Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s all very dramatic and cliche, standing in the rain and crying, but this way he can hide in plain sight. Everyone is too occupied with finding shelter that they don’t notice the man with a blank expression on his face and tears brimming in his eyes. 

And Hoseok doesn’t notice either because he’s pulling a girl by the hand on the other side of the street, smiling as they dart under an overhang by a flower shop and he pulls her closer to make sure she isn’t hit by more rain. 

Yoongi knows he must look like a creep as he stands in the middle of the sidewalk, not moving and staring at the boy he’s in love with, his (former) best friend, being on a date with a girl. 

It’s a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain, but it doesn’t do much to sooth the aching in his chest as Hoseok wraps his scarf, the scarf Yoongi gave him, around the girl’s neck with a fond smile. 

Honestly, Yoongi is surprised he even kept it, thought he might have tossed or burned it out of spite, but Hoseok is not like that. He’s kind and forgiving, and even though they haven’t spoken for a month, even though Yoongi hurt him, he still wears the scarf. 

Yoongi knows he should stop staring and move on, both literally and figuratively. But he misses Hoseok and for now just watching him smile as if the dark clouds have parted and the sun has come back out is worth the cold he’ll definitely get. 

I deserve a runny nose for being such an asshole, Yoongi thinks bitterly because all of this is his own doing. He pushed Hoseok away, mocked his feelings instead of being honest about his own, watched Hoseok’s back as he walked away without running after him. 

It’s been twenty-seven days since they last talked, or yelled more like it, and it’s the longest Yoongi has been without Hoseok’s presence since they met six years ago. It’s empty. Life without Hoseok is monochromatic and all his thoughts are just echoes of the last words they said to each other before he left. 

Yoongi is in love with Hoseok and Hoseok is in love with someone who isn’t Yoongi. 

Yoongi has had a long time to accept that Hoseok doesn’t and never will love him they way he loves Hoseok. And it was okay because as long as Hoseok was happy and in his life he was happy as well. 

But then he found out Hoseok had been offered his dream job in Japan and he didn’t tell Yoongi, his best friend, who had to hear it from someone else. 

It made Yoongi resentful and he ignored the younger for almost a whole week until Hoseok finally showed up at his door, asking what he had done wrong.

Yoongi told him, not hiding his disappointment and frustration, but Hoseok only smiled and told him that he reclined the offer. That he was in love and he wasn’t going to move to another country if it meant being away from that person. 

Yoongi laughed. He was angry and hurt and in love with a boy, who apparently didn’t give two shits about him, so he laughed. Yoongi knows it wasn’t fair, but in that moment he hated Hoseok. 

They shared everything, but Hoseok didn’t tell him about the job offer until he had already reclined it. And he was in love with someone, someone important enough to throw away his dreams, and that person wasn’t Yoongi. Yoongi wasn’t enough to make Hoseok stay, but some stranger, that girl underneath the overhang, was.

Years of repressed feelings had come out in the worst way possible and Yoongi laughed. And he told Hoseok he was being a fool, naïve, an idiot for giving up his dreams for some relationship that probably wouldn’t last. He had mocked him for his endless optimism, one of the things he loves most about Hoseok, and when Hoseok asked if Yoongi would have taken the job, even if it meant leaving him, Yoongi lied. 

“Of course I would. Don’t be stupid, Hoseok.”

“Well, it’s good to know how much I actually mean to you. Maybe I should take that job after all.”

“You should. Don’t let anyone stop you from following your dreams.”

“I wish it was that simple. Goodbye, Yoongi.” 

The finality of Hoseok’s words had only dawned on Yoongi after the younger walked out and he almost called him to take back everything he had said, to beg him not to leave, but he didn’t. Because as much as it hurt maybe Hoseok leaving was the easiest way to move on with his life, to finally fall out of love with his best friend. 

It’s been twenty-seven days and Yoongi hasn’t fallen out of love, not one bit. And he doesn’t know if Hoseok actually took the job offer. If he did maybe this will be the last Yoongi sees of him before he leaves. If he didn’t Yoongi is now looking at the girl he decided was worth staying for. He doesn’t know which option is worse, but Hoseok looks happy and no matter how painful that is all that matters. He just misses him, that’s all. 

Yoongi is not a crier, but faking a smile is getting harder, especially to Seokjin who there’s no hiding from, so the sudden sight of Hoseok is enough to break him and he sheds the tears he’s been holding on to for twenty-seven days. 

But the universe is with him for once and the sky cries with him and no one notices the sad boy staring at the boy across the street, who will never be his. 

Yoongi doesn’t know how long he stares, but he’s shaken out of it, when a passerby bumps into him in their hurry to get out of the rain. He blinks a few times, tries to return to reality by focusing on the cold and dampness of his clothes, and takes one last look at Hoseok before he walks away. 

He puts music in his ears to drown out the thunder and the drumming of the rain, because Yoongi is done crying and he would like if the sky stopped reminding him why he should be sad. 

Yoongi doesn’t hear his name being called. He’s too absorbed in the way Seokjin sings about self-love as if he is actually there telling Yoongi it’s time to move on. 

He jumps in surprise, when a hand gently grips his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks, and he turns around to see an out of breath Hoseok staring at him with wet locks of hair falling into his eyes. 

“Yoongi.”

He sees more than hears Hoseok say his name and several seconds pass by before he recovers enough to pause the music in his ears. 

“Hoseok.”

“What are you doing here?” 

It’s a question Yoongi really doesn’t have an answer to, at least not he wants to give, but he does anyway. 

“I’m walking.”

“I can see that,” Hoseok says with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and it’s almost enough to make Yoongi smile as well. “Why are you out here in the rain? You’re going to get a cold.”

“It didn’t rain, when I left home,” Yoongi answers dumbly and Hoseok sighs heavily before he grabs Yoongi’s wrist and drags him into shelter at a nearby bus stop. 

“I’ve missed you,” Hoseok says after an awkward moment of silence and Yoongi’s hearts stutters. 

“I’ve missed you too.”

“It’s been twenty-seven days, hyung. Why haven’t you called? Are you still mad at me?”

Yoongi’s lips part in surprise, when he realises he isn’t the only one that has been counting the days and that Hoseok has been waiting for his call. 

“I didn’t think you wanted me to. And I’m not mad, Hoseok. If anything you should be mad at me. I was an asshole to you.”

“Yeah, you were,” Hoseok agrees, but there’s no bite in his words and he looks more sad than angry. 

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi tells him earnestly and he feels his heart swell, when Hoseok smiles at him. He doesn’t deserve it, but he’s forgiven. 

“I’m not leaving, you know. I’m still staying in Seoul, even if that makes me an idiot.”

The tone in his voice is more bitter now and Yoongi feels like crying again because it’s all his fault. 

“Hoseok-ah... what I said, I said it in an awful way, but I still mean it. Some of it, at least. A job likes this, it’s been your dream for so long. And this person you’re in love with she’ll understand. If not she doesn’t deserve you. Long distance is a thing, you know.” 

“I’m lost, hyung. Who’s ‘she’?” 

“Your girlfriend, or date or whatever,” Yoongi says as he gestures with his head towards the girl, who is waiting under the overhang. He can’t see her facial expressions from so far away, but he can tell she’s watching them. 

“That’s not-“ 

Hoseok gapes as he realises who Yoongi is talking about and then breaks into laughter. Yoongi’s cheeks reddens in embarrasment and he lightly hits the younger’s shoulder to make him stop laughing. 

“That’s my sister, hyung. You’ve met her before, remember?” 

“Oh.”

Yoongi wants the ground to swallow him because yes, he has met Jung Dawon before, more than once actually, but he was too busy wallowing in self-pity and staring at Hoseok to get a proper look at the girl, who was with him. 

“Hyung,” Hoseok says to bring Yoongi out of his stupor and the older’s breath hitches, when he sees Hoseok has closed the space between them. 

“Dreams they change, you know. Dancing for a living has always been one of them, but I can do that anywhere in the world. Love is not as easy and I can’t live out my dream if I leave a part of it behind. If I leave you behind, hyung.”

“Me?”

Yoongi hates how weak his voice sounds, but he can’t help it. Not when Hoseok is looking at him the way he is and there’s hope blooming inside of him. 

But he still doesn’t quite understand what he’s trying to say, it’s too surreal and he has waited so long for this that he thinks his brain might be playing tricks on him. 

“What about the person you’re in love with?”

“Aish, you’re really not getting it, are you?” Hoseok complains even though he’s smiling and Yoongi swallows loudly, when Hoseok places his hand on his cheek and leans in. 

“I’m in love with you.”

“Oh.”

“That’s really all you have to say?”

“I’m an idiot.”

“I think that’s a well-known secret, hyung.”

Yoongi’s mind is a mess and his heart is ready to beat out his chest, but he still scowls at the younger. But then comes the realisation of how much he actually screwed up and his face falls. 

“That day, you were going to tell me, weren’t you?”

Hoseok nods and the smile slips off his face, but his hand remains on Yoongi’s cheek as his thumb caresses his cheek bone. 

“And I basically told you you were stupid for being in love with me and that you should leave me behind. You thought I was rejecting you.” 

“I did. You made feel like a child with dumb crush and I thought it was because you already knew how I felt, so if I just left you didn’t have to deal with my feelings for you.”

“Hobi, no. I’ve never felt that way about you, I never would. Even if I didn’t feel the same, I would never want you to leave like that.”

“I know. Well, I realised it a few days later, but it still didn’t make sense to me why you reacted like that.”

“I was angry and hurt that some stranger was who made you want to stay, because I wasn’t enough for you. It was selfish and I’m so, so sorry for making you feel that way.”

“It’s okay, hyung. I know now. It all made sense, when you thought I was dating my sister. Even if that doesn’t make sense at all. So just be clear, I’m not dating my sister and I’m in love with you.”

The reminder of his mistake makes him blush, but Hoseok is smiling again and he can’t even pretend to be annoyed. 

“I’m in love with you too.”

It’s strange how his body reacts as he breathes out the words he’s been holding in for so long. The knot in his stomach untangles, his shoulders relax and he smiles his first genuine smile in a month. He half expects the rain to stop with his admission, but it doesn’t. Instead thunder rumbles dramatically in the silence between them. 

“Jimin told me as much, when he got tired of me moping around.”

“Jimin told- he really doesn’t know how to keep a secret, does he? It’s a wonder he hasn’t blurted out his eternal love for Jeongguk yet.” 

“He might need a little help, if you know what I mean,” Hoseok says with mischief dancing in his eyes and Yoongi grins.

“We’re all idiots in love, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” is all Hoseok replies and then they’re just staring at each other. Yoongi feels himself pout without meaning to because Hoseok is no longer touching him and he really wants to kiss him, but he doesn’t know if should just do it, so instead he blurts out,

“Are we just gonna stand here or are you finally gonna kiss me?”

Hoseok’s face lights up with the big, heart-shaped smile Yoongi missed more than he could put into words and the younger’s hands grip his waist to pull him closer. 

“Come here, you big baby.”

And then they are kissing, and it’s soft and chaste, but it’s perfect because it’s Hoseok’s lips on his and he has literally dreamed of this moment. It’s enough to make him forget about the cold and the fact that he’s started shivering in his wet clothes and it feels like he could stay like this forever, but eventually they pull away. 

“What is it?” Hoseok asks, his voice soft and curious, when Yoongi turns away to look at the sky searchingly; pouting when he sees no signs of the clouds breaking. 

“I just thought maybe now that we’ve kissed the rain would stop and the sun would come out to make a rainbow like the gay icon she is.” 

“Oh my God, I’m in love with a dumbass.” 

“You knew that going into this so no take-backsies. You’re mine now.” 

“Always have been, always will be.”

This time Yoongi kisses Hoseok and all that goes through his mind as their mouths melt together is perfect.