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Waverly Earp doesn’t believe in opening up to people. People are not to be trusted; they can leave you or they can hurt you and in Waverly’s opinion it just isn’t worth the risk.
But then she meets Nicole Haught, and all of her worries melt away, slowly but surely, under the warmth and kindness and softness and love that Nicole shows her everyday. Nicole makes her forget why she has ever worried. Nicole will never hurt her or leave her. Nicole is her rock, and she makes sure that Waverly knows she is there to stay.
Every word, every look, every touch tells Waverly that Nicole is there for her, that she cares, that she sees Waverly, really sees her.
And Nicole never misses a chance to show Waverly how much she loves her. Sure, they have exchanged “I love you”s, but Nicole doesn’t need words to say it.
She says I love you with her lips on Waverly’s skin.
She says I love you with her soft words and gentle touches.
She says I love you with her fingers tracing over every inch of Waverly’s body.
She says I love you with her arms holding her lover close and safe in her embrace.
Against her better judgement, Waverly allows herself to believe that Nicole is forever. She allows herself to rely on Nicole, allows herself to lean on her for support.
So when she hears that Nicole is going to die, she feels the world shatter around her.
Leaning on someone else meant falling when you lost them, and Waverly Earp has climbed too high to survive her great fall.
---
Sitting in the hospital room beside Nicole, who is hooked up to tubes and wires and looks so pale, too pale, Waverly closes herself off.
She closes off the part of her that can’t live without Nicole, buries it far underground, nearby where Nicole will be buried once they shut off the machines that are keeping her (barely) alive.
She vows to never put herself in that position again. To never rely on anyone or anything beyond a point. Because, as an Earp, she knows that the things she loves will be lost.
Waverly prides herself on being smart and logical. And the logical conclusion to her dilemma is that it was a mistake to fall in love, a mistake that she can never, will never make again.
So, with the part of herself buried that loves Nicole more than she loves the sunrise, more than she loves dusty old books, more than she loves life itself, she goes home. When Wynonna asks her with worry filled eyes if she is okay, she says she is.
And this new Waverly is okay. She is the Waverly everyone has always known: smart, sweet, peppy, and damn near perfect. And now, with her feelings out of the way, she can finally achieve perfection.
And whenever the dead part of her tries to dig itself back up, she reminds herself of Nicole’s body in the hospital bed, of how Nicole hadn’t wanted to be kept alive by a machine, of the fact that soon, very soon, Nicole will be dead.
And Waverly will cry, a bit. She will say her goodbyes, and sympathize with Wynonna, who will be losing a friend, with Dolls, who will be losing a colleague, and with Nedley, who will be losing a deputy and a daughter.
But she will move on.
She will forget the way Nicole had held her, kissed her, loved her.
She will forget the way Nicole’s words had felt whispered soft against her ear.
She will forget the way Nicole had smelled like vanilla dipped donuts and tasted like something even more wonderful.
She will forget the way Nicole’s body fit perfectly against her own.
She will forget the way she had leaned toward Nicole like a flower to the sun, and the way Nicole’s warmth had caused her to grow.
Because it isn’t worth the heartbreak, the soulbreak of losing someone who had been a part of her.
---
When Wynonna calls to say that Nicole is going to live, she almost lets the dead part of her return. Almost.
But just because Nicole is going to live - this time - that doesn’t make Waverly’s vow any less important.
To never need someone so much that she would break without them.
So when she goes to see Nicole in the hospital, this time only hooked up to an IV, awake and sitting up and talking and smiling, she plays along. She acts the part of the loving girlfriend, who can’t imagine losing her beloved.
She acts the part with Wynonna and Dolls and Nedley and Doc and Jeremy and Nicole, but when she finally goes home and lays down in bed, she doesn’t feel overwhelming joy. She doesn’t felt the need to stay at Nicole’s bedside until she is well enough to come home. The old Waverly would have done that, but the new Waverly has better things to do with her time than cry over her lover’s almost death.
The new Waverly will continue to enjoy kissing Nicole, flirting with her, sleeping with her. But she will not allow herself to fall into the trap of those soft brown eyes. She will say “I love you”, but she won’t let herself mean it.
Because she knows better now. And if there is one thing Waverly is not, it is a fool. She will make the right choices this time, she won’t be blinded by sunshine.
---
She has been pretending to love Nicole for twenty-three days when it happens.
They are in the living room at the homestead, Waverly sitting on the couch and pouring through a thick old book and Nicole pacing the room, deep in thought, when the redhead turns to her and asks, “Waves, can we talk?”. She sounds nervous, and her face is lined with worry.
“Of course, baby.” Waverly pastes on her signature smile, patting the spot beside her on the couch.
Nicole sits, a little farther away than Waverly had indicated, but she doesn’t really care.
“Baby, what’s going on? Are you okay?” The old Waverly would have felt a pain in her chest at the genuine worry in Nicole’s voice.
“Nothing. I’m fine, I’m great.”
“Waverly, I know that you’re lying. Something has felt wrong since I was in the hospital. Did something happen?”
“Nothing happened, nothing’s wrong.” And it’s true, nothing feels wrong to Waverly, nothing feels like anything, really.
“Please, Waves. Just tell me the truth. If you don’t want this anymore, just tell me. Don’t lie to me.”
Waverly pauses for a moment. The truth? Well, the truth is that she doesn’t care, so she doesn’t really want Nicole.
“Do you really want the truth?” She may as well just tell Nicole, she doesn’t care about losing her anyway, so why should she lie to keep her?
Nicole nods tensely, and Waverly knows that she is preparing herself for the worst.
“Nicole, I don’t love you. I don’t want you.” It’s the truth. And they both know it.
The old Waverly would feel like she couldn’t breathe, like her heart had stopped beating at the look on Nicole’s face.
But the old Waverly is dead and buried.
---
Nicole doesn’t leave the police station until too late at night, and returns too early in the morning. She has bags under her eyes and the few times when she actually speaks, she sounds as if her voice is about to give out.
Wynonna looks at Waverly like she’s grown horns, throws glances over her shoulder when she sees Nicole standing red-eyed in the break room, making her eleventh cup of coffee for the day. Wynonna stares at Waverly when she thinks her sister doesn’t notice, a puzzled, worried look, because she knows that Waverly, the old Waverly, would never have hurt Nicole like this. The old Waverly loved Nicole too much to ever do something that would break her heart like this, and if by chance she had, she would have at least tried to comfort her.
But weeks pass and Waverly offers no comfort to her former love, so Wynonna steps in, forcing Nicole to eat, limiting her coffee intake, and insisting on driving her to work in the morning and home at night.
And Waverly is glad that Wynonna is helping Nicole, she really is. She hadn’t wanted to hurt Nicole, she doesn’t want to hurt anyone. But she also doesn’t want to lie when the truth is so simple, so easy.
Nicole will get over it, eventually.
And Waverly? The new Waverly is fine.
The old Waverly screams from her grave.
---
“Babygirl, what’s going on between you and Nicole?” Wynonna asks one evening at the homestead.
The older Earp had insisted that Nicole come and eat dinner with the two of them, and the officer had eventually given in. It was a tense meal, but Wynonna made sure that the woman the old Waverly would have died for didn’t starve, before driving her home as she did every night.
Nicole hadn’t seemed cross, per se, just tired and sad. Waverly had been a bit worried, in a friendly sort of way, about Nicole, but she couldn’t risk caring too much, so she stayed silent. Wynonna was the only one out of the three that looked upset, although she tried her best to contain it.
“Nothing Wynonna, we just ended things. It’s okay though.” Waverly answers with a smile, and it isn’t any more fake than any of the other smiles, none of which quite reach her eyes.
“But it’s obviously not okay, Waverly. Have you seen Nicole lately? She hasn’t smiled even once since you two broke up. She looks like someone killed a puppy in front of her and then locked her in a basement for three weeks.” Wynonna’s voice is accusing, almost angry. And it makes sense, because Nicole is her friend. Family, even.
“It’s just how breakups are, Wynonna. She loved me, and it’s going to take her some time to get over it. She’ll be fine, just give her a chance to heal.” Waverly reassures, her voice laden with the same effortless calm that has shrouded her since she made the change.
“But you aren’t upset. You haven’t cried, you haven’t wanted any time alone, you haven’t said you missed her. You haven’t talked about her, or talked to me much at all, really.” Wynonna sounds almost curious, in a sad sort of way. Waverly realises that it isn’t just Nicole who has seemed more tired and sad than usual.
“Shouldn’t you want me to be okay? Shouldn’t you want me to not cry myself to sleep, to not let my life fall apart the way Nicole has?” Waverly shoots back, annoyance disturbing the veil over her emotions ever so slightly.
“I want you to be okay, babygirl, but this is unnatural. You love her too, I’ve seen you two before, and it was obvious. I don’t understand what happened between you, but no matter how bad it was, you still care about her. It’s okay to show that. It’s normal to feel sad about losing someone, Waverly.” Wynonna stands up, walking to the door. “It’s human.”
She leaves, shutting the door behind her, and Waverly hears her sister’s truck starting up.
Wynonna was wrong, Waverly had loved Nicole, but she doesn’t, not anymore.
And what’s so good about being human, anyway?
---
Weeks pass before Nicole speaks to Waverly again, and even then it’s just about work.
Which is fine.
And it’s even more time before Nicole looks her in the eye.
---
Nedley stops her one night, after Wynonna has already left to drive Nicole home.
“Waverly, I don’t know how to ask this, so I’m just going to say it. What the hell happened to my officer? Why does she look like she was run over by a truck and then thrown off of a cliff? Why doesn’t she talk anymore?” Waverly can see the worry in Nedley’s face. Everyone around here is so transparent with their emotions.
“We broke up, and she’s just going to need some time.” Waverly says, offering the same reasoning that she had given Wynonna.
Nedley shakes his head. “It’s been six months, Waverly. When am I going to get my deputy back?” He doesn’t wait for her non-answer.
---
Dolls arrives at the homestead one night three weeks later when Wynonna is out.
Waverly lets him into the house, and asks him if he needs anything. He looks her straight in the eye and says, “Answers.”
They sit down at the kitchen table and Waverly gives him the same answer as she gave Wynonna and Nedley.
Dolls stays silent for a moment, before he asks, “Do you know what I’ve noticed lately?”
Waverly shakes her head.
“Nicole has been risking her life too often. She’s normally selfless, but she isn’t trying to save anyone else most of the time now, she’s just being reckless.” He pauses, waiting for a response. She gives him none.
“What I’m trying to say is that Nicole doesn’t care about living anymore because you don’t care about her anymore. You two lived for each other, and now Nicole thinks she has nothing left. It’s fine to want to end a relationship because something doesn’t work out, but it isn’t okay to not care about anyone around you.”
Waverly is mildly surprised by that, but she keeps her face blank.
“I don’t know where you’re keeping Waverly, but Nicole needs her, even if it’s just as a friend. We all need her.”
And with that, Dolls stands up, giving her one last meaningful look before he walks out the door.
But he’s wrong. This is the new Waverly, not the pitiful mess of a thing that she purged from herself.
Right?
---
Jeremy has avoided Waverly recently as well.
When they are in the same room, he looks at her with a morbid sort of curiosity, and doesn’t speak to her or look her in the eyes, as if she’s some sort of monster.
And maybe she is.
---
It only takes a few more days for Doc to approach her, and Waverly wants to roll her eyes. It seems that the whole gang wants to get their Waverly back.
Why can’t they just get the goddamn memo?
“Waverly, I think you know what I’m going to ask you.”
Waverly gives him her answer.
“You know that woman adores you, right? She thinks you hung the moon, and now she is a woman scorned. Be cautious, Waverly. Sometimes we lose ourselves, and those close to our heart are needed to guide us back to the right path.”
Waverly is starting to get bored of this nonsense.
“Let your love guide you, before it’s too late.”
Doc tips his hat at her, but his expression is different than she was expecting.
He’s worried, but there is something else there, something she isn’t used to seeing in the gunslinger’s eyes.
Fear.
---
Dolls puts Nicole and Waverly on a case together, even though it isn’t necessary and Nicole has obviously begged him not to do it.
But Waverly supposes that it would have happened eventually, seven months have passed already with Dolls planning out schedules and missions in a way that ensured that the two ex-lovers would interact as little as possible.
The two of them are going through reports in silence when Nicole sighs and puts down the paper she’s been staring at for half an hour.
“Waverly, what did I do wrong? Why do you hate me?” Nicole asks, her voice every bit as tired as it has been since Waverly said she didn’t love her.
Waverly is genuinely baffled. She doesn’t hate Nicole, she just doesn’t love her anymore.
“I don’t hate you.” She states simply.
“Then what the hell happened? I know I’m not crazy, Wynonna sees it too. You’ve been different since… since I almost died.”
“Well, is it all that abnormal for someone to change with the knowledge that the person they’re in love with is going to die?” Waverly reasons.
“No, but you just flat out stopped caring about me. I don’t think that’s normal.”
Waverly is silent.
“Waves, please. I know you’re still in there, we all know you are. We need you to come back. I need you, more than anything. I love you, Waverly Earp. And I will never stop loving you, ever. No matter what happens. Come back to me soon, baby.”
Waverly makes the mistake of looking deep into Nicole’s eyes, and she’s overwhelmed by all of it.
The love, the pain, the hope.
She looks away.
But as Nicole stands and walks over to the breakroom, she feels her heart twist in her chest.
---
The two of them are tracking the their target when they’re ambushed by a band of revenants.
“Run, Waverly!” Nicole shouts, frantically fighting off two attackers and dodging three others.
She had thrown herself in front of Waverly, into the fray, giving Waverly a precious moment to escape.
She should run.
But she doesn’t.
Instead, she draws her gun and shoots at the black clad figure attempting to sneak up behind Nicole.
The attacker falls to the ground, momentarily knocked out.
Nicole takes Waverly’s assistance in stride, and then she takes out the three revenants in front of her while Waverly picks off the last one.
And then she hears a shot ring out, and she looks up to see a sixth attacker duck behind a tree. At the same time, she feels a sharp pain in her side.
She ignores it, and Nicole doesn’t seem to notice that the shot had hit Waverly, drawing her own weapon deadly fast.
It’s only when they’re running in the opposite direction of the six momentarily subdued assailants that she starts to feel faint.
They’re in Nicole’s cruiser when she blacks out.
---
She wakes to bright fluorescent lights and a steady beeping noise.
“Waves?”
Nicole is looking down at her, and in that moment it is so easy to forget everything that has happened since the time when it was Nicole in a hospital bed instead of Waverly.
She nods, and smiles weakly.
It reaches her eyes.
Nicole leans back suddenly, seemingly self conscious, and the spell breaks. But that feeling isn’t completely gone.
“I’m really sorry, I just felt responsible for what happened and I needed to be here when you woke up. I can leave now if you want, Wynonna just went to grab some food, I can call her and tell her-”
“Nicole, please. You don’t have to apologize for caring. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Oh-okay.” Nicole is dumbstruck by the statement, and Waverly realizes that it’s probably the kindest thing she’s said to Nicole in months.
And the crazy thing is that she means it.
---
When Wynonna walks in, balancing two coffees, a donut and a muffin, Nicole and Waverly are holding hands and talking.
Sure, they’re talking as if they haven’t been in love with each other before, but they’re talking, and it’s such a shock after all these months that Wynonna almost drops the coffees, her hands going slack.
But she manages not to, and she hands Nicole her coffee and muffin, smiling at both of them and pretending that there’s nothing weird going on.
She looks at Waverly, and she sees something in her eyes that she hasn’t seen in too long, and she knows.
There isn’t anything weird going on.
Waverly came back.
---
“Hi, Nonna.” Waverly says, and she feels giddy from the genuine happiness she feels.
The part of her that she buried is still too quiet, her feelings are nothing compared to what they were before, but they exist.
And she has never been more thankful in her entire life.
---
Nicole is hesitant about letting Waverly touch her now.
It takes weeks of holding hands and talking before Nicole is even willing to hug her.
But it’s okay, because she has Nicole again, and because she would wait forever if that’s what it took.
---
“Waves?” They’re lying on the couch of the homestead, Waverly wrapped in Nicole’s arms.
It’s simple, but it’s something she treasures, because she has denied herself moments like this for months.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Mhm.” But she’s on edge, because the last time Nicole’s voice was like this was when Waverly broke up with her, and even though she knows that Nicole loves her, she’s worried.
Because Nicole is kind and loving and selfless, and she wouldn’t make the sort of mistake Waverly had made.
But it’s completely possible that she doesn’t want to be with Waverly anymore, after what happened.
“What happened? I mean, I know you said that you were okay, but there’s something going on, even now.”
“Nic, I- I can’t.” Waverly feels panic building in her chest. She can’t tell Nicole, because she can’t lose her again.
“Waves, baby, it’s going to be alright. I just want to know what I should do to help make it better.”
“Stay.”
---
“So you and Officer Dimples are good now?” Wynonna asks, in between bites of her donut.
“Sort of. I screwed up, Wynonna. And not just with Nicole.” Waverly looks up at Wynonna, putting down her pen and looking her sister squarely in the eye. She knows that even though she hurt Nicole the most, she had pushed away all of the people she loves, in one way or another.
“Babygirl, I’m just glad to have you back. And Nicole is too.” Waverly’s heart breaks at how forgiving Wynonna is being, and she can’t handle it. She screwed up, and her sister and girlfriend aren’t mad, they’re just worried and forgiving and too damn kind.
“Wynonna, I’m not back. Not fully. I still don’t feel things the way I used to.”
There’s a long pause before Wynonna speaks. “Waverly, do you love her?”
“Yes. Yes, I do love her. I love you and I love Dolls and Doc and Jeremy, and, god, I’m so in love with Nicole that it hurts. And that’s what I wanted to escape. And she’s going to leave me when I tell her what I did.”
Waverly hasn’t cried in months, because a being without emotion has no need for tears, and now that she has her emotions back she doesn’t feel that she has the right to cry.
But she can’t help it, the confession of her love for Nicole, of how afraid she is, has broken down the walls.
So she cries, and Wynonna holds her, whispering kind words and it just makes her cry harder because why is everyone being nice to her.
“Waves, Nicole could never not love you, and she won’t leave you. And the same goes for me.”
And even though she doesn’t fully believe them, Wynonna’s words are a comfort, and Waverly gives in.
---
“Nicole, could you come over to the homestead tonight? Wynonna is out and I think that we should talk.”
Nicole’s blood freezes in her veins.
We should talk.
That can’t be good.
“Yeah, sure Waves. I’ll come over after my shift.” Nicole forces her voice into some semblance of normality.
“Okay, I’ll see you then.”
She puts down her phone and leans her head in her hands.
She doesn’t know if she can survive losing Waverly again.
---
Nicole knocks softly, tentatively on the door of the homestead.
Waverly lets her into the house, stepping around her at a careful distance to close the door behind her. She walks over to the couch, sitting and patting the spot beside her.
Nicole sits, keeping her distance just as Waverly had. Neither of them speak, trapped in a tense silence with their eyes downcast.
Finally Waverly clears her throat and says, “I’m so sorry, Nicole.”
It’s the final blow, and Nicole breaks.
She stands abruptly, suddenly feeling so, so angry. “Alright then, I’ll just leave. I know what you’re going to say, and I can’t do this, Waverly. It’s clear that you don’t care about me, and that’s fine. I just wish you had told me the damn truth.”
She already has her hand on the doorknob, ready to leave the homestead, to leave behind the woman who no longer loves her, when she hears Waverly say, “Please, Nicole.” It’s barely a whisper, but Nicole hears it and it strikes a chord in her heart.
She turns, slowly, to face Waverly, who is still seated on the couch, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.
Tears.
She hasn’t seen Waverly cry in months.
Nicole is torn between leaving and rushing over to Waverly and holding her close, so she just stands there.
“Just hear me out, okay? And then you can leave and never speak to me again, if that’s what you want.” Waverly’s voice is slightly louder, but it shakes from the strain of holding back her sobs.
Nicole wants to tell her that she doesn’t want to leave, that she wants to be by Waverly’s side forever.
But she doesn’t.
She stays silent as she walks back to the couch, sitting down exactly where she had been before.
“I- I just need to apologize first, Nicole. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, I just-” Waverly stops abruptly, taking a few deep breaths before she continues. “I made a mistake. I was stupid and I tried to protect myself and I hurt you and I’m so sorry Nicole.”
Waverly looks up at her, but Nicole says nothing, does nothing, her face blank.
“I want to tell you everything, but I’m so scared, and I can’t lose you, and that’s where this whole problem started in the first place.”
Nicole feels something like relief, even though she knows that there’s more. Waverly doesn’t want her to leave. Waverly doesn’t want to lose her.
She reaches out, finally, placing her hand over Waverly’s. When she speaks, her voice shakes just as much as the younger girl’s. “Waves, just tell me the truth. All of it. Please?”
Waverly sighs. And then, she laughs. It’s a watery, pained, terrible laugh. It’s the laugh of someone who has seen too much, who knows too much, who has lost too much.
When Nicole looks at her questioningly, she smiles humorlessly as she says, “It’s just funny, because you told me that you would never stop loving me, and meanwhile, I made the decision to stop loving you.”
Waverly erupts into more pained laughter until she continues, “You were going to die and I was going to lose you, so I decided that I would never lose anyone again. Which meant never loving anyone again, including you. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I did it anyway, because I’m selfish, and I wanted to protect myself.”
She locks eyes with Nicole as she says, “I’m a terrible person, Nicole, and you’re a goddamn saint. At least now you know the truth about me, and you can find someone who actually deserves you.”
Waverly looks down at her lap, at where Nicole’s hand rests over her own. She doesn’t want to watch Nicole’s face change. She doesn’t want to watch the anger and hatred fill her eyes as she realizes what Waverly has known all along.
Nicole Haught is too good, too pure and too loving to be with an Earp.
Nicole just looks at her love in shock, her heart breaking in an entirely different way. Her heart breaks because Waverly thought that she would leave, leave the love of her life, her soulmate, because Waverly had been afraid of loving her.
It hurts, it really, really hurts to know that Waverly had chosen to stop caring for her, but she isn’t going to leave.
“Waves, look at me, please.” Her voice is so gentle that it almost breaks the dam holding back Waverly’s tears.
Waverly shakes her head. “Just leave, Nicole.”
Nicole’s heart drops, and she’s pretty sure this is the most intense emotional rollercoaster she has ever experienced. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No, but I’d rather you leave now, before I start crying.”
“Baby, if it’s fine with you, I want to stay.” Nicole keeps her tone neutral and her hands to herself, even though she desperately wants to pull Waverly into her arms.
Waverly looks up at her, taking in the sincerity in Nicole’s brown eyes.
And then Waverly gives in to her tears.
And then Nicole gives in and pulls her love close.
And then the two women hold each other and cry and try to piece together their broken hearts.
And as all of this happens, Waverly covers over the now-empty grave inside her mind, the piece of her that she had killed finally freed, and she is whole again.
---
When they’ve both cried themselves dry, Waverly pulls herself a few inches away from Nicole. “Nic?”
“Yeah, Waves?”
“Can I- would it be alright if I kissed you?”
Nicole just smiles her trademark dimpled smile and nods, and Waverly leans forward, capturing the redhead’s lips with her own in a kiss that’s hard and passionate and a bit sloppy. It’s very much like their first kiss, which in a way it is, given that the better part of a year has passed since their last one. And this kiss is so much better than the last ones, when Waverly had been pretending, because this one is real.
The similarities only grow stronger as Waverly pushes Nicole back onto the couch, only to have Nicole swiftly and easily flip them so that she is on top, one hand on Waverly’s waist while the other holds her hip, one of Waverly’s legs wrapping around her.
Nicole breaks the kiss to breathe, and both of them start grinning and giggling, partly at the hilarity of it all, and partly because neither of them had expected to feel this way ever again.
By mutual silent agreement they both stop laughing in order to continue kissing, and Nicole realizes that kissing Waverly is something that she needs just as she needs oxygen.
She’s reveling in her newfound ability to breathe in that way that she hasn’t for months when Waverly’s hands slip under the hem of her sweater, tentative, waiting for Nicole’s permission.
She assents, breaking the kiss to whisper, “yes”, and to her surprise she feels no fear or worry, because there's something now that wasn't there in that month after she recovered, something tells her that Waverly is really here, and that she isn’t planning on leaving.
Waverly's passion, her need, is real. It's real and underscored by an affection that is so much deeper than just being physical.
Her sweater is lifted over her head and tossed carelessly to the side, before Waverly pulls her down, claiming her lips again.
And now kissing Waverly isn’t enough, she needs to feel the warmth of Waverly’s bare skin against her own, so she pulls the younger girl up with her as she sits back, panting softly as she tugs Waverly’s top off, before pushing her back down onto the couch.
Waverly tries to pull Nicole’s face toward her again, but she resists, lowering her head to place kisses along her girlfriend’s jaw, neck and collarbone, slowly trailing down to trace along the top edge of Waverly’s bra.
She looks up at Waverly’s face to gauge whether she should continue, and sees darkened hazel eyes watching her, breathing heavily through slightly parted lips.
Nicole takes her girlfriend’s reaction as an affirmative, and continues her path downward, placing open mouthed kisses over Waverly’s clothed breast, relishing the gasp that escapes the other woman’s lips.
She suddenly feels Waverly’s hands on her shoulders, and she worries that she misread something, and pushed Waverly farther than she had been willing to go.
Her worries are assuaged by Waverly’s voice, thick with need, uttering two words. “Bed, now.”
“Waves, are you sure? I mean, I want this, but only if you’re sure that you want it too.” And she does, she wants this so, so much, but she would never push Waverly into doing something that the younger woman didn’t expressly want to do. “I know that we’ve done all of this before, but it’s been a long time, and it’s okay if you want to wait. It’s always okay to say no, I promise.”
Waverly smiles up at her, the evident lust from a minute earlier receding just slightly. “Nicole, it’s really, really sweet that you worry about me and check in on me, but I want this.”
Nicole is still slightly hesitant, even though Waverly has made her feelings pretty clear. “Baby, I just don’t want to push you into anything, especially something that you might regret later.”
“Nicole, I want you. I need you, and I will never regret anything I do with you.” Waverly places her hand comfortingly on the side of Nicole’s face.
“Well, when you put it that way…”
---
Making love to Waverly feels like a dream, maybe because she has dreamed about it for so long.
But her dreams and memories are nothing compared to the real thing.
Because Waverly’s fingers are magic.
Because Waverly’s lips and tongue against her make her see stars.
Because Waverly is writhing and gasping for breath.
Because Waverly has her head thrown back and her hands gripping the sheets.
Because Waverly is coming apart under her with Nicole’s name on her lips, and she is so beautiful.
And in the midst of all of it, Nicole realizes something.
Waverly is back. Really, truly back.
Her love has returned.
Waverly still hasn’t said “I love you” out loud, not since that fateful day, but it’s alright.
Waverly doesn’t need words to say it.
She says I love you with her mouth between Nicole’s thighs.
She says I love you with her whimpers and moans.
She says I love you with the scratch of her nails down Nicole’s back.
She says I love you with her warm, sated smile, as she burrows into her lover’s arms.
And, for now, it’s enough.
---
They’re laying together in Waverly’s bed, draped in blankets and a companionable silence when Nicole speaks.
“Waves, I need to tell you something, but I also need you to know that just because I’m saying it, that doesn’t mean you have to say it back.”
Waverly turns in Nicole’s arms so that she can look into her lover’s eyes, and nods slightly.
“It’s that- I meant what I said before. That I need you more than anything, and-”
Waverly cuts her off with a finger to Nicole’s lips. “Nic, I mean it too. I’m not just saying it because you’re saying it or anything like that.”
“What?” Nicole asks, puzzled.
“I love you, Nicole Haught. And I know that I’ve screwed up, but if you still want me, then I swear that I will never leave your side. And,” She pauses, giving Nicole an angelic smile, one that fills and swirls through her hazel eyes.
“I will never stop loving you, ever again.”