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"Let's go home."
Michelle tightened her grip on both of her girl’s shoulders and started guiding them towards the car. Wynonna hesitated for a moment, staring at the overgrown branches of the tree that she watched somehow take Jolene. She remembered Jolene's face while it was happening.
The fear.
Her spell is already fading and Wynonna can feel the last of its grip on her become nothing but a bitter taste in her mouth. She feels dirty, but more than that she feels angry. She doesn't hesitant for the sake of Jolene but more to be sure she isn't still somehow there, waiting to hurt Waverly again. She wishes the tree didn't take her so that she could put peacemaker right between her eyes and watch as she becomes plagued with terror - just like how Jolene tormented Waverly. She wants to make sure she's gone to hell. Literally.
Michelle tugs at Wynonna’s arm harder and suddenly she realises they're waiting for her to move too, she looks to Waverly and the rising rage she felt boil inside her about Jolene fades when she sees her baby sister shaking, Waverly's tear trails from a moment ago haven't even dried yet and she knows that for now everything else can wait until she gets Waverly home, until she can make her feel safe again.
Wynonna has to drive. After over 20 years in prison Michelle can barely remember how to start the engine nevermind get them all the way to the homestead safely and Wynonna has decided that one car crash is enough for this month, so reluctantly leaves Waverly’s side to start the journey.
The radio hums quietly while they drive, filling up the silence with country blues. Everyone's wounds are still fresh and frankly if Wynonna starts her apology to Waverly now she knows her guilt will only make her ramble and get frustrated that she isn't doing the conversation justice. She doesn't want waverly to think that what happened today was just a wacky fluke they'll all be laughing about soon. This was something that got under everyone's skin, made them all say things they didn't mean and worst of all made Waverly feel worthless and unloved, even if for less than 24 hours, it was a heavy blow to everyone and Wynonna will be damned if she doesn't take the time to make sure Waverly knows the things she said weren't true, that she feels her skin crawl knowing she made her baby sister cry.
With a quick glance in her rear view mirror she can see Waverly tucked into her mother while she strokes her hair, she looks exhausted and Wynonna's heart gets heavier. It may have been Jolene's influence but it was still her voice saying the demons words and she needed to make up for it.
When they reached the homestead, Wynonna got out first and opened the back door, helping Waverly out, rubbing large circles with her palm into waverly's back as they walked towards the house. The porch lights are on, shining a bright yellow glow, welcoming them inside to the warmth within.
Waverly's skin reacts to the heat of the homestead almost immediately after the door is closed behind them, her goosebumps from the wind's chill slowly beginning to fade. The next thing she notices after the sudden change in temperature is the fact that Nicole isn't here. Her eyes wander the room for a few seconds in search of her tall redhead girlfriend only to have her hopes dashed for another time tonight when she's nowhere in sight. It's heavier than she thinks it should be - the weight that comes with Nicole's absence. Normally it's just like there's a layering of dust covering her heart when she misses Nicole, as if her heart isn't beating as fast as it has grown accustomed to when she's by Nicole's side that it becomes dormant, waiting to be thrust back into action - but right now, as Waverly's eyes find the floor instead of Nicole's deep dimples, she feels like she actually did use the knife Jolene gave her to cut a hole in her own heart.
Waverly is smart, it's common knowledge in Purgatory that she's got brains alongside beauty and so Waverly knows that the things Nicole said to her while Jolene was around were the cruel tricks of a demon rather than facts and yet no matter how many times Waverly repeats to herself that "it wasn't real" in her head, her insides are screaming that she fucked up, that she's finally ruined one of the best things she has ever had. Nicole isn't here because she doesn't want to be near waverly and that’s all her fault.
"Baby girl?"
Waverlys stopped from spiraling further with her sisters voice, strong yet soft and here and Waverly clings to it like a lifeboat in a storm. Wynonna is towering over her with Waverly’s favourite mug in hand that reads "hugs and hot coco makes the world go round." She only now just realises that she's sitting on the sofa, unsure of when she moved there but grateful nonetheless, as she's pretty sure her knees would have given out if she was standing any longer. As Waverly looks up, Wynonna continues to speak, calm and steady as ever.
"I made you some hot chocolate, and I added two teaspoons of sugar so it's extra sweet just the way you like." She lifts up the bottle of whiskey in her other hand, "and i have something stronger for after... or before depending on how much you need it." Shaking the bottles contents of bronze liquid for emphasises.
Waverly's lips turn up in a small smile, mostly for Wynonna's benefit, then takes the mug of hot coco into her hands, she wants to feel it warm her up but without the added effect of the burning she would receive with the whiskey, her insides are already stinging from the events of the night enough. As much as she is tempted to use it as a vice for forgetting what just happened for a while, she's more concerned with Nicole coming by and taking one look at her drunk and messy state before leaving again.
"I'm so sorry Waverly"
Her sisters words almost make waverly choke on her drink, she turns to face Wynonna fully.
"I should be the one apologising, I screamed at you and threw a pitcher of beer all over you."
Wynonna shakes her head sternly and takes the mug from Waverly, replacing it with her own hands.
"No. Okay no, you don't get to feel bad for what happened. Getting beer all over me is practically standard Earp operating procedure anyways, wouldn't be a Tuesday night without it."
"It's Friday, Wynonna."
"Everyone knows you're the smart one baby girl, no need to rub it in."
She teases waverly, squeezing her cheek before her composure changes and she's serious again.
"Waverly, everything I said I... I am so sorry. I'm so sorry I made you feel like you weren't important and I'm sorry I made you think you weren't wanted. I don't know what I would do without you Waves. You and Alice are the reason I do all this crazy demon shit, you keep me going and I don't want you to think for one damn second that I don't need you. You're my sister and some bitch with insanely good baking skills making me say otherwise doesn't count for shit."
Waverly has got Wynonna's hands locked with her own so tightly that she doesn't even let go to wipe the tear that fell.
"I love you so much. Always okay? You're stuck with me Earp."
Waverly nods and they sit together for a few minutes before Wynonna brings their hands together and kisses Waverly’s knuckles.
"Now go get your PJs on and we can watch that Princess Bride movie you always go on about."
"Really? You would hate it."
"Yeha, it can be a family thing. Plus I don't think you can last for half of it so once you pass out I'll change it to something less dorky."
Waverly moves to the stairs but before she make it to her room Wynonna calls out to her.
"Don't forget what I said baby girl."
Waverly lets herself smile for the first time in what has felt like years.
Now alone in her room Waverly takes the breather she has so desperately needed since she threw the knife away from her chest. A few hours ago being alone would of felt suffocating and poisonous, but whether it's her sisters reassurance or the spell fading completely, Waverly is able to take the silence and solitude as a moment to recollect herself. She knows Wynonna and Mama are waiting for her only a few feet away, she knows that they want her there and that's enough to make the darkness in her mind settle for now. Yet, regardless of knowing that she can be alone without breaking down to tears there's the fact that she doesn't want to be alone. And suddenly with that thought, her mind wanders to Nicole. Her sweet, kind, loving Nicole. Only she shivers remembering the last words they exchanged.
"Can I call you later?"
"Yeah or don't."
Waverly bites the inside of her cheeks at the memory, trying to distract herself with another form of pain.
"What if Nicole meant what she said?"
"What if she really has had enough of me, figured out I'm not worth the effort or time."
"That anyone could be a better girlfriend than I am... Someone who could say 'I love you' back."
Waverly tastes blood in her mouth but it's enough to take her away from her thoughts. She feels hot and clammy now in her own skin and has the urge to finally remove her jacket. The white feathers are darkened by the mud of the ground she was thrown onto by Jolene and she hates that her mind relates the jacket to herself.
Damaged goods.
Maybe she won't be able to rid herself of the dirt Jolene put in her mind either. She shoves the jacket in the closet with more force than necessary and is just about to question why her closest is such a mess inside when her body freezes and her heart starts beating so loudly she's sure Wynonna can hear it from the kitchen.
"Hey Waves."
Her voice is sweet and gentle and it carries across to Waverly like a soft breeze on a hot summer day. There's something else in the voice too though, remorse, guilt. It has a tinge of sadness that Waverly can only pick out because she's studied this voice when its owner was at her happiest or at her worst. When she was serious and stern at her job or giddy on love or alcohol. When it was just the two of them in the dark whispering promising or pleads in the form of broken moans.
Nicole was here, and waverly wasn't sure if she wanted to turn around and leap into her arms or if she wanted to step further into the closest and hide herself away. So she did the next best thing and stayed frozen, stuck facing inside her closest and away from Nicole's face.
She couldn't turn around. The fears that swam inside her head all day are so loud now that she can no longer even hear her racing heartbeat, biting her cheek is also a lost cause and she can feel her breathing begin to increase.
"Waverly. Please look at me."
But she can't. She's so afraid, so very afraid of what happens next. With the fight they had today, before Nicole walked away from her, she looked into Nicole's eyes and they had lost their usual brown softness, instead it was replaced with this look of anger, of annoyance, of hate. Even when they fought about black badge and Nicole had been mad with her for almost a week, she had never had such cruelness in her eyes. Waverly has felt so beaten down in the last 24 hours that she knows seeing those eyes again would break her.
Waverly Earp is smart, all of Purgatory knows it and she knows it too, she should know what happened with Nicole was a spell and that Nicole loves her. it wasn't real but her head feels heavy and foggy and right now she doesn't trust what her brain is telling her is the truth. She could turn around and Nicole could take one look and leave again.
She doesn't notice Nicole slowly making her way towards her, she's still paralysed and on the very verge of tears when Nicole places a feather light tough to her shoulder blade. The touch is hesitant and barely even there but Waverly flinches and not a second later, before Nicole can even remove her hand, she leans back into it. Even through her t-shirt she can feel its warmth and can imagine what Nicole’s hand would feel like on her bare skin. She doesn't need to imagine, more like just recall her memories. It was only a few nights ago she had felt the same touch. Felt Nicole's calloused fingertips as they moved up and down her arm lulling her to sleep while the rain battered the window near their bed.
That was another thing waverly had started to do. She calls it 'their' bed now, it stopped being only hers a while ago, she doesn't even remember when the change happened but it did and she wouldn't take it back, not ever. She only hoped Nicole still felt the same way.
It's quiet for a moment again, the air is heavy and tense and Waverly still hasn't moved.
"Waverly, I am so sorry."
Hearing Nicole’s voice again and so close makes Waverly sigh without even realising she's done so. The thumb from Nicole's hand, which is still resting gently on Waverly's back, begins to move back and forth slowly as she continues to talk to Waverly.
"I'm so sorry that I yelled at you and that I left you behind. I'm sorry that I walked away while you were crying and I'm sorry I couldn't fight Jolene's spell harder. God, Waverly I'm just so sorry, you have every right to be mad at me and I understand that, I just needed to make sure you were safe and - "
Waverly hears the thickness of Nicole's voice and realises that she's obviously holding back her tears too, at the same time everything that Nicole has just said begins to hit her.
Without much warning Waverly turns fully to Nicole, they're close enough that their faces are inches apart but their body's still aren't touching. Nicole's hand has fallen from its place on waverly's back when she spun around and both women are aching without the contact.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Nicole."
Waverly's eyes are on the floor still unable to see what eyes are waiting for her.
"It was my fault, I'm the one who should be sorry and I am... so so sorry."
Hot tears fall from her cheeks and hit the carpet by their feet, Waverly is just about to apologise again when Nicole's fingers find their way under Waverly's chin. It's a soft touch but it's firm and almost demanding that Waverly raises her chin to look at her.
Nicole's eyes are exactly what they should be.
Hers.
There's no hardness or darkness in them from a demon's power. It's just Nicole. Her beautiful girlfriend’s gentle brown eyes looking at her like she's the only thing she's ever seen, like she’s the only thing that matters. They are swimming in unshed tears too and it's like Nicole takes a few seconds to compose herself, like seeing Waverly's eyes again has affected her just as much as Waverly seeing hers again has. Nicole moves her hand from under Waverly's chin and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, then she moves her thumb back to Waverly's cheek to wipe away the wetness left there.
"Baby, you did nothing wrong."
It’s too much and Waverly falls into Nicole. Nicole's arms are quick to move around Waverly and pull her closer, one hand rubbing soothing circles into Waverly's back while the other is on Waverly's head caressing her hair. Waverly fits perfectly here, with her head tucked into Nicole's neck and Nicole's lips placing light kisses to the top of her head every so often, while she whispers that she's got her, that she's safe, that's she's loved. In this moment Waverly wonders how she could have ever doubted the woman she's with. She questions how she could have ever of doubted Nicole's loyalty or her compassion. How she could ever of been afraid that this woman would ever break her heart out of Nicole's own free will, when it's been Nicole who's kept it safe and beaming since she walked into her life and saved her from a wet t-shirt.
"Waverly Earp"
Nicole calls her name and feels like she could melt.
"Do you remember what I said to you when we stood here on that day in February, on one of the best days of my life, I said to you that as long as you wanted me, I would be by your side. I meant that. I'm here. And I'm staying. You are the most beautiful, intelligent, kind, sexy, extraordinary woman I've ever met. I wouldn't change anything about you. I love you Waverly Earp. Every single piece of you."
Waverly's mouth has gone dry but her cheeks are wet again from crying, happy tears feel foreign but Waverly welcomes them, she feels so light she could float, intoxicated on Nicole's words and overflowing admiration. Waverly pulls back from the embrace only to push forward to meet Nicole's lips with her own. It's desperate and the softness of their interaction so far has gone, replaced with a powerful passion that they both need. Waverly's hands find a home in Nicole's hair as she tugs her impossibly closer.
They hold on for longer than they probably should have and both detach from the others swollen lips with gasps for air. Even while they take a moment to breathe their foreheads remain connected, Waverly's hands still clinging to Nicole's hair, silently begging her not to move away. Not yet.
"I’m sorry I wasn't here at the homestead when you made it back. Me and Doc where looking for you at the other side of town when Wynonna called and said you all made it back here."
Waverly would say 'it's okay' but she can tell Nicole has more to say and so watches as she bites her lip nervously before continuing. "And I also kinda made us stop by the hospital gift shop on our way here because I wanted to grab you something real quick."
She runs her hands over Waverly forearms and eventually Waverly's grip loosens and falls from Nicole's hair into her hand so that their fingers are intertwined, as Nicole moves to the door of the bedroom and out to the hall. Before Waverly can question her girlfriend, Nicole pulls a bundle of balloons inside the room and Waverly's heart flutters at the unicorn, it's a joke between just her and Nicole but it never fails to make her smile when it's brought back into conversation. When she looks from the balloons back to Nicole she sees that she's also holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a teddy bear, and if she's spotted it right, a box of chocolates are also stashed under her arm as well.
"Like I said Waves, I'm really really sorry."