Chapter Text
This was not a good morning.
Harry had been trying to concentrate for the last twenty minutes while Professor Clearwater was rambling about today’s potion. Clara Clearwater, sister of Peneloppe Clearwater, Percy’s fiancée, was a good teacher. She was less stringent than Snape ever was (thank Merlin for that) and she tried to be helpful to students instead of leaving them to their antics until they failed. She was more or less in her late twenties and you could feel that she was trying to be strict with the students despite the small age difference between them.
Unfortunately, not matter how good of a teacher Professor Clearwater was, Harry could not focus on Potions right now. All he could think of was the Future. The Great Future that all of their teachers were speaking of. The one McGonagall was always pestering them about. The one that every single student in their year seemed so sure about.
Hermione is going for a job in the Ministry, possibly in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The problem of the House Elves’ treatment in the wizarding world hasn’t left her mind even during the war, and with their return to Hogwarts, she now has enough time trying to find a solution. Ginny is going to Healing once their studies are done, and she already has contacted St Mungos. Appareantly her War Hero status has secured her an internship next Summer in the Wizarding Hospital. Luna is going to step in for her Dad as the Quibbler Editor in Chief and Neville is leaving for Brazil first thing after their NEWTs for an expedition studying Amazonian Venomous Tentacula. And Ron is trying to get in Auror Training. As is he. He thinks. Probably. Maybe.
The thing is, Harry is not so sure he wants to be an Auror anymore. But what could he do ? That's what everybody else is expecting of him. And honestly, he has no idea what other direction to take. So, Auror Training it is.
“You okay?” Ron almost whispers while Clearwater finishes with her explanation.
“Yeah. Just tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” Ron looks so worried that Harry quickly adds “It wasn’t a nightmare or anything. I was just… thinking.”
“Thinking ?”
“Thinking.” Harry answers, ending the conversation.
It's not as if he can’t tell Ron about his doubts about Auror Training. It's just that he feels no one would be more disappointed than Ron if he decided on another career choice. They had wanted to apply together since fifth year and they had often spent afternoons trying to imagine it. They would be partners, of course. He remembered a particularly difficult night when they were on the run in the Forest of Dean, when Ron had simply said “What could be better than being Auror Partners with your best mate ?”. Of course, at the time, they weren’t even sure if they were going to be alive a year from that. But it had helped Harry to hold on hoping to get away from there, to finally defeat Voldemort.
"I’ll go fetch the ingredients” Harry says when Clearwater is finally finished. He goes to the cupboard and absent-mindedly retrieves the Asphodel root, Infusion of Wormwood, Valerian root, Sopophorous beans and Stork brain. He crosses Hermione’s anxious eyes as she mouths ‘Are you okay?’. He nods dimly and returns to their cauldron.
Once they have sliced and diced the ingredients as specified, they gradually add the different piles to the Potion. But as they reach the half-way stage and their potion has not turned a shade of pale lilac like it is supposed to, Harry notices the bubbles forming at the surface of their bright yellow potion. “Is it supposed to do that?”, he asks Ron.
“I don’t know, mate. What’s the last thing we added?”
“Sliced stork brain. I think”, he adds seeing the panicked look on Ron’s face. “What’s wrong?”
“It was sloth brain, not stork brain… Professor?” he calls, as Harry sees that the bubbles beginning to multiply and grow rapidly.
“Ron, it’s too late,” he says quickly, then shouts “Everybody duck !” while casting a Shield Charm. The explosion resounds loudly and Harry lets himself exhale after he quickly checks that nobody has been harmed.
“Mr Potter, Mr Weasley,” Clearwater says from behind them, “it’s the third time this month. While I think your classmates might appreciate their frequent unprompted Shield Charm training, I suggest you pay more attention to the class. NEWTs are coming and if you continue this way, I am not sure you can get the required Exceeds Expectations you two are aiming for. Ten point from Gryffindor.”
When Harry hears Hermione sigh loudly and Parkinson snicker at the other end of the classroom, his cheeks turn pink. Ron adds a quick “Don’t worry mate, you’re just tired is all.”
"Mr Potter and Weasley,” Clearwater calls from her desk, “I have just had word from Headmistress McGonagall and she would like for you to head to her office as soon as the lesson is finished. Due to the current state of your potion, I don’t think you’ll be able to finish it today. You can go immediately.”, she says, efficiently dismissing them.
Harry looks at Ron with a frown on his face, “What could she want?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Please take a seat”.
Ron and Harry sit silently in front of the Headmistress mahogany desk. The room has barely changed since the Dumbledore’s days. Fawkes’ cage is nowhere to be seen, and a few family photos of Scottish wizards are hanging here and there. Appart from this, and the two new deceased Headmasters’ portraits, McGonagall hasn’t changed a thing. Harry feels both nostalgic and distressed as he remembers the last time he has been in this office.
A few weeks after the castle’s repairs had begun, McGonagall had told Harry that, as all the other students of his year who wished, he could come back in September and join the so-called “Eighth Years” class. For those like him who hadn’t wanted or hadn’t been able to come back to Hogwarts last year, it was a precious opportunity to pass their NEWTs. And for those like Neville that had been there, it was the chance to pass them again, this time in a safer atmosphere.
He hadn’t thought long before accepting, like most of his friends. Dean and Seamus had gotten directly in the Auror Training programm but Ron and Harry had prefered the prospect of a last year in Hogwarts. Besides, Ron hadn’t wanted to miss the opportunity to be with Hermione here at Hogwarts.
After their summer looking for Hermione’s parents in Australia, Ron and Hermione had come back in England, closer than ever. Despite the spike of jealousy that sometimes makes Harry feel lonely, he is truly happy for them. He wonders if his presence has prevented his two best friends to see each other as a love interest for so long or if they had known and hadn’t wanted to act on it because of him. Anyway, they're very clearly in love and they spend all of their free time together.
“I had understood”, McGonagall says, drawing Harry back from his daydreaming, “that both of you had the ambition of entering the Auror Traing Programm next year. Is that correct?”
“Yes”, they say together.
“And I also understand from what Professor Clearwater told me, that your results in Potions for the last few months haven’t been satisfactory. Do I need to remind you both, that your career choice requires at least an Exceeds Expectation from Potions, as well as from Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology and Transfiguration?”
“We know, Headmistress.” Ron answers. “But it’s not really our fault. Harry has just been tired lately and…” Ron looks guiltily at him. Harry knows it’s his fault. He knows he hasn’t been able to concentrate in Potions since the beginning of the year. Somehow he feels like his brain just isn’t made for it. All the ingredients look the same to him, and between the wrong-colored potions, the wrong-smelling and the explosive ones, he doesn’t think he has done any of them right since they came back this year. Ron at least managed the exams.
“Is this true Mr Potter ?” McGonagall asks doubtfully. As Harry nods, she adds “If this lack of sleep of yours is really serious, I’d seriously advise you to go to Madam Pomfrey so she can help you. Taking care of your health is something I should not be reminding you of doing.”
Harry guiltily looked at his shoes. Ron elbowed him gently and smiled at him, trying to lift his spirit.
“Gentlemen, I will simply remind the following : we are at the end of January. If you don’t take the current matter in your hands, I highly doubt that you’ll reach the level needed to obtain the required marks on your Potion NEWTs. I know that student often feels as if working with their friends is the best option, but in this case, I’d strongly advise you to find another skilled student to partner with and help you get back on track. I know both of you are capable of getting in Auror Training, but you need to put more effort into it. I don’t imagine you’d want to have to ask for special treatment just because of your names.”
With this, she simply dismisses them and they head to the Great Hall for lunch.
“God, she can be such a pain !” Ron says.
“Yeah, but she’s right though.” He looks at Ron and, deciding that honesty is best right now, he says “I think that I’m holding you down, here. You are actually way better at Potions than I am and I know that you need to work on your Herbology if you want to pass.” Ron looks uneasy but he doesn’t deny it, and Harry feels suddenly extremely guilty. “I’ll be alright you know. You can ask Neville for help, I think he said as much last week. And I’m pretty sure Hermione will accept to help me for Potions.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I can’t, Harry.”
This, Harry hadn’t predicted. Hermione always helped him. Whatever the situation, whatever the millions of different acitivities she takes part in, she had always found time to help him before. Maybe Ron isn’t the only one that he’s been a burden for.
“I’m truly sorry, but you know about all the NEWTs I have to take.” And he knows. She decided that missing a year was no reason for abandonning her ambitions : her mind is set on taking ten NEWTs this year. She says that if she really wants to enter the Ministry, it has to be with an impeccable record. “And I’ve been helping Ginny with her duties as Head Girl, you know. I fell behind in my schedule and I don’t have time to do much more, really.” She looks at Ron who understandingly smiles at her. The besotted look on their faces is painfully obvious.
“Don’t worry Hermione, I understand. I’ll just find another solution that’s okay.” He just has to find that other solution. It can’t be that difficult right ?
“What about Malfoy ?”
Harry turned a surprised glance at Ginny. Things between them have not been great. They have barely spoken for the last eight months and he has no idea what to do.
At first he simply thought he would leave her alone because she was grieving. Harry was grieving too, but losing a friend, no matter how close couldn’t compare to losing your brother. When they got back to Hogwarts he thought they’d be ready to get back together, maybe. But after everything that had happened during the war, he was beginning to wonder if he still had feelings for Ginny. He would see her every day either in class or at the Gryffindor table but he would rarely be able to hold a conversation with her. He simply couldn’t find the right moment to speak about their feelings or their future. So he avoided her. And she avoided him in return. Not trying to dwell on the matter, he had let the days pass. The days had become weeks and the weeks months. And here he was. Being barely cordial with the girl everybody believed he’d marry and have a family with.
“What about him ?” Ron asks, looking puzzled.
“Well, he’s great at Potions, right ?” Ginny says. “And he’s not the same guy he once was. He’s been really quiet since last year. I heard he was here all summer, helping rebuilding the school.” And surprisingly, Harry has heard so too.
After his testimony at the Malfoy trials, he had not seen Malfoy until the 1st of September. McGonagall had implied that all student who wanted to complete their education and pass their NEWTs were welcome to Hogwarts this year, but he hadn’t expectly for the blond boy to be there in the Hogwarts Express. Seeing him standing on the train platform, saying goodbye to Narcissa before joining Parkinson and Zabini had been a surprise. Not a bad one, at that, but he hadn’t really stopped to thing about it. He agrees with the Headmistress when she says everybody deserves a second chance.
“All I’m saying,” Ginny continues “is that he could help you.”
“He kind of owes you one for saving his butt from the Fiendfyre.” Ron says.
“He doesn’t owe me anything.” Harry retorts. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he still hates me.”
“You have nothing to lose by asking him.” Hermione says. Seeing the disappointment in Harry’s eyes, she promptly adds “And I agree with Ginny. He has changed. He’s a quite thoughtful Prefect and I’ve seen him helping the Slytherin First Years more than once. That’s nothing like the Malfoy I used to know.”
Harry doesn’t answer. He’s not sure it’s as bad an idea as he first thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What do you want Potter ?”
As Malfoy glares at him with one raised eyebrow and an unimpressed look, Harry begins to question his decision.
After Ginny’s suggestion yesterday, he's tried to be objective about the situation. Malfoy really is the best at Potions in their year, there is no doubt about it. And Harry really needs the help. If not for their past, he probably wouldn’t have hesitated for a second. But a past there is.
Ever since they were eleven and he has refused to shake Malfoy’s hand, there hasn’t been a week without a cutting remark, some raised wands or cast hexes. Culminating in the event in the girls' bathroom he’d rather not think about right now. Malfoy made his blood boil and apparently the same was to be said about the pureblood boy. Malfoy’s views on the Wizarding world made it difficult for Harry to even imagine working with him, let alone asking him for help. But they have been through a war and he really hopes the Slytherin has changed his mind.
The thing is, he doesn't know what Malfoy think anymore. But if Hermione and Ginny are to be trusted, and they usually are, he ought to give the blond another chance. Else he should feel quite hypocritical about this whole “inter-house Unity” thing that he has supported and talked about since the beginning of the year.
Now that he is here, standing next to the Slytherin table and looking straight at Malfoy’s pale grey eyes, he can feel his resolve weaken. What if he mocks him for even asking ? He can already feel the eyes of most of the other students burning the back of his head, and lots of people are whispering.
“Can I have a word with you, in private maybe?” he finally says.
“What do you want to talk about that you can’t say before us, Potter?”
Pansy Parkinson. He hasn’t even really noticed her, so focused that he was on Malfoy. She hasn’t changed much since their Sixth Year : same black bob hair, same fiercely protective attitude towards Malfoy and same contempt for him, it seems.
“Let the man speak, Pansy. Poor guy looks like an anxious bundle of nerves,” Zabini snickers.
Mustering his courage, Harry quickly says “I need help in Potions. And you’re good in Potions. I thought maybe… You could help me?” He’s babbling. He knows he is and he’s flushing at the idea of looking so riddiculous in front of the Slytherins, let alone in front of all the school.
When a few seconds have past and he has not yet been mocked or simply rejected, he looks up at Malfoy and what he sees is surprising, to say the least. Malfoy looks baffled. There’s no contempt or hatred on his face. His eyes are wide open and his jaw is hanging. It lasts for all but two seconds before he retreats behind the cold mask he uses so often. But Harry’s seen it. Malfoy is capable of emotions and he feels a little proud for surprising the man like this.
“No, I most definitely can’t help you,” Malfoy finally answers. Harry is trying not to show how disappointed he is, but it doesn’t look like it’s working. He sees a flicker of pity pass through Malfoy’s eyes, but before Harry has any time to argue, Malfoy is standing up and leaving the Great Hall like nothing happened. Parkinson is quick to follow behind him, but not before giving Harry a scornful look.
Not knowing what to do, Harry is about to go back to the Gryffindor table to finish his breakfast when he hears that Zabini is talking to him.
“If I were you,” he tells Harry with a crooked smile on his face, “I’d let him think about it for a while. He’s full of pride, our Draco, and you certainly took him by surprise. And if you really want him to help you, remember he’s a Slytherin.”
Hearing these mysterious words, Harry can’t help but think that all Slytherins are just impossible to understand. But as he heads to the Charms classroom, he gets it. Malfoy will not accept this if he feels he’s providing Harry with something, while Harry is not. It has to be a bargain. The only thing left to find is what he could possibly offer to Malfoy.