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Lance doesn’t know how much alcohol lays in his veins tonight, but it certainly wasn’t too little. The small house was blurry and people were blurry and the sky out there was too dark and then his head started spinning so he just sat on the ground and waited. The music was so low now that he could hear people talking. Wasn’t it supposed to be high and irritating? The point of parties was not being able to hear anyone and pretend you do. “What am I waiting for?” he thought to himself and that made him get up and sit on the sofa, where a known couple at college was making out softly. There were together for more than a year now, which was shocking for Lance because he absolutely hated the girl part of the couple and so did his friends and he couldn’t believe someone so annoying and fake could make someone so happy. Was she different with him? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t care. Does he? He wishes he could know people entirely, but that would mean people would also know him entirely and that wouldn’t be good. It’s interesting to know about them but Lance was a mess. A complete, confused, fucked up mess. The messiest mess. Messy mess. Heh, that’s a funny term. Wait, how did his head get here? Because of that girl. He was thinking about the annoyingly fake girl. He’s sitting next to her. Oh, yes, he’s that drunk tonight because of her.
You see, the boy isn’t a drinker. Lance started drinking in college only for no particular reason and it felt good so he does it sometimes but he isn’t exactly the most resistant person when it comes to alcohol. So, tonight, he promised himself he would try some new things and one thing led to another and at one point blonde girl was filling his cup with pure vodka and telling him to drink the whole thing. As it was said earlier, he wasn’t used to it and didn’t know shit about any drinks so him being completely wasted was unexpected. One moment he was talking to one of the few people he knew at that party and in the next he was leaning against the front door, sleeping.
He was bored now. When he looked up at the ceiling it started to spin and it was funny at first but now… it’s just not the same anymore. He looked at the couple next to him, which wasn’t kissing anymore but were staring at him. Was he doing anything weird he hadn’t noticed? Probably. He gave them a thumbs up, making them laugh smoothly and they gave him a thumbs up back.
Lance looked up again, sighing. He liked that feeling of euphoria and dizziness, though. If that’s all there was left for him to do for the rest of the night then so be it. He couldn’t go home at the moment because 1) the friend that brought him was as wasted as he was and 2) he was at the peak! He will only come down from the drink’s effect from now on so he better enjoy it while it lasts. But, man, was it boring.
He tried to change his position enough to make himself feel even woozier, if that was possible, putting his feet at the top of the sofa, making his whole body turn upside down. His head is at the edge of it, where his knees were before. It's a nice position until he’s hit by a memory of his ex. Ex-boyfriend? Ex-friend? Ex-casual hookup? Ex-I-really-liked-you-and-thought-we-would-be-together-for-a-long-time-but-turns-out-you-were-just-pretending-to-like-me-so-you-left-me-for-someone-else? That's most likely the one.
The memory is from some day way before they had even kissed, but Lance was already full body and soul into that guy. He wanted to spend every moment with him so they agreed to meet at the city’s main park (even though Lance had an exam the next day), which had a big skate ramp. When Lance got there, Edward was already waiting for him at the top of it and asked him to climb up there with him. They talked a lot about everything and at one point, after multiple mutual fears about becoming their parents were shared, Ed started talking about his childhood. He said he has always had a thing for boys, even if he hadn’t noticed it until earlier that year, but it was pretty obvious.
“My first kiss was with a boy.”
“Seriously?!”
“Yeah. It wasn’t good, though.”
“They aren’t supposed to be” Lance said, laughing a bit.
“Kisses?”
“First kisses.”
“Right.”
“Mine was with an older girl. Like, four years older. I was eleven at the time.”
“How was it?”
“Weird. She put her tongue on my mouth and I definitely wasn’t expecting that but I couldn’t say it was bad because I didn’t have enough experience to tell. So guess I’ll never know. Why was yours bad?”
“It wasn’t exactly bad, just non-functional.”
“What do you mean?”
“We were at a skate ramp, just like this one, but smaller. I was probably eight. My head was hanging at the edge of it. We were really close friends so I asked him to kiss me. And he did.”
“I don’t see how’s that bad.”
“Have you ever kissed someone upside down?”
“Nope.”
“Well, it’s awful. Lips don’t connect, teeth bump. A mess.”
A mess. The messiest mess. That’s what Lance was at the moment and at every moment and he knew that’s why Edward left him so easily. No, he left him because he didn’t love him. Goddamnit, he didn’t even like Lance. Why would he pretend for so long that he did? It’s something else he would never know. He should start a list, really. He sighed and opened his eyes, only now realizing he had them closed the whole time. What was he going to do with his life from now on? This year of college was almost over, he didn’t have any close friends or a date, so what now?
Maybe he shouldn’t think like this. Was he crying? His tears are not falling down his cheeks, they are burning his eyes instead. Why are they doing that? He’s upside down! Right. Nice. Lance whipped away his weird tears. His face was hot now, so he licked his lips and sighed one more time. He feels the sudden need to kiss someone like that. Is it because of Ed? No, it isn’t. You could prove him someone wants you. He’s not even here. ...Right. And that would be a dick move. Definitely.
He pouted. He needs a smooch, now!
“CAN SOMEONE KISS ME PLEASE?” he shouted at everyone and no one. “It’s my drrrream!” Talking was too hard at the moment but he kept going like the big fuck up he is. Nobody seemed to notice his arduous claims and if anyone did they didn’t turn around to look at him. “No one? Seriously? C’MON!”
Maybe he wasn’t wanted. Maybe Edward was really better than him and prettier and nicer. Everyone loved him and a few people liked Lance and it must come from somewhere. There must be something. Should he give up on his already not so romantic love life and in the rest of his life? He didn’t have any friends. He was alone now, in that sofa, and he will be later when he gets home and sits on his own sofa and cries himself to sleep because he hates everything about his life— the life he built for himself.
“Hey, pretty boy!” he shouted at a guy just passing by, which made him turn around and look at Lance. He looked to the sides, making sure it was directed at him.
“Yeah…?”
He was tall and slim and looked soooo cute in those black skinny jeans and red t-shirt, holding a dark drink in his left hand. He could be in a band. Was he in a band? Lance would form a band just so he could be in it.
“Kiss me”, he said, during a mental lapse. What? What was that?!
“Uh…” Pretty boy was cryptic. Lance couldn’t read him and he hated that. He’s gonna dump him. Yeah, he definitely will ‘cause it’s so easy to dump Lance and he’s cute and why would he even want to get close to messy-mess Lance and he probably got a boyfriend. A girlfriend? He’s in a complicated relationship, he can’t kiss anyone at the moment and it’s so obvious judging by that amazing black fluffy hair at the top of his head and now Lance wants to run his hands through it but he can’t and he won’t because— “Sure.”
Lance came back from his self-deprecating monologue immediately to stare into his eyes. Why did they have to be so dark? Wait, no, that’s not why he’s shocked. What did he just say?
“Sorry… what?”
“I said sure” Lance was too drunk but he could clearly notice the boy’s cheeks become pink as he turned his head to stare at something else. Pretty boy wants to kiss him?
“Well… come here then.”
And so he did. He got closer to the sofa.
“Should I kneel or…?”
“Yes, my beautiful knight in shining armor, you shall kneel.” Lance instantly regretted his words. The boy turned red and it was the most beautiful thing ever but he couldn’t give him a reason to give up on their… romantic moment. He decided he should just shut up forever.
Pretty boy put his drink aside, kneeled down in front of him and placed his palms on Lance’s hot, probably colored, cheeks and it felt a bit weird because the tips of his fingers were on Lance’s jawline. Lance had to go even lower on the edge of the sofa to get to his lips. He approached slowly, making Lance almost beg for him. He could feel his heat now. Their lips lightly touched, giving them both just a taste of each other and maybe it was that whole cup of vodka but Lance’s heart was jumping around now. Stop it. Focus.
Lance couldn’t take it anymore and kissed him smoothly, slowly, wishing he could put his hands on the boy’s hips now and thinking about how much he tasted like pepsi-cola. So that was his drink. Pretty boy kissed him back, trying as much as possible to make that feel nice. Kissing upside down is really weird, after all. They kept going for what Lance felt was a lifetime but once they pulled out, it didn’t seem like it was enough.
The boy got up, grabbed his drink and left. The last thing he saw from him was the back of his body heading to the backyard and Lance tried so hard to memorize anything from him that wasn’t the heat of lips so he could find him later but he knew any attempt would be in vain. He thought about those lips for too long and would’ve kept going if it wasn’t for his body rejecting everything he had that night, making him run to the bathroom and throw up in the sink. So romantic.