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2018-08-30
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My Comfort Item is a Knife

Summary:

Over the years, Ace has developed a coping mechanism in flicking his knife in and out of it's holder, sort of like a pen. He doesn't stop to think how this will effect 2D, a past victim of abuse.

(I am very bad at Summaries.)

Notes:

The first part is not that good, it's mostly just memes, so if you want you can skip to the second part, which is indicated by the break in text.

Trigger warnings:

Mentions of past abuse

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 Ace never went anywhere with out his trusty blade. Sort of like how he never went anywhere without his shades, but even his shades would be removed from his person every once and a while. No matter when, no matter how inappropriate of a place to bring a blade with you, he had it on him. Swimming pools, hospitals, airports; Somehow, he was always able to hide it somewhere on his person. Hell, he would even fall asleep with it in his pocket every so often.

 If anyone asked him why he always had that blade with him, Ace would probably tell them it was either to 'keep up a character' or to 'make sure he's always safe', but the real reason was much more badass. Oh yes, the most badass reason of all. It had become like a comfort object to him.

 Yeah, sure, maybe at first he really did only have the blade to keep up a tough facade and to stay safe, but now it was much more then that. When he was scared, (which he rarely is, mind you) he'd just think of the comforting weight in his pocket, one consistency in his life, and feel braver. When he was anxious, he'd take the blade out and flick it in and out of it's holder, sort of like how some people flick a pen cap.

 That specific habit would get him in a lot of trouble quite a lot. He would often get his blade out with little thought of the people around him and the place he was in. For example, he once was at a preschool, for no reason what so ever. (Well, it was actually to pick up Snake's younger cousin, but he never tells anyone why when re-telling the story to add to the comedy. Unfortunatley, while it would probably be hillariuse if I chose not to disclose the reason while writing, I have choosen to in a desperate attempt to be taken seriously, even though I pepper jokes in everwhere else in this story.) While he was at this preschool, he became anxiouse for one reason or another and absent mindedly flicked out his blade.

 To say the least, a little girl screamed, a parent slapped him, one child tried to steal his knife, and he was told he was never allowed to go back to the preschool ever again. While that was most likely technically the worse event to happen to him because of his blade flicking habit, he definently felt much worse for what he accidently did one day;

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 Ace had been part of the Gorillaz band for only two months now, but somehow he had become fairly emotionaly attached to all 3 other members of the band already. If he had to pick a favorite band mate, it would must likely be 2D. The man was odd, to say the least, and even a bit unstable, but he was also kind hearted, talented, and hillariouse, even if sometimes Ace was unsure if he was meaning to be or not.

 Currently, Ace was watching a movie with said man; One of the horror flicks 2D seemed to greatly enjoy. Ace was usally fine during horror movies, he knew they were fake so he didn't find them that scary. No, he wasn't scared, just... Anxiouse. Extremley anxiouse.

 In this specific horror movie, their were many moments of intense, seemingly stretching forever silences. They would come right before crappy jumpscares, and happened enough in the movie for Ace to not get surprised by them. Yet, being in complete quite for such long periods of time, with nothing to look at other then a scene on a screen, which was usally of a dark corridor with nothing interesting to look at, his eyes wandered.

 As his eyes roamed around the room, he tried desperatley to focus them on to something, but everything seemed too akward to. His first thought was to look at or near 2D, but something about the man made him hard to look at without getting extremley nervouse... For some reason.

 After that incident, Ace tried more frantically to find anything else to look at. He didn't know why it was so hard to survive just one scene in a movie, but it bloody was. Without really noticing, he got his knife out by years of muscle memory and habit, and flicked it open.

 Thump! Ace looked over quickly to see 2D had fallen off the couch onto the ground, panic written all over his face. Had something jumped out in the movie while Ace wasn't watching? He looked to the scene to see it was still in the dark hallway, only for a monster to pop out a few seconds later. No, guess it must have been something else. Ace subcontiously squeezed his knife in concentration, and that's when it hit him.

 He speedily sheafed the knife into it's holder, putting it just as quickly into his pocket before kneeling on the ground next to 2D. "Sorry, 2D! I- I didn't realize that would scare you, it's just a habit of mine." Ace quickly tried to explain himself, helping the other man to his feet again as he did so.

 "S'alrigh'. I'm jus' a bit jumpy 'cause of the movie is all." Despite his words, 2D was visibly shaking and his eyes were darting around as if someone was going to attack him at any second. Besides, Ace had watched a few many horror movies with 2D, and he had learned by now that the blue haired man didn't get easily scared by them, even when Noodle would make sudden loud noises from somewhere in the house from doing... Whatever it was Noodle did in her free time.

 Ace tried his best to look sturn. "That's a lie." And just like that, as 2D gave an exasperated frown, Ace completley forgot about looking seriouse. "Are... You alright? Did something happen, with a, er... Blade, in your life? Like, a bad past experience with a blade?"

 He knew he worded it weirdly, knew it was stupid sounding, and he knew 2D would most likely laugh. Then, his cheeks would go red and he would try to hide it by turning his head away. But, he was quite suprised when 2D didn't laugh, and instead just looked mildly grieved, staring almost in a reminesent way at the wall.

 "Yeh... You could say that. Though, tha's quite a weird way of wordin' it." 2D gave a not so toothy, weak smile to the slightly shorter man before sitting back down on the couch. Ace followed suit, possibly a bit to quickly. 2D flinched again, followed by a spew of apologies from Ace. 2D simply shrugged in his general direction before continuing on with what he was saying. "Y'know who Murdoc is, righ'?"

 Ace gave a slow nod, suddenly feeling like he knew the general direction this story was heading. "Yeah, I knew him." 2D looked surprised, and Ace realized he had probably meant had he heard about him on tv or something. "Well, I used to know him. It's... Complicated," And for once, Ace told the truth about his past friendship with the other green man. Though, that was probably going to be the last thing he told 2D about that relationship. He didn't like to remineces.

 "Yeah, my relationship wif 'im was also... Complicated." 2D seemed conflicted for a second, as if in the middle of mental war between two ideas. Ace wasn't sure if one side had one or not when the other man began to speak again. "He was 'orrible to me. Always screamin' and frowin' shoes at me. I tried ta wait it out, tried ta make him a better person, and summtimes he did seem like 'e was gettin' better. But, when 'e left, I realized I shouldn' 'ave to deal wif that." He paused, looking up to the celieng with a semi-determined expression.

 "I fink I'm doin' a lot better wifout 'im. I dunno though, 'e always said I was a useless idiot. I'm not sure if I should believe that or not, now..." The courageous look melted off his face like butter on depressed mashed potatoes. Ace felt a shiver run down his spine. So, Murdoc hadn't gotten better. If anything, it seemed like he'd gotten worse. He wanted to know more of the details, to be able to see the full picture of Murdoc's abusive nature, but he didn't want to force the blue haired man to reflect any more. Some things were best left forgotten, at least until your stable enough to look back at them properly.

 Ace looked akwardly to the side of the room, then to the floor, then to the clock... Soon, his eyes were wandering again. He didn't know what to say to reasure 2D, and he was becoming rather anxiouse. His hand reached into his pocket, and... No. He snapped himself out of it. Right, 2D will get scared. If making sure not to trigger trauma filled memories from the tortured man meant getting rid of a bad habit, even if that habit calmed him down sometimes, so be it. He didn't want to see the sweet singer who had so eagerly became his friend suffer anymore for something that wasn't his fault.

 Instead, Ace decided to talk to 2D. Any words were better then this deafining silence that had seemed to trap the two men, even if Ace had no clue what to say and he seemed physically incapable of speaking. "You're not useless 2D. You're part of a hit band and you've got an amazing voice." He knew their was more to 2D then that; Their were so many great characteristic the man possesed, he didn't know where to start. But naming any other things he liked about the man other then his musical talent seemed like it would come off awkwardly.

 2D simply frowned at the remarks, heighting Ace's anxiety even more. "Tha's wot Murdoc would say, too. He batteled 'is insults of everyfing else 'bout me with compliments on my singin' to trick me inta trustin' 'im." Oh shit, Ace messed up. Guess he now had to admit all the other things he liked about 2D, even if it made him feel embarresed.

 Ace put on a determined facade, and grasped the othe man's hand. "Ah, but there's more though! You're really kind, your hair is nice, you actually care about people, and somehow you have the ability to make someone both calmed and nervouse by your presence at the same time." He realized he had probably admitted to many things, and shut himself swiftly up, and in the process let go of 2D's hand.

 The blue haired man raised an eyebrow in a mix of concern and s̶u̶g̶g̶e̶s̶t̶i̶v̶e̶n̶e̶s̶s̶ curiousity. He spoke up timidly. "Ace... Why do I make yew nervouse?" Ace paused. Shit, shit, shit, he figured me out. But what had 2D figured out about him? The more Ace thought about, the more confused and anxiouse he got. Surely 2D wanted an answer, but... When he looked into the man's eyes- Wait nevermind- When he looked into the man's heart all he saw was worry and care.

 Ace searched to see if he could find any other emotions hidden in the labirenth of the mind of 2D. Their were lots of little hints, but no conclusive answers, at least not in Ace's eyes. A slight blush painting the other man's pale cheeks slightly pink, a single bead of sweat runing down his forehead, and eyebrows tilted in a manner of self doubt all seemed to give away some lokced away emotions.Though Ace didnt understand any of these things, he still decided he needed to speak. "This band, everyone in it, and you... You're all so kind. I don't want to mess up and lose that."

 "We wouldn' kick yew out for no good reason, Ace." 2D stated suddenly. He had a determined look fixed onto his face, gaze intensly set on the carpeting near his feet. When Ace didn't reply, his gaze softened and he looked over to the shorter man. "I fink everyone 'ere cares about yew... I care about you, Ace." Again, the light pink hue appeared on his cheeks, and he quickly looked away from the green man again.

 Ace sputtered for a second, before quickly regaining his cool. "Aww, do you have a crush on me, 2D?" He made sure his tone of voice was as sarcastic and mocking as possible, to make sure 2D defienentley knew he was joking. There was completley no other intent behind his words other then to make 2D laugh. Totally.

 Unfortunately, Ace had caught 2D at a point where he was just zoned out enough to tell the truth. "Yeah..." Ace paused. There was no humor in 2D's voice, only warmth and honesty. After a few seconds of silence, 2D seemed to slowly realize what he said, and did a quick backtrack. "I mean- Yeah, ha ha, tha's a funny joke, Ace." Ace stared at the man. If he was lying, he was really bad at it. It was sort of cute, he had to admit. Now he was almost certain of how 2D felt for him, but, he still wasn't sure about how he felt for the other man.

 Yeah, Ace definentley cared about 2D deeply, but he was yet to be able to pinpoint if those feelings were romantic or platonic. But, as 2D said those words, his cheeks went bright red in a way he knew could only mean one thing. He made up his mind and scooted a little closer to 2D, and reached for the other man's hand. He smiled slightly as he felt the man's long fingers curl around his own mishapen ones. "Can I kiss you?" Ace didn't even think to stop the words coming out of his mouth. It felt natural.

 2D hesitated, a look of anxiety sweeping over his face. He attempted to hide it, but Ace was able to catch it before he could. "We don't have to kiss, obviously. It's up to you if we do or don't. Im fine with either." He flashed a fanged grin for good measure. 2D seemed a bit scared of the thought of kissing him, and from what he had gathered from what the bluenette had told him about what Murdoc had done to him, it was a miracle 2D trusted anyone, so Ace wasn't upset 2D probably wouldn't want to kiss him right away. Hell, even if there was no Murdoc, Ace still wouldn't want to pressure someone to kiss him, espically not someone as wonderful as 2D.

 The weary expression on 2D's face lasted for only a second more or two before a small smile erased it, and hot damn. (Let me cut in here for a second, as the author and a fellow lover of 2D's smile. I'm not going to even narrate to you what Ace thinks of 2D's smile, because if you have seen this man smile, you will already understand perfectly clear how it can bring world peace. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.) "Will a hug do, instead?" 2D streched out his arms in a shy inventation, and no way was Ace missing this oppurtuntiy.

 Ace carefully wrapped his arms around the other man's waist, placing his head in the crook of his skinny neck. An even cuter smile melted on to 2D's face as he wrapped his arms around Ace's upper back, as if trying to protect him and this moment. They stayed like this for a while, with 2D smiling down with melancholy at Ace, and Ace listening closely to the soft heartbeat of the taller man.

 Ace felt the world drift away. All that mattered right then was 2D's heartbeat and warm embrace. He was so enraptured by 2D's heartbeat, he barely was able to hear the man when he started talking. "I've never 'ad summfink like this before, y'know." Ace pulled away a bit from 2D to be able to see his face while he talked, making sure to keep his hands on the man's hips so he knew Ace wasn't trying to stop the hugging.

 2D coughed weakly before continuing. "I've 'ad relationships before where the other person claimed to love me, bu' never like this. Any hugs were only a means to an ends. Usally, the people would jus' kiss me an' try ta get in my pants, or in a specific situation, jus' abuse me..." 2D gulped, fighting back tears as he bit his lower lip. Was he talking about... No, it didn't matter right now to Ace. All that mattered to him right now was reasuring 2D.

 Ace reached a hand up to cup 2D's cheek, fingers tentatively gliding near the other man's face, wanting permission before touching him. When the man nooded his head, Ace held his face as lightly as possible, as to not upset the man. "You deserve to be hugged, 2D. To be hugged for an hour with no ill or sexual intent in mind, but instead only because that person cares and loves you and feels for you. I feel for you, Staurt."

 Those words were it. Big fat tears escaped 2D's now white eyes and fell down his face. This time, it was Ace who uponed his arms for 2D, and the sobbing man was more then happy to dive into them. Almost desperately, he clinged to the other man, all while Ace hugged back, glad he could help comfort the upset man. They stayed like this for a while, even after 2D calmed his breathing and his tears dried.

 Eventually though, 2D pulled back, much more calm then he was before. Still, despite being mostly calm, he seemed to still be a little worried and his hands were shaking, so Ace held his hands,and almoat immediately 2D brightened. "Fank you," He said, before placing a soft kiss to Ace's cheek.

 Ace was stunned silent for quite a while, face going red despite himself. 2D frowned. "Sorry. I didn' mean ta upset yew"

 The once green, but now red faced man simply shook his head, a wild grin plastered seemingly permenantley onto his face. "Nah, you're fine. It was preety sweet, actually." Ace stood up before giving an akward wink to 2D, but since 2D was also the most akward man alive, he found it actually quite charming.

 2D stood up too, not wanting to be left alone on the couch to just sit there. "Well, I guess I should 'ead to bed. Goodnigh', Ace," His words were filled with warmth and sincerity. Ace chuckled.

 "See you tomorrow, Staurt." Ace gave a small wave, before turning to walk away to his room. He couldn't wait to see 2D again, yet he was nervouse, too. 2D was in a bad mindspace right now, but he wanted to help him through it. And whatever happened, Ace wanted to show 2D he deserved someone better then Murdoc Niccals.

Notes:

I REALLY wanted to make the last part of this fic say "But most importantly, Ace was left to wonder. What else dat mouth do." But (un)fortunatley, I did not have the guts.