Work Text:
"Sex," Kurt said dryly.
"Yes. Sex," Blaine said with a smile. He ran a hand up Kurt's arm and then caressed Kurt's cheek. "It's not that crazy, you know. We are together."
"I know," Kurt said, trying not to hyperventilate. "But it's..." he looked around the common room, even though he knew they were alone, and then lowered his voice. "It's sex."
"Right. Sex. Not secret satanic sacrifices that we can get kicked out of school for," Blaine laughed. "Relax, Kurt."
Relax. "I am relaxed," Kurt huffed.
"No, you're not. You're acting like someone is going to come in here at any moment and drag us off to jail for sodomy if they even overhear us talking about it." Blaine's laughter faded and he leaned in to kiss Kurt gently. The thrill still hadn't worn off, and Kurt leaned into the kiss eagerly. They kissed for a long time, until they heard laughter in the hallway. Kurt pulled away hastily, and Blaine smoothed his blazer.
The boys who entered eyed both of them, but Kurt opened a book on his lap and fixed his eyes on it while Blaine sat back and glared back at them until they settled down at a table and began working on a chem lab. Kurt looked furtively at Blaine.
Blaine smiled at him and winked. "Anyway, think about it," he said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. "Let me know."
***
Think about it. Kurt had thought about it, but now, thanks to Blaine, it was all he could think about. Damn him. And thinking about it didn't help a thing.
He went home for the weekend. Blaine protested, but Kurt insisted that he missed his friends, which was true enough. He missed his family, too, but that wasn't really something you said out loud. But mainly, he just needed some peace, and some time to think this through logically.
Right.
***
"You all right, Kurt?" his father asked at dinner Friday night. "You look a little off."
"Just tired," Kurt said, because he was about as likely to talk to his father about sex as he was to wear something from Wal-Mart. Carole looked at him questioningly, but before he could even consider talking to her later, his father and Finn started an animated discussion about the basketball game happening that night, and Carole joined in. Kurt sighed.
Well, at least such inane prattle gave him time for his own thoughts.
***
"Are you sure you're all right?" Carole shouted to Kurt as they sat in the stands, watching the game.
"Fine," Kurt shouted back.
After all, who wanted to discuss gay sex with their stepmother in a high school gymnasium? Honestly.
***
"Something on your mind, Kurt?" Mercedes asked him after the game.
If there was anyone he could talk to, anyone he should be able to talk to, it was Mercedes. He opened his mouth to tell her about it, and she raised her eyebrows and smiled. "Is it Blaine?" she asked.
This was where he should have told her. This was where he should have spilled his guts. But before he could, Tina and Mike joined them, and the moment was gone.
Just as well. He didn't know what he was going to say anyway.
***
His phone rang right before lunch on Saturday. It was Blaine.
"I hope I didn't scare you the other night," Blaine said, almost immediately. "I know I came on kind of strong."
"No, no. Scare me? Of course not." Kurt managed to laugh. Because he wasn't scared. Not at all.
"Look, if you want to talk about this..." Blaine began.
"What's to talk about?" Kurt asked, trying to sound breezy and worldly. "It's just sex."
"Right," Blaine agreed. "It's sex." He sounded serious. "We need to talk about it."
Something about that statement made Kurt's hackles rise. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"That we're a couple and we should talk about sex," Blaine said. "I'm not sure I'm seeing the problem here, Kurt. It's unreasonable for us to not even discuss it."
"Unreasonable?" Kurt's voice rose a little on the word.
"Well, yeah. Unreasonable," Blaine answered.
"Just because I'm not sure if I want to doesn't mean I'm being unreasonable!"
"Yes, it does!" Blaine's patience was clearly starting to strain a little. "What am I supposed to do, Kurt?"
"Oh, I don't know. Use your right hand?"
"It's not that useful for what I'm trying to accomplish," Blaine ground out.
"I see." Kurt was cold.
"No. You don't," Blaine said. "Or you'd be talking to me about it."
Kurt sat frozen for a long moment. Then he finally said, "My father is calling me."
"Kurt, don't go away mad."
"I'm not. My father is really calling me."
Blaine sighed. "All right. Call me back when you're done."
"I will." He hung up, turned the phone off, and set it on his desk. Then he opened a book and tried to study. Weekend home or not, he still had a lot of work to do, and the house was quiet since he was the only one home.
***
There was a knock on his door. "Come in," Kurt said, not looking up from the trigonometry he was trying to untangle. The door opened, but no one said anything for a moment. Finally, Kurt looked up.
"Hey," Finn said, leaning against the door jamb and smiling awkwardly. "Thought you might be home."
"Yes. I..." Kurt gestured at the desk. "Just doing some work."
Finn came over and looked down at the open book, then raised his eyebrows and whistled through his teeth. "Better you than me, man," he said. "But why are you doing homework?"
"Because, unlike McKinley, Dalton has academic standards," Kurt said loftily. But he smiled as he said it.
"No. That's not what I mean." Finn obviously hadn't taken offense. He looked awkwardly around Kurt's room and then pointed to a chair. "Mind if I sit?"
"Be my guest."
Finn sat in the chair awkwardly, too big for the frame, his elbows resting on his knees. The light came in through the window, and Kurt idly noticed that sunlight flattered Finn better than softer light did.
"Not quite the same as the basement, is it?" Finn asked.
"No," Kurt agreed ruefully. "This house does lack a certain unique je ne sais quoi, I agree." He sighed. "But it does have more space."
"Yeah. Listen," Finn finally said, "I know you're working hard at Dalton and every thing, but is everything all right?"
"Of course," Kurt said.
"It's just that you haven't come home all that much, and usually when you do you're out with Tina and Mercedes or whatever. If you're just going to study, you usually stay at Dalton."
There was honest caring on Finn's face. It was odd how natural that felt now. Kurt sighed. "I know."
"Is it Blaine?" Finn asked.
Once, Finn would have winced before saying Blaine's name. Even now, Kurt could see that the idea of discussing his step-brother's romantic life wasn't something he was comfortable with. But at the same time, it wasn't just Kurt who usually had an active social life. Finn was usually out Saturday afternoons. Him being home was a rare occurrence and probably a planned one. So when Kurt opened his mouth to deny any problems, what came out was, "Yes. It's Blaine."
"Thought it might be," Finn said. He picked up a bottle from Kurt's dresser and turned it over in his hands. "What's going on?"
Kurt sighed and set his pencil down, sitting back in his chair. "It's sex," he admitted. "Blaine wants to have sex."
"Oh." Kurt had the small, wry amusement of watching Finn's eyes bug out of his head and what he was fairly certain was a suppressed gag reflex before he continued. "And that's a bad thing?"
"I don't know," Kurt admitted. "I don't know if it is or not."
Finn rubbed the back of his neck. "Have you ever, erm...."
"No," Kurt admitted. He studied Finn. "Have you?"
"Yeah," Finn said. "Once."
"With who?"
"Santana."
"Really." Kurt managed to keep his amusement and condensation down at that one, but made a mental note to see if Mercedes knew anything about this one. Because if she did, it was probably good.
"Yeah." Finn was oblivious to Kurt's inner gossip mongering. "Last year."
"I see." Kurt nodded. Then, "how was it?"
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, not like that." Kurt held up a hand defensively. "Believe me, I have no interest in the workings of Santana's... in the inner workings of Santana," he finished more firmly. "But I just never...." He looked away.
"Yeah. Me either," Finn agreed, looking in the opposite direction. "I mean, that was the only time," he amended. They were silent for a moment, and then Finn laughed. "But yeah," he said. "I kind of... you know, I..." he floundered, and Kurt tried to think of words to help him out. But this was just too weird.
"I know," he agreed.
"This is going to sound crazy," Finn asked, "but what is sex for you guys?"
"Excuse me?" Kurt whipped back around, startled at the question.
Finn shrugged. "Look, I've got some idea, I'm not a moron. But they go on in school about how sex isn't just y'know sex. So what is sex for you guys?"
"I... I don't know," Kurt admitted. "I mean, I know what you can do, I suppose"
"You suppose?" Finn asked.
Kurt shrugged. "Well, it's not like I've done any of it," he pointed out. "But I am aware of some of the technical basics, yes."
"How?"
"What do you mean, how?" Kurt asked scathingly.
"How are you aware?" Finn asked, a shade too innocently. "'Cause I'm betting Burt didn't explain it to you."
"No," Kurt agreed. "But I've read." But the truth was, books didn't really explain it. At least, not the ones Kurt had read. Yet. He shifted tactics. "How did you find out all the sordid details of heterosexual intercourse? I'm sure Carole didn't explain the delicacies of foreplay and nipple stimulation."
Finn snorted. "Course not. I watched a few pornos. That's what every guy does."
"How plebian."
"Wait," Finn said, leaning forward. "Are you telling me that you've never watched a gay porno before?" Kurt looked away, refusing to dignify such a question with a response. "You haven't, have you?" Finn's voice held the tone of a revelation. "Kurt! That's just wrong!"
"I hardly think that it's wrong to refuse to patronize an industry that encourages prostitution, violence against women, and bad wardrobe decisions," Kurt said stiffly. "Besides, I never wanted my dad to catch me watching one."
"Well, he and Mom are out for the day," Finn pointed out. "They won't be back 'til after dinner. Come on. We can go down to-"
"To where, Finn? The local Blockbuster hardly has gay porn on the shelves."
"Oh." Finn considered, then snapped his fingers. "I know. I'll call Rachel."
"Rachel Berry has gay porn."
"Ten bucks says her dads do."
"Finn..." Kurt protested, because asking Rachel Berry's fathers for porn was beyond embarrassing. But Finn was already on his phone.
An hour later Rachel Berry was at their door, three DVDs in hand. "I need to get them back by tonight," she said briskly.
"Do your dads know you took them?" Finn asked.
"Yes, Finn, I asked my two gay dads if I could borrow their porn collection that they aren't even aware that I know exists." Rachel rolled her eyes. "I snuck them out, but I don't know how long it will be before they notice them missing."
One of the videos she'd brought was Blu-ray. Kurt suspected it wouldn't be long.
"Yeah, well, thanks, Rachel," Finn said. Amazingly, he didn't even look embarrassed. Although it was Rachel. Kurt was pretty sure if it had been Quinn or Santana, Finn would be shuffling and avoiding their eyes, and if it had been Puck or Sam he wouldn't have asked at all. "See you later." He nearly shut the door in her face.
"That was rude," Kurt pointed out.
"You want to watch these with Rachel?" Finn asked. Kurt didn't answer. "Thought not," Finn said. "Come on. Let's watch before our parents get home."
"You don't have to watch these with me." Kurt protested as Finn led him into the living room. "Really. I can just put them in my laptop and watch them in my room and-"
"No, I said I'd do this," Finn said bravely. "And I will. It's education. We're brothers."
"Right," Kurt said sourly. "Education. Brothers."
Finn looked at the three movies, picked one, and popped it in. He settled in the recliner, and Kurt sat primly on the edge of the couch and crossed his legs.
Watching gay porn with Finn. This just had bad idea written all over it.
***
The first one had a pair of guys that was extremely attractive. Kurt didn't really want to stare, but he couldn't quite help it. (And okay, he did want to stare. Just not in front of Finn.) It didn't help that Finn was alternately watching the video, watching Kurt, and trying to pretend he wasn't doing the second and was enjoying the first more than he was. It would have been a very entertaining performance, but the one guy on the screen took his shirt off, and to hell with Finn.
The second guy's chest and arms were just as good.
There was no plot, of course, not that Kurt had been so nave as to expect one. In fact, the production values of the whole thing were laughable. But then, who needed production values when the guy had a-
Oh.
Oh.
"Oh," Finn said.
"Oh," Kurt agreed.
"Erm."
"Yes."
"I..." Finn blushed. Pulled his knees together. Blushed.
Kurt looked down at his own lap and did the same.
"I always thought... I mean, I heard... Puck said" Finn shook his head. "I thought guys that hung were...."
"No, I'm getting quite the endowment crisis myself," Kurt agreed. Finn flared red, but he nodded.
"Do you think it's real? Or did he use one of those pumps?" He said something else, too, but Kurt didn't hear it, because this was frottage. After an indeterminate amount of time, he was aware his mouth was open. He managed to shut it.
"Wow," Finn said after they were done. "I'm not into dudes, but that was kind of...."
"Hot," Kurt finished for him. He fanned himself with his hand.
"Yeah."
Too bad you'll never know. He caught himself just before he said it. With all the history he steadfastly avoided looking at Finn.
The music ramped up, and another couple took the screen. These guys weren't nearly as attractive, Kurt decided, and relaxed marginally.
"You know," Finn said, with a forced cheerfulness, "this really isn't all that bad. I just kind of assumed that all gay sex was, you know, butt sex."
"Thank you ever so much for your eloquent- oh. my. God."
Finn yelped. "I didn't think you could do that!"
Kurt covered his face with his hands and peeped out through his fingers. "What is with Rachel's dads?"
"Oh, that's not an image I needed," Finn complained.
"Me neither." He watched the duo on the screen, contorting themselves into a position he didn't think was physically possible. The resultant sex was just painful.
And it only got worse. Much worse. And the atmosphere in the room got heavier and heavier.
Kurt finally looked at Finn, unable to stand the unspoken guilt. "I swear," he said slowly, "that I never, ever wanted to do that to you." He considered it. "Or have you do that to me."
Finn had abandoned all dignity and was watching through his fingers as well. "That's good," he said, "because I'm pretty sure you need a stunt double for that or something."
They looked at each other, both wide-eyed and horrified, and something broke loose. They both began laughing. They laughed so hard that Finn doubled over and Kurt's stomach began to hurt, even as the porn continued on in the background.
"Oh my God," Finn said, wiping his eyes. "I can't believe we're doing this."
"I can't believe they're doing this," Kurt was watching the TV again. It seemed easier now- a lot easier. "I really didn't think that was possible."
"It's not, unless you have a ten inch dick and can touch your foot to your head." Finn picked up his soda and tried to nod knowledgeably, but they both started laughing again.
***
They laughed harder than Kurt had laughed in a long time he couldn't remember laughing like this. And Finn there was no awkwardness, even about this. The last little vestiges of ice had shattered and the living room felt warm and close and for the first time, really like home.
***
They were on the third and shouting their comments at the screen when they heard it. The unmistakable sound of the garage door opening. They both froze.
"I thought they weren't going to be home until after dinner!" Kurt said.
Finn was quicker on his feet, turning off the television and stuffing DVDs back into cases. He grabbed another DVD at random from the top of the television and put it in, and then ran to his room to stash the evidence. Kurt hurriedly picked up the remote and skipped forward a bit, then threw himself to the edge of the couch. Finn settled in the armchair just as their parents walked in.
"Oh, hey," Finn said, trying to look casual as he looked up but failing.
"Did you have a nice afternoon?" Kurt asked.
Kurt' father looked from one to the other. "Yeah. What's going on?"
"Were just watching a movie," Finn said, gesturing at the screen. "We're watching..." he trailed off, because he hadn't bothered to look at the actual cover of the DVD. He looked frantically at Kurt.
Kurt finally actually looked at the screen and it registered. This was not good, and not just because there was a bad country film on his television screen. "Pure Country," he immediately identified with a sinking heart.
"Really." Carole didn't seem impressed. "You two are watching Pure Country? Voluntarily?"
Finn and Kurt nodded.
"Well, great!" Burt said. "I've been telling both of you for ages this is a great movie!" He settled down on the couch next to Kurt. "We can watch the rest of the movie before we go get dinner."
Kurt and Finn exchanged glances again. They might not have gotten caught, but they were certainly being punished.
***
"Did it help?" Finn asked Kurt much later. "The movies, I mean. Did you work out what you wanted to say to Blaine?"
Kurt gave a mock shudder. "I think the answer is never."
Finn laughed. "Yeah. Can't blame you, man." He watched Kurt carefully. "Although sometimes you seemed really into it. It was just when they started that-"
"Can we please not discuss this in detail?" Kurt begged.
"Yeah." Finn shoved his hands in his pockets. "It's just... look, man. I broke up with both Quinn and Rachel, right?" Kurt nodded. "But it wasn't because they wouldn't put out. That had nothing to do with it, right? I mean, if they'd said they wanted sex, I would have totally gone for it, don't get me wrong. But I kind of figured it wasn't happening any time soon."
"Okay" Kurt said. He narrowed his eyes. "What are you trying to say?"
Finn shrugged. "That if Blaine's a decent guy, he's not going to dump you because you're not ready for sex. He might complain about it and he'll be eager to take anything you give him, but he's not going to dump you. And if he does, he's an asshole."
Kurt nodded. "Thanks," he said finally.
Finn clapped him on the shoulder. "Any time."
***
It was late, but Blaine wouldn't be asleep yet. Kurt decided he could call.
"Hey," Blaine said. "I was beginning to wonder if you were going to call back."
"Yes, well."
"Look," Blaine said, before Kurt could say anything. "I realized how our conversation must have sounded to you after I hung up. I want to be clear- it's not unreasonable if you're not ready for sex. It's unreasonable for us not to talk about it. I don't care well, I care- but the answer could be you're ready or you're not or something in between, but just tell me, Kurt. That's all I really was asking for."
Kurt smiled and settled onto his bed. "Good," he said, "because that's what I called to talk about."