oh for christ's sake, Rachel, grow up." He was glaring back unashamedly now, but she was staring at the wall. The nurse heard the commotion, and when she looked over and saw the look on Rachel's face, she understood immediately.
"Rachel!" This nurse was more old fashioned than Evie, and a damnsight more professional; but the younger, amateurish woman would have made Rachel feel much more at ease. "Rachel, you haven't eaten your lunch."
She continued to stare at the wall. Eddie sighed, shaking his head. The nurse took another spoonful and lifted it carefully. "Rachel!"
Finally she turned back and opened her mouth, but she was staring her defiance straight into the other woman's eyes. "Rachel, we are trying to build your strength up so that you can do these things for yourself!" Rachel looked down, feeling a little guilty. "Now I have other patients to care for, so are you going to make me sit here with you, or will you let the man help?"
More silence.
"Hm?"
"Fine." Another quiet murmur; she'd lost her strength through arguing. She stayed quiet as Eddie helped her through the rest of the food, tears forming a film across her eyes.
"You'll be alright, Rach. It won't be like this for long." While she avoided his eyes, she avoided tears. He pushed the empty dish aside and held her hand in both of his. "Rachel?" She turned to him reluctantly, and he smiled kindly as he joked. "I don't want to hear any more about how you've been the patient from hell, okay?" She smiled half-heartedly, blinking back her tears.
"I'm sorry, Eddie." She barely broke a whisper. Her eyelids were heavy now, and he could see that she was struggling to keep them open.
"Hey, it's okay Rach. Don't you worry about me." He held her gently as she shifted lower in the bed, and pulled her sheets over her as she lay. The ward was busy, but Rachel slept soundly to the gentle rhythm of Eddie's hand across her hair.