Archive of Our Own ^beta

“What’s this photo-shoot for, again?” Jun asked, for the fourth time.

Their manager answered him calmly, also for the fourth time.

“But it’s an idol magazine!” Jun burst out, finally snapping out of asking the same question over and over. Nino and Aiba just laughed quietly at him, while Ohno sighed to himself. “We’re not idols. We’re a rock band.”

“Sho-chan’s an idol,” Aiba piped up, earning him a glare from the guitarist.

“I’m aware of that,” Jun said. “But I don’t see why the rest of us are doing this photo-shoot.”

“Just relax and enjoy it,” Nino said, patting Jun on the back. “It’s supposed to be a kind of ‘the other side of Sakurai Sho’ thing, and they say that since Red Shift is Sho’s project, they want the whole band in for the photo-shoot. Just be glad that they don’t want to interview the rest of us as well.”

“I swear, if anyone comes up to me to ask about which of my band member’s I would probably date -”

“That’s easy,” Aiba interrupted. “Me.”

“- or what kind of clothes I’d like my girlfriend to wear,” Jun continued, ignoring Aiba, “I’ll walk out of the room right away. I’m not kidding.”

“You don’t have to answer any questions,” their manager assured Jun, while giving Aiba a strange look, not knowing if he was kidding or not. “It’s just a photo-shoot. Sakurai-san will be meeting you there.”

Aiba grinned happily at the prospect of seeing Sho, who was away for the last couple of days. Jun still grumbled about the fact that they were not supposed to be doing photo-shoots for an idol magazine, no matter who they were collaborating with, but sat back and relaxed as Nino explained to him, as if to a five-year-old child, that this would probably be bringing them more exposure to Sho’s fans, who might end up being Red Shift fans as well.

“Aiba, is something wrong?”

They were on a thirty-minute break while Sho was going through a quick interview. Nino was worried about Aiba; he had seemed so eager to see Sho again on the way to the photo-shoot, but when they finally in the same room Aiba had been reticent. Sho, on the other hand, was obviously happy to see Aiba again. He was distracted throughout the whole photo-shoot, and was always glancing over at the bassist, making Nino wonder where the cautious boy he had known went. Aiba smiled at the cameras like nothing was wrong, but he avoided Sho’s gaze.

Ohno, too, was unusually quiet, even for him. Nino wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that Aiba was with Jun every time the cameras were pointing elsewhere. And there was the remark Aiba had made, that he was the most obvious person Jun would choose to date from the band. It was because of their history, which Ohno knew about, but still, the fact that Jun hadn’t had a serious relationship since then was telling.

“Mm?” Aiba didn’t look up from the manga he was reading. “I’m fine.”

“You’re glad that Sho’s back in town, aren’t you?”

“Of course I’m glad.” Aiba closed the magazine and turned to Nino. “We couldn’t really talk because there’s so many people around, but he sent me an e-mail. He said he missed me.”

“That’s all he said?”

“He wrote a long mail, about everything he missed about me when he was away,” Aiba mumbled, embarrassed.

“Eww,” was all Nino said, but he frowned. It was cheesy and something he’d file away to tease Sho about in a later time, but he didn’t see why Aiba had to seem so sad repeating the words.

Jun, Ohno and Nino were supposed to have their photos taken together, but Jun and Ohno were speaking to each other in low voices and turned towards each other, leaving Nino bored on the other side of Ohno.

Well, not bored. Not really.

After all, Nino always thought that boredom was an affliction that only the unimaginative suffered from. He put on a sulky expression, though, as he eavesdropped on their conversation. Jun was telling Ohno about a girl he had gone out with a couple of weeks ago, who apparently only agreed to go out with him because she thought it’d help her get closer to Ohno.

Now, this is interesting, Nino thought.

Ohno was saying that she was better off with Jun than him, but Jun laughed it off, saying who was Ohno kidding, Ohno was much better boyfriend material, and then he started talking about the things that girls find lovable about Ohno, not noticing the pained expression on the drummer’s face. Nino stood up right then, and declared that he was bored of being ignored, and went to sit in between the two, forcing them apart.

Jun asked Nino who in the band he would date, if he were a girl, and Nino said that of course it would be Ohno, and gave the drummer a small pinch on the cheek and when Ohno gaped a little he reached to close Ohno’s mouth, knowing that Jun was watching as his thumb grazed Ohno’s lips for a brief second.

They joked about his answer, and came up with more silly idol magazine questions and sillier answers, forgetting about the flashes of light and sounds of shutters around them.

“I want a photo of all of you together,” the photographer said, herding them together.

Sho was tugging at a reluctant Aiba, saying that they should sit on the bench, but Nino went to sit in between them, like he did earlier with Jun and Ohno. Aiba seemed moody enough already, and he didn’t anything to add to it. The other two sat before them, and Ohno was still a little on the quiet side, but he was smiling, and Nino knew that Sho’s hand was already reaching for Aiba’s behind his back, hidden from the camera. For a moment Aiba’s smile was brighter than it had been all day.

“Do you want to go back with me?” Sho asked, once they were back in the green room. “I won’t be much fun to be around, though, because I haven’t been home in a few days and I still haven’t unpacked.”

“I’ll help,” Aiba offered. “Although you should start packing at the same time, too, because aren’t you doing a taping in Osaka in a few days?”

Sho groaned. “I forgot.” Aiba gave him an incredulous look, which he supposed he deserved. He was usually more careful with his schedule. “Thanks for reminding me,” he said. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“An-chan would have reminded you,” Aiba said, dismissing Sho’s words. He turned, so that Sho couldn’t see how the words affected him. He didn’t know why the things that Sho said and did made his chest hurt, like his heart was breaking a little more with every kind gesture.

What’s wrong with me? he wondered. There was a time when I would’ve given anything to have Sho say and do these things.

There was a time when he wouldn’t have noticed the bags under Sho’s eyes. There was a time when he thought love was something that lasts forever, that there was no trial too hard if one had enough love.

Now, every time he heard Sho say he loved him, Aiba could only think of the day when it would no longer be true. It was inevitable, he thought. Sho would wake up one of these days and realise that he had sacrificed too much for Aiba’s sake, and then he’d leave. Again.

Aiba knew that Sho meant every single word he said, but it didn’t change anything.

Jun was watching Nino watch Ohno. The two of them were sitting a little closer to each other than was necessary, making Jun wonder what the guitarist was up to. Jun had thought that Nino’s budding relationship with Ryuta, the lead singer of a different band, would mellow him out more, but instead he was stranger than he ever had been since Jun met him.

“Oh-chan,” he called out. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Why, what is it?”

“You need help putting on that shirt?” Nino asked, and Jun glared, but quickly shrugged on the shirt in his hands.

“I just want to ask you something,” he said to Ohno. The drummer was about to get up, but Nino pulled him back down, saying something about having plans, causing Ohno to give Jun an apologetic look.

“I promised Nino that I’d go out with him with Ryuta and Kazuki tonight,” he said.

“This won’t take long,” Jun insisted. He didn’t miss the way Ohno sighed a little before getting up.

“Is talking with me that tiresome a task?” Jun asked, without meaning to. The words just flew out of his mouth the moment they were alone.

Ohno just gave him that quiet, worried look that Jun was getting accustomed to. “Why would you say that?”

“You just - never mind. Forget it.” He had forgotten what he wanted to ask Ohno in the first place. “Oh-chan,” he said, “you just seem different, lately. You’re always going out, and you’re...” he stopped. He didn’t know how to put it. It was too weird to say that he missed having Ohno around, he thought. Even though they shared an apartment, sometimes Jun thought that he only got to see the drummer when at work, these days. “You’re just different,” he concluded lamely.

Ohno gave a small smile. “And that’s bad, that I’m going out more?”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Jun didn’t know what he meant. He thought back to what Ohno had told him once.

I can’t look after you forever, you know.

Ohno had always been nice to him, now that he thought about it. Ever since the first time they had met. He never really questioned it before, thinking that Ohno was just a nice person. He was sure that that was true, too, but the first time he met Ohno, he was still having a hard time getting over Aiba. Had Ohno just been trying to watch out over him since?

And what if he was? Jun asked himself. Did that mean that Ohno had decided he had had enough of it? Was that why Ohno had been more distant lately?

The possibility made him ache a little, inside, and he wondered why it felt familiar.

“Too many questions,” he muttered under his breath. Noticing that Ohno was giving him a weird stare, Jun shrugged. “Sorry. I’ve just got a lot on my mind today.”

“You want me to cancel with Nino, and tell me what’s wrong?”

Jun shook his head. If Ohno really was only just looking out for him, then he supposed it’s about time that Ohno did what he wanted instead. He didn’t want Ohno to be nice to him anymore, he decided. Not if it was just for the sake of being nice.

“No. It’s okay. I probably just need some rest. Thanks, though, Oh-chan.” He smiled suddenly, an unguarded smile that Nino would say had become rare ever since his breakup with Aiba. “You’re the best.”

Ohno smiled back, just a small curve of his lips, acknowledging Jun’s words.

Jun hadn’t told him what it was that he wanted to ask, Ohno realised, when he was back with Nino. He knew that he hadn’t been spending as much time as the vocalist as he used to, so he hadn’t been around for Jun lately. It worried him, sometimes. Perhaps he should spend more of his free time at home again, but he was tired of seeing his housemate going through girls and drink like he always did, not even realising that he was starting to use these things as a crutch, an excuse not to do anything that might end up hurting him in the end.

“Oh-chan,” Nino was saying. Both Nino and Aiba had started to use the nickname Jun gave him. “Stop staring into space. It’s weird.”

“I’m just thinking.”

“Well, maybe you should stop it. Looks like it hurts.”

Ohno just smiled, amused. “Why are you always asking me out when you’re going with Ryuta?”

“He’s bringing Kazuki, too, you know.”

“Yeah, but -” Ohno paused. “Never mind.”

Nino was giving him a strange look, but didn’t pursue it. “I’ll see you downstairs,” he said, walking out.

Ohno’s attention turned back to getting ready to leave, and to thoughts of Jun. The vocalist had said that Ohno was different lately, but so was Jun, he thought. It was strange, the things people notice about others, but not themselves. Jun was starting to tire of the life he had made for himself, Ohno thought, and it probably had something to do with seeing that Aiba and Sho were back together. Had he really been waiting for Aiba all this time?

It was funny, the things that people notice about others, but not themselves. Ohno was thinking of himself now, of how every time Jun paid him any attention at all, he wished Jun would stop. He asked himself why Jun’s compliments and gestures - really stupid ones, Ohno thought, like making a meal for ten when cooking for one - made him more sad than happy. Have I been waiting for him all this time?

The thought was an uncomfortable one, because he knew that Jun and Aiba were seeing more of each other lately. Jun would probably never stop waiting for Aiba. It was up to Ohno to stop waiting for Jun.

Despite the fact that he was the one who protested the most, Jun was the first to get a copy of the idol magazine when it was out. The members of Red Shift had a good time poring over the magazine, laughing at themselves, and at the questions Sho was asked during his interview.

Sho and Aiba looked so in love in the photos, Nino thought. He didn’t know if it was because he knew they were dating and was projecting his thoughts onto the image, or if it was the photos themselves that were that obvious. But there was definitely a sense warmth and affection coming from the photographs of the two together. The perfect couple, he thought. He wondered if they knew that the rest of them could only wish that they had something resembling their relationship.

Jun and Ohno, too, looked close, even with Nino in the photos with them. He laughed at the one picture that caught a moment of closeness between the two, while Nino stretched out next to Ohno, looking bored. He wondered if they would look at their picture and see what the other was thinking at the time, and thought that they probably wouldn’t. They would probably be remembering what they were thinking, of how the troubles in their heads didn’t show in the photographs at all.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, Nino thought, but the problem was sometimes they were never the right ones.