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Yu Hao bit the inside of his lower lip, trying to convince himself to reach out and grab Zi Xuan’s hand. He was allowed, now. They were - more than friends? Friends with benefits? Boyfriends? The label didn’t matter because Zi Xuan had accepted him. He had dragged Yu Hao closer by the tie and kissed him, soft and sweet, and then less soft and less sweet. Yu Hao could still feel the phantom sensation of Zi Xuan’s mouth on his, the soft silk of his hair between his fingers. The clean smell of him even after a long day when Yu Hao had tucked his face into Zi Xuan’s shoulder as they hugged.
Each moment shone golden and perfect in Yu Hao’s memory and surrounded by floating hearts. He was going to remember this day for the rest of his life; every moment, every smile, every kiss Zi Xuan had given him.
Now, just hold his goddamn hand, Yu Hao told himself, his own hand clenching and unclenching. He snuck glances at Xi Zuan, his heart knocking against his ribs every time he found Zi Xuan looking back at him. Yu Hao couldn’t help but grin at him with each reciprocated look, inching closer and closer until their shoulders touched. The back of their hands brushed against each other. Yu Hao felt giddy and stupid with it. He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face.
‘You look kind of deranged,’ said Zi Xuan, and casually reached out and caught Yu Hao’s hand.
Yu Hao turned towards Zi Xuan, smile widening to the point that even he thought he might have looked crazier, and squeezed Zi Xuan’s hand. ‘Do I?’ he asked, voice cracking.
Zi Xuan laughed, eyes crinkling under his glasses. ‘Yes.’
‘It’s your fault,’ Yu Hao said, tugging on Zi Xuan’s hand. His palm was sweaty. Or was that Zi Xuan’s? It felt damp and warm, but it didn’t matter. He could feel each individual finger curled in between his own, the press of their palms, the pull and slide and minute movements with every step they took.
He was never letting go.
‘How is it my fault, Xia Yu Hao?’
‘It just is!’
‘Uh-huh.’ Zi Xuan tugged Yu Hao closer and raised his eyebrows at him. ‘You were asking me to accept you and now you’re blaming me?’
Yu Hao blinked at the sudden closeness, gaze dropping down to Zi Xuan’s gently quirked lips. He swallowed and his mouth fell open, tongue pressing against the inside of his top lip. Zi Xuan huffed out a laugh and bent down and kissed him, simple as that. Yu Hao shuddered with pleasure. He already knew how warm and soft Zi Xuan could be underneath his stoic exterior, but getting a taste of it just made him want more.
Their hands tightened around each other, and Yu Hao angled his body towards Zi Xuan. He felt his bag slip down from his shoulder and he shrugged to try and hike it up again, unwilling to let go of Zi Xuan’s hand or his fistful of tie or break the kiss or even breathe.
Anybody could see them but it didn’t matter. Yu Hao wanted everyone to look and know: Qiu Zi Xuan was off limits. The thought made him bite down on Zi Xuan’s bottom lip a little too hard.
Making a sound low in his throat, Zi Xuan pulled back with a frown, his free hand reaching up to touch his mouth. ‘Hey, no biting!’
Yu Hao grinned goofily at him. ‘I can’t promise that.’
Zi Xuan shook his head. ‘You’re going to be more trouble, aren’t you?’
‘Yeah, probably.‘
Smirking, Zi Xuan lightly flicked him on the ear. ‘Nothing I can’t handle.’
Their hands swung between them as they walked home, tucked discreetly between their bodies. Already, Zi Xuan’s grip felt familiar and grounding, and Yu Hao wondered how he’d ever gone through life without someone’s hand entwined with his.
‘I really like this,’ said Yu Hao, wriggling their arms until Zi Xuan bumped him with his shoulder.
‘Cut it out,’ said Zi Xuan, trying to be stern but failing, dimples peeking out as he tried to curb his smile.
Yu Hao skipped a step ahead and twisted their arms over his head until Zi Xuan was forced to turn with the movement, yelling and swearing at Yu Hao all the while. Somehow, they ended up with Yu Hao under Zi Xuan’s arm, their hands still linked.
‘There, are you satisfied?’ asked Zi Xuan, eyes bright.
‘Yes. Are you gonna sleep over tonight?’
Zi Xuan blinked at him, eyes widening, and Yu Hao laughed at the look on his face, feeling incredibly, unbearably happy.