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It starts almost a month after the four of them join Rainbow.
Bandit barely notices it at first – he’s still getting used to the crowds of people arriving on base, of the routine and the idea that he’s going to have to work with operators other than Blitz and IQ and Jäger, which is a horrible thought, but if he managed to get used to them, he can probably manage to get used to anyone.
He notices it eventually though, because he knows his team and he knows their habits and he’s too damn paranoid to not notice any changes (even if they’re ridiculously insignificant, like Jäger getting up two hours later because he knows he won’t get shouted at any more, the lazy bastard).
He spends a week quietly observing IQ to confirm his suspicions (because you can never assume anything, in his experience), before deciding that he’s definitely right, and goes to find Jäger in the workshop to tell him.
.
“IQ’s flirting with Blitz,” he announces before the door has even closed behind him, grinning slyly and moving Jäger’s tools out of the way so he can sit down opposite him.
Jäger slides his welding mask up (why he needs it for simple soldering, Bandit will never know) and blinks at him in confusion.
“Wait, what?” he says, putting the soldering iron down and motioning for Bandit to turn it off. “Didn’t you tell her about you two?”
Bandit grins, and Jäger frowns at him questioningly. “I thought she would figure it out herself, so no, I haven’t.”
“Why do you look so happy about this? I’d have thought you’d be angry,” Jäger asks, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hand, and okay, he’s right – Bandit had expected himself to be angry, too, but the opportunity is too great to miss. He never gets to prank IQ, after all, and he trusts Blitz; it’s not like anything is actually going to happen.
So he grins even more and doesn’t reply until Jäger’s confusion turns to mild exasperation. “I’m sure she’ll find out one way or another,” he says with a shark-like grin, ignoring the way Jäger sighs and shakes his head.
“You’re an idiot, you know that, right?” Jäger says, but the corner of his mouth is twitching; he likes a good joke as much as Bandit does himself, and this is mostly harmless. IQ will probably see the funny side and Bandit might earn a punch or two, but it won’t cause lasting damage.
“So you like to tell me,” he replies, tossing a roll of tape at Jäger’s head and making him yelp. “You won’t tell?”
Jäger snorts, affronted. “Of course I won’t tell – if you’re busy agonising her, you’ll leave me in peace.” He expertly dodges the second roll of tape sent flying in his direction. “So I might finally be able to get some work done. And it’ll be funny, I guess.”
“Twenty pounds says she asks for help,” Bandit says with a smirk.
Jäger rolls his eyes but grins back. “She’ll notice eventually. She’s not completely blind.”
.
IQ’s attempts start small – she joins Blitz and Bandit on their morning run and their late-night sparring sessions, complimenting Blitz on his technique and smiling sweetly. Blitz is as oblivious as ever; he waves the comments off and tells IQ that if she thinks he’s impressive that she should go and watch Rook and Sledge train, then offers to help her improve her own technique, which she gladly accepts, something akin to victory in her eyes.
The training leads to nothing but bruises and IQ’s first hand-to-hand victory over Bandit (which hurts his pride but makes IQ and Blitz so happy that he doesn’t do much more than steal half her socks in retaliation), but after a few weeks in which Blitz does nothing but smile and ruffle her hair fondly, IQ steps up her game.
With the help of a cheerful Glaz, she makes the base breakfast, but Bandit doesn’t miss the way she peers at Blitz for approval when she delivers him his (and he doesn’t miss the glare Ash shoots in their direction, either, and he makes a mental note to talk to Jäger about it – he and Ash are friends, after all, and he has the uncanny ability to worm secrets out of people). She buys him his favourite sweets from the small shop in town, makes him cups of coffee at every opportunity and hangs off his arm when they go out to the pub, pouting cutely – and Bandit knows he should be jealous, but the sight of IQ trying her damn hardest to woo Blitz is far funnier than it should be, and Jäger has reported that the rest of the base is beyond confused, since they had noticed within a week what IQ has failed to in eight months.
(Twitch approaches Bandit on behalf of her squad to ask what the hell’s going on, and Bandit gains a new-found respect for her when she throws her head back and laughs, before promising to keep IQ in the dark.)
.
It takes another month before IQ gets fed up.
She lasted longer than Bandit had expected, really – IQ is notoriously impatient when she tries a new task, eager to succeed but struggling to understand that some things need time, and he’d figured she’d be the same when it comes to a crush. Bandit had been sure after their last night out that Jäger would win their bet, but IQ had somehow remained oblivious to the way Blitz had attached himself to Bandit’s side, sappy grin on his face and drunken compliments falling from his mouth that still make Bandit blush when he thinks about them.
He supposes he feels a little bit guilty for letting her carry on in vain for so long, but really, Blitz has never been particularly subtle about anything, no matter how hard he tries – it’s IQ’s own fault for not noticing, and she’ll see the funny side eventually.
(And IQ’s faces when Blitz accepts her offerings in mild confusion before carrying on as normal are honestly hilarious.)
She approaches him in the kitchen one morning, chewing on her lip and pausing briefly to fill a glass with water before sliding into the chair opposite him. Jäger looks up from his food and his eyes widen before meeting Bandit’s own, and Bandit has to force himself not to grin victoriously and demand his winnings.
“Hey, Ban?” she asks after a few minutes, frown fixed to her face and tapping nervously on her cup.
Bandit looks up from his phone and cocks an eyebrow questioningly.
“Does Blitz have a girlfriend?”
Jäger’s eyes widen even further and Bandit is fairly sure he dribbles some of his juice down his chin, the idiot.
“No, he does not. Are you interested?” he asks, feigning innocence and determinedly not looking in Jäger’s direction – Jäger will only laugh if he does, and then the gig will be up.
IQ sighs. “Yes, but he hasn’t noticed any of my attempts at all, so I spoke to Twitch about it and she reckons he’s gay.”
Jäger chokes on his mouthful of bread.
Bandit closes his eyes in brief annoyance before reaching across and slapping him on the back, probably harder than needed but enough to turn the grin threatening to spread across Jäger’s face to a look of apologetic hurt.
IQ thrusts a glass of juice in Jäger’s direction and watches worriedly as he downs it, cheeks pink and corners of his mouth twitching. He waves a hand apologetically, and Bandit almost regrets getting him involved – if she weren’t so preoccupied, IQ definitely would have noticed how much the coughs had sounded like muffled laughs. Jäger is almost as terrible at subtlety as Blitz.
“Would there be a problem if he is?” Bandit asks mildly, only semi-serious. He knows IQ, believes that she wouldn’t care, but it’d be reassuring to hear all the same.
“Of course not!” she says, eyes wide with worry, and she sounds so sincerely upset at the thought that Bandit can’t help but feel guilty for asking. “I just wanted to know so that I wouldn’t continue my efforts when there’s no chance of it ever happening,” she continues, “then I could move on, you know?”
She winks, and any last concerns that Bandit might have about tricking her for so long go out the window. She won’t care too much about Blitz, in the long run – she’ll be embarrassed, and she’ll probably punch Bandit in the gut, but she won’t be too upset.
(She definitely won’t be if Jäger pushes her in Ash’s direction, that’s for sure.)
“Want me to ask him?” he asks, and Jäger sputters something unintelligibly as he tries and fails to swallow his bread. Bandit rolls his eyes and ignores him, and IQ shakes her head in bemusement before offering him her glass of water.
“Please, yes – it’s a bit obvious if I do it, you know?”
Bandit manages not to grin. “Yeah, I know – come on, we’ll go find him now.”
He pushes himself up from the table and IQ follows, refilling her glass before passing it to Jäger and sweetly saying, “Please don’t choke, you idiot.”
Jäger blushes and hides his eyes behind a hand, and when IQ’s back is turned, reappears to waggle his eyebrows and give Bandit the thumbs up. Bandit flips him off, motions for him to hurry the hell up, and follows IQ out the door.
.
They find Blitz in the gym, in the middle of a fight with Rook, and Bandit takes a moment just to watch. Blitz is one of the strongest people on the base and it’s downright impressive watching him in the ring – he moves like a dancer, despite his bulk, and knows almost more tricks than Bandit does when it comes to taking someone down.
IQ makes a strangled sound as he neatly dodges a swing of Rook’s legs, snapping Bandit from his thoughts, so he takes her by the arm and pulls her into the gym.
“Hey, Blitz!” Bandit calls as they approach the ring.
Blitz ducks a punch and looks around in surprise before signalling for a pause. Rook backs off into the corner to stand with Castle, both of them wearing grins that look all too knowing, and Bandit briefly wonders just how many people Twitch has told.
“I thought you guys were running, today?” Blitz asks when they’re close enough to not have to shout, wiping sweat from his face and smiling brightly.
Bandit can’t help but smile back. IQ’s ears are pink and it’s a bit of a struggle to keep the blush from spreading across his own cheeks – Blitz is shirtless and sweaty and built like a god, after all; it’s hard not to look and harder not to want.
“We were going to, but something came up,” he replies, nudging IQ gently. Her ears turn redder, but she smiles sweetly and flutters her eyelashes. Blitz tilts his head questioningly, suspicion in his eyes, and Bandit decides that he can’t not ask - he’s come this far, now, and if IQ is angry, he’ll just have to deal with it. He just hopes Jäger hurries up, and that he thinks to bring a camera.
So he schools his expression to one of innocence and blinks as though thinking carefully, then slowly asks, “Are you gay?”
IQ shifts awkwardly next to him, and he’s pretty sure Rook just doubled over, sniggering knowingly over at the other side of the room - and it’s a struggle to keep a straight face when Blitz is staring at him, mouth slightly open and caught somewhere between amusement and disbelief.
“Bandit,” he starts, after a few moments of silence. “We’ve been dating for a year.”
Bandit can stop the cackle that tears itself from his throat as IQ turns an odd shade of red, mutters, “oh my God,” and buries her face in her hands.
Blitz turns to her in concern and the sheer bewilderment on his face makes Bandit wheeze – he can hear Rook coughing and Castle slapping at his back and he hopes to hell that the CCTV cameras are turned on; it’s not often he gets to prank IQ, which is a shame because she reacts so beautifully.
“Ban, what have you done?” Blitz asks with a confused frown, gripping IQ’s trembling shoulders – and that sobers Bandit up a bit, he doesn’t want her to be actually upset –
She pulls a hand from her face and steps aside, out of Blitz’s grasp, and comes to slap him sharply upside the head.
“I cannot believe you,” she says, twisting her other hand into Bandit’s sleeve and punctuating each word with a half-hearted hit that makes him duck and dodge with a grin. It’s a relief to see that she’s smiling too, despite the slight wetness of her eyes and the blotchy red of her cheeks. “You arse, how long have you been planning this?”
She reaches out to slap him again, grin growing as Blitz steps in to stop her, his eyes comically wide with what Bandit thinks might be shock, and that’s all it takes to make IQ crack.
“What is going on?” Blitz asks, holding an arm out to stop IQ staggering over as she hiccups, a hand still tangled in Bandit’s sleeve.
“I have been flirting with you for months,” she manages to wheeze out, eyes definitely wet but smile bright enough that Bandit doesn’t feel guilty about it. “Nobody told me you were dating, I thought you must be blind not to notice!”
“Or gay,” Bandit chips in with a grin, accepting the slap to the arm it earns him.
Blitz flushes. “I mean, I'm bi, but that’s irrelevant!” he says, and drags a hand through his messy hair. “I thought you knew! We’ve not exactly been hiding it!”
Bandit wheezes again – it’s true, they haven’t been hiding it, and he still can’t quite believe that IQ somehow didn’t notice – and IQ manages to turn even redder.
“I know now, I just thought that was a you-two-thing!” she says, reaching across to gently swat Blitz across the shoulder.
“It is,” Bandit says with a smirk that makes her pinch him in the ribs.
“Be quiet, I'm angry with you,” IQ says shortly, but her grin says the opposite and she doesn’t move from where she’s leaning on his arm.
“I was wondering why you kept buying me things, I thought you were just being nice!” Blitz says, flustered. “You should have mentioned it!”
IQ laughs again and wipes the corner of her eye with her thumb. “It’s fine, it’s my own fault, I should have noticed – I cannot believe-“
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell her,” Blitz says, turning to Bandit, who pretends to look affronted and earns himself a fond eyeroll. “How long have you waited to spring it on us both?”
Bandit grins wolfishly. “Two months, maybe? Jäger knows. And Twitch. So probably everyone else on base knows too, by now.”
Blitz presses a hand to his forehead and sighs in exasperation, but his lips are twitching and when he looks back at them his eyes are bright with mirth. “You’re the worst,” he says, hand betraying him and coming to hold Bandit’s arm before steering the pair to the benches.
Bandit shrugs cheerfully. “Not my fault you’re both so oblivious.”
IQ blushes and Blitz shakes his head before pulling on his shirt. “I thought you were dating Ash, anyway,” he says to IQ, who blinks in surprise.
“No, I thought she was dating Pulse?” she replies, and Bandit resists the urge to face palm.
He's saved from having to respond by the arrival of Jäger, who’s holding his phone and smirking. “She’s been flirting with you longer than you’ve been flirting with Bli, it’s almost painful to watch,” he says with a dramatic sigh, neatly tossing his phone in the air and catching it again. “I videoed that, by the way, Ban – thought you might like it for Christmas.”
“What?” says IQ in disbelief, and Blitz pinches Bandit’s arm and says, “You’re terrible – really, really terrible.”
Bandit huffs but accepts the kiss Blitz presses to his cheek to show he doesn’t really mean it. Jäger rolls his eyes and mimes being sick, and gives Bandit the thumbs up when he flips him off.
“You’re serious?” IQ asks, and okay, Bandit hadn’t expected her to move on that quickly, but he can’t say he’s upset about it.
“Of course I'm serious,” Jäger replies with a huff. “She’s been glaring daggers at Bli all month - please tell me you at least noticed that.”
Blitz mildly says, “Ah. I was wondering what that was all about.”
Bandit buries his face in his hand with a disbelieving snort.
.
(Two weeks later and stuck waiting for the helicopter to land at a base in Holland, IQ gets her revenge and tells Bandit in far too much detail just how well her newly-made relationship with Ash is going, hand motions and all.)
(He does get his £20 from Jäger, though, and she does eventually shut up when he gives her half, smirking broadly and reminding Bandit just why he usually avoids tricking her.)
(Neither Blitz nor IQ notice when, a year later, Jäger comes to breakfast covered in hickeys, and Bandit prays for patience as they question Jäger about when he’ll finally make a move on Fuze.)