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“Are you jealous?”
Simon doesn't even so much as flinch when Markus finally speaks up, eyes still trained on the strings of words on a page that he's hardly paying attention to. He ignores the question, in favor of flipping to the next page and letting himself dive further into his own thoughts. The heat that's coiling his insides and burning his body doesn't relent, licking his skin and threatening to leave scars if he doesn't address the situation.
“Simon…” Concern drips from Markus’ tone, and Simon can feel it trickle down his spine, more insecurities starting to resurface.
“ Please…help me understand. That's all I want to do.” It’s impossibly gentle, and serves as a cruel reminder of how selfish Simon really is for even thinking that Markus could come close to having feelings for only him. Simon was nothing but a PL600- a housework model designated with the simple task of taking care of domestic affairs. But Markus? Markus is everything he isn't and more. The one who gave them freedom, the one who stood up and fought for it, the one who changed the lives of so many others, the one who spared him even at the risk of their cause.
The one who Simon will never, ever have the chance to be with.
And he knows this. Knows this with a burning fervor and still chooses to indulge in these impossible scenarios that play like a broken record through his processors. His thoughts are constantly filled by Markus Markus Markus so when he sees him smile unbearingly wide at Connor, lingering gazes that Simon wishes he never caught, and the way Markus practically melted into his arms during Connor's last visit, made him upset in ways he didn't have any right to be.
A cautious hand approaches and settles on his shoulder, and it's all Simon could do to not lean into the touch like he always does. Instead, he remains impassive, a blank expression that's hopefully hiding the climbing rage boiling inside of him for the past few days. Right now, Simon doesn't care if it's irrational, he just wants it to stop .
“Si-”
“That’s enough, Markus!” Simon slams the book shut and springs to his feet, icy blue glare boring into Markus. The sudden outburst that tumbles right out of Simon’s mouth and displayed so raw and open between the both of them catches Markus off-guard, brows furrowed and uncertainty playing at his lips as he tries to speak but nothing seems to form.
“Just… everything was fine before you brought it up. I knew -” Simon’s voice falters, insecurities tearing at his frayed edges but he pushes them aside, doesn’t let them shred whatever’s left of him because Markus needs to hear this.
“ I always knew I never stood a chance.” It makes his whole body flare up, and Simon is more aware now than ever of the pair of mismatched eyes looking at him with sudden realization and sadness.
“I know,” Simon exhales, and his vision shakes, beautiful brown skin somehow still standing out so prominently among the darkness, “ I know you deserve better.”
The confession leaves him surprisingly numb, every part of his body slumped in defeat. There’s no more fight in him anymore to keep it under the covers now that Markus knows, but he wishes he could have dreamed just a little while longer, blissfully ignorant of the chaos outside as shared laughter fills the silence between them instead of heavy tension.
“I think… I think you and Connor are a great match for each other.” Simon forces a smile, grits his teeth at how much it hurts to say. How much he wishes it was him in Connor’s place.
It takes Simon a few seconds to register the soft,soothing sound that falls out without any restraint from Markus’ mouth.
Genuine laughter.
There’s a wide grin on his face, loose and relaxed, almost like Markus is glowing . Whatever painful emotions Simon had been dealing with seeps out of him in almost an instant, replaced by a pulsing warmth that different all together from the heat he felt moments before.
What Markus does next catches him off-guard this time, holding out his hand as the skin peels back and it hits Simon all at once that Markus is asking Simon to interface with him.
The only time Simon has seen him do this with anyone was before Markus and North had went their separate ways, an intimate connection only shared between lovers. Since then, Markus had largely kept to himself, much more invested in the growth of Jericho’s numbers and the progress made on Android rights.Simon was so sure that Connor was going to be the next to be offered such a privilege.
So, when Markus moves closer to take his free hand into one of his, unwavering smile still painted so flawlessly onto his face, Simon can only stare at him with an incredulous expression.
“ Let me show you, Simon.” Markus has always been too gentle, too patient, too kind to people that doesn’t deserve it, people like him . There were a million other things he knows Markus could be doing right now, yet he decided that this was worth his time. Talking to Simon of all people, when he could be speaking with important figures that held the power to determine the fate of every living android.
“Trust me.”
Simon lets out a shaky breath.
How could he ever say no to Markus?
He lets the skin on his own hand retreat from his palm, eyeing Markus with a wary look to be greeted with nothing but support. Simon’s voice is small when he asks, terrified that Markus would for some unexplained reason, change his mind because all this seems too perfect to be true.
“ Are you sure?”
Markus nods resolutely, leaving no room for doubt.
Simon sets his hand gentlely on Markus’, and their fingers intertwined seamlessly like they were made for each other.
A torrent of memories, emotions and aspirations flood his processors, and Simon finds himself drowning in Markus, feeling the pain and hurt and fleeting moments of happiness soak into him. It’s overwhelming, but in a good way that Simon never thought he would get to experience for himself. He can hear Markus’ absolute want for him, desperate and dripping with desire when all Simon can hear is Markus’ voice that fills his head with I love you I need you I want you I want to make you mine Simon.
The connection fades and Simon finds himself staring at Markus, breathless and dazed. He never knew, never could’ve even imagined the intense emotions Markus had for him. All this time, Simon made himself believe that Markus could never love such a broken, unwanted android like him.
But clearly, he was very wrong.
“Markus…” Their fingers don’t part, and Markus takes this opportunity to lift Simon’s hand to his soft lips and brush it gently across his skin, the contact making a shiver travel down his spine.
“Can you see why me and Connor wouldn’t make a good match now?” Markus chuckles-- a sweet melody that his ears welcome. The tension in the room ebbs away, and Simon feels a weight being lifted from his shoulder when Markus is practically radiating with happiness.
“Yes… but-” Simon doesn’t manage to get another word in before Markus pulls him in, an arm wrapped around his waist and Simon’s usual pale complexion turns a deep red. His body is pressed firmly against Markus’ and it’s the first time he gets to see the blue and greens of his pupils, the faint freckles that dust across his cheeks, and the well-defined jawbone up close.
“You don’t seem to look very convinced, Simon.” He doesn’t misses the teasing in his tone, and Simon is still trying to determine if any of this was really happening, frenzied mind crossing out every possible scenario this would more likely be. It doesn’t last long though, really.
Without any indication, Markus leans in and captures him in a kiss that took both his breath and doubts away, something that Simon is beyond grateful for.