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As far as Namjoon knew, it was just another normal early morning in Seoul— as in early morning. He's in his apartment, sitting on his bed and watching one of the dramas that Hoseok pirated in his old laptop.
The drama was written by someone he doesn’t know, but Namjoon’s relatively new in the industry anyway, only having written three dramas and working in a committee for two more. He’s been on a hiatus since the beginning of this year because he wanted to rest.
(But also because of a certain person in the industry that he’s been trying to avoid.)
(Don’t tell Hoseok that.)
Choosing an apartment right next to a major road had proved to be one of his many mistakes in life lots of times, and right now is no exception. Red lights from passing vehicles are being reflected into his room by his closed window, and he can hear loud car horns blaring.
Still, Namjoon is focusing on the drama. He doesn't even know what time it is anymore. He started watching it at midnight and couldn't just stop— a terrible habit that was (accidentally) enforced on him by Hoseok when they were still roommates. Waking up at midnight to watch dramas was kinda Hoseok's thing. (Writing dramas was Namjoon’s.) But now Namjoon finds himself waking up randomly at like, 12 in the morning to open his shitty laptop and browse for a drama he hasn’t watched.
He doesn’t know. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism that resulted from the fact that he hasn’t written anything for, like... a year. It’s stressful.
Anyway, the female lead is finally landing in France to study after getting the scholarship she's worked so hard for in the first two episodes. Her strict parents and really handsome childhood friend (the male lead? Namjoon doesn't know) were making it hard for her to decide whether she should study in her hometown or somewhere far, but she's in France now.
She gasps when she bumps into someone on the way to her new dorm, and the screen freezes suddenly on her shocked expression.
Then, the ending song starts and the traditional drama ending screen plays.
He hurriedly clicks the next episode and skips the ‘Previously on’ part.
“K-Kang Jungwon?” The female lead says, eyes widening just a little.
The screen suddenly shows a face that Namjoon knows so well.
“Sohyun?” The guy replies, looking mildly surprised and tilting his head to the side. “Wow, I didn't expect to see you here.”
Okay, fuck.
Namjoon pauses it.
Fuck.
He didn't expect to see him either.
Jeon Jeongguk is in this drama, and it looks like he's playing the actual male lead. Poor childhood friend Kim Yijeong is reduced to second lead.
Suddenly, Namjoon doesn't want to watch the drama anymore.
(You really should have checked the summary and cast, he hears Hoseok in his head.)
“Sohyun, I swear I'm not repeating the same mistakes I did when we were younger.”
“I'm sorry, Jungwon, I... I don't know if I want to believe you.”
“Sohyun, wait!”
It's now four in the morning (yes he checked), and Namjoon is still watching it.
To hell with Jeon Jeongguk. Kang Jungwon is so much better. Now maybe if Jeongguk said the same things to Namjoon as his character said to Cheon Sohyun...
It's a little shameful how he still has feelings for Jeongguk. It's been— what, two years? Anyway, that's a pretty long time to still hope that you and your ex are going to get back together. But Namjoon thinks he has a valid reason.
Jeongguk wasn't his first boyfriend; not at all. He was just... his most special one. And maybe if Jeon Jeongguk didn't fuck things up with him two years ago, maybe the two of them would still be together.
And maybe Namjoon wouldn't be out here at four in the morning, hugging a pillow to his chest and trying not to cry because he just witnessed Cheon Sohyun reject the love of her own life. That shit’s heartbreaking. The actress— what’s her name, Park Sooyoung? — is so good at dramatic scenes. She’s throwing Jungwon all of her convictions and citing all the times he betrayed her trust in the past.
Jungwon is trying to hold back his tears, looking at the ground. “So all I am to you is—”
“A stain I want to erase,” Sohyun cuts him off. “A stain I thought I’ve washed off already, but came back.”
“Sohyun...”
“Don’t you understand, Kang Jungwon? I want you to be miserable! I want you to cry every night because you just keep thinking of me and because you don’t know what went wrong. I want you to break.”
The music just keeps getting more intense.
“I want you to break just like I did, Kang Jungwon.”
And with that she walks away into the snowy night.
What the hell. Namjoon is sobbing dramatically now. He doesn’t even know what he’s crying for. Whose fault was it? The story? The epic speech Cheon Sohyun just gave Kang Jungwon? Was it—
Bzzzzt.
He pauses the drama and grabs his phone from beside him.
from: namjoon delete this number – hoseok
hyung
joonie hyubg
im so sorryu
Was it— Jeon Jeongguk?
i think im near ur aparrmnent
i juswanna talk 2 you
hyunf g
It’s Jeon Jeongguk.
Oh fuck. Fuck.
Namjoon wipes the tears from his eyes and cheeks and closes his laptop, grabs a coat and puts it on hastily. He takes two helmets and wears one of them, bringing the other one for Jeongguk. Just a few seconds later he's already riding his motorcycle down the road, scouring the streets, looking everywhere for the guy he'd been crying about for the past hour.
It's almost five, and the sun is going to rise any time soon.
He's starting to believe that Jeongguk just fooled him again when unexpectedly, he finds the younger sitting in front of a 7-11. He’s holding a bottle of soju similar to the other three on his table, staring blankly at the lit up 7-11 sign.
Namjoon parks his bike right beside him on the empty street.
“Joonie-hyung?” Jeongguk says the moment their eyes meet. “You... you came.”
“I did,” Namjoon replies, “of course I did.”
Jeongguk smiles shyly.
“What are you doing here?”
Obvious. “Drinking.”
“You’re an idiot. If someone recognized you here and saw you getting drunk out of your mind at dawn, you’d be all over pann.”
“I know I’m an idiot, Joonie-hyung.”
His voice is so small and insecure that Namjoon wishes he could just hug him.
Like nothing ever happened between the two of them.
Namjoon shakes his head. He shouldn’t be thinking like this. He takes the helmet he brought and straps it quickly onto the younger’s head instead.
“Get on,” is what he says.
Jeongguk quietly gets on the motorcycle behind Namjoon. He puts his hands on his own thighs, like he’s afraid of touching him anywhere. Namjoon sighs and grabs the younger’s arms, putting them around his waist.
His arms are cold. They always are, but this time they’re a little too cold. Icy.
Namjoon takes off his coat and hands it to him. Jeongguk takes it wordlessly and puts it on, suddenly looking small as it covers his body down to his thighs.
And off they go.
The wind is cold, and it’s going to be like that for a few more months. It’s September, after all. The beginning of autumn. Jeongguk and Namjoon both have their birthdays this month, too— of course it’ll be cold; as cold as they were.
“Where are we going, hyung?” The younger says, voice muffled by the helmet.
“You’ll see,” Namjoon replies.
The streets and roads are not empty on the way, but it seems that everyone is just minding their own lives. No one cares that Namjoon is going over the speed limit.
It doesn’t matter. He just wants to get this over with.
When they arrive at the park, the sun is just beginning to rise. Jeongguk lies down on the grass like a kid, tired.
“Hyung, look at how beautiful it is,” he points to the horizon. The sun is very slowly making its way up, and the sky is painted different shades of yellow, orange, pink, and purple.
But Jeongguk looks more beautiful bathing in the twilight, and that’s all Namjoon can see.
I still love you, is the thought that continues to nag at the back of his mind. I still love you, Jeon Jeongguk. You’re still the one.
“What do you want to talk about?” He says instead.
“Why haven’t you written anything in the past few months?”
Namjoon sighs. He looks down at the other and decides to just lie down beside him on the grass, careful not to get too close. “No inspiration.”
Jeongguk laughs that giggly laugh of his. “I’ll give you some.”
“How are you gonna do that?” He asks, smiling fondly at the younger.
Jeongguk sighs deeply. He sits up and watches as the sun goes up in the sky. The first streaks of sunlight are hitting his handsome face, making him look like the golden statue in Namjoon’s dreams.
He looks back at Namjoon, eyes glinting. “Maybe you should write about a guy who realizes that he still loves the person he once left.”
Their eyes meet again for the second time today. Namjoon removes the blades of grass and dirt that stuck to Jeongguk’s back. “You’re talking bout Kang Jungwon.”
“I’m talking about Jeon Jeongguk.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Maybe I am, hyung. But I know I still love you.”
“Guk—”
“And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ever hurting you, hyung.”
Jeon Jeongguk is not Kang Jungwon and Kim Namjoon is not Cheon Sohyun.
“Come on, then.” Namjoon gets up and brushes the grass away from his pants. “I need to know if Sohyun and Jungwon get back together in the end.”
He offers Jeongguk his hand.
Jeongguk takes it and smiles. “They will.”
September is cold. But with Jeongguk’s hand in his as the sun rises above them, maybe... maybe it won’t be too cold for Namjoon.