Work Text:
Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. It’s only fair
that I should be the one
to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes
until I find the one where you’ll return to me.
Tongari (25 lives)
The midnight shift is always the hardest. Time seems to stand still when the sun goes down and fewer cars start to zoom past the grocery store. It isn’t just quiet – it is stifling. Daniel’s usually a fidgety person, always looking for something to do and a conversation to engage him in: maybe that is why the customers here love him so much.
Daniel doesn’t mean to be a brag, but it is a well-known fact that he charms his way into many people’s lives by just flashing them a charming smile and informing all the housewives on the latest discounts or helping older folks load their heavy groceries into the car.
“Hi there, how are you doing today?” definitely goes a longer way than “cash or credit?”. He learns the way of his customers, and it pays back every now and then. Many old ladies like to bring their daughters to the grocery store with them in hopes of setting them up with a date with Daniel, because, according to their words, Daniel is a “sweet and nice boy”.
Daniel always lowers his head in embarrassment, apologising profusely whenever he has to turn one of those nice old ladies down time after time. They never get mad at Daniel though, just pat his back encouragingly and tells him to call them if he ever changes his mind.
But the nightshift brings Daniel none of that.
If it were up to him, he would never volunteer for the midnight shift. But shit happens, more accurately, the flu happens and catches up to the regular midnight shift worker, so Daniel’s manager has him take over.
(After all, he is just a deadbeat youth who has nothing to do after graduating from college, right? Daniel’s managers words, not his.)
All the chatter from the day disappears, leaving Daniel with only the occasional sound from the door bell ringing – a rare sign that a customer has decided to buy something in the middle of the night.
His guess? Cigarettes, alcohol, or condoms, really. There’s nothing much people would want to get in the middle of the night when they could be doing something much more important like sleeping.
Daniel doesn’t see who enters the store, too caught up on the game he’s playing on his phone. He’s sitting in a way he knows blocks him from getting caught by the surveillance camera a little to the left of the cashier area.
When he lifts his head, he doesn’t see anyone. Daniel only hears the crinkling of plastics from the back aisle and puts away his phone. Even if there is only one customer at this god-damn hour, he’s not going to pretend like they don’t exist.
Tapping his fingers impatiently on the counter, he waits for the mysterious customer to make their appearance. He takes a bet on alcohol this time – the customer could be getting midnight snacks to go with a late-night drink.
He hears the fridge door opening, then slamming shut a few seconds later.
Bingo.
Daniel raises his head to smile at the customer, because you know, customer service.
And then for a split moment, Daniel’s heart drops. It doesn’t even come as a shock or surprise to him, neither is this an unfamiliar feeing. Rather, it is an all too familiar one that sends Daniel spiralling. He knows it is physically impossible for your heart to crack but he sure as fuck feels like his is being hammered into pieces right now.
For a moment, time slows. His throat dries as the figure approaches him. Every step that it takes towards Daniel feels like a sword piercing through his chest.
Mustard hoodie, grey sweatpants with two black stipes running down the sides and messy, golden brown hair.
Yellow has always been one of Daniel’s favourite colours of his. Yellow is warm, and yellow feels like home. So do the sweatpants that fit nicely across his slim waist. His hair is a golden brown in this lifetime – but Daniel doesn’t think that this small detail changes a thing. He’s still falling, still waiting for his eyes to recognise him.
It never happens.
Chips – in three different flavours. Cheddar cheese, original and seaweed. Lots of sweets and jellies. And packets of instant food. The usual, instant noodles, tteokbokki, kimchi soup, and two boxes of instant pizza.
He’s binge eating.
Daniel knows all of this because he knows everything about him. He knows he has an insatiable appetite for food, and only he would leave his house at 2 in the morning to get cheap and MSG loaded food like this. Daniel scans him from head to, well, he stops at his head, and his face.
It hurts every time – to look into eyes you have lost yourself in every single lifetime you have lived and survived; only to find that they do not recognise yours.
But it is the way their universe, or universes, works. There is no use kicking up a fuss or holding up a middle finger to the sky and asking the higher powers why they would ever put anyone through this much pain. (Trust Daniel, he’s tried it more than once.)
I miss you, the words almost slip out of Daniel’s mouth.
Wordlessly, Daniel scans his items and packs them into a black plastic bag. He pauses when he holds up the instant tteokbokki.
He always gets stomach pains whenever he eats this brand of tteokbokki.
He’s not even looking at Daniel. It’s so hard when Daniel has been the apple of his eyes for many lifetimes over and now; he is nothing. He’s just a cashier scanning his items. Daniel switches the tteokbokki around with his favourite instant spicy ramen he knows is proven to help resolve hunger and relieve stress from under the counter.
Daniel debates against it but decides to slip a packet of chocolate milk into the plastic bag in the end. It will help to cool him down. After all, it has always been one of his favourite and go to meals.
When his lips part, the words don’t come out.
What does he say? How does he address him?
Baby, honey, my everything, love, soulmate.
Daniel has so many to choose from.
In the end, he settles for, “That will be $30.00.”
Daniel’s voice comes out as gruff, uninterested when inside, he is burning to lean over the counter and tip his chin up so that he is looking into Daniel’s eyes, and then he would ask him:
You remember me, right? You promised me you would.
He hands Daniel the exact change and then, their eyes meet.
Everything comes back to Daniel. Everything he’s been working so hard to lock up in the darkest place of his mind has just been unlocked by the key. It’s like opening a Pandora’s Box – memories, the great and the bad all come flooding back to him.
After all this time, Daniel knows that they belong together. They are soulmates, have been from the very beginning. It is written in the stars that they are meant for each other – so why is he looking at Daniel like he looks at everything else?
The same.
“Thanks,” his deep and boyish voice echoes throughout Daniel’s mind, the one he has committed to memory since their first and will keep with him to their last. Daniel wants to run out after him, beg him not to leave and that he needs him.
All he does is stand in his place, numb and cold as he watches him rush out of the store, plastic bag slung over his left wrist and then, he is gone.
Their first encounters have never been anything different anyway.
Park Jihoon always appears in Kang Daniel’s life like a shooting star. He never expects it, it always happens on the most normal of all days. Just when Daniel thinks that: maybe not in this life, maybe he’s not here this time – he always makes his entrance like a blaze of fire across Daniel’s clear night sky. As always, Daniel makes his wish.
It is beautiful only for that single moment – everything after feels is empty.
In his mind, all he can do is think: I’ve missed you so much, Jihoon ah.
Jihoon feels like absolute death. Not only is he running on two hours of sleep from the previous day, he is hungry and there are no delivery places open. Which is why he’d decided to take a break and go on a walk to stock up on exam essentials.
Essentials being junk food.
Jihoon doesn’t know why he takes the longer route to the grocery store down the road when their college has a small one open 24/7 during finals week. Maybe he doesn’t feel like staying in that suffocating school any longer, or maybe he just wants some fresh air.
He finally feels free when he steps out of campus. It’s a little cold out but he’s wearing his favourite yellow hoodie and sweatpants. Not too classy but really, who expects anyone to be well dressed at two in the morning during finals week. This is just the tip of the iceberg, Jihoon could look so much worse.
Jihoon often gets small bursts of inspiration to do something – right now, that is walking to the grocery store at the end of the street to get something. He’s never been an impulsive guy, but there are moments he just cannot mistake the feeling he gets in his chest that he just has to do something.
Most of the time, it leads to nothing. His friends call him crazy but Jihoon knows he isn’t.
He’s a strong believer in a higher power. Jihoon wouldn’t exactly call himself religious but he’s absolutely sure that there is someone up there, writing his destiny as he takes small steps towards the store. Right now, the feeling is stronger than ever. It could be the three cups of coffee he has drunk, but it just feels like something big is about to happen tonight.
“Jesus take the wheel,” comes a groan when Jihoon returns to his room.
“I have brought the stuff,” Jihoon announces. God, his voice sounds horrible. He makes a mental note to make himself a cup of honey water later on unless he wants to suffer during final weeks with a sore throat. There is really nothing that could make this week worse.
“I really wish you were talking about drugs because that sounded so cool, but the reality is that we are poor college students who are surviving on microwave food,” Woojin sighs, but leaves his desk to see what Jihoon has brought in anyway. “Let’s take a look at the goods.”
They empty the plastic bag.
“I can’t believe you didn’t get tteokbokki!” Woojin suddenly screeches, shocking Jihoon. “I specifically told you I wanted tteokbokki! And what is this?” Jihoon glances at Woojin to see him holding up a packet that Jihoon doesn’t recognise. “Only one packet of chocolate milk. Really, Jihoon? Finals has made you out to be such a bitch. Look at you getting your spicy ramen for yourself even though you swore you wouldn’t touch it till after finals.”
Jihoon just blinks innocently at his friend.
“I got you your tteokbokki-“ Jihoon swears, clearly remembering because he’d internally grimaced when he’d plucked it off the shelf; instant tteokbokki never fails to give him bad stomach aches the next day – especially that particular brand. True to Woojin’s word, there is no tteokbokki in the bag.
What he does not remember getting is a packet of chocolate milk and spicy ramen. His favourite.
“You are a liar,” Woojin snaps. “I am taking all the chips as compensation. You can have fun with your new best friends: spicy ramen and chocolate milk. Goodbye.”
He shuts himself in the room afterwards. Jihoon doesn’t blame him, finals does make everyone lose their minds a little – including his own.
Jihoon sinks into the couch while waiting for the water to boil. (He is not going to go hungry, especially not when his favourite brand of spicy ramen has somehow magically appeared in his plastic bag.)
Still, he’s sure he wasn’t that out of it to mistake Woojin’s tteokbokki as his favourite spicy ramen, and then grab his favourite brand of chocolate milk in the process. Right?
It’s all very puzzling but it’s also close to 3 in the morning so Jihoon doesn’t ponder too much about it. Instead, he gets up in exactly three minutes to prepare his noodles. The noodles are as springy and tasty as he remembered – they’re very spicy too, perfect to go with the chocolate milk.
Huh, Jihoon wonders.
Fate does work in the funniest ways.
He returns to the grocery store the next day. Daniel cannot believe his luck – whether good or bad, when Park Jihoon enters the store at exactly 3am the day after, looking even more dishevelled than the day before.
The boy looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Daniel’s heart aches to see him so tired; he knows what exactly he would do to cheer him up.
First, he would force Jihoon to go to bed with him and coerce him into sleeping for eight hours straight. (The other boy loves cuddling. Adores it, even though he insists he doesn’t every time.) Then, he would cook up a big breakfast to serve to Jihoon in bed, and after that he would sit Jihoon down and ask him very seriously how much he had left to study for the exam.
Knowing Jihoon, the boy has already covered everything he has to. Park Jihoon is naturally smart and wise – Daniel clearly remembers being outsmarted by a particular scholar back in the days. He just freaks out a little bit too much, but to Daniel, even that is cute.
He waits for Jihoon to grab whatever he needs; already sure he is making a run for more junk food.
Daniel shouldn’t be one to critique the diets of others because he for one likes to indulge in greasy food from time to time. He’s practically in love with jellies. (After a very special boy, that is.) But he knows if there is anything Jihoon hates more than losing to Daniel, it is when he wakes up with a bloated face.
He’s already been prepared for this.
Daniel is sure. This is one of those lifetimes where the universe is throwing them together over and over again. Although there really is no need, Daniel already has a space ready for Jihoon to occupy.
He’s been here; he’s always been waiting.
Jihoon looks so tired. His usual shiny eyes brimming with energy look lifeless. Daniel wishes he could do something, anything, to make the other boy feel even just a bit better.
Without even a second thought, Daniel slips in two cans of energy drinks and replaces the chips in Jihoon’s bag with a few cups of yoghurt. (They’re sweet and a great way to stay awake without feeling guilty after.) Besides, Jihoon loves peaches. Good thing Daniel has already stocked up on lots of peach yoghurt beforehand.
Poor thing, Daniel sighs. Jihoon doesn’t even realise when he takes a bag full of items he didn’t buy.
Daniel feels like he should at least say something to the other boy.
“Hi”, “hello”, or maybe something like “I can’t believe you’re here, standing in front of me.”
After all, that’s what it takes to start everything, right?
Jihoon leaves again without another word except for “thank you”. But Daniel knows he is already trying his best to be nice. He knows all of this because he’s known Jihoon for multiple lifetimes and has fallen in love with every single possible version of Jihoon the universe brings to him.
For Jihoon, Daniel is always trying to be the best version of himself.
“You’re really nuts,” Woojin shakes his head in disbelief when Jihoon manages to somehow bring home the wrong order again. He’s sure that Woojin is playing a trick on him because he really did get Woojin’s tteokbokki this time. “Just say you hate me and go, Jihoon.”
“I just-“ Jihoon attempts to explain.
“Also, I don’t understand why you have to walk so damn far when we have a store just downstairs,” Woojin interjects. “I’m going with you next time, I’ll show you how to do grocery shopping properly.”
Woojin just gathers his sweets and disappears into his room again.
Jihoon just stares at the array of yoghurt and energy drinks spread out on their table. There’s no way… no, there’s no way he’s going crazy. He rubs his eyes hard and sighs when he realises this is not some sort of crazy dream.
Although he could really use a cup of peach yoghurt right now.
It’s sweet and tangy, like how Jihoon loves all his desserts.
Maybe there really is someone out there watching out for Jihoon. Whoever it is, Jihoon sends his thanks because the yoghurt is heavenly, and the energy drinks keep him going till morning. He finally goes to sleep when the sun rises.
He knows it is a really strange thought to have before falling asleep but Jihoon really wishes someone would make him a huge breakfast in bed and tell him that it’s okay to take a break sometimes. Soon enough, his exhaustion takes over and he plunges into darkness.
Jihoon keeps his eyes wide open this time. He even slaps himself a few times to make sure that he is in the right mind. He catches the cashier looking at him a few times; it’s the same guy that has been scanning his items for the past two days.
He must think Jihoon is the weirdest.
Ignoring the cashier’s piercing stare, Jihoon grabs his go-to chips and makes sure he grabs Woojin’s tteokbokki as well. He even stops by the yoghurt section to grab himself some yoghurt because it is his new obsession. Really, who thought a dessert could taste so guilt free?
Jihoon gulps when he strides up to the cashier.
He hadn’t thought of this before but he’s probably the only customer that comes in promptly in the middle of the night to binge eat all the junk food. Jihoon wouldn’t be surprised if the cashier is judging right now as he piles all the food on the counter.
Jihoon can’t see his face well because it is hidden by a black mask and his cap, but he towers over Jihoon by a head. He scans Jihoon’s items in silence yet again.
He doesn’t let his eyes leave the tteokbokki this time.
“Ah-“ Jihoon lets out a yelp of surprise when the cashier attempts to chuck the same tteokbokki box behind him. “I- I need that, please. Don’t throw it away.”
The cashier’s eyes widen at the sight of being caught.
His voice is nothing like Jihoon expects.
Yet, at the same time, there is something so familiar, so raw in his voice that has Jihoon drawn to him immediately.
“You’ll get a stomach-ache, Jihoon ah.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Daniel knows he is screwed.
Jihoon’s eyes widen when he calls out his name – when his name feels so right on Daniel’s tongue. Now that he’s finally said it out loud, it feels real. Jihoon is here, and he is in front of Daniel.
“I mean, sure,” Daniel clears his throat. “That will be $9.00.”
“No, you know me,” Jihoon shakes his head. “How do you know me- and how do you know I… what the fuck is going on right now? I must be going crazy from studying too much.”
“You don’t have to push yourself, you’re doing well.”
Daniel can’t keep his mouth under control whenever he’s with Jihoon, can he?
“Who the hell are you?” Jihoon snaps. It hurts when Jihoon talks to him like this, when he talks to Daniel like this. With spite, anger and even frustration. “Do we know each other?”
Jihoon, I’ve known you in every single possible way.
“No,” Daniel mumbles, keeping his eyes down as much as he would love to look at Jihoon in the eyes and get lost in them. “Sorry, I thought you were someone I knew.”
“You called my name,” Jihoon emphasizes, not letting it go.
Figures, Jihoon has always been stubborn in all their lifetimes. Sometimes, it is endearing. While other times it can be frustrating when he refuses to leave things as they are.
“Kang Daniel.”
First times are always the hardest; especially the first time Jihoon says his name in every lifetime. It is unfair how Jihoon does not know how powerful his words can be, especially when just by saying Daniel’s name, they carry as much weight as all the universes they have lived in combined.
Daniel has heard his name being called in so many ways.
Jihoon calling out to Daniel when he misses him.
Jihoon shyly saying his name when he wants Daniel to do something for him.
Jihoon saying his name with so much love and adoration when he strings together the words, “I love you” in the same sentence.
“That’s your name, right?” Jihoon demands, pointing at his name tag.
“Yes,” Daniel just nods.
“Okay, Kang Daniel. You’re really not going to tell me why I have never heard of you – and yet you know my name and that I get stomach-aches when I eat this brand of tteokbokki? I’ve never told anyone that.”
Wrong, you told me when I bought you that as a small gift in our 17th lifetime. The lifetime where Jihoon was an Olympic gymnast and Daniel was a volunteer at the games. He was trying to cheer Jihoon up, and failed miserably, if Daniel had to add – by offering an athlete junk food. That was a happy lifetime, one of the many, where their love was passionate and fulfilling.
“Everyone gets a stomach-ache when they eat this brand, it’s a known fact,” Daniel lies through his teeth. “It’s so spicy – but so good.”
These were Jihoon’s words to him back then.
Jihoon just frowns, “And my name?”
God, he is such a persistent brat. Daniel loves that about him.
“Wild guess,” Daniel shrugs. “Happy now?”
“Listen up, Kang Daniel,” Jihoon slams his fist on the table as he leans into whisper to Daniel although they are the only customers in the store, “I don’t know how you know me when I’ve never seen you in my life. I’m letting this go because it’s too early in the morning to argue; but I will be keeping a close eye on you.”
Not in this life, Jihoon. But you’ve known me in several others.
After all this while – why can’t you recognise me?
Daniel just blinks back his tears and tries to conceal it with an eye roll, “Whatever, man.”
Jihoon huffs – unsatisfied at Daniel’s answer. It’s always been one of their weak points in all their relationships. Daniel gets very passive aggressive when Jihoon starts acting up. In conclusion, they’re both idiots. Jihoon just grabs his plastic bag and storms out of the store.
Daniel just plops onto the stool, completely stripped of his energy from just the smallest of encounters with Jihoon. He rubs his forehead; he can feel a migraine coming for him. Just in case, he opens the bottle of painkillers he always carries with him and gulps one down with water.
He shouldn’t blame Jihoon for not recognising him.
That’s low, even for you, Daniel, he chides himself.
But can Daniel really be blamed for feeling this way? It is such a vicious cycle to live over and over again. Honestly, Daniel gets his hopes up every time only for them to get crushed when Jihoon’s gaze lingers on him for just over a split second; and Daniel thinks- oh my god, he recognises me- until Jihoon looks away and Daniel realises that even though Park Jihoon has been his entire world for an infinite number of lifetimes, he will only be a small part of Jihoon’s.
Well, he is lucky he even gets to be a part of Jihoon’s world.
The lifetimes where he does not are the worst. By far.
Jihoon cannot shake the strange feeling off his chest even when he unlocks the door to his dorm and settles in his own room. He leaves Woojin’s tteokbokki in the kitchen with a “I’m sorry” note and brings the rest of the snacks into his room.
He rummages through everything else he’d gotten from the store when his eyes stop at an unfamiliar packaging.
“Dwaeji gukbap,” Jihoon mutters to himself.
He hasn’t had one of those in ages.
This isn’t one of those cheap instant ones that taste nothing like the original, this is the brand that includes the freshest of ingredients for the taste to be as authentic as possible. Jihoon’s stomach grumbles, but he only gets more frustrated.
There is no way he would have gotten this for himself, which must mean the weird cashier with the really nice voice- Kang Daniel, must have slipped in something again.
Who are you, Kang Daniel? And why do you keep doing this?
For all Jihoon knows, the dwaeji gukbap may be poisoned and he is just another pawn in Kang Daniel’s serial killer plan to slowly get rid of all the college students in the area. Then again, Jihoon remembers he has a pile of submissions to hand in this week and he has gotten none of them done.
A little poison wouldn’t mean anything at this point of time.
“Damn…” Woojin gushes hoarsely when he finally exits his room. “That smells fucking amazing.”
“It’s from Ahjumma’s,” Jihoon says, reading off the package as his soup boils. Woojin is right, it smells incredible. “Reminds me of home every single time.”
Woojin leans over Jihoon’s shoulder, taking in the smell, “You splurged on this? This is like, three times the cost of regular instant dwaeji gukbap.”
Jihoon gulps. Should he tell Woojin about the weird cashier?
“Hey, can we share? I just need two mouthfuls to survive, I swear,” Woojin interjects.
Jihoon turns off the stove, already exasperated.
Although selfish, he wishes he could keep this amazing dish all to himself.
“I’ll set the table,” Woojin squeezes his shoulder, “You owe me for blue-balling on tteokbokki anyway.”
“Not sure if that’s how that’s supposed to be used.”
“Give me a fucking break, Jihoon. It’s final’s week.”
Ah, fuck it.
That’s mostly how Jihoon makes most of his decisions, really.
“You know,” Jihoon says, not wanting to start on the dwaeji gukbap just yet although it looks so good. He knows once he takes a single bite out of it all conversation will be thrown out of the window immediately. He can practically taste it on his tongue.
“I finally figured out why my groceries were going batshit crazy the last week.”
Woojin just hums, already too absorbed in the dwaeji gukbap. His friend is a liar, he’d promised Jihoon just two mouthfuls but Jihoon is sure he’s already halfway through.
“Turns out the cashier was swapping out our stuff,” Jihoon says.
It feels so weird to say it out loud.
“What?” Woojin narrows his eyes. “You mean the cashier was taking out my tteokbokki and replacing it with shit like peach yoghurt? What the fuck, Jihoon? We should report him to the police!”
“The peach yoghurt is amazing!” Jihoon defends.
Well, it’s true.
“I… it was so weird, Woojin,” Jihoon scratches his head. He wishes he didn’t have to have this conversation at fuck-o-clock in the morning but he’s worried that it may not seem real unless he says it out loud. “I saw him taking out your tteokbokki again, then I called him out. Then, he called out my name. My fucking name. He told me not to take the tteokbokki with me because I would get a stomach-ache if I ate it.”
“Would you?” Woojin raises his eyebrows, like this is the most pressing question he can ask right now.
“I-“ Jihoon sighs, exasperated. “Yeah. I would. I get the runs really bad, okay? I’ve never told anyone. It was so freaky. I’ve never seen him nor heard of him, yet he knows something I’ve never voiced aloud?”
Silence from Woojin.
“You sure you don’t have crazy stalkers or something?” Woojin asks.
“One who follow me to toilet and note what kind of food gives me diarrhoea?” Jihoon shudders at the thought. “God, I fucking hope not. Save us all. It’s finals week, this is the last thing I need.”
“I beg to differ,” Woojin points his chopsticks at Jihoon. “This is exactly what you need.”
Jihoon just stares at Woojin like he’s just eaten his entire dinner and left him with nothing but scraps.
Oh, wait. He did.
“Homeboy has good taste,” Woojin looks pointedly at the food.
“Asshole,” Jihoon hisses. He is literally on the brink of breaking down but all Park Woojin is how the creepy cashier has good taste in food.
“Don’t worry. It’s probably some weird guy from school,” Woojin assures Jihoon. “I’ll go down with you tomorrow in the afternoon or something, maybe I’ll be able to recognize him. And then you can sleep safe in your bed tonight.”
Jihoon doesn’t say it, but that does make him feel a bit better.
“That’s if I even get any sleep,” Jihoon grunts.
He digs into the dwaeji gukbap before he is left with nothing.
And, god. Jihoon isn’t by any means a foodie but he knows good food when he tastes some. And this right here in front of him is a delicacy. The soup, although a little cold, carries so much flavour without even a hint of MSG. It goes perfectly with warm, white, rice. Jihoon thinks he’s in heaven, and shoves spoon after spoon into his mouth very ungracefully. It doesn’t bother him, because it’s all worth it.
Shit, he realises. Woojin is right.
Homeboy has really good taste.
His co-worker returns to the midnight shift the next day, and Daniel gets shifted to the afternoon to evening shift. He thinks those are his favourites – he gets to mingle with the chatty housewives when they come to him and ask about the latest discounts while shopping for their dinner ingredients.
“The grapes are really sweet this year,” Daniel informs the middle-aged lady standing in front of him while packing her groceries in a paper bag. “You picked some really good ones.”
“Aren’t you the sweetest boy,” she coos, making Daniel smile shyly.
A little conversation goes a long way.
He used to hate his job – look down on it, even. After all, in all the lifetimes that he has lived he has never expected himself to end up as a cashier in a neighbourhood grocery stores where his best friends are old ladies and eager housewives.
When he’d ended up with nowhere to go with his lacklustre college degree, Daniel fell into a slump. He knew he had to feed himself somehow, which is why he ended up here.
Here is nice, Daniel decides, waving goodbye to the lady.
At the very least, he isn’t moping around all day and he can tell his future employers that he is an expert in packing and memorizing daily discounts. (If they ever offer him a job, that is.) He hasn’t heard back from any interviews in weeks, it’s safe to assume he didn’t make it through the second round.
He has lived through failures in many lifetimes. This is nothing, right?
A basket full of groceries gets hoisted up onto the counter, distracting Daniel again.
Without even realising, he puts on a smile to greet the customer.
However, his smile drops, along with his heart.
“Jihoon ah.”
“That’s him,” Jihoon hisses, nudging Woojin in the ribs. They’re peeking out from the condiments aisle near the cashier counters and getting very strange looks from all the other customers. He didn’t expect weird cashier guy and potential stalker Kang Daniel to be here considering he’s been taking the midnight shift for three consecutive days.
Not that Jihoon is taking note, no.
It’s been less than a day but Jihoon cannot shake off the feeling that Kang Daniel is not a stalker, but he definitely knows something that Jihoon does not.
“You sure?” Woojin laughs out loud. “Not to doubt you or anything but that guy looks like the type of guy to have stalkers instead of stalking someone like you instead.”
Woojin is right, unfortunately.
Kang Daniel seems like a different person now that Jihoon is seeing him in the day. Without the mask and the cap, he looks like a completely different version of himself. Even though he is wearing the same uniform as everyone else, Jihoon thinks he somehow stands out.
“You sure you have the right guy?” Woojin asks again, still not believing Jihoon. “Because I just want to make sure that he’s not a crazy stalker before I go chat him up.”
“Stay here,” Jihoon growls, pulling Woojin back by his nape. “You will not chat him up.”
“Just kidding,” Woojin laughs nervously. “He doesn’t look like a grocery thief at all. I think you were just hallucinating. Oh- wait, where’s he going?”
Jihoon is thinking the same thing when Kang Daniel leaves his spot, then bends down and oh- he’s helping an elderly couple carry their groceries out to the car. It’s probably the lack of sleep talking for Jihoon, but Kang Daniel’s arms look nice with his hands full of heavy groceries.
He’s so screwed up.
Kang Daniel loads the groceries into the car quickly, bows to thank the couple who look like they’re on cloud nine – of course, he must seem like such a sweet boy to them. They pat his back and wave goodbye to him; and he jogs back to his counter, greeting the next customer with the widest smile.
Jihoon’s heart melts, just a little.
“I have to talk to him,” Jihoon decidedly says, pushing the basket into Woojin’s hands. “Grab whatever you want.”
It’s the only way he’ll ever find out Kang Daniel’s secrets – if he is even keeping any.
“Jihoon-ah.”
He knows this voice. How does he know this voice?
It’s obviously Kang Daniel’s voice but there is no way his voice could be that familiar if they’ve never met until this week. It’s clearly Kang Daniel’s lips that mouth those words, and it’s Kang Daniel’s eyes he’s definitely fixated on – but it makes no fucking sense at all. Jihoon’s hands clench into a fist.
“You look better,” Kang Daniel muses when Jihoon doesn’t reply, still too stumped to do anything. He starts scanning Jihoon’s items. “Did you sleep?”
“I-“ Jihoon begins, then shuts his mouth again. In a voice slightly lower than a whisper, he says, “I think I need to talk to you.”
For a moment, Kang Daniel looks shocked. Jihoon doesn’t know how he’s noticing all the little things about an almost-stranger but Kang Daniel’s eyes widen a little and his left eyebrow twitches. Jihoon feels his heart sink; now he’s being the weird one. He gets a sudden desire to reach out his hand and cup this dashing cashier’s face and wonders if his sense of touch recognises this stranger as much as his sense of hearing does.
“I don’t know why this is happening,” Jihoon pleads, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. “But I feel like I should know you and I don’t. Is this weird? Fuck, I’m being weird, I’m so sorry. I should go.”
Jihoon makes a grab for his groceries and tries to run out the door when he catches him by the wrist.
His heart almost explodes into pieces – like how a meteor smashes into the ground. It happens in lightning speed and the impact is so great, Jihoon has to make sure this is not a dream.
Never in his life has Jihoon felt this way about anything.
“Jihoon, I-“ Daniel calls out. He turns around, and Daniel is chewing on his bottom lip, as if hesitating to say something. “It’s not weird. But I don’t want to talk about it now. If you still feel like this in a week, after your final, come find me – I’ll be here.”
Finally, it feels like his world starts to slow down.
“You better be,” is all Jihoon replies before running off.
Kang Daniel sneaks in a milk tea packet into his groceries that day.
Jihoon sleeps very well that night.
Waiting is the hardest part.
Waiting for Jihoon to somehow show up in his life again, waiting for Jihoon to finally accept his feelings and waiting for Jihoon to come back into his arms again – it’s all difficult and very painful. But when the boy steps into the store; red hoodie and adidas sweatpants clad over his toned frame, Daniel decides waiting will always be worth it.
“Midnight shift?” Jihoon asks as a greeting. Daniel knows this is not what he is here for.
“No,” Daniel shakes his head. “I’m handing it over now.”
He checks the register one last time, locks it up well and waves goodbye to the employee that has to bear the midnight shift on his own. Life’s tough, but someone has to do it.
Jihoon follows Daniel out of the store without even being asked to.
The words are always the hardest to form. In his heart, Daniel has this practiced millions of times over lifetimes, but when it comes to actually saying it out loud – it is suddenly not so easy anymore.
“Here,” Daniel passes Jihoon a brown packet they’ve become familiar with. “I hope you liked it.”
“It helped me survive my finals,” Jihoon confesses, hands still in his pocket – a sign of embarrassment, Daniel knows. He removes them to receive the milk tea. His hands are soft and warm.
“The peach yoghurt was amazing too. And the dwaeji gukbap? It reminded me of home.”
Daniel just smiles, content just by listening to Jihoon talk.
“You always looked like you needed something other than sugar loaded jellies or chips. It was the best I could do for you.”
“I never said thank you,” Jihoon continues. “I just yelled at you.”
“Well I was replacing your groceries,” Daniel chuckles and shrugs it off. “I didn’t know the tteokbokki was for your friend, I just didn’t want you to get sick on finals week.”
Jihoon stops in his tracks.
“Can we sit?” Jihoon gestures to the park bench on the side.
Daniel sits, and leaves a small gap between them.
“My friend Park Woojin just wants to know if you are a stalker.”
He attempts to lighten the suddenly heavy mood, but even his best thought of jokes doesn’t seem to fit the situation at all. The corner of Daniel’s lips rises slightly, and Jihoon basks in the glory of succeeding in making the other boy smile.
This Kang Daniel – he doesn’t smile very much, does he?
“Not a stalker,” Daniel assures. “You can put the gun down now.”
Hah, even their humour codes match. What a coincidence.
“Then how?” is all Jihoon asks.
It sums up all his questions – how do you know me? How do you have this effect on me that I don’t have the words to explain? How am I so comfortable with you when we have never met in our lives?
Daniel just sighs and looks up at the night sky.
It is a while before he actually starts speaking, but Jihoon lets him take his time.
“The first time I saw you, you were a young boy who quit school to work for your family. You ran a medicine shop, and I was the boy who had tripped and fell and somehow ended up with you blowing on my cuts and giving me the medication even though I couldn’t afford it. I chased you, and you loved me back.”
He loved Daniel back? What does that even mean?
Jihoon doesn’t understand, at least not yet. Nothing makes sense.
Yet, at the same time, Jihoon can almost envision it in his head.
A young rascal bleeding from his knee; his hand stretched out; a smile returned, ten times brighter than the one Jihoon had given. Laughter – Jihoon can almost hear his own laughter coupled along with another voice. One similar to the one talking now.
“The second time I saw you, and I clearly remembered all our firsts. When you looked at me for the first time, I knew you didn’t. You were a dashing prince from another kingdom who rode on a white horse into my castle. I showed you my castle’s garden and you showed me that I could fall in love with the same person twice. Then the drought came, and the war took you away from me even before I could ask you to be mine.”
Jihoon does not know why, but his throat tightens, and his chest feels heavy.
It feels as if he can feel the physical pain of an arrow being shot through his chest. Then, there are tears and a lot of crying – crying out someone’s name. He’s crying out for his prince; his king – but Jihoon cannot put a face to it.
“The third time I saw you, and I still remembered everything. But I got to you too late, you were already happy with someone else. I still loved you unconditionally. Watching from the sidelines was painful, but I don’t think it can compare to those lifetimes where we don’t meet at all.”
Jihoon cannot remember anything, but the tears still flow from his eyes nonetheless.
It is as if heart understands everything his memories do not.
“Fourth time, we met in a bakery. You baked the prettiest cakes and I was the weird teenage boy who bought all of them even though I was short on cash. I thought that was the best way to get your attention. You loved me back, and I cried because I then knew how much you meant to me. You baked a phenomenal cake for our wedding.”
Cakes, Jihoon smiles. He’s always loved them.
And then he thinks he sees them – flirting over the countertop, playing a little game of push and pull, wondering who will be the one to fall first. Little did they both know there was no falling to be done; for their hearts had already been set on each other.
Their fate had already been written and rewritten in the stars above them.
Daniel chuckles, but instead a muffled sob comes out.
Jihoon glances at Daniel.
He’s crying. He’s crying like it physically hurts to say this all out loud. The tears flowing down his cheeks are endless, but he is still smiling; he’s still trying to smile for Jihoon.
Instinctively, Jihoon wipes his thumb over Daniel’s cheek.
“Fifth, sixed and seventh we lived together till death brought us apart. There were many others like those. I was the happiest then, knowing you were able to fall in love with me lifetime over lifetime.”
Silence takes over for a fleeting moment again. Jihoon tries to take it all in.
“What lifetime is this?” Jihoon finally asks.
He’s afraid to know the answer.
“Twenty-fifth,” Daniel answers with a proud smile.
“You ask me this question every time,” Daniel adds.
Jihoon doesn’t know why, but he feels like the only appropriate thing for him to say is:
“I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“Not remembering,” Jihoon says. It fucking makes sense, every word from Daniel’s mouth fits like a puzzle piece and Jihoon’s life and Jihoon doesn’t even know how. It could be a madman’s story but deep down, Jihoon can feel it right down to his bones that every word from Daniel is true. He sees it, he sees them being happy, he really does.
“You always say sorry,” Daniel replies.
Jihoon’s heart just cracks a little more.
“I wish I could remember,” Jihoon confesses, burying his face into his hands as if that will somehow bring the memories back to him. “I want to remember everything.”
Everything – from the very first time he set his eyes on Kang Daniel. Did he already know that they had something special between them? – and to the very times where Daniel chases him from galaxy to galaxy and falls every time, without fail. If only he could remember; then he could repay Kang Daniel with the same amount of love he has poured out for Jihoon.
“There are some bad things even I don’t want to recall,” Daniel says. “We fight a lot, because we are so different. But you always forgive me and give in first – as if you know you are making up for something. There are lifetimes where we are enemies instead of lovers, but those are so much better than the ones we never meet.”
They are lucky this time.
“Can you-“ Jihoon chokes on his words. “Can you wait for me just one more time?”
At least for this lifetime – he doesn’t want to lose Kang Daniel. Not now, not when he already has no recollection of their past. All he has is now; and now he wants everything.
“Hoonie,” Daniel says, fingers resting gently on top of Jihoon’s hand.
The pet name feels so right, the hand-holding clicks into place immediately, as if they were meant to do that all along. Jihoon keens, feeling his heart jump just a little from how Daniel says it. So right, so perfect, Jihoon’s heart tells him.
Jihoon commits all of Kang Daniel to his memory. He swears he will remember.
“I’ll chase you from galaxy to galaxy until I find the one where the stars align perfectly for us.”
“So will I. I’ll try my best, I swear,” Jihoon replies, burying his head into the crook of Daniel’s neck.
It’s my safe space-
-Jihoon had said in their 20th lifetime.
He fits perfectly – just like Daniel knew he would.
“I will wait,” Jihoon intertwines their fingers tighter together, as if he’s afraid that Daniel will go anywhere. “I’ll wait for you until one day I will remember everything, and you no longer have to be the only one chasing after me. I promise.”
Even though they are crying, their tears are of pure joy and happiness at finding each other in this lifetime.
Daniel isn’t afraid anymore.
Just like there are endless lifetimes coming where he has to chase after his brightest star, his love will be equally everlasting for the boy in his arms. He’s not afraid of what the universe has to throw at them – he knows, believes that just as there was a beginning, there will one day be an end.
Daniel knows they will have the perfect one.
25+1
Jihoon smiles when his producer passes him the guest list for today and the programme outline along with a few leading questions. It’s safe to say that the people here trust him enough to not have to spell everything out for Jihoon.
An idol group.
“They’re one of the most highly requested guests for your show,” Sungwoon winks. “The homepage was exploding with their fans.”
“Huh,” Jihoon just hums, flipping through the papers.
“I know you always do, but make sure they feel comfortable, ‘kay?” Sungwoon pats his shoulder before disappearing; probably to attend to something else.
Jihoon settles into his chair, eyes lightly glancing across the paper when he spots a particular name the makes his heart stir. He rubs his eyes, but the words do not disappear. It’s real, and Jihoon has to pinch himself to see if he is dreaming.
He’s been waiting too long.
Finally, today, it all comes to an end.
Daniel fiddles with his fingers nervously in their waiting room while waiting for his members to finish with their makeup. It’s a viewable radio show, so they still have to look pretty for all their fans that will be tuning in to the broadcast in…
Half an hour, Daniel muses, looking at the clock on the wall.
Somehow, his heart is not settling well today, and his stomach is a bundle of nerves. His throat is dry; he hopes it doesn’t show later. He can always attribute it to him being tired. After all, it is late at night.
The night the stars align.
That’s the name of his radio show.
Daniel clutches his script tightly in his hands, the questions and answers long forgotten.
There is a knock on the door, and a friendly face peeks in.
“If you’re all done with your makeup would you like to say hello to Park Jihoon? He’s in his waiting room,” the producer who had introduced himself earlier, Ha Sungwoon suggests.
“Hell yes,” Jaehwan pumps his fist in their air, Woojin follows by nodding enthusiastically as well.
Daniel trails behind them in the hallway, his footsteps suddenly seeming very heavy today.
“Oh man, I’m so nervous. It’s like meeting a celebrity. Can you guys believe we’re actually on the Park Jihoon’s radio show? He’s so handsome- and his voice, I could listen to it all day,” Jaehwan doesn’t stop rambling even on the way to the waiting room.
He’s really created a name for himself this time, Daniel smiles. He’s so proud.
Woojin knocks on the door hesitantly, and they enter the room, one after another.
Daniel realises one thing then.
No matter lifetimes he lives through, Park Jihoon only manages to become more beautiful every time.
He is unusually quiet today.
Jihoon thinks he knows the reason behind it.
“-we had such a great time, please invite us again next time,” the group’s cheery main vocal, Kim Jaehwan, shakes Jihoon’s hand for the nth time that night. He laughs; they are such a funny and interesting group. Jihoon knows they will make a big name for themselves in the future.
“I will, thank you so much for coming on,” Jihoon bows again.
The group does their final greetings, then shuffle out like children out of the room, a particular boy; jet black hair with agonizingly perfect proportions and the same puppy smile being the last.
“Kang Daniel-?” Jihoon calls out after hesitating.
He turns back so fast, as if he’d been waiting all along.
Jihoon holds out a cup of peach yoghurt he’s been hiding in his pocket all this time.
“You seemed quiet during the show, were you nervous?”
Daniel’s eyes almost pop out of his sockets when Jihoon pushes the yoghurt into his hands.
“Me- me? I was, no I wasn’t nervous exactly, but I guess I was kind of- yeah. I was nervous. T-thank you for this.”
He is so adorable.
“You messed up your introduction as well,” Jihoon pouts. “Such a shame.”
“I can do it again for you?” Daniel scratches the nape of his neck.
Jihoon just raises his eyebrow, wondering what the other boy is up to now.
“Hello, I’m Triple Position’s rapper and dancer, Kang Daniel. Please take care of me from now on.”
Jihoon just chuckles.
“I should introduce myself too.”
“Hello, I’m the radio DJ of “The night the stars align”, Park Jihoon.-
-also known as your soulmate for the past 25 lives. It’s nice to see you again.”
The smile that lights up Daniel’s face is worth living through ten, no, hundreds and millions of lifetimes.