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The last couple of days Isak had been feeling a little more tired than usual even though he hadn’t suffered from insomnia in months. He woke up feeling like he hadn’t slept at all and once he got home from school he was exhausted and almost fell asleep in bed before he could manage to get up and do his homework. By the time Even got home from work and the two of them cooked dinner together he felt a little better, but he really didn’t have an appetite and he struggled to finish even half his food. He hadn’t had much for lunch either and only some cereal for breakfast so he should be really hungry by now. Instead he felt a bit queasy at the thought of finish his plate.
Even was watching him as he pushed the food around his plate. Usually it was a tell-tale sign that Isak was stressed or suffered from anxiety so Isak wasn’t surprised when Even commented on it.
“Is everything okay?” Even asked with a gentle smile.
Isak looked up and met Even’s smile.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m just not that hungry. It was really good though.”
Even nodded slowly.
“Did something happen today?” he continued. “To make you feel stressed?”
Isak shook his head. Last week he had had two exams to take and the period before had been a bit stressful but know things had calmed down. There really was no reason for him to feel stressed or tired.
“Okay,” Even said. “You will let me know if things get bad though, right?”
“Yeah, I promise!” Isak said. “Sorry for being a bit down,” he continued. “I’m just a little tired today.”
Even shook his head in protest.
“You don’t have to apologise, baby,” he said. “If you want to you can go lay down. I’ll tidy up in the kitchen.”
Isak wanted to protest but going to bed sounded amazing and he was too tired to protest. Instead he helped Even clear the table before he left his boyfriend in the kitchen. He walked over to the drawer and pulled out his favourite hoodie and pulled it over his head. The fabric was soft and a little washed out, but it was still the best item of clothing he owned. It used to belong to Even but since Isak discovered it in Even’s wardrobe he had claimed it as his and Even had reluctantly given into letting Isak have it. It was oversized, and the hoodie felt cosy over Isak’s head.
He buried himself underneath the covers and listened to Even doing the dishes in the kitchen and watching something on YouTube on his phone in the meantime. Ten minutes later Even joined him and he watched Even take of his jeans and shirt before crawling under the covers.
“It’s only 7.30 do you want to watch a movie?” Even said as readjusted the pillow underneath his head.
“Yeah…” Isak said. “Will you let me pick?”
“Only because you look so cute today,” Even said.
-
Isak had hoped that he would wake up feeling better the next morning but instead he felt worse. He had slept badly and struggled to settle down. Even had probably noticed him twist and turn despite Isak’s best efforts of not waking Even up. His body felt a little achy and his back and neck were stiff. His head felt heavy and as he swallowed his throat was just beginning to feel sore. Even had already left for work so there was noone there to notice Isak skip breakfast. Instead he opted for a long shower in the hopes that it would make him feel less stiff and cold but even afterwards he struggled to get out of the door.
It was a chilly morning and Isak felt freezing as he walked towards the bus stop. Thankfully he didn’t have to wait for the bus for more than a minute and managed to grab a window seat, meaning he could get some more rest before school. He dozed on and off for the rest of the bus ride, listening to the playlist Even had created for him and was roughly awaken when the bus came to a halt at the bus stop closest to Nissen.
Once again, he felt grateful that he didn’t have any test to study for because he struggled to pay attention during his first class which happened to be English. It had never been his strong suit but today everything felt much harder than usual and by the time Isak met up with the boys for lunch he found himself yet again exhausted and yet again nauseous at the thought of eating anything.
Magnus and Jonas were already seated at a table and Magnus waved enthusiastically towards him as Isak stood in the line in the cafeteria. He ended up buying only an apple and some yoghurt and he could feel Jonas eye his choice of lunch as he sat down next to them.
“What’s up?” he said.
“All good,” Magnus said. “Me and Vilde are going to the movies tonight. She has picked up some new chick flick movie that we are going to watch.”
“You love those movies though,” Jonas said with a teasing smile.
Isak zoned out a bit and struggled to finish his yoghurt with small bites. His throat hurt more than this morning and the pounding in his head had increased. He spotted Mahdi walking in to the cafeteria and greeted him by nodding in his direction.
“What about you, Isak?”
Isak looked up and realised he had not heard a single thing Magnus had just said.
“What?” he said.
“What are you and Even doing this weekend?” Magnus repeated.
Isak shrugged.
“Even is working on Sunday afternoon but I don’t know. We may go see his parents or something. Why?”
“Vilde wanted to do something the whole gang. Like us and the girls and Elias and the boys. Like a party or something.”
Isak nodded. At the moment the last thing he wanted to do was having a party even if it was with people he liked. But the weekend was a few days away. There was still plenty of time to change his mind and hopefully feel better.
“I will ask Even when I get home,” he said just as Mahdi joined them and sat down next to Isak.
“Wow, you must be hungry today,” he said and looked at Isak’s half empty yoghurt container and the untouched apple.
“I’m not that hungry,” Isak sighed.
Jonas frowned a little but didn’t say anything and Magnus was too busy telling Mahdi about the plans for the weekend to notice. Isak just shrugged and put the apple in his bag. He would eat it in the afternoon if he got hungry.
His final lesson of the day was biology with Sana which was one of his favourite subjects. Normally he enjoyed going to class. He always sat with Sana and the two of them always argued and bickered on whoever was the best. This lessonthey were reading about the anatomy of the human heart.
“You look tired,” Sana commented when Isak yawned for the fourth time.
They were supposed to work together on filling out a small quiz with the help of the book and they had already finished half of it.
“I’m okay,” he said.
Sana clearly wasn’t convinced because she raised an eyebrow and looked at him questioningly.
“What?” Isak said and swallowed painfully.
“You look really worn down,” she said caringly. “Maybe you are coming down with something?”
“I never get sick,” Isak protested even though his head was now pounding painfully and his back and neck hurt even worse than this morning.
His nose was stuffy and he still struggled to swallow. He was not going to admit he was getting ill though. He just needed a good nights sleep and some tea.
“Sure,” Sana said.
-
Isak fell a sleep on the way home, missed his bus stop and ended up having to walk 20 minutes to get home. When he was only a block away from home the sky decided to open, and the rain begun pouring. Isak swore under his breath and half ran the rest of the way.
Even was already home by the time Isak unlocked the door and he was standing in the kitchen when Isak entered their apartment. He turned his head towards Isak and smiled happily until he noticed that Isak was completely drenched.
“Oh baby,” he said with a small smile as he joined Isak in the small hall. “You are soaked.”
Isak smiled despite shivering violently as he removed his shoes and let Even take his jacket to hang in the bathroom.
“Yeah, it’s raining outside,” he said.
“Yeah, I can tell,” Even said. “How was your day?”
Isak sighed. He really didn’t want to make Even worry or make a fuss about what could be a little cold. But at the same time he knew how much Even needed them to be honest with each other. After all Even tried to be as honest as possible with Isak about how he was feeling.
“It was okay. Long and tiring though. I feel a little tired.”
“Still?” Even said, obviously worried about what Isak had just said and Isak couldn’t help but feel guilty.
Isak nodded apologetically.
“Yeah I’m fine,” he said. “I’m going to take a shower.”
Even nodded.
“Yeah, of course. Do you want me to make you some tea? I didn’t feel like cooking today so I thought we could order something? Is that okay?”
Isak nodded silently and smiled as Even gave his cheek a kiss.
“You are freezing, babe” Even said. “I’ll make some tea for you. You head into the bathroom.”
-
Isak stood in the shower for a long time until he wasn’t freezing anymore. Once he was done he got dressed in a pair of jogging pants and a hoodie that he happened to find lying on top of the hamper. The pants probably needed a wash but Isak didn’t want to have to step outside of the bathroom without wearing clothes, so he put them on anyway. Even was still in the kitchen when Isak unlocked the bathroom door and walked towards their living room. He sat down on the bed, unsure on how to proceed from here. Luckily Even came in a moment later carrying a mug of tea which he handed Isak.
“Thank you!” Isak said as he took the cup with both hands and enjoyed the warmth it brought.
“You are welcome,” Even answered. “What do feel like ordering?”
Isak still didn’t feel hungry despite only having eating a few spoons of yoghurt at lunch, his apple lying untouched at the bottom of his bag.
“You pick,” he said.
He took a sip of the tea, grimacing slightly against the pain in his throat even if the tea made him feel a little warmer.
Even frowned.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Isak said and smiled tiredly.
“Okay, because you usually love picking where we eat,” Even said. “Not that I complain about getting to pick put you look tired and I know you didn’t sleep well last night.”
Isak sighed, feeling guilty again for making Even worry about him. He didn’t know what made him feel like this, but he simply wasn’t used to this kind of attention and he generally didn’t like people worrying about him. His parents were usually too busy to notice if he was feeling under the weather and when he was sick he usually took care of himself. At most his parents used to leave a bottle of water and some painkillers for him to use during the day before they hurried to work. They never spent too much time with him when he was sick. Even when he was a child. After his dad left he got even more used to look after himself and on the one occasion that he got sick his mother was in no shape to even notice that he was there.
He had gotten sick once living with Eskild, Noora and Linn but it had been during a weekend so he doubted anyone had noticed. He had just kept to himself in his room until he was feeling better.
And now he was here, feeling like he might be getting sick for the first time since getting together with Even and feeling reluctant to let Even know just how bad he was feeling.
“I’m just a little tired,” he repeated. “And I’m a little achy. It’s probably nothing.”
Even sat down next to him.
“Achy how?” he asked.
“Just my head and neck really. It feels a little stiff.”
Even nodded.
“Do you want me to give you a massage?” he asked.
Isak scooted over to give Even room to sit behind him. With a little bit of effort Even crawled behind him and crossed his legs. His hands felt warm as they begun kneading Isak’s tense shoulder.
“Is this alright?” Even asked and Isak nodded, feeling Even’s hands work their way down his back.
Even continued to massage him for the next ten minutes and Isak closed his eyes enjoying every minute of it. Isak had almost fallen asleep by the time Even leaned forward and kissed his cheek.
“That better?”
“Mmm,” Isak said and smiled as Even pressed his lips against Isak’s face.
“Was that a smile?” Even teased.
“Maybe,” Isak said.
They ended up lying next to each other on the bed. Isak resting his head against Even’s arm. Even was going through all the restaurants that offered home delivery to their address and Isak was half a asleep. The message had made his neck and back feel less stiff but he still felt quite bad If he was being honest. Worse and worse actually but he wasn’t going to let Even know that though. Not now at least.
“How about Indian?” Even mumbled.
“Sounds good,” Isak muttered. “I just want something with chicken and curry. Not too spicy.”
He could almost feel Even smile even with his eyes closed.
“It says 50 minutes,” Even confirmed five minutes later. “I have some papers from work I need to read through, so I think I’m going to do it while we wait. We’ve gotten a few new items at the menu and we need to read about how to prepare them. We have this new salted caramel coffee that you would probably love.”
“You better go study then,” Isak mumbled tiredly as Even slide out from behind Isak.
The bed instantly felt colder without Even next to him and Isak curled up on his side.
-
He woke up to Even shaking his arm gently. He hadn’t even realised he had fallen asleep.
“Baby,” he could hear Even say as he kept his eyes shut. “Isak, the food is here.”
“Don’t want to…” Isak mumbled and curled in on himself further.
He was shivering badly and tried to pull the blanket tighter around him. Even touched his face gently before bending down and pressing his lips to Isak’s forehead.
“You are burning up,” Even said worriedly. “Can you sit up?”
Isak shook his head.
“I want to sleep,” he whined.
“I know, baby. But you need to try to eat and drink something at least.”
“I’m not hungry,” Isak said and ignored Even’s attempts to help him sit up.
“Isak,” Even said, sounding desperate. “Please Isak just open your eyes and sit up for me.”
Isak opened his eyes and struggled to sit up on shaky arms.
“Why didn’t you tell me how bad you were feeling?” Even said softly as he helped Isak sit up fully. “You are clearly sick, baby.”
“Sorry,” Isak said guiltily.
“It’s okay,” Even said. “Have you eaten anything today?”
Isak shook his head and watched Even’s face fall again before his boyfriend smiled gently and put a hand on Isak’s cheek.
“Maybe you can try to eat something? I can but your curry away and see if I can make you something else?”
“You don’t have to,” Isak whispered. “I’ll just have the food we have ordered.”
“Oh, okay,” Even said.
-
He only managed to eat a little before his throat hurt too bad and he felt sick.
“I’m sorry,” he said again as he pushed the food away.
“Don’t apologise. You’ve nothing to be sorry for,” Even said. “I’ll put this in the kitchen, so you can eat it some other time.”
Isak didn’t want Even to leave his side but he knew he was starting to become too needy, so he just nodded and as Even left he lay down again and closed his eyes.
-
“Isak, wake up!”
Even was shaking him again, a little more frantic and Isak groaned in protest. It felt like he had just fallen asleep and he just wanted Even to let him sleep.
“Baby, I need to take your temperature,” Even continued and kissed Isak’s face softly.
“No…” Isak protested.
“We have to. You’ve slept for several hours, Isak and I need to see how bad it is.”
“Okay,” Isak whispered weakly.
Even smiled encouragingly and helped Isak sit up again. Isak head spun at the movement and he felt slightly dizzy. He accepted the thermometer from Even’s hand and put in his mouth. As they waited for it to beep Even stroke Isak’s hair softly and Isak leaned heavily against his boyfriend’s side. Once it was done Even soundlessly took the thermometer from Isak’s mouth and sighed deeply as he read the numbers on the display.
“Almost 39 degrees,” he said and gave Isak’s forehead another kiss. “You’re really sick.”
Isak sank further down against Even’s side and let Even wrap his arms around him.
“I guess you are staying home from school tomorrow then,” Even continued. “It’s probably the flu.
“Yeah,” Isak mumbled. “I guess…”
“Hey…” Even said. “What’s wrong? Is there anything I can do?”
Isak shook his head. He had no idea why he was feeling so emotional suddenly but maybe it was because his whole body hurt and he felt dizzy and exhausted. Maybe it was because Even was so gentle and caring. He wasn’t used to this.
“Just stay with me,” Isak said stupidly.
He knew he was being too needy and weak and that he only risked getting Even sick too which Even really didn’t deserve but right now he just wanted to be held.
“Of course,” Even said calmly. “I have the day off tomorrow. I’ll take care of you and I’ll let the boys know that you are feeling unwell.”
-
It was another restless night for Isak. He had never slept well when he was sick and always dreamed the most weird and unsettling dreams. Every time he restlessly turned he could feel Even reach out for him until he gave up and settled in Even’s arms.
“Try to get some sleep,” Even whispered into the dark. “I’m here.”
Isak didn’t feel any better once he woke up the next morning to an empty bed. His muscles still hurt and his throat was still sore and during the night he seemed to have developed a cough. He could hear Even in the kitchen. He wondered how much sleep Even had gotten during the night with Isak being so restless in addition to coughing every other minute. Not to mention how hot he must have been. Still Even had cuddled him almost the whole night which meant that Even must have had trouble sleeping. Isak could feel the guilt in him grow. Losing sleep was not good for Even and even a few nights could make the difference. Isak didn’t want to be a reason of stress for Even but now Even was forced looking out for him on his day off. A few minutes later Even walked in. He smiled as he saw that Isak was awake.
“Good morning,” he said. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay,” Isak rasped. “You don’t have to stay with me all day. I’m sure you have more fun things to do.”
Even’s face fell.
“I want to be here with you,” he insisted. “You are sick baby.”
“I know, but you don’t need to look after me,” Isak said. “I can take care of myself.”
“I know that,” Even said. “But I want to take care of you. I love being with you even if it means taking care of you while you are sick.”
“Why?” Isak said and closed his eyes as Even’s face fell even further.
“Because I love you, Isak. I love you so much.”
Even walked across the room and sat down next to Isak.
“You are going to get sick too,” Isak said. “Which is why you should go out and do something today. I’m sure Mikael or Elias or anyone else have the day off too.”
Even didn’t say anything for a long time but his hand soon began trailing Isak’s arm.
“Isak why are you being like this? You don’t have to push me away when you are sick. I’m not taking care of you because I have to. I want to. It’s not a chore and I don’t care if I get sick too. Please just let me do this for you.”
Even sounded almost desperate towards the end of his little speech and Isak didn’t have the energy to put up a fight any longer. His throat hurt too much and so did his head and the rest of his muscles.
“Okay,” Isak said and coughed painfully.
-
Even spent the rest of the day taking care of Isak and Isak let him. He let Even take his temperature and worry about how it progressed. Even made him tea and toast with butter and ran out to the pharmacy to buy cough drops. He held Isak as Isak slept and took a shower with him in the middle of the day and then changed the sheets. He was patient and loving as he rubbed Isak’s back during one of the coughing fits.
“Sana says to feel better and Magnus says he hopes you get better before Saturday,” Even said as he read the texts on Isak’s phone.
Isak was leaning against Even, trying to finish his tea.
“What’s going to happen on Saturday?” Even asked.
“Vilde wants to have a party,” Isak muttered. “With everyone she knows. Magnus wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come.”
Even nodded.
“I guess we’ll see how you are feeling by then.”
Today was Thursday and it felt very unlikely that Isak would be up for a party in only two days since he barely had the energy to sit up. Still he didn’t want Even to have to miss out just because he was sick.
“Or you can go without me,” he suggested.
“Not gonna happen,” Even said firmly.
Isak continued to sleep for the majority of the day only waking up briefly for Even to take his temperature or offer him something to eat or drink.
“You are good at this,” he said when Even crawled back into bed with him.
“What?” Even said.
“Taking care of people,” Isak mumbled and took Even’s hand in his.
Even smiled slightly.
“That’s good. I mean I try my best so it would be rather horrible if you thought I sucked at it,” he chuckled.
Isak smiled.
“You are really good…the best.”
Isak settled down, resting his head on Even’s shoulder again. Even did something on his laptop and Isak enjoyed the sound of Even typing on his keyboard. After a few minutes of silence he took a deep breath.
“Even?” he says.
“Yeah?” Even hummed in response.
Isak took another breath.
“No one has ever taken care om me like this,” he whispered.
Even looked at him and put his laptop to the side.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Like when I was sick. No one has taken care of me like you do.”
“What did your parents do?” Even asked.
“Not much, They would just check and see if I had a fever and then leave me to sleep for most of the day. When I got a bit older they just left me with a bottle of water and some painkillers before going to work. They didn’t really want to get sick too or take time off to take care of me. Neither of them liked it when I was fussy and too needy. I don’t really think they knew what to do. Not like you do.”
Even kissed Isak’s temple.
“It makes me so sad to hear you say that, Isak,” he said.
“Sorry,” Isak said defeatedly. “I didn’t mean to make you sad.”
“It just makes me sad that you didn’t have anyone to take care of you like you deserved. And you still deserve that by the way.”
“I’m just not used to it and when I got older I just took care of myself. When dad moved out and I got sick. Mom was sick too so she couldn’t be there for me. When I moved with Eskild, Linn and Noora I kind of took care of myself when I was sick. It’s just easier that way. So people don’t have to worry about me or take care of me when it’s nothing serious. I don’t want people to get sick too.”
“Yes, but just because you can take care of yourself doesn’t mean you have to. Or that it has to be serious for people to take care of you. It’s not about you being fussy or needy. People care about you. And so did your old roommates. They would have taken care of you if you let them know. Especially Eskild. He loves you like you were is brother.”
“I guess I’m not used to it,” Isak said. “My family has never been particularly caring or good at showing affection, I guess.”
“Well I would say that you are good at it though,” Even protested.
Isak shook his head.
“I’m not.”
“But you are. Whenever I’m down you take care of me. You look out for me and you try to do anything you can to make me feel better and you always listen to my needs and respect them. Even if it is just small things they make me feel loved and cared for. You are great at all those things and it’s one of the reasons why I love you so much.”
There was a small pause before Even continued speaking.
“I love taking care of you, Isak. You are always the one looking out for me so when you are feeling sick I want to take care of you too. It makes me feel less useless. Like I’m doing something good for you instead of just burdening you all the time.”
“You could never burden me,” Isak said hurriedly. “You are not useless. You are amazing!”
“Sometimes it just feels like that. Like you deserve better than being stuck with me and taking care of me. I know it’s not always easy. I never want you to feel bad of course and I hate seeing you suffer but taking care of you when you are ill is important to me. It’s important because it makes me feel like I am enough for you and that I can take care of you when you need me. That you can rely on me, just like I rely on you. Can you please let me take care of you? Even if it is just for me?”
Isak struggled to sit up so he can look Even in the eyes.
“I love you so much,” he started. “You are never a burden to me. You are always good enough for me no matter how you are feeling. I trust you with all my heart and that will never change. You are the kindest person I know and you are smart and caring and I feel so lucky that I get to be with you. That we live together and that I get to spend everyday with you. I never feel stuck with you. Never.”
Even looked at him with teary eyes and wrapped Isak up in his arms and pressed him to his chest. Isak pressed his nose into Even’s chest and let out a sniffle.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so much and you can take care of me. I love it when you take care of me.”
Even kissed his hair.
“We’ll take care of each other,” he said.
-