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Karen had agreed to meet him at a bar neither of them had been to before—they both wanted a place that had no memories of Matt.
Except each other, of course.
Since the collapse of the Midland Circle building, Foggy and Karen had struggled to find a comfortable level for their friendship. They still cared about each other as much as ever, and they each took comfort in knowing that someone else understood the complicated layers of grief they were going through. And yet, some days spending time together was simply too painful.
Foggy sometimes thought that even with all the good intentions in the world, they might just be reminding each other of what they had lost, re-opening each other’s woulds instead of giving them a chance to heal. They had swung back and forth, over these last hard weeks, between seeking each other out and avoiding each other.
Tonight, though, they both wanted to be together. When Foggy reached the bar, he saw Karen was already there—and he also saw something else.
“I didn’t realize they’d be doing karaoke tonight,” he said as he joined her. “We can go someplace else, if you want.”
“No, it’s fine,” she said, with a strained smile.
Her smiles never reached her eyes, these days. Ever since they had lost Matt, a certain spark had gone out of her, just as it had out of Foggy. He wasn’t sure exactly how Karen felt about Matt, but he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be kind to ask. He knew she had barely spoken to him for months after he had finally told her the truth about himself—and before that, she had been upset and angry, and rightly so.
But that didn’t necessarily mean she had stopped caring about him, any more than Foggy had. He knew she mourned Matt deeply, but as what? A friend? A former-almost-lover? Well, if she wanted him to know, she would tell him.
There were no tables free, so they sat together at the bar, talking. Foggy couldn’t help thinking about Matt, even though they weren’t talking about him, and he knew Karen must be, too. It was unavoidable. Their friendship with each other had always included Matt, and now his absence haunted them like a ghost.
But they talked around it, chatting lightly about work as the DJ began calling karaoke participants up to the stage. It seemed to be 80s night, whether by design or just by the choice of tonight’s singers. It was a good crowd, supportive and friendly, and each performer got cheers and applause. Foggy gave the music little attention as he and Karen continued to talk, until to his surprise, he heard the DJ call her name.
“Really?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
She shrugged. “I put my name in while I was waiting for you. Why not?”
“Why not?” he echoed. “Go on, then, knock their socks off.” He smiled encouragingly, and she went to the stage and took the microphone.
The song started quietly, with a spare, rhythmic guitar line that sounded vaguely familiar. Karen glanced at the lyrics on the monitor, looked out over the crowd, and began to sing.
Tonight I feel so weak,
But all in love is fair…
Melissa Etheridge, thought Foggy, that was it. There were scattered whoops as other people recognized the song.
And I know you’re only human,
And I haven’t got talking room…
She sang gently at first, almost as if she were talking to herself. But her voice grew stronger as the verse went on, and by the time she reached the chorus, it was powerful and demanding, filling the bar.
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see I’m burning alive?
Can’t you see my baby’s got another lover
And I don’t know how I’m gonna survive…
Cheers filled the air, and a few people began singing along. Foggy had no idea Karen could sing like that. Her voice wasn’t anything extraordinary, but the emotion she put into it was so compelling that he couldn’t look away.
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see it’s out of control?
Baby’s got my heart, and my baby’s got my mind
But tonight the sweet devil
Sweet devil’s got my soul…
Foggy stared as the words sank in. For an instant, a look of such naked pain crossed her face that his breath caught in his throat. It was gone the next second, and she flashed a smile at the crowd. But it was enough. There, right in front of him, was the answer to the question he had hesitated to ask.
Karen was in love with Matt.
And if her choice of song was any indication, she believed that Matt was still in love with Elektra. He watched her closely, his heart clenching with pity, as she began the next verse.
When will this aching pass?
When will this night be through?
I want to hear the breaking glass,
I only feel the steel of the red-hot truth…
There was a flash of bitterness there, gone too quickly to be noticed by anyone who knew her less well than Foggy did. To the audience full of strangers, she must have looked like anyone else at a karaoke night, enjoying being up on stage and singing her heart out.
More people joined in, as she belted out the chorus again.
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see I’m burning alive…
During the quieter instrumental break, someone called out, “He doesn’t deserve you!”
“Or she,” countered a woman, to scattered laughter.
Karen grinned and looked around the room, swaying gently to the beat of the music, and met Foggy’s eyes right before launching into the final chorus.
Can’t you see my baby’s got another lover
And I don’t know how I’m gonna survive…
She threw herself into the closing lines, shutting her eyes and tipping her head back as if she were trying to sing directly up to heaven.
Baby’s got my heart, and my baby’s got my mind
Tonight the sweet devil
Sweet devil’s got my soul
Foggy made his way through the crowd, toward the stage.
Matt. Are you up there, buddy? Are you hearing this?
The last few notes wound down, and Karen handed the mic back to the DJ with a tight smile. When she came off the stage, Foggy was right there waiting for her. He held out his arm, eyebrows raised in question, and she stepped in close and hugged him hard.
He wrapped his arms around her and spoke in her ear. “What do you need? You want another drink? Want to get out of here?” He glanced around the bar. “Or do you want to talk to good-looking strangers, because there’s at least two different people headed our way, and they look like they’d be happy to offer you some distraction.”
He had no idea how Karen dealt with heartbreak, but if she wanted to hook up with anyone, he certainly wouldn’t judge. He was prepared to tactfully disappear and leave her to it, if that’s what she wanted.
But no.
“Oh, god,” she muttered, pulling away and looking around. “No, that’s the last thing I want. Let’s go, quick.”
They worked their way through the crowd to the door as the next song began on the stage behind them, synthesizers over a prominent bass line. Before Foggy could identify it, they were outside.
They walked down the street together in silence, until Foggy asked, “You all right?”
She looked at him sharply, and he quickly added, “I mean, of course you aren’t all right, neither of us is. But…you all right?”
She gave a sad little laugh, and took his arm. “I’m not going to break down right here on the street, if that’s what you mean.” She sighed, and then softly added, “I miss him, Foggy. I miss him so much.”
“Yeah. I miss him, too.” The grief he could keep at bay most of the time suddenly rose up into his throat, and he swallowed hard and blinked his eyes rapidly.
“It hasn’t even been that long,” said Karen. “Before this happened, I went for ages without seeing him or even talking to him. But now…”
Foggy nodded. “I know,” he said, a little hoarsely. Before, they both knew that Matt wanted to talk to them, wanted to mend their relationships, and that he would be there whenever they were ready. Now, he was gone…and that mattered far more than how much time had passed.
“I wasn’t sure how you felt about him, until tonight,” he added.
“I wasn’t sure either, until it was too late,” she answered sadly. “I hate the way we left things, you know? I wish I’d talked to him more, while I had the chance. I wish we had made up properly, instead of…” She pressed her lips together and shook her head.
“Do you?” Foggy asked curiously. “Even if this was still going to happen?”
“Yes,” she said fiercely, and that was Karen all over—willing to risk being hurt, if what she got in exchange was worth it. “I haven’t forgotten all the reasons I didn’t talk to him. I haven’t forgotten how much he hurt me. But if I had known it was our last chance…” She sighed again. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I wouldn’t have done anything differently, I really did need time to think. But by the time I actually wanted to talk to him again…” She paused, and then burst out, “I just wish we’d had more time! Why did this have to happen, right when I was finally ready to give him another chance?”
Foggy squeezed her hand in sympathy. There wasn’t really anything he could say to that. She didn’t deserve to suffer like this. He didn’t, either, and Matt didn’t deserve to die, no matter how badly he’d fucked things up. But that’s what had happened, and those who were still alive were going to have to learn to live with it somehow.
For tonight, all they could do was keep walking, arm in arm, together.