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Part 16 of Dissassociation by Subtle Shenanigans
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Published:
2018-08-28
Completed:
2019-05-05
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2,279
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Persona, Ego; Tomato, Tomato

Summary:

It's not that Dan, and Phil, didn't have Egos, exactly, but rather, that they went by a different name.

And really, since they refer to their community as a fandom, would we have expected any different?

A few chapters on the Personas of Daniel Howell and Phil Lester.

Notes:

I've been meaning to do this for sooooo long.

But, yeah, so there won't be much, but I want to dabble in Dan and Phil's "Egos". I don't know if Phil has any super old ones - I do know that Becky and Jessica recur quite a bit in Dan's videos. Psycho Thoughts and Personal Space definitely have Jessica, and most videos with Jessica also have Becky in it. They're also the only female personas that are recurring that I know of. I'll list actual episodes per Personas' chapters, okay?

This is just a chapter list to start with, since I'm tired.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Chapter Index

Chapter Text

Chapter Index

 

 

  • Chapter 1: Darker Boyos

Featuring: Dark Dan (Daniel), ABlazingPhil (Blaze)

Video(s): Antisepticeye VS. Darkiplier

Additional: Daniel seems to use some sort of depressive energy to sap the hope and joy out of someone, while remaining fairly despondent himself. Blaze has some sort of fire abilities, and leans towards being a pyromaniac, happy to burn someone or their belongings for fun or petty vengeance. Both fit in a monochromatic/dark colored scale, except for Blaze's fire, and eyes (a dull, gray-blue.)

  • Chapter 2: Becky & Jessica

Features: Becky, Jessica

(Note: Both are personas of Dan's)

Video(s): Psycho Thoughts, Personal Space, Social Interaction, etc. ((will be updated))

  • Chapter 3: Soft Pastel Boyos

Features: DreamXDaniel~ (Dream), PastePhil (Paste - 'e' is silent) <-- note, names may be off a little

Video(s): Pastel Edit IRL, Pastel Lemon Meringues

Additional: Dream tries very hard not to swear, as it is not soft at all. Both are quieter and softer spoken than Dan and Phil themselves, and while still energetic, it's a more subdued energy. They like tea and good books (like their real-world counter parts, except) rather than video games (which they love a lot).

 

Chapter 2: Darker Boyos

Notes:

((Oh?

Well, hello there.

Oh, I'm sorry; were you expecting Subtle? She's. . .sleeping, at the moment.

Don't mind me though. I'll just be fixing this mess she made.

Let us not mention I was here.

After all, I haven't done much.

Yet. ))

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Darker Boyos

 

   Dark Dan (or Daniel, as Blaze referred to him as, on occasion; he couldn't go by Dark or Dan singularly, for various reasons) wasn't an actively antagonistic person. He preferred to follow behind Dan in the shadows - sometimes Dan's own shadow - and watch from dim lit corners with an apathetic gaze. He only spoke when he felt like chipping away at Dan's own mentality, stating discouraging thoughts and reasonings into Dan's mind at almost every thought, option, and opportunity.

    Daniel viewed his role like inevitability; this was his course in life, this is what he did, and there was nothing to stop it.

    He wouldn't lie and say he was emotionless; rather, he was numbed and drained. But he couln't deny the curiosity he felt at the what ifs - what if he drained every last little bit of hope at a better outcome? Made him too anxious and nervous to make a choice, or make an incorrect choice? Amp up his nerves until he had to fight to retain his joy even with people he felt safe around?

    Dark Dan was a curious individual who found entertainment in chipping down Dan's walls and progress.

    Blaze, on the other hand. . .

    ABlazingPhil, well, he was more lively. Impish, even, and willing to play pranks that easily went too far. Blaze enjoyed reactions, and disaster, even on the smallest scale. Phil was already clumsy, so it was no problem for Blaze to upset his balance enough for him to bang into things, or burn himself while cooking. Small things, that wouldn't alert Phil to Blaze's presence, but enough that left Blaze laughing.

    And while Daniel, who was a dreary, darker version of his counterpart in black and grayish-white, Blaze was colored with the firelight that he held in himself. Daniel was content to subtly mutter discouragement, draining hope every second you held his gaze, but Blaze was quicker, more bold and blunt in his goal to ruin one's day in a flip of a switch.

    Dark Dan creeped up upon Dan to gradually shift his mood, and Blaze ruined Phil's day by striking quickly with an upsetting moment.

    Neither of their YouTuber counterparts were aware of them, yet, which was fine by them. 

    But, it was only a matter of time.

 

     And even when they did find out, was there really anything they could do?

Notes:

Wow I'm really tired. Barely remember writing this chapter.

Chapter 3: Becky & Jessica

Notes:

NGGGGHHHH MEANT TO DO THIS A FEW DAYS AGO. SORRY.

It's interesting because while these two don't have much of a background, we know a little bit of how their friendship changed and developed over time.

EDIT: Oh wow this went into heavy headcanon territory I didn't even know that I had. Also (WARNING) minor mentions of an eating disorder, unspecified.

Compilation of just Becky and Jessica: https://youtu.be/3au8frhC46g

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

     Becky met Jessica when they were in High School.

     Jessica had been one of those popular girls; someone that everyone liked, who loved flaunting the newest fashion, and chatting excitedly about the latest trend.

     Becky, who was more down-to-earth and shy, had complimented Jessica's cardigan, a rich Burgandy that brought out her hazel eyes.

    And Jessica knew in that moment that Becky was going to be her friend, her best friend, because while Jessica got along with the other preppy girls, none of them saw how she looked in clothing - they only commented on the name brand.

     Becky was a real-girl; who although she liked fashion and style like most her age, she saw it as an interest to share.

   It became fairly toxic after that.

   By time they graduated, Jessica began to become more of a dominant fixture - Becky was little more than a side ornament to put down so that she would shine more.

    Honestly, it probably began when Jessica became obsessed with body image; she had to be pretty, beautiful even, and to be beautiful she had to be thin. Nothing else mattered except for this crucial fact in Jessica's life, and when Becky didn't share this viewpoint - told Jessica that it wasn't really healthy to think like this, well. . .

    Becky was already kind and timid. It didn't take much for Jessica to shove her down into the dirt until she became little more than a despondent companion, loyally following but eager to keep peace.

    She didn't argue with Jessica when the latter fought to give up chocolate, or skipped a meal, or ate less - merely stayed close by to give her tissues when she couldn't keep up with her "diet", or made her a filling dinner that was still healthy.

    And Jessica grew darker, and greedier for attention, because in her eyes it was Becky's fault - to be so thin when she wasn't (honestly, Jessica had maybe two pounds more on her than Becky, that showed as the slightest bit of paunch in her face.)

    So she began to shame Becky amongst her "friends"; acquaintances at parties and gatherings. Her haughty glower as she crowed, "OH EM GEE! Have you, like, seen how fat Becky is getting? Unlike me - I've been dieting lately." And she'd twirl and flaunt while Becky just clasped her hands and kept her gaze low.

     They're twenty-two when they meet Dan and a mate of his at a party; the British boy hunching low and hiding to play games on his phone, while his friend looks on in exasperation and disdain.

    "Worst wingman ever!" His mate hisses at him.

    Ah.

    Eventually they meet again, this time Dan with a different friend who he introduces as Phil. Jessica is quickly uninterested (recalling Dan as the "lame internet dweeb"), but Becky in a move of boldness claims she needs to hit the loo, and instead looks for the socially awkward duo.

   (The funny thing is that they won't know it until years later that Becky and Dan are distant cousins.)

    "Jessica sounds like a jerk," Phil says, frowning. Becky didn't know how she had gotten into the topic with them, but in a way she's glad that she did.

    "It's not that!" Becky insists, because she has to defend her friend, right? "She's just touchy!" 

    Dan raises an eyebrow. "Is she really?" Maybe it's just the alcohol but he seems like he's easing into socializing, having been quiet and looking away when speaking beforehand, but is now looking her right in the eye.

   (Phil had all been nervous energy and twitching that gradually calmed down.)

   "Look, the way I see it is that she's a judgemental Bee who treats you like absolute crap. You should cut her out of your life."

    "Dan!"

   (She has a feeling that Phil is typically the unfiltered and blunt one, due to Phil's panic at what must be uncharacteristic of Dan.)

     Becky quickly assuages the situation and let's them know that it's perfectly okay. When Jessica eventually drags Becky home, however (because Jessica didn't let Becky drink at parties, since Jessica planned to get absolutely smashed and needed a ride home), Becky can't help but think about their conversation.

    Was. . . was Jessica really not a good friend?

   It took a week of thinking for her to understand that yes, she wasn't.

    It took two and a half more months to want to finally do something about it.

    At this point their friendship was too far gone; they couldn't just say sorry and make up - if Jessica even would look past her pride to admit that she was wrong - because they would just fall back into old patterns and continue in the toxicity. 

    But Becky was a shyer creature by nature.

    So she just unfriended Jessica on FaceBook.

    And boy, Jessica was mad.

    She called her immediately, voice shrill as she threw a hissy fit, demanding to know why Becky would do such a thing. Honestly, Becky hadn't really cared for social media being the contorted thing that it had become, so she managed to duly answer, "I never really liked FaceBook much."

    "But you're supposed to be friends with me on there! You have to keep your facts straight and status updates or people assume things! We're friends so therefore you have to be my friend on there!" Jessica sounded confused.

   (When had Jessica last referred to her as her Best Friend? When had she last treated her like one?)

    For the first time in her life, Becky realized that she didn't have to deal with this.

   "We're done," she said in a note of finality, and hung up.

    She ignored the phone calls and the text messages in the weeks that followed. Eventually deleted her number.

    And she lived.

   Years passed; just a few, really. 

   Becky meets a man soon after named John, and they have a kid named Timmy. It's a quiet, calm life, but Becky is content.

    Even when John dies in car accident two years later (he was just walking to the store to get some groceries-) Becky is still okay. It hurts to lose her husband (they were married not long after Timmy was born), but she has Timmy and he's a precious child with his father's eyes and her soft face.

    It's three years later (Timmy is five), that she runs into Jessica again.

   And it's-

she remembers parties and make up and laughing, dazzling lights and wearing peace signs and talking about their weird interests,

and then yelling and shouting and cursing; crying in the morning at the thought of seeing her "best friend" because she doesn't know if she can handle one of her moods today

Jessica isn't eating right and fainting but she just won't listen that she looks fine, she's beautiful

saying goodbye and never speaking again for five years-

   -she's not going to lie: it hurts.

    But Jessica just gazes at her, eyes wide. She's still dressed like a fashionista but it's toned down. There's more weight on her than Becky ever recalls seeing in her life.

    It looks nice.

    It looks healthy.

    Jessica looks close to crying but she just swallows, muttering hoarsely, "Y-you had a kid."

    Becky nods once, slowly. "Yeah; his name is Timmy."

    Jessica doesn't even see the shopper trying to get past her; they're both in the middle of the aisle, frozen and stiff respectively. "Not Timothy?"

    And Becky? She relaxes, just a little. Gives a laugh. "Ha! No, his dad wanted something more informal."

    "Mum, who's tha'?" Timmy pulls on her sleeve.

    Jessica bites her lip, looks away.

    "An old. . . an old friend, Timmy. Her name's Jessica. Go on, say hello." She nudges her son.

    "Hello!" He says, chipper.

    And Jessica looks at her simultaneously like she had both been slapped and hugged.

   "Hello, Timmy," Jessica stoops down to shake his hand. "It's nice to meet you. Your mother is. . . a lovely person."

    And maybe, just maybe it's old ties. Old habits. Or maybe Becky is sure that something in Jessica has changed. 

    Either way, she thinks it's time to let the past fall away and to build new bridges.

    "Hey, Jessi? How about we go grab some lunch, yeah? Catch up?"

   After all, life is about moving forward.

 

Notes:

Yeah these are pretty much just character set-ups.

But a special month even is around the corner so you may see these peeps again, who knows 0u0.

Chapter 4: Pastel boyos

Notes:

So yeah uh I’msorrythatIhaven’tcomebacktothissooner ,:D?

Anyways here’s some Patel Soft boyos!!!

Also apparently it was Phastel not Phistel in the vid.

Very short because I don’t quite know how I want to write these two.

Chapter Text

     Phastel watched as Phil prepared another video, smiling gently.

     Though it made him a little sad to see Phil wrap up his last ever video in his bedroom, he appreciated the courage it took to change course. Plus, the new background was really cool looking.

     He felt as well as saw his . . .well, creator but that term didn’t quite feel fitting. (Maybe he and the others could come up with a better, friendlier term? Though he’s not sure if he could get the Punks to agree with ‘dad’). Anyways, he could feel and see Phil’s emotions: some sadness, uncertain regret. It was grief over an ending. But there was also tentative curiosity, as well as excitement over a new beginning.

     Phastel swung his legs and didn’t make an effort to get down from the dresser by time Phil left.

     Danieldreamx - or Dream, as he’d been taken to being called - found him moments later, looking down and stuck in a storm of thoughts. He brushed his fingers against his best friend’s arm. “Hey? Phastel? You okay?”

     He perked right up. “Of course,” he murmured with a small smile. “Just getting used to the change.”

    Dream relaxed. He brushed his silvery-gray hair out of his eyes, responding warmly. “If you’re sure. I got a new book by the way. Do you want to read it?”

    He knew it was a distraction - Phastel has always been the more expressively emotional of the two. And with all of this change, well. . .

    It was Dream’s own way of coping, as well as helping his best friend.

    “Sure.”

    Dream seemed to brighten at that. Then there was a crash, and he scowled as Dan’s cursing filled the appartement.

     Phastel couldn’t help but giggle; Dream hated cursing. It was so different from his “creator” that it made Phastel laugh every time.

    Dream rolled his eyes and slid down off of the dresser. “Dork.”

Notes:

QOTP: Do you know how go play any instruments? (Feel free to ignore if you feel this question is too personal.)

My Answer: Yes! I play Trombone - I took two years in middle school, and bought one not to long ago. I play recreationally now, and am not as good as I once was. Seventy-six Trombones, ironically, is not the bane of my existence on the instrument (which is harder to play than some people think), but Under The Sea is.