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Mary May had closed the Spread Eagle early that night so what companions could make it were able to relax without an audience. Idle chatter fluttered over her head as Esther cleaned under her nails with a knife she'd found in an abandoned prepper stash. Adelaide and Sharky were going back and forth about the Seeds and who better suited Joseph's title. Nick occasionally threw in his two cents between sips of lukewarm beer from over by a seated Kim.
“I don't want my kid calling Joseph Seed 'Father’! I'm the father!” Nick cried. Kim pat his arm in sympathy as she chuckled.
“Look,” Esther sheathed the blade, turned on her radio and held the button. “Joseph may be The Father or whatever, but we all know Jacob is Daddy.”
Nick spewed his beer all over his shirt and Adelaide cackled. Sharky fell out on the floor howling and Kim’s chuckles turned to full laughter. Mary May's head made a nice thunk on the bar.
“That's not funny, Essie!” Nick yelled over the racket with a big grin on his face.
Esther smiled and bat her eyes in response, finger still on the button. “What can I say?” She shrugged. “Addie says fucking middle-aged white men is gross, but I think ol’ Yiff Boy out in those mountains still got some spunk in him left.”
“Oh, Es! Gross!!!” Nick shouted.
She lifted her finger off the radio and grinned through her companions’ grief. Esther’s radio chirped as Jacob’s voice floated out from the speaker.
“Deputy.”
Everyone in the bar froze like a deer in headlights, waiting with bated breath for her response.
She smiled and lifted the radio closer to purr into the mic. “Yes, Jacob?”
“Woof.”
“Oh my god.”
Esther broke out into a fit of giggles, dropping her radio where she almost joined it on the floor.
"I told ya they wanted to get good and dirty with you, Honey." Adelaide was grinning from ear to ear. Esther snorted in response.
"John? Definitely. I bet you he's into BDSM, too. Although, maybe not the safe, sane and consensual type. Jacob is probably into choking. Joseph, though? That's a daddy kink if I've ever seen one." Esther's grin matched the older woman's, her eyes cutting to Sharky.
Sharky's face went redder than anything she'd ever seen before and she laughed as he sputtered.
"You promised not to say anything about that!"
"Dude, I didn't say a damn thing."
"You implied it!"
Nick popped his head up from where he was whispering to Kim's belly, "We talkin' about that time Sharky called me 'Daddy'?"
"NO." "Yeah." Esther and Sharky replied simultaneously.
Kim's silent laughter shook her hard enough that she had to hold onto her husband to keep from falling.
"Shark," Kim managed to say in between her laughter. "Sharky, it's alright. Everyone has their kinks." Giggles still shook her and her cheeks were pink from laughing so hard.
Esther looked to her companions with a smaller smile this time. They were happy despite their collective circumstances. They had food and beer in their bellies, no one was dead (yet) and they'd hopefully be able to rest easy tonight.
All of the radios crackled to life at once.
"And upon her forehead was a name written, Mystery, Babylon the Great, the mother of harlots and abominations of the Earth."
Joseph's voice was somehow neutral and disapproving at the same time.
Esther sighed and picked up her radio, "Revelations 17 verse 5. Despite our differences of faith, I know the Bible, Joseph. The Whore of Babylon was a metaphor for the Roman Empire. Try again next time. Also, read a book, my guy."
She tossed the radio onto the table.
"And yet, here you are. A snake in the garden. A poison. I have hopes for you, Deputy. If only you'd just accept us."
His reply sparked the memory a sermon her grandma's pastor used to scream at his congregation. She snatched her radio back up and squinted in concentration.
"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves. Matthew 7 verse 15."
"You quote the Bible and still refuse to believe."
"First, there's a difference between knowing and believing. Second, you literally wrote your own Bible. You've made an idol out of yourself which, coincidentally, is a sin. And yeah, there's the Cardinal Sins, the Big Seven, but there's also the Commandments. You know the ones, 'I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any strange gods before Me'. What about 'Thou shalt not steal’, you've done that. 'Thou shalt not kill’, you kill all the time. Hell, you told me you killed your own daughter! How about 'Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain'? Y'all do that all the time, too. And that doesn't mean cursing, it means to commit acts in the name of God that don't follow his rules. Take the Holy Wars, for example. Not so holy when you slaughter in the name of a god that just so happened to talk to the only guy giving the fucking orders and no one else."
Esther was right pissed and her rant only served to rile her up even more. She looked up to see the stony faces of her companions and they strengthened her resolve.
“For one that has so much knowledge, you’re still so blind. So stubborn.”
Esther wondered how he was able to keep his voice so emotionless and soft. She was a little jealous that he was so capable of appearing level-headed.
“You know what your problem is, Joseph?” She paused for a beat, waiting on the answer that never came. “Well, I’ll tell you anyway. Your problem is that you faced tragedy early on and you’re stuck in the past. Everyone, absolutely everyone, faces hardship on this planet. No matter if you’re rich or poor, no matter where you’re from. Everyone has their shit.” She scrubbed at her face with her free hand.
“You aren’t the only one that got abused as a kid and was thrown into the system and you won’t be the last. You aren’t the only one that hit rock bottom, either.” She got up to pace around the bar, weaving her way back and forth through her scattered companions.
“The only difference between people is how they deal with their trauma. Some people take a nosedive, others blossom, and some people just take a while to get to either. What I’m trying to say, Joseph is that you need help. Shit, we all do. But you and your brothers really need to see someone to help you work through your past so that you can work towards a better future.”
The radio was quiet for a while and Esther figured he’d finished talking or cut his radio off through her speech.
“Do you…care, Deputy?”
Esther grimaced, “I care about a lot of things, you’ll have to narrow it down for me.”
“Don’t be obtuse.”
“I care about everyone, Joseph. I try not to kill, but when it comes down to one person versus the number of people I could save? I’ll always choose people.” She plopped back into her chair.
“Man, I don’t want to kill you or your family. But I will if I have to.”
A hum came from the other end, John.
“Thank you for this...voluntary confession, Deputy. I look forward to hearing another.”
Esther, stunned, stared at the radio. “How in the hell was that a confession? That wasn't even a sin!”
John’s voice was sickly sweet in his reply.
“No, it wasn't, but you've opened yourself to trying and it all leads to the path of salvation. Thank you again, Deputy.”
A cacophony rose until it was just buzzing in her ears. She knew she talked too much, tried too hard to prove herself to everyone. Tried too hard to save everyone when she knew the majority of her people just wanted the Seeds gone. Esther tuned back in to hear Kim yell over the din.
“Why in the hell were they all on the same frequency?” Her expression was a pinched mix of rage and confusion.
“Fuck that,” Sharky turned to Esther. “What’dya mean you don’t want to kill the Seeds? That was the plan!”
Esther put her radio down on the table and rubbed her forehead.
“Before coming here, I never killed anyone. Did you know that? I was—am an engineer. I double majored in computer science and psychology. I came from a family of preppers and thought I could move my plans West to get more space. I was supposed to save as many people as I could. I was going to take this world by storm, through peace. I’m the other side of the coin, Shark.”
“Bullshit. You ain’t nothing like any of them.” Nick’s face was red under his hat. “Don’t you dare compare yourself to the Seeds.”
Esther shook her head, “Don’t you get it? I’m trying to save everyone, like them. I kill, like them. I even fucking monologue!”
“It’s not the same, Sugar.” Adelaide dragged her chair over and sat in front of her.
“How?” Esther asked doubtfully.
“Well, for one, you’re a hell of a lot cuter.”
Esther rolled her eyes.
“And you ain’t taking people for a cult, are you?”
Esther cut her eyes to the floor.
“Are you?” Adelaide moved into her line of sight.
“Noooo…?” She cracked a smile.
"Well alright then." She pat Esther on her knee and turned to Sharky. "And if Essie don't wanna kill, she doesn't have to just because you do. Lord knows there's already enough of that shit going around."
Esther rubbed at the back of her neck, "I'm sorry guys. I should've told you earlier. I..... didn't really know how to say it. They've taken everything from you. I just want to help everyone. Even if it means them too."
"Why?" Kim was more inquisitive than anything else.
Esther grinned, "Savior complex?"
"Be more specific."
She sighed, "I'm lonely and like to surround myself with people. If everyone is content and safe and happy, I'm good. If that means I have to save the Seeds just so the county can calm the fuck down, then so be it.”
Kim nodded. “Everyone wants their loved ones to be safe.” She placed a hand on Nick's cheek. “Not all of us can go to the lengths you can, though. But you're a good egg.”
Esther beamed.
"But you really do talk a lot."