Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You climbed the steep mountain pass, following a trail through the tall trees, enjoying the last rays of sunset that shone through the foliage. As you walked, you were bathed in the curtains of light that hanged from above the treetops. The view from the summit must be gorgeous. As you felt your feet protest in pain, you thought climbing all the way to your destination would be better left for the next day.

Night would soon be upon you and the forest would get a lot colder. Not to mention you needed shelter against the wild animals that prowled the woods.

‘Here, [_______]! I found a clearing!’

You raised your head as Ford called your name, a few meters already ahead of you. He loved to lead the expeditions you shared together. He gestured to you and pointed to a clearing, smiling like a little adventurous boy that had just found pirate treasure.

‘Coming!’ you shouted back, making your way through the irregular terrain with some difficulty.

Ford took your hand to pull you toward him and you arrived at a beautiful clearing that would have a perfect view of both the sunset and the night sky.

He fished for something in his backpack. Next thing you knew, he was consulting a map.

‘Well, according to my calculations, the beast should be up ahead. Remember: it’s usually shy, prone to attacking invaders to its nest and its superior hearing and eyesight allows it to sense strangers coming from miles. Therefore, the best strategy to approach the nest is to make sure it has taken flight to hunt for food. Got it?’ he spoke as though he had been doing that sort of thing for years, even though you had never seen that creature registered in his journals.

Excitement coursed through your veins at the prospect of seeing a mythical creature up close.

‘How many specimen like this have you encountered in your life?’

‘None.’ he said with resounding confidence ‘But I did meet a sort of dragon horse hybrid in Dimension 29 that was pretty similar to it. I believe that, if we employ the same strategy, we should be fine.’

Somehow his blind optimism didn’t feel too reassuring.

‘So, how are you feeling? Excited?’

His question felt redundant.

‘Do you even have to ask? You’re taking me out on our third date and I’ve already met creatures I thought only existed in video games and fairy tales! You’re amazing, you know that?’

At the mention of the word date, he lost his composure and started giggling nervously.

Ford was not the first shy man you had met. Although shy was an euphemism to his general social awkwardness. Not that you minded. You yourself weren’t a social butterfly and preferred the company of down-to-earth, sensible people, who enjoyed a good match of DDMD with friends and family rather than kissing random strangers at a rave party.

There were other men in your life like Ford, but somehow, he was special. He was a seventy year-old bachelor who had a rough life, one marked by frustration, misunderstandings and surrounded by many, many unusual phenomena, to say the least.

He wanted to tell you how lucky he felt to find someone who shared the same interests he did. And who was also capable of appreciating the same peculiar tastes. His brother was a great man - after the events of the Weirdmageddon a year ago, he no longer had any doubts about that - but Stan’s specialty lie in punching bad guys, shouting at what he didn’t understand and mostly following Ford everywhere without questioning.

With Stan, it was difficult to carry on a conversation about parallel dimensions, time travel, invisible wizards, leprecorns and cursed doors. But with you, the conversation ran smoothly. It was as if you could intuitively understand his way of thinking, to the point you sometimes finished some of his sentences or asked the same questions upon meeting a new phenomenon. And that pleased him greatly.

‘[_____], I’m...glad you’re here with me. I couldn’t think of a better partner to bring along! This means a lot to me.’ he managed to say.

You were going to thank him for the compliment, but you knew Ford often hid his feelings behind seemingly casual remarks. If Stan were here, he would see right past his brother’s feeble attempt to hide his true feelings from you and point that out to him.

‘Oh, Ford...you’re adorable, you know that?’

You caressed the side of his face, eyes shining with barely contained emotion. He started blushing visibly upon watching your expression, face going red like a tomato. A full year living under the same roof with you and he still wasn’t used to this level of intimacy. He cleared his throat loudly, disguising his nervousness.

‘So...we still have a few miles to go until we reach the summit. We should rest for tonight.’

You agreed and you both started unpacking your bags to set up camp.

Chapter Text

Ford rummaged through his stuff to gather everything you would need to set up camp. You helped him work, tripping over once or twice on some tree roots ou hadn’t seen amidst the mess of yellow and red leaves on the ground. Ford quickly caught you in his arms.

‘Careful, [_____]!’ he said as he helped you regain your balance.

You enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms and slowly straightened your posture, seeking to prolong the sensation.

It had been almost a year since you met Ford after an excursion to Gravity Falls. You had initially decided to visit Oregon due to your family owning a small house on the countryside, where you could spend your vacation away from the big city, when it became packed with tourists. But then your car broke on the way down and you got stuck in a large shack with this unusual family and a man who, curiously, was a reclusive genius who was rumored in the town to have fought alongside his twin brother against a great evil and prevailed. The story was crazy enough on its own, but to see the remains of a mysterious portal resting in an underground lab in the basement was enough to convince you to stay a bit longer and get to know him.

Turns out he found you as interesting as you found him. And so over the course of a year, you started going out, dining together, talking about your lives, your shared interests and before you knew it, Mabel was knitting sweaters of both your names written together with a big heart between them.

Evening had arrived and you both had set your own tents. Ford had already lit a bonfire. Autumn was almost over. Tonight would be colder than usual. You saw Ford was about to enter his tent when you had a better idea.

‘Wait! It’s going to be a cold night. You don’t want to risk having hypothermia in the middle of the night, do you?’

Ford blinked, not following. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I-I’m just saying...what’s the best source of heat in the world?’ you asked, blushing.

He arched an eyebrow, still not following when he finally saw where this was going.

You remembered the article he gave you all those months ago written by a colleague of his who had conducted an expedition to the Arctic. In it, there was a paragraph describing in great length how body heat was the best way to stay warm during cold nights.

You were suggesting you and him slept close together, cuddled in bed. He cleared his throat again, beet red, pulling at his collar, looking like he was having a nervous breakdown.

‘I-I...I-I’m not s-sure...if we should...uhm…’

You opened your tent and invited him in.

‘C’mon! It’s getting dark. We can’t risk freezing to death in this cold forest. Think of your brother!’ you insisted ‘Stan wouldn’t forgive me if something happened to you, much less Dipper. The boy adores you to death!’ you said, trying to sound your most reasonable self.

Surprisingly, that argument seemed to make perfect sense to him.

‘You’re right. We should ensure we don’t, eh...freeze to death, as you put it.’

You smiled to yourself. Logic always worked with Ford.

‘It’s a bit...small for the two of us, isn’t it?’ he said, looking around, crouched at the entrance.

‘Don’t worry. It’s big enough for us to fit in the same bed.’ you said, without any hint of malice. You could hear him swallow hard, but you pretended you hadn’t noticed.

He had some difficulty moving inside that tiny space, so you extended your hand to him and gently pulled him in. He tripped over the blanket and fell on top of you. Luckily, the bed was underneath you and softened the fall.

You felt his weight on top of you and breathed deep the smell of his cologne. It was a discreet scent, one you could only detect when very near the subject. Your nose was buried in Ford’s hair and your cheek brushed against his neck. You could tell he was shocked by the accident. He barely moved or spoke at all. Knowing him, he probably thought you would blame him for having done this on purpose. Plus, he could have hurt you in the fall.

You reassured him, telling him it was alright and gently helped him to a sitting position. Embarrassed, he avoided looking you in the eye as he turned from you, proceeding to place some of his personal belongings on his side of the bed.

You were already removing your shirt and bra when he turned to look at you again. You smiled to yourself as you saw him cover his eyes and turn away, face still red.

‘Done. You can look again.’ you said, finally in your pajamas.

You helped him remove his trenchcoat and fold it neatly. He then scratched the back of his head, asking shyly if you could turn around. It was his turn to undress.

You gladly did so, waiting for him to finish. Once you were both ready to sleep, Ford wished you good night and, still uncertain how he should proceed, turned his back to you, lying down in bed.

A few minutes passed until you decided to end that ridiculous stalemate.

‘Ford...’ you murmured in the dark, touching his shoulder.

‘Mm?’

Because you didn’t remove your hand, he turned to you with a puzzled look.

‘I’m cold. Could you…?’

His eyes widened, realising what you were suggesting. He had never cuddled in bed with anyone before.

‘Well...I...’

‘Please. It’s really cold.’

Your pleading beat his hesitation and he agreed, wrapping his arm around your waist as you turned to the other side. You felt his legs rest against yours and his breath down your neck. The warmth of his body made you feel comforted and protected tonight. One barrier down, you thought to yourself. There were still many others to crumble, but you wouldn’t give up that easily.

‘Ford?’

‘Mm?’

‘You do know by now that I love you, don’t you?’

You heard him swallow hard at this. He didn’t reply, but you felt him hold you even closer and kiss your head. To you, that meant ‘I know’.

You knew Ford was a guarded man, one with many secrets which he didn’t reveal even to his brother. In your talks with Stanley, you realised even his knowledge of a good chunk of his brother’s life remained a mystery to him. You had tried asking Dipper if his grunkle had written anything about his past life in the journals, but there were only sketchy details about a few trips to weird dimensions and his fight with Bill.

The thirty years that Ford went missing remained a mystery, from his friends - if he had any beyond Fiddleford - and family. You had long deduced something - or things - must have happened beyond the portal that were behind Ford’s difficulty to trust and get close to another human being. Not only that, but his strained relationship with his brother and his social awkwardness all added to the problem. If you wanted to carry on a relationship with the man, at one point you’d have to address this issue.

‘We never spoke about your time beyond the portal.’

He remained silent.

‘I just want you to know that these past months we’ve spent together mean a lot to me. I wish this dream life would never end. And... should you feel the same way, I promise that, no matter what happens, we’ll stay together.’ you said, caressing his hand.

He still remained silent, and you could tell he had no clue as to how to respond to your heartfelt confession.

You turned to look at him, body slowly turning in bed, eyes taking in his silhouette in the dark. You caressed the side of his face, gazing at him with loving eyes, unable to read his expression, but certain he appreciated the gesture. He hadn’t recoiled, nor tried to remove your hand.

‘You’re important to me. I don’t trust people easily. You’re the first man that I’ve come to...I-I mean...’

You didn’t know how to phrase your words without making it sound awkward. Ford took your hand in his and kissed it.

‘You’re the most important thing to me, too, [_____]. And...the first woman I’ve met in years. And...I do feel the same way about you, [______]. Never doubt that.’

That was as close to a ‘I love you, too.’ that you had so far gotten from him.

You leaned your face close to his, hearing his sharp intake of breath...and then you planted a kiss on his cheek.

‘I know.’ you said, lying back down, feeling his arm circle your waist once again.

You had accepted to take that trip to try and have some alone time with him. You knew it would take a long time to get him to express his feelings openly. But for now, you considered that progress a small victory.

Chapter Text

The next day…

You were both getting ready to proceed with your expedition. You were already outside, washing your face on a nearby river while Ford remained inside the tent, supposedly getting dressed.

He removed a tiny black box from his backpack, opened the lid and stared at the solitary ring inside. He recalled his brother’s words earlier that day:

‘We’re not getting any younger, Sixer. Look at us! Pushing seventy and no family to speak of. If you don’t get a move on, she’ll leave town, meet a young guy and, next thing you know, they’re married with three kids.’

‘But I’m not even sure if she’s into me!’

Stan snorted. ‘Are you serious? It’s been A YEAR already since you’ve become friendly toward each other! She’s accepted to go to two expeditions with you! Risked her life TWICE just for the chance to be alone with you!’

‘What? No! She only came because she’s a researcher, like me!’

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Poindexter, you’re unbelievable. Thirty years worthy of experience beyond that portal, meeting space pirates, fighting the cyber police or whatever and you haven’t learned anything about women?’

He resented that. ‘Hey! Don’t talk to me like that! As if you were an expert on the subject!’

Stan dismissed him with a gesture of his hand.

‘Fine! Don’t come crying to me when she tires of trying to seduce that stubborn ass of yours and you wake up one day to find out she ran away!’

Stan wasn’t wrong, and he knew it. Ford was fully aware by now he may not get another chance like this. He liked you, adored you even, but he wished he had more time to think this through. He thought about when would be the best moment to propose and his mind went blank. The very thought of getting down to one knee made him feel nervous.

His hand was shaky and sweaty. He closed the box with trembling fingers. His heart was racing. This was the whole goal of this expedition, wasn’t it? To finally admit his feelings for you. But even pronouncing those three words - I love you - was hard enough. How was he supposed to-

He heard a loud shriek followed by a woman’s cry and dashed outside. The noises came from the direction of the river.

He left his backpack behind and bolted toward your destination, laser gun in hand.

You held the gun Ford had given you before leaving for the expedition and pointed it at the beast.

A huge hippogriff shrieked at you, his talons ready to kick you in the face as he stood on his hind legs. You rushed backwards, trying to avoid being hit. You had fired once or twice, but your shaky hand made it impossible to take aim.

‘[_______]!’ Ford yelled upon seeing you. You turned to look at him for a moment. The beast took advantage of your distraction and hit you in the chest. You fell backwards in pain.

‘No!’ you heard Ford shout, firing once. The hippogriff let out a deafening shriek this time, almost knocking you out. Ford fell on his knees, dizzy, as the beast advanced on you and grabbed you with its talons. It shrieked again and took flight, making you drop your gun in the process.

You heard Ford call your name again, watching as the hippogriff took you away toward the distant mountains.

A few hours later…

Ford had crossed the valley, cursing himself for having left your side. He had placed a GPS on you without you knowing. Still, he could have avoided losing you like this if he had been more careful. He remembered the whole situation with FIddleford, when that dinosaur had captured him and hoped you wouldn’t be traumatised by the experience. He couldn’t bear to live with the knowledge he was responsible for you getting hurt, mentally or physically, let alone live with the prospect that you might leave him on account of that.

Had he screwed this up? This was to be a simple walk in the woods. An opportunity to propose to you. To live the rest of your days together. To finally have some normality in his life. He was tired of losing people.

As he climbed the trail toward the hippogriff’s nest, he heard some very masculine yells and someone punching something repeatedly. He approached the source of all that noise with caution and peeked from behind a rock.

‘Brothers, today is the day we capture that foul winged creature!’ said one of them ‘That beast has tormented us for too long! No more! Today, we’re gonna show’ im what happens when you mess with the manotaurs!’

The half-man half-taurus creatures all shouted and growled in response, incensed by the speech.

So they’re going to fight that hippogriff? That might just give me the chance to rescue [_____] safely! he thought.

The group of testosterone-driven man beasts departed as one, following their leader toward the summit, all the while shouting words like ‘I’m gonna have roasted hippogriff for dinner!’ and ‘I’m gonna use his skull to drink Pitt cola!’ . Ford was careful not to let them see him as he followed the group at a certain distance.

The manotaurs reached their destination and a fierce battle started. Ford didn’t know if it was a battle or a massacre. The hippogriff was fast and vicious. It kept stomping the manotaurs and pecking them to death. The man beasts didn’t give up and continued their assault.

Ford took advantage of the winged beast’s distraction and headed straight to the nest, where he found you lying unconscious among several skeletons. Your arms and legs were injured and you were bleeding from one of your sides. He fought down his panic at the thought you might no longer be alive and tied your body to his. Using his infinity belt, he tied one end to a rock and began his way down the mountain, holding you close to him as he slid toward the valley.

Later that night…

It was already midnight when you woke up. Your head hurt, as well as your limbs and your sides. That bird had tried to eat you alive. You managed to defend yourself precariously until you gave it a blow to one of its talons, forcing it to give up.

You heard shouting from the corridor. Two men were arguing. One of them was Ford. The other was...Stan?

‘What the hell’s wrong with you? You almost got her killed!’

‘I already told you, it was an accident!’

‘No, it wasn’t, Poindexter, you endangered her! You knew full well she could be injured! And yet you took her along one of your insane adventures anyway!’

‘You think I did this on purpose? You think I wanted her to be in danger?’

‘What am I supposed to think? Why couldn’t you take her to the damn movies, or the diner, or any other place where normal people go on a date?’

Ford couldn’t think of a reply.

‘If she doesn’t wake up, this is gonna be on you. YOU will take responsibility for this!’ Stan said.

‘Stanley, I...’

‘No. I’m tired. I’ve been looking out for you ever since we were kids. Yes, I have! Until Dad expelled me from home, I always did. You know that, Sixer!’ he insisted ‘I’ve been trying to knock some sense into your head, to see if you wake up to life. You’ve been missing on your niece and nephew growing up. Now you’ve endangered a woman because you wanted to impress her with your skills.’

‘What? That’s...that’s preposterous!’

‘Is it? I made Dipper tell me why you wanted to take her on an expedition.’ Stan retorted, hands on his hips.

‘You mean you blackmailed him.’ Ford said derisively.

‘So what if I did? I had to make sure you knew what you were doing! Why do you think I offered myself to fix her car? Or let her stay in the shack free of charge? I thought I was helping you. I thought: maybe a woman will make my stupid brother turn away from his crazy obsession with science and “mysteries” - he wiggled his fingers in mockery - and will try experiencing what it’s like living like a normal person just for once!’

Ford knew his brother was right. Stan never did anything for anyone unless there was something in it for him. He had even suspected Stan was interested in you, the way he was always so nice and receptive to you.

‘You’re ungrateful to the people that try to help you. And now you’ve harmed someone, maybe the only person in the world who might actually have the guts to put up with your bullshit and spend the rest of their days with you. You think you’re so smart, Poindexter. How do you think you’re gonna fix that?’

‘As if you were in any position to judge me, Stanley! Don’t talk to me about making mistakes!’ Ford scoffed, crossing his arms.

‘That’s right. Keep bashing your brother on the head. See what good it does you.’ Stan replied, growling ‘I’m not the one about to lose the only woman that might want something to do with me. I’m going to see if she’s okay. If she doesn’t wake up by tomorrow, you’d better be ready to do some explaining to the police. I’m done helping you!’

You heard Stan’s footsteps approach the room. Once he saw you were awake, he shouted at his brother.

‘Ford, come inside! She woke up!’

‘What?’ his brother shouted back, rushing to the room.

The twins stood by your bed, glad you were alright. You said a feeble hello to them and their relief quickly turned to concern.

Ford took a small flashlight from his pocket and examined your eyes.

‘Look here. How many fingers do you see?’ Ford asked, holding an extended palm.

‘Six.’ you replied with a smile.

Stan looked from you to his brother.

‘Alright. I’m gonna leave the two of you alone, but I’ll come back to check on you, sweetheart. Sixer, don’t be an idiot.’

‘Hey!’ Ford protested, watching his brother close the door as Stan gave him the finger.

The two of you were alone in the bedroom.

‘I thought I would die in that creature’s nest.’ you blurted out.

‘...I’m sorry I didn’t reach you faster.’ he said in a remorseful voice.

‘I should be able to defend myself, if i’m going on such expeditions with you.’ you retorted.

‘Nonsense! I should have protected you. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you!’ Ford insisted.

You could see the guilt and concern for you in his eyes. Everything Stan had accused him of, he had already told himself. What his brother didn’t understand was the reason why he had taken you along with him in his dangerous expeditions.

He hadn’t tried to endanger you. He wanted to impress you. Ever since the first time you met, he knew you shared his enthusiasm for science and adventuring. And what better way to convey his feelings than sharing his discoveries with you?

You felt his hand reach for yours, enclosing it in both his six-fingered hands. You felt comforted by their warmth. He swallowed hard, like he usually did when he was nervous before having to speak. He didn’t have the faintest idea where to start.

‘This isn’t how I planned our expedition to go. To be honest, I thought...I thought the hippogriff had migrated South at this time of year.’

You were startled by his confession.

‘Then why bring me along?’

You saw him struggle with his natural shyness.

‘I-I wanted to be alone with you. There are t-things I needed t-to discuss with you.’ he said in a constricted voice, face going beet red.

‘We are alone now.’ you suggested.

Ford threw you a surprised look.

‘I know. But this isn’t how I want to do this.’

He caressed your hair, gazing you fondly.

‘[____], you’re more special to me than you imagine. My brother’s right. I’m an idiot.’ he sighed ‘I almost lost the most important person to me today. I’ll never let that happen again.’

‘Ford...’

‘Shh. Just rest. I’ll remain by your side tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll tend to your wounds. And then I’ll bring you breakfast. We’ll spend the rest of the day together.’

He leaned down to give you a peck on the cheek when Ford surprised you and touched his lips on yours, actually smooching you.

‘I’ll be right back. Just gonna ask Stan to bring me my favourite book, so we can read it together.’ he said, caressing your face and going to the door to summon his brother.

You were so surprised by his gesture you just lie there feeling the taste of his lips on your mouth. For him to beat his shyness and do something so bold must mean he had something serious planned out. But what it was, you’d have to wait to find out.

Chapter Text

Days passed and Ford never left your side. He tended to your wounds as promised, fed you soup and broth, gave you vitamin supplements - which you reluctantly took only at his insistence -, lay down in bed beside you to watch TV, entertained you by sharing his adventures beyond the portal and helped you in the shower. Wendy was the one de facto in charge for helping you bathe, but Ford made it a point to help you get to the bathroom and return to the bedroom. And every night, he would tuck you into bed with a smooch, sleeping by your side, hands intertwined beneath the blankets.

All the while, Stan watched him, secretly enjoying the new man Ford was becoming day after day. He had even stopped by the bedroom at night once or twice to imply he didn’t want to walk into you in the middle of something. The last thing I want is to get in the way of my brother FINALLY popping his cherry , he said once. Ford would promptly throw him out by throwing a slipper at him. Stan would disappear amidst roaring laughter as Ford muttered he was an idiot.

Almost a month had passed when your wounds were finally healed. You could already feed yourself and walk around the house without any difficulty. It was time for you to decide whether to stay with the Pines or get in your car and leave. You were getting dressed when…

You heard three knocks on your door.

‘[_____]? May I come in?’

You told Ford you were still naked. You could hear him stutter through the door.

‘I-I just wanted t-to ask you, uh...if I could talk to you. In private. When you’re not busy.’

‘Alright. Gimme five minutes. Then you can come in.’

As soon as you were ready, Ford told you he wanted to show you something. But you’d have to drive all the way to the pier to see it. Stan would be coming along, too. You tried asking him what he had in mind, but he refused to give any details.

Stan rode his car, with the two of you sitting together in the backseat. Ford held you in one of his arms as your head rested on the curve of his neck. Your hands were intertwined as you appreciated the view. You wondered why Ford had this melancholic look when he thought you weren’t looking. Or why he was being more protective than usual, even after you had fully recovered.

Once you arrived at your destination, you saw a ship you had only seen in pictures. Stan presented it to you feeling quite proud.

‘Behold! The Stan O’ War II!’

That was the ship the twins had told you about all year. The one where they had lived nine months worth of adventures.

‘So...wanna embark on a journey with us?’

You stared at Ford as if he had grown a second head. He and Stan laughed at the same time. Twins.

‘We’ll just sail for a couple of hours. Then be back in time for dinner. What do you say?’

It was an invitation you couldn’t refuse.

You boarded the Stan O’ War II and watched the brothers man the ship with the skill of experienced sailors. Ford let you take the wheel for a moment, standing behind you as he guided your hands, gently stirring them. You could feel his warmth and his voice close to your ear, and you dropped your head backwards, resting it against his collarbone. He wished he wasn’t wearing a turtleneck. He held your waist with one free hand and let you smooch him while he explained to you all about how to steer a ship.

The sea breeze played with his hair, messing his usually stylish fringe up a little and the sunset set the perfect tone for a romantic evening. His eyes were locked onto yours, feelings long hidden now unashamedly beginning to surface as he stared at you with longing.

‘You once told me I was the most important man in your life. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it means to me all the time we’ve spent together, [______].’

‘If you want, we can spend even more time together. But it depends on whether you want it or not.’ you replied slowly.

You saw wrinkles of concern disappear from Ford’s face and give way to a luminous smile.

‘I feared you would reply something different. So you’ll stay with me, even after…?’

You smiled.

‘You’ve already forgotten my promise, haven’t you? Silly man. I told you that, no matter what happened, I’d stay with you. Remember?’

He smiled, too, feeling happier in years than he ever did.

‘You’re right. I’m so silly!’ he said, smooching you again.

He then removed something from his pocket and took one step back, not letting go of your hand.

‘Then it’s time for me to make the same promise. No matter what happens, [_____], I want to spend the rest of my days with you. Starting today. If you’ll have me, that is.’

Ford got down on one knee and presented to you an open black box containing a wedding ring. You covered your mouth with your hands and held back tears of joy. This was finally happening. You never imagined that was what Ford had in mind when he and his brother whisked you away.

‘So what do you say? Will you become [_____] Pines?’ he asked eagerly.

Just as you were about to give him your answer, the door to the captain’s cabin burst open and out came Stan dressed in a white suit wearing a flashy purple tie, holding a brown book with glued letters that spelled The Bribe. Apparently he was going for the Bible, but his mind was elsewhere as he worked on the book cover.

‘Ta-daaah! The priest has arrived! Are you two lovey doveys ready to get married?’

The two of you stared at him in disbelief. Ford looked as though he would murder knife his brother where he stood. You laughed so hard he ended up laughing at Stan as well, while Stan winked at you.

You and Ford stood side by side, bride and groom as Stan performed the ceremony. He got the wedding vows all mixed up, making it up as he went along. Although Ford was losing his patience with his brother, you didn’t mind, laughing at his twisted sense of humor. Ford then slid the engagement ring in your finger, hand shaking a bit, heart racing as you realised you were getting married for real.

You were prepared to say your vows.

‘So, Sixer’ Ford threw him a look of contempt. He should at least call him by name ‘Alright, yeesh! Stanford Pines; do you take [______] to be your wife?’

‘I do.’ Ford said with conviction.

‘And do you promise to remain together in life and debt - death, sorry -, in poverty and wealth - the second one being preferable -, in happiness and sadness, in sickness and in health, blah blah blah you know the drill.’

‘Stanley.’ he said sternly.

‘Just say you do, Sixer!’

Ford’s eyes were throwing daggers at him. You tried not to snigger.

‘I do.’

Stan turned to you and you tried not to giggle.

‘And you, sweetheart. Do you take this nerd for your husband?’

‘I do.’  you said, eyes shining like stars.

‘And do you promise to endure his insufferable monologues, his staying late at night to scribble in his journals, his bad breath in the morning, his constant complaining about grammar mistakes, blah blah blah until debt do you apart? ‘Cause really, debt is worse than death nowadays. People would rather die than drown in debt. Who doesn’t know that?’ he babbled on.

‘I do.’

Once Stan was finished, he shut the book close firmly in his hand.

‘I declare you wife and husband. Now! Time for you to kiss the bride, Sixer!’

Ford hesitated, blushing intensely at this. It was one thing to smooch you as you were alone. Another to kiss you in front of other people, even if it was his brother. Especially if it was his malicious brother.

Stan teased him even further.

‘C’mon, don’t be shy! She’s been waiting for this all year!’ he said wiggling his eyebrows ‘Just kiss her already, you big nerd!’.

Ford wanted to kill his brother.

‘Goddammit Stanley, can’t you take this a bit more seriously?’

As Ford tried to concentrate, Stan kept making kissing noises. You had tears in your eyes from all the laughing. Ford glanced at his brother and muttered ‘idiot’ under his breath, making it difficult for you to regain your composure.

Ford leaned down, his face getting closer to yours and your lips met. He moved his lips, caressing yours in constant motions. Then he slipped some tongue and deepened the kiss, holding you in his arms as the boat gently rocked the two of you and the sea breeze caressed your hair.

Once you broke the kiss, Stan shouted a loud ‘Yes!’ and squeezed the both of you in a tight hug.

‘Wait until I tell Dipper and Mabel they have a new aunt!’

You startled at how quickly he accepted you in the family. But above all, you didn’t know if you were comfortable with being called an aunt just yet. After all, you had just married. You weren’t even a mother yet.

Ford gave you a look that told you he was equally uncomfortable with Stan’s sudden remark, but his happiness was visible in his eyes. You spent the rest of the trip enjoying the sunset like newlyweds, kissing and holding each other, barely waiting to have your first honeymoon. The Stan O’ War II sailed smoothly that evening, bringing you back safely home as you watched the beautiful view of the sea, held safely in Ford’s warm embrace.