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Max Black emerged, still half asleep, from the tiny bathroom of her shared apartment. Her hair was still dripping wet, soaking the back of her dark and rumpled t-shirt, and she gave a slight shiver, chilled from the combination of damp hair and the lingering cold temperature of the shower’s water. It was a hallowed occasion for her or Caroline to get even lukewarm water for their showers, and she had given up on attempting to dry her hair years ago. Their towels were usually funky smelling from cheap, watered down detergent, and Caroline’s thrift store “bargain” of a hair dryer had nearly electrocuted them both enough that she preferred to drip dry rather than take her life in her hands. Although she frequently joked about suicidal tendencies, if she was going to go out, there were definitely cooler and less painful ways than death by hair dryer.
As she focused her eyes towards the living room/kitchen/Caroline’s bedroom that took up the cluttered majority of their apartment, a smirk spread itself across her features, and she perked up into a much more alert state of mind. It was impossible to remain sleepy when there was an opportunity to mock Caroline presenting itself, and this time, Caroline had made it far too easy for her.
The blonde former millionaire, now broke and ditzy waitress that Max had only recently come to publicly admit to be her best friend, was bobbing her head, swaying her torso, and shimmying her shoulders back and forth in a movement that Max noticed still didn’t so much as budge the A-cups that she optimistically referred to as breasts. As Caroline closed her eyes and tilted back her head, mouthing the words to whatever it was she was listening to on the Ipod Max had lifted off of their boss Han last week, Max’s smirk became a full on grin. She gazed at Caroline with affectionate amusement as well as judgment before speaking aloud.
“Is that a seizure, or are you actually attempting to dance to something that Han thought was good enough music to put on his Ipod? Either way, this is pretty much an emergency situation worth dialing 911.”
Caroline jumped and let out a shriek that made even Max flinch, her hands drifting up in a half-hearted effort to cover her ears.
“Okay, I’ve got like five percent hearing in my left ear after I was a groupie at a Marilyn Manson concert when I was ten, and the other ear is clogged up with something. Fifty fifty on whether it’s a roach of either type. And I still heard that. I’m pretty sure Ray Charles and Helen Keller heard that. From their graves.”
Caroline’s blue eyes were huge as she whipped her head back towards Max, one hand pressed dramatically against her chest. She shook her head at Max, raising her free hand to point a shaky finger in her direction.
“Okay, you know better than to sneak up on me after that homeless man crawled out from under my bed yesterday and asked if I’d seen his pet pigeon!”
“That wasn’t a homeless man, that was my meth buddy Willie,” Max cracked, giving the other girl the shit-eating grin that always kept people guessing about just how serious she was in her claims. “And he had a valid reason to ask, invisible pets are pretty hard to find.”
“Max, he asked me if I had any Pringles,” Caroline informed her, removing one earphone to be able to continue the conversation. “All I could offer him was some of the more suspicious crumbs in the couch cushions, because I was scared he might go for my face if I came up with nothing.”
“Hey, I was saving some of those crumbs for a midnight snack!” Max exclaimed, hurrying over to the couch and lifting up the cushion not accompanied by Caroline to peer beneath it. “Damn, I was pretty sure there was an M&M or maybe a tic tac in there, and it wasn’t even all the way melted.”
“Well, if you’re done playing give Caroline a heart attack, then I’ll just go back to my music,” Caroline rolled her eyes. She made a move to replace her earphone, but Max reached out to grab her wrist, stopping her.
“Hold up, I need to clarify this moment so I know just how many insults I can get out of this. Are you voluntarily listening to music downloaded by Han? Because I was going to sell his Ipod to Rebecca Black, thankfully no relation, and even she said his music sucks.”
“Hey, some of this is good stuff!” Caroline protested, holding the Ipod up as though to present evidence. “I think maybe Earl snuck some things on here before you could get to it, because if it was Oleg or Sophie, I’m pretty sure it would mostly be sirens and moaning noises.”
“No way. Let me see that,” Max demanded, snatching the device from Caroline’s hand before she could withdraw it from her reach. As she read the title of the song Caroline had been listening to, she broke into guffaws, her eyes lighting up with her delighted amusement.
“ “I kissed a girl” by Katy Perry?! If this was something Earl had put on here, it would be the drag queen porno version, not the freakin’ poser of a song!”
“Come on, Max, you have to appreciate the song,” Caroline insisted, even as her cheeks flushed. She stuck her chin up with some defiance, attempting to defend her view. “It’s very accurate to life, so relatable. Everyone who’s partied has been there!”
“Okay, two glaringly false points you have there,” Max countered, coming to settle beside Caroline on the couch. “One, you, Caroline, have never been to anything that remotely resembles a real party. Two, there is no way in hell you have ever kissed a girl. And no, your grandma’s cheek and your own reflection don’t count.”
“I have too,” Caroline protested, drawing herself upright. “Well, maybe nothing you’d call a party, since the strippers, bath salts, and jail time were never a part of things. But I’ve kissed girls!”
“Poodles, kittens, and shrieky sorority air kisses also don’t count,” Max informed her, but Caroline shook her head definitively, holding her ground.
“No, Max, I’ve kissed girls before. Really kissed them, for real.”
“I’ve seen the way you kiss boys,” Max said with skepticism, tilting her head to the side and narrowing her eyes towards the other girl. “You do better job kissing ass if you ask me.”
“A real kiss,” Caroline insisted, her blush deepening, but there was a sly, devilish edge to her smile as she ducked her head slightly, eyes lifting up to meet Max’s. “Lips, tongue…tonsils.”
Max narrowed her eyes back at her, assessing. When Caroline didn’t look away, her eyes slowly widened.
“No way. Caroline is a secret lesbo?! I KNEW you weren’t just checking out my rank because you were jealous!” She gasped, pointing an accusing finger towards Caroline. “I KNEW it wasn’t to save the rainforest and conserve water when you suggested we shower together!”
“Max, stop it, I’m not a lesbian,” Caroline shook her head, though Max didn’t fail to notice that her face was still extremely red. “Like I said, it was at sorority parties, like in the song. That’s why it’s so relatable. We were never sober. It was just a few drinks, some cuddles, some kissing that may or may not have had some over the boob stuff slipped in-“
“Had to be you doing the feeling up, since she wouldn’t be able to find your boobs with a map and GPS,” Max interrupted. Caroline ignored her, continuing.
“And we always had dates or boyfriends, or at least a group of guys cheering in the background.”
“Been there, done that,” Max noted, nodding. “Got the tips in my bra and G string.” She let her mouth slip into another smirk. “Guess you just got them in the G string, since you never needed a bra.”
Caroline was quiet for a few seconds, her eyes drifting towards the wall past Max, rather than continuing eye contact. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet, tentative, and she seemed to be addressing the weathered street sign on the wall rather than her roommate.
“Max…did you like it?”
“What, the tips in the pants? Sure,” Max shrugged. “The salami offerings weren’t as welcome as cash, but I took what I could get.”
“No, Max,” Caroline clarified, remaining serious in expression and body language. “Kissing girls. Did you…you know, like it?”
Still not taking her questions very seriously, Max shrugged, waving a hand in dismissal.
“Wasn’t worth writing a song about. I’m pretty sure Katy Perry is putting it on, because the only reason I even remember it is all the videos out there online.”
Not seeming to be really listening, Caroline mused aloud to herself. “I wonder what it’s like sober. I’ve never tried that before.”
Max’s mouth tipped in a lopsided grin, and she raised on eyebrow in the blonde’s direction. “What, you making an offer? Can’t blame you if you are. I’d make out with me if it was possible, for the boob action alone.”
Caroline blinked just a little too quickly, trying and failing to put some attitude into her voice. “What, are YOU offering?”
“Are you?”
“Are you?”
“Are you?”
Both girls blinked, confused and a little lost as to who exactly had started this exchange. Eventually Caroline licked her lips, speaking up in a voice much smaller than usual.
“Um…it could be an interesting experiment? And it, you know, it wouldn’t be so weird, because you’re the kind of girl who does those things, and it doesn’t mean anything. I mean, you’ve kissed Earl-“
“Hey, who wouldn’t?” Max interrupted, but Caroline continued with unabated nervous energy.
“And you, um, you basically kiss someone new every week, or at least you pretend you do, with the sex-“
“Hey, watch it, sex doesn’t necessarily mean or involve kissing,” Max warned, holding up a finger. “Don’t go around calling me a kiss slut. Slut slut, sure, but not a kiss slut.”
“But, it could just be an experiment,” Caroline reasoned, nodding to herself. “It wouldn’t mean anything, you know? And we wouldn’t have to tell anyone. It’s just…for our own knowledge and growth as…you know. Kissers.”
Max blinked, staring at her for a few seconds before shaking her head.
“You tell yourself that, Caroline. I knows you really just want up on these,” she cupped her boobs in both hands. “But sure, why the hell not?”
There were several awkward seconds as they stood still, waiting for the other to make the first gesture. Then both moved at once, their movements jerky and colliding into each other as they attempted to figure out how to arrange their bodies and where to place their hands. Caroline made a noise somewhere between a grunt and whimper of frustration, and eventually Max snagged an arm around her waist impatiently, pulled her in close, lay her palm against the curve of Caroline’s cheek, and leaned in, pressing her lips against hers.
The kiss was brief, close mouthed, and lacked any passion. When the girls pulled apart, no more than a second or two had passed, and Caroline’s body was stiff with tension. Max raised both eyebrows, shaking her head, and gave a dramatic thumbs down with both hands.
“Like I thought, that was equal to kissing grandma. Even a puppy gives better tongue. I knew you didn’t-“
Her eyes bulged when Caroline grabbed her by the back of her neck, forcing Max’s face forward again to collide against hers. Their teeth clashed awkwardly, but Caroline persisted, her fingers digging into Max’s dark mass of hair as she parted her full lips with her own. For several moments she kissed Max with determined passion, her body pressing flush against the other girl’s as her tongue stroked Max’s in long, slow motions. When they finally pulled back, Caroline’s hand still touching Max’s neck, a string of saliva stretched between them, then broke. Both girls were panting slightly, and Max seemed nearly in shock.
Eventually, Caroline said aloud, her voice almost a croak, “If you tell me your grandma kissed you like that, she should have a police record.”
Max gave a breathless laugh, but made no effort to pull away. “Well, she doesn’t, but my uncle Ted and six of my mom’s exes do.”
Silence stretched between them for several moments, before both spoke simultaneously.
“Maybe we-“
“If you want-“
They stopped, waiting for the other to start again, then ended up stammering over each other for a second time. Caroline took a deep breath, then plunged ahead when she was sure Max was finished.
“Um…what I was saying…you can’t, you know, have a true experimental outcome if you haven’t tried to replicate the results. To make sure they’re valid and not just a one off thing. So…if you wanted…maybe we can do some more experiments sober? To…have true scientific knowledge?”
“Well, the one thing I was always good at was biology,” Max mumbled, already leaning in. “That’s a science, right?”
The end