Archive of Our Own

moments before death, minghao boldly makes a promise that binds their fates for eternity.

around them are bodies rotting and burning, the scent of death heavy in the air that it might as well be a dark veil that looms over them.

not one man is alive, minghao knows, because this is where all men die, eventually, in the battlefield.

he desperately wishes that his beloved prince, kim mingyu’s, sense of responsibility for his country wasn’t as strong as it is. because maybe the both of them would not have turned back.

perhaps if they had ignored the screams of their villagers and the fire smokes that decorated the horizon, they would not have rode to the direction of the smoke and screams. something was wrong, prince mingyu had said. something was very wrong, since he was the one who constructed the battle strategy for claiming one of the cities in which rebels had called home.

his strategies always succeeded no matter who the adversary.

it’s one of the reasons why their father regards him specially among his brothers. it’s also why he was given the hand of their distant cousin, eunha, who was everything any man could desire and the most beautiful young lady in the land.

except him.

for prince mingyu’s heart had long belonged to minghao, a chinese orphan that was washed away at shore and was found by one of the generals who served the king. despite having no recollection of the land he came from, he was a skilled swordsman and quite intelligent as well and therefore became a member of the royal guard.

while minghao had a bad feeling about joining their forces up north, he understood why mingyu would sacrifice a few hours more of their freedom together.

it’s one of the many reasons why he loved mingyu. he would do anything for his country. even leave minghao if he wanted, it’s why he never insisted they elope together.

but mingyu is as stubborn as he is kind.

while on his own horse, riding behind mingyu, minghao thinks that they can always find another way and another time to flee the kingdom and live on their own. for now, they must hear the cries of their men.

the thought that mingyu would use his body to block an arrow that pierces through his chest then get stabbed by a sword at his abdomen didn’t come to minghao. it only does so when he sees everything happen right before his eyes, mingyu falling from his horse limply while the animal runs away.

the scream that tears through his lungs is barely audible to him, horror letting him only hear his own heartbeat. then, it is as if time had slowed down.

he hops off of his horse, the enemy soldier whose face he cannot see who had stabbed mingyu chooses to pull his sword from mingyu’s body. it allows minghao to catch up with him.

the closer he is, the more the orphan sees the blood slowly spreading the beautiful and modest maroon and lilac hanbok that mingyu chose to wear for the day earlier, and the sight makes minghao’s knees buckle.

but unlike mingyu who only studied the art of strategizing and, while physically strong, couldn’t aim a dagger properly, minghao was a trained soldier.

(it was all he ever grew up to know, after all, before mingyu’s obnoxiously loud laugh that he couldn’t resist smiling to.)

minghao’s sharp eyes scan the area for a weapon. the man in front of him seems to have more muscle in his bones and while he has confidence in his speed, he isn’t sure of his chances of winning without anything to attack with.

they had only arrived at town and there were swords clashing here and there, dead bodies splayed on the ground. the scent of blood and burnt wood is heavy in the air. among the dead bodies and burnt debris, minghao notices a stray long sword and runs towards it. realization hits the enemy but before they could reach him, minghao grips the sword and yields it, screaming his lungs out as he lunges towards the man who had killed the person his heart beats for.

the clash of their swords rings in his ears. minghao is aware that his swings and jabs are clumsy due to rage and heartbreak, unshed tears blurring his vision. the enemy clearly knows this and uses it to his opportunity, allowing minghao to attack as aggressively as he is able to and when the opening presented itself, he makes a clean stab at minghao’s gut.

minghao chokes out blood but he continues to fight, pressing his free hand firmly against the wounded area to stop it from bleeding.

upon seeing him stand up to fight again, the man is surprised but doesn’t stop nonetheless. mercy did not exist in the battlefield. he even wears a mocking smile that only fuels minghao’s rage. he skillfully counters minghao’s attacks that have grown increasingly less accurate due to his wound.

warm blood seeps through his hanbok, a cheaper one that his father had given to him for his coming of age and a gift for being appointed the youngest official of the royal army. ‘you’ll find a wife easier if you wear your armor as well as this!’ he was told.

minghao’s body screams for him to give up yet he continues. pure willpower is his fuel to land at least a few cuts and a jab against his enemy. however, his vision starts getting blurrier that when he is stabbed again, he falls to his knees and lands against the ground with a thud.

the enemy soldier doesn’t bother to check if he is still alive but instead runs to join his comrades in battle, laughing.

minghao chokes out blood, lying there for a few seconds before realizing that he had left his prince’s side. he uses the remainder of his strength to lift himself up, using a piece of burnt wood like a walking cane, walking towards mingyu who was still gasping for life.

once there, he falls to his knees to inspects his wounds and starts putting pressure against the wound to stop the bleeding even if he knows that it is too late. too much blood is being lost at a quick pace.

“hao ah…” mingyu whispers, coughing weakly. “it’s okay… don’t cry.”

“i’m not crying,” minghao replies stubbornly, both hands now on his beloved prince’s wound. the bleeding will not stop, and he wishes he paid attention to the court physician when he was being taught how to heal battle wounds. instead, he and mingyu were fooling around making silly faces throughout class.

mingyu laughs though it is cut halfway, more blood spilling from his lips. it’s not the sweet laugh that minghao has in his memories and it sounds very afraid. “lie down with me?”

minghao cries some more as if he’s crying out for all the times he couldn’t while he was being punished for existing. he takes this as punishment as well. before minghao met mingyu, he was nothing but a servant who only knew the piercing pain of a whip against every inch of his skin.  he didn’t know of the simple joys in life outside of fighting. the freedom and happiness from dancing in the rain, watching the sky turn purple, pink and orange as the sun sets and lying down while listening to the heartbeat of a loved one, feeling safe.

mingyu reaches out to cup minghao’s face and it becomes increasingly difficult to stop from crying until he eventually rest his head against mingyu’s chest.

“i’m sorry for turning back,” mingyu whispers. minghao shakes his head and continues to sob.

they stay down like that. neither of them asking for help, and perhaps the reason why is because they know that their time is up. they know not to ask for more than this. but it will be a lie to say neither of them are afraid of death. they had envisioned a different kind of death but at least they are together.

“i will still follow you, in this lifetime or the next…so don’t be sorry,” minghao cries out, closing his eyes. “i promise to always…”

“i promise to always find you…” mingyu interrupts, voice shaking. “every scar, birthmark...everything that is you…i will always find you, xu minghao.”

minghao shakes his head against mingyu’s chest. “why do you never let me finish what i say—“

mingyu’s heartbeat stops.

in the lifetime after, mingyu and minghao do indeed meet. as childhood friends.

society had advanced further than what he recalls. mingyu’s eyes and ears are not accustomed to the sounds. people building things with unknown tools and materials, new vehicles that are powered by a substance called fuel instead of horses, and there is much that is new and foreign.

he is told that a new age has begun.

mingyu remembers everything differently. it’s strange when he feels older than he truly was physically at the age of six. memories come flooding by like a stream, seeping through his consciousness while he is asleep.

sometimes when awake, he would trip and fall as he passes by a certain tree or old house that reminds him of how things were. he didn’t have the words to describe it.

in the many memories, of course, he doesn’t fail to appear in them. so when minghao appears before him in the flesh a few years later, mingyu feels both relief and a hollow pain no twelve year old can ever fathom, let alone feel.

at first, the scrawny foreigner simply ignored mingyu’s staring. it’s odd to think that he doesn’t remember, not when mingyu remembers every detail.

however, because of the memories from a distant time, mingyu and minghao become great friends quickly. mingyu just knows minghao so well that it’s as easy as breathing, conversing and making the other laugh. while minghao is clueless as to why the other seems to know things about him he hasn’t shared with anyone, he had long dismissed the idea that mingyu was a weird kid and simply accepted that the other just understands him in a way that most didn’t. 

and it’s a lovely start to their friendship, mingyu thinks, as they spend each day meeting up at the park after school. at this time, he still doesn’t know why the past had ended so badly. he has yet to remember why. so he spends time with minghao whenever he can, excited to be around him again.

the two boys go to different schools, unfortunately, and they are expected home early by their parents. minghao's parents are also strict very little time can be used to play or catch up about their day. but another place they see each other is at church on sundays. they learn to sneak glances at each other or make silly faces that gets mingyu chided by his parents because he really can’t restrain his laughter.

it echoes and disrupts the ongoing mass which leaves minghao snickering beside his parents. his mother digs her sharp nails against his arm, his laughter getting choked up as mass resumes.

mingyu feels his fist clench by his side, a fierce protectiveness over minghao surfacing.

as the years passed, he recovers his memories more quickly, causing headaches that makes him curl into a ball. mingyu wishes he is able to stop them, since he feels an intense pain so heavy and hot that he feels his whole body is slowly being ripped apart.

he is eighteen when he realizes that minghao is the one destined for him.

the scars on minghao’s torso, his arms and his back that mingyu sees that summer hurls him back to a different time and memory. things change drastically from that point on.

at eighteen, mingyu is reckless and fueled by emotion. minghao calms him down in his worse days, his long, thin fingers wrapping around his friend’s wrist to shoo away the negative feelings.

minghao is sorry because it’s his fault. he should’ve let the bruises heal, but his feet carries him to school the next day. the other kids openly stare at the purple blue patches that peek through his uniform, however he is too focused on surviving until the end of the day to bother hiding them.

minghao didn’t want mingyu to see because for some unfathomable reason, mingyu loves him so much.

“let’s call the police,” mingyu whispers through clenched teeth.

minghao shakes his head. “no.”

“you’re being abused! it’s been ten years, hao! when will you stand up for yourself?!” mingyu stands up as he yells and minghao hates how he looks in pain.

“gyu, please. she’s my mother . she’s all i have and she isn’t well. i promi—“  minghao pleads, running his hand soothingly against mingyu’s arm.

mingyu turns around and looks at minghao, a fierce conviction reflected in his eyes. “if you can’t do it, i will.”

instinct tells minghao that mingyu will do whatever idea it is that is running through his mind. not even he can convince him otherwise.

a sad smile and a sigh is minghao’s reaction to his friend’s boldness. there is a warmth that spread through his chest, a kind of fondness that makes him laugh even. “always so stubborn.”

he punches the taller male against the arm hard before turning around to go home and mingyu lets him, his mind whirring with ideas that would free minghao from his mother to notice anything.

it is only the next morning that he realizes that minghao and his mother had left before sunrise. only the elderly lady that lived across the street knew of their departure since her son had been asked to escort them to the train station. mingyu feels betrayed and angry that he screams out his frustration so far that he wishes minghao would hear it.

minghao dies soon after because of a heart attack of all things. it’s ridiculous. one, because minghao is too young and two, god shouldn’t have the power to take good people away. when mingyu hears the news, the anguish is indescribable and it spreads through the young nineteen year old’s body.

just like that, this lifetime with minghao existing ends.

“are you sure you’re capable of being part of the army?”

“sir yes, sir!”

“i see you have a stunning record at school, kim mingyu, and you seem to have a bright future in front of you. you do well, yes?”

“yes, sir! i studied hard so i can be a heart surgeon, sir!”

“then perhaps those good hands will be put to good use. you’re accepted.”

mingyu’s smile is nervous, unsure and pleased at the same time. all able bodied men are being recruited to become part of the ranks to lead south korea into victory and end the year long war.

recruitment officers have been dispatched to anyang where the young kim mingyu knows everything and nothing about the world around him. and unlike the him in lives previously led, he doesn’t wait for minghao.

it is his eight life in this cycle that he doesn’t know the end of and by now, he knows that he’ll see his beloved again.

there are also other things he knows. like how the abilities and knowledge from his previous lives follow with the next. his physical form has not changed either, along with his physical strengths and weaknesses. a faint and thin scar at his hip remains from when he was stabbed as well as a smaller one on his right chest from the arrow that also helped kill him. his chest area big enough for a bow to pierce through.

nightmares plague him, stronger than before. his death replays in slow motion and so vivid it’s as if he’s taken back to that time.

what scares mingyu is not dying for he has died a few times too many. it’s the possibility that this life might as well be the last life he will live. it’s the possibility that he will truly fade into nothingness, his existence gone. will minghao still be resurrected once his life truly ends? or will he continue to live like this?

“the lieutenant wasn’t kidding when he said that you’d be good with your hands.”

mingyu looks up at the source of the voice in a daze. when he recognizes the man, he straightens up and salutes the lieutenant’s son, choi seungcheol, who is two ranks above him as a sergeant.

“at ease,” seungcheol says, patting him on the back.

“thank you, sir,” he responds, sitting back down. before seungcheol came in, he was working on his ability to assemble a shotgun from scratch while timing. he stops the timer, scooting a little to make space for seungcheol on the bench.

“why aren’t you part of the medic team?” seungcheol inquires as he sat down, smiling.

mingyu simply shrugs, wiping the barrel of the gun with a clean cloth. “the lieutenant seems to value my strategic knowledge more than my good hands.”

seungcheol laughs at this, shaking his head. “i have heard from my father that your knowledge may as well come from someone who’s had experience at war before. since i’m joining you tomorrow, i’ll hopefully rely on your expertise, private first class kim mingyu.”

feeling butterflies in his stomach from nervousness, he could only nod. seungcheol leaves a few minutes after two officers pick him up. mingyu notices the easy air around the three as they joke around and laugh. they must be friends.

albeit a bit naive of him, he hopes everyone survives tomorrow.

fate has a funny thing of playing with mingyu. this much he has realized, after living his eight lives. he swears a laugh escapes him when he sees minghao, feeling the same feeling he did when he first saw him and fell in love many years ago. if only he could be permitted to run to him across the battlefield and hold him in his arms.

the colors of minghao’s uniform stops him, as does the gun in his hand and the look of remorse he gives to mingyu's own allies. the intent to kill shines in his eyes.

for a minute he is stunned, trying to reason why they were placed on different sides of the battlefield. he sees minghao working with the north korean troops whilst he hid behind the broad tree. glancing, he sees minghao fire at a private that mingyu shares a bunk bed with. this makes him process the situation faster.

they are enemies in this life.

he hears nothing, not the gunshots or the screaming. only the sound of his heartbeat. it wasn’t until he was punched by seungcheol and dragged away from enemy fire did he wake up.

adrenaline pumped in his veins as he realizes that their rescue mission was a trap set to ambush their team. the enemy had already killed the civilians, this much is evident from the blood splattered across the soil and stench of death in the air.

mingyu doesn’t know why he would even sign up willingly to go back to a graveyard. two years ago in this lifetime, he was inspired by the men in uniform that visited anyang, telling him of their bravery and honor that came from serving their country. perhaps he thought that because of his knowledge from being in the battlefield, he would be of help to his country.

“what were you doing there, private?! do you want to get yourself killed?!!” seungcheol shouted at him, dragging him to take cover behind a stone wall.

“i-- i--” mingyu stammered, looking at the other. “i saw someone i knew.”

“is he one of ours?” seungcheol asked, rummaging through his tools to find medicine supplies. when mingyu shook his head, seungcheol nodded. “we need to get you treated. we’ve received instructions to fall back.”

glancing down at his arm, he notices the blood from a deep graze of a gunshot wound. mingyu looks back at seungcheol who was performing basic first aid to cleanse the wound and it was then that he realizes that he can’t simply chase after minghao in this lifetime. people, good people like sergeant choi seungcheol, did not deserve to die. unlike him, they only had this life to live.

mingyu bites the inside of his cheek to stop from crying.

once he’s been treated by one of the medics still alive (his name was seungkwan and mingyu remembers that he liked to sing to them before they slept at night), mingyu and seungcheol meet the others at the rendezvous point. men were injured, some of their faces unrecognizable as they twist in pain. those remaining that knew first aid were treating them and mingyu helped as well, showing his skill. his heart swells as one private like himself thanked him before passing out.

“we need to go back to camp. the path has been cleared and we should…”

mingyu looks around the table as seungcheol explains their plan. upon the death of another officer, he is the one to immediately resume the role of leader for their team. he searches for seungcheol’s friends that just a few hours ago, were laughing together with him.

while searching, he meets seungcheol’s gaze. mingyu doesn’t know how, but seungcheol seems to understand who mingyu is looking for. he simply shakes his head, looking back down at the map while pointing orders here and there. mingyu is stricken with grief on behalf of him, gripping the gun he is holding.

when the war ends, mingyu is promoted to corporal for showing outstanding bravery and protecting the rest of his comrades after retreating. due to him noticing minghao, he informs lieutenant choi of the chinese soldiers he had seen cooperating with the north korean troops. it is later discovered that the chinese nazis are working hand in hand with north korea.

despite not seeing minghao ever again, mingyu makes sure that in this lifetime he is given, he lives his life to the fullest. he falls in love with a woman back from his hometown in anyang. while retiring early, he takes the opportunity to study medicine and eventually becomes a heart surgeon, marries and eventually has children of his own.

the best outcome of this life, for mingyu, is watching his own children grow before he dies at the age of seventy two. they bring a happiness that is always makes the emptiness in his chest feel less bigger. there aren’t many lifetimes in which he doesn’t cave in and pursue minghao, or where he dies before he is able to.

due to this overwhelming happiness that his wife brings, he makes sure to tell the story of his previous lifetimes to his wife hoping that she will write it down and treasure it before he leaves.

she had always thought something was odd with her husband. the way he knows things that aren’t written in any books she’s been allowed to read or the way whenever he looks at her, he wears an expression she can’t quite explain. she had never asked, since mingyu is always so honest with her that if it were important she will know. but when he finally tells her everything, she finds a newfound love for her husband, as well as a better understanding of the look in his eyes.

“would you want to give this to him?” she asks once she’s finished writing. a huge pile of parchment paper lay on top of mingyu’s bedside table along with his will. written in them are mingyu’s stories his wife had painstakingly written by hand since he told her the truth.

mingyu shakes his head weakly, closing his eyes. “if we see each other again, i’m not going to tell him. he deserves the life i’ve led. he deserves to grow old and die at his own time, not because of our twisted fate.”

and so did i.

gently, she strokes his head, planting a kiss on his forehead. mingyu feels a tear fall against his forehead, her lips quivering against his skin. “you worked hard, love. i’m sure he’ll be happy to see you again.”

tears fall gently down from mingyu’s own crinkled eyes, a smile spreading on his lips. how lucky he was to have his wife, he thinks before he passes. his story, at least, is not his own now and the excruciating loneliness of the curse feels lighter than it ever will.

the smile on his lips stays even when he moves on to the next life.

it is a harsh summer day and what mingyu’s experiencing at the moment is what many refer to as a summer fling.

g.o.d’s ‘to mother’ plays faintly at a distance from the radio as two teenage boys gaze at each other’s eyes, a time too many to be considered a coincidence.

mingyu almost drops the tray filled with empty bowls of food and tall empty glasses this time. he could see the strange boy laugh from the corner of his eyes, and he prepares himself for the half an hour lecture from his grandmother for possibly breaking another one of the restaurant’s glasses.

without sparing a longer glance, he pushes the doors to the kitchen open with his foot and places the tray safely on one of the tables filled with dirty dishes, a bit breathless.

there’s something really strange with that guy , he thinks.

“you okay, hyung?” hansol, one of the few people who chose to work on their summer break, asks in concern. “did you break something again?”

shaking his head, mingyu fans himself with the menu, his face hot. “no, the heat’s just getting to me. don’t you feel hot?”

hansol shakes his head, smiling. “nah. but go and drink some water.” hansol takes the tray mingyu brought with him and moves to wash them. he’s thankful. the kid is hardworking though a bit odd.

the older nods, walking past the kitchen staff to the break room.

once inside and safe, he sags on the nearest plastic chair, closing his eyes. he sees the boy’s face even when he closes his eyes, and so he opens them wide instead with a frustrated groan.

it’s the first time anyone made him feel this bothered. the part that shocks mingyu is that he wants to stare in the stranger’s eyes. he wants to go there and talk to him. maybe hold his hand and lead him outside so they can walk around the beach. but that’s not okay. he doesn’t like guys that way.

“I like girls with big boobs,” he chants, taking a water bottle from the fridge. he drinks all of it down, and thinking that he’ll be fine now, he walks back to the restaurant.

truthfully, he is expecting the boy to still be there. but when his eyes scan the entirety of the restaurant, he’s no longer there. this makes him sigh in relief but also in mild disappointment. he shakes the feeling of the latter and starts working.

the sun is setting in the horizon when his shift ends. his muscles feel sore from washing dishes and carrying trays filled with food and used utensils. it’s his second week so he knows he will somehow get used to it soon enough. he just needs to buy some muscle patches before he sleeps.

“thank you for your hard work!” mingyu shouts, pushing the doors of the restaurant open for his co-workers. it’s his turn to lock the place up, so he waits for everyone to step outside before doing so. he also makes sure the lights are off and that the place is spotless.

after making his last rounds, he closes the front door and proceed to lock the place up.

he’s struggling with the padlock when he hears shuffling behind him.

it can’t be … mingyu thinks, alarmed, finally managing to lock it. he rises slowly, thinking of using the keys as a weapon and turns around, slashing into air.

“ow!”

mingyu didn’t realize he had his eyes closed so he opens them, only to see the somewhat familiar face in the darkness illuminated by street lights.

if he’s attractive from afar, mingyu thinks he’s breathtaking up close. at least to his standards.

long silky black hair cover the brown eyes stare at him before looking at the cut mingyu made on his hand, irritated. he’s changed, mingyu notices, and is now wearing long baggy jeans and a t-shirt larger than his frame. mingyu is dumbfounded for a bit. what was he doing here? didn’t he leave already?

was he waiting for me?

that sounded stupid, even if he only thought of it. so he shakes his head, eyebrows furrowed as he regards the other cautiously.

“a-are you okay?” he first asks. “what were you doing here?”

the stranger stops, looking up at mingyu. “i was waiting.”

“for who?”

“for you.”

“oh.”

immediately, mingyu’s cheeks flush and he looks at the wound instead of minghao’s face.

“i—let’s go inside. we have a first aid kit there.”

once inside the restaurant again, he asks the stranger to sit down, even calling him stranger accidentally.

“i have a name. it’s minghao.”

“minghao,” mingyu allows, nodding. he slips inside the break room, getting the first aid kit from one of the drawers before going back outside to the restaurant. he sees minghao still sitting there, smiling to himself.

why is he like this???

he sits down on the chair right in front of the other, pulling the other’s wrist closer to him so he can see the cut on his forearm that mingyu made. guilt makes him bite the inside of his cheek, opening the box to fish out the necessary materials.

first, he disinfects it, dabbing the disinfectant against  it. minghao winces, though when mingyu looks up at him, he stares too long for comfort and mingyu forgets what he’s doing. so he just focuses at the task at hand, finishing it off with a standard band-aid.

“all done, sorry about that. I thought you were a burglar.”

minghao looks at the band-aid, running his finger against it. “say, want to have sex?”

minghao says this in the most casual way possible just when mingyu is about to stand up and return the box back to the break room. the taller of the two sits back down, knees like jelly and shock written all over his features.

“say what?” mingyu asks, his voice coming out in a small whisper.

“want to have sex with me?” minghao asks, looking at him straight in the eye.

“you must be joking.”

“about sex? no, not usually.” minghao smiles and it makes mingyu blush. “i’ve been thinking about it ever since I stepped inside this restaurant.”

bewildered, mingyu just stares, the only sound in the restaurant is their breathing and his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. he doesn’t know what compels him to answer, but when he does, the look in minghao’s face changes and it makes something inside him stir awake.

“yes.”  

summer is minghao. after that night in the restaurant, the two are inseparable and disgustingly so. though they try not be obvious, even hansol notices that there is more going on between them than just sudden friendship.

the banter between them sounds like flirting, and the smiles promise something that could very well be something like forever. they don’t talk about the future, or how mingyu has to go home in two weeks. they only have the forgotten hours of every day, feet planted firmly against the sand as they watch the sun set.

nights are saved for sex, fooling around in minghao’s hotel room while his parents sleep in the room beside it. they’re on vacation, minghao explains, and they have some business to tend to as well in korea hence why they visited. but before minghao talks about his family, mingyu is already kissing him.

mingyu is clumsy, and sometimes he forgets that he’s so tall and strong. it makes minghao breathless, and the thought that maybe all his awkward angles and bony fingers will fit snugly in mingyu’s embrace makes him smile.

another quality of mingyu that minghao enjoys is the feeling of the other’s defined muscles tense against his thin, lithe hands as he touches him. every time seeming like the first, just because he’s that sensitive to touch. it makes minghao want to touch every part of him and see him crumble so he does. easily so.

mingyu’s hands are soft, warm and textured. it tells minghao that he works with his hands a lot, cooking, tinkering and drawing. he sees mingyu draw him on one of the hotel’s envelopes as he sleeps though he doesn’t see the end product since the taller is too shy to show him.

“when i finish,” he whispers against minghao’s lips.

mingyu holds and touches minghao with the same hands like he means to keep him beyond this summer. minghao pretends that he doesn’t feel much of anything. like forever, or something similar to a promise at least.

“let’s have a proper date,” minghao shouts from the bathroom. he’s showering since the both of them had been swimming the majority of today.

mingyu pads towards the bathroom, leaning against the doorway. he sees minghao’s silhouette through the floral shower curtain. “what does a proper date even mean? didn’t we go on a date earlier?”

amused, minghao pushes the shower curtain aside so his wet face and hair are seen. “no, that wasn’t a date. that was fooling around. i mean a date where you actually pick me up and meet my parents. or the other way around, it doesn’t really matter.”

confused, mingyu furrows his brows, deep in thought. he really didn’t mind that. actually, it made him feel giddy imagining minghao waiting for him and being introduced to the chinese boy’s parents who he has yet to see. and they’ve been fooling around for almost two weeks.

“okay,” he allows, giving minghao a smile. “that sounds nice.”

minghao disappears inside the shower again to hide the wide grin on his face. “i’ll be out in a bit. room service food is already there, right?”

the proper date is more nerve-wracking that he thought. mingyu agreed to pick minghao up, just because his parents are all the way back in anyang and his grandmother is too busy at the restaurant. it’s not like she’ll accept whatever this is going on with mingyu and minghao too. she’s far too old fashioned and this world didn’t welcome oddities such as them yet.

instead of wearing usual jeans and a shirt, mingyu is wearing dress pants and a fake silk shirt his grandmother bought him in case he needed it. he also trades his sandals to dress shoes that he found lying around in the house. probably his father’s. it’s a tad bit too small but he reckons it will do. once his whole look was complete, he simply runs outside without fixing his hair.

when he knocks on minghao’s door, he feels a strange sensation in his belly. must be excitement, nervousness or both combined. he runs his fingers through his hair, making sure they’re not as tousled as usual.

“you must be mingyu,” minghao’s mother greets. she is the one to open the door and mingyu is stricken with how similar her eyes are to minghao’s. her korean is also less polished than minghao’s, her accent still thick.

mingyu nods. “y-yes,” he answers, lifting up the basket his grandmother had given him earlier. “these are homemade soy sauce and soy bean paste that i helped my grandmother make. i hope it’s to your liking.”

minghao’s mother opens the door further to let mingyu in which he does, placing the basket on the dining table gently.

“thank you for the kind gesture. i didn’t know my son’s friend had such good manners,” she compliments cheerily.

his cheeks flush at the compliment, feeling very much the young teenager he is at that moment. “t-thank you ma’am.”

“minghao should be out soon, so just take a seat.”

“i-is minghao’s father here as well. i must pay my respects,” mingyu says hesitantly, looking around.

“he isn’t,” minghao’s mother answers quickly, looking at mingyu’s gift. “he joined us for lunch but had to go to a business meeting. i’m sad he didn’t get to meet you.”

“it’s okay i--”

“my dad doesn’t approve that i’m gay.”

mingyu looks at where minghao was standing, clad casually in high waisted jeans, ripped band shirt, a colorful windbreaker and chucks. he suddenly feels too overdressed but is far too embarrassed to voice it out. plus, the revelation doesn’t really help.

“don’t say that,” minghao’s mother says in korean before they go on a tangent in mandarin. their tones immediately change, and mingyu could tell by their body language that they are fighting right in front of him. he’s rendered silent, not understanding much of what is being said. only when minghao drags him outside of the hotel room did he come to and by then they are already inside the elevator.

“i’m sorry,” mingyu blurts out.

“don’t be. it’s not your fault. even if you weren’t there, we would still be fighting. we fight every other day. that’s why i never go around with them.”

“but i shouldn’t...maybe we shouldn’t go on a date tonight. you can talk to your mom,” mingyu pauses, trying to catch his breath while trying not to stumble on his words as his mind works around the situation, coming up with solutions. “then when she feels better about the situation maybe we--”

minghao cuts him off with a loud sigh. “i’ll talk to her later, okay? i just want to go out tonight and have fun with this cute boy i’m hooking up with and may never see after this. okay?”

mingyu flushes a little but doesn’t say anything more. as they step outside of the elevator, minghao intertwines their fingers together and he feels that tonight will be a good night.

only one day remains. and that day mingyu spends with minghao. the taller of the two runs to the other’s hotel room at three am, armed with snacks and board games. there’s no talk of sex and not too much touching either, just minghao kicking mingyu for winning his rounds.

they do talk a lot that day, about their plans after summer. of how it’s like back in china. if ever minghao will come back to korea (he says yes, but mingyu doesn’t want to hold on to that too much) and if mingyu can visit too.

minghao tells mingyu about what he’s good at. martial arts, b-boying and maybe schoo,l too. but other people are definitely better than him. in turn, mingyu tells him that he’s good at housework and he’s smart enough that he’ll get to be an architect one day or maybe even a doctor. he feels that he’ll do well doing either of those.

“i actually...drew you, if you remember,” mingyu says shyly, reaching out for his backpack then taking a rolled piece of paper. “i didn’t have it framed ‘cause i thought it’ll get ruined in your luggage and you’ll probably hate me if i did.”

“you’re right,” minghao says, laughing as he rolled closer to mingyu. “should i unroll it myself?”

mingyu nods, smiling.

what minghao sees is how he looks in mingyu’s eyes. he’s always heard that an art piece holds a part of the creator. but somehow, while looking at the soft strokes of the pencil which were collected on paper to make it look like him, he feels like mingyu captured a piece of his soul.

“do you believe in reincarnation?” minghao asks quietly, running his finger through his own side profile.

“why do you ask that?” mingyu looks at the other curiously.

“just asking…” minghao sighs and closes his eyes. “ever since i saw you… and no joke, this is making me cringe, i just had this really intense feeling that…” he stops, words caught in his throat.

“that you want to fuck me?” the other adds to help.

it doesn’t. “that you’re more important to me than just a stranger i wanted to fuck. sometimes i get flashes, but they’re just blurry images of pictures and there’s…” minghao stops, trying to find the word in korean but settles for the english one.

“...deja vu.”

“that’s weird.”

“it is. and it’s making me panic. like...what if i really should be with you?” emotions pile up little by little, minghao’s usually quiet and calm voice now getting more panicked. “what if---”

“stop it.” mingyu sits up, straddling minghao’s waist and kisses his lips. his expression isn’t something minghao had seen before and in his own confusion, he can’t describe it. all he knows is the ache in his chest. “don’t go there. this summer was the best summer i have ever had. and yes, i wish that you won’t go but i won’t keep you here.” lies . “i’m just going to be one guy among many that will come your way. this summer will just be a memory but a good memory. i don’t want to ruin that. okay?”

minghao looks up, reaching out to cup the other’s cheek. for the first time today they touch and it feels electrifying, just like the first time. the irresistible pull that is always present brings minghao to kiss mingyu’s cheeks, his forehead, his nose and his lips.

“you’re right,” he whispers back.

gently, mingyu kisses minghao again, pressing his lips tenderly against the other’s. it makes minghao wrap his arms around mingyu’s body, resting his cheek against the other’s chest. mingyu returns the gesture and wraps his arms around minghao as well, knowing fully well that this is the last time they will see each other.

i’ll just hold you a little longer.

except he’s wrong.

minghao makes sure he is.

mingyu realizes it’s the last when the heavy weight that follows him throughout every life is not present in this lifetime. he had lost count of how many lives they had lived together or apart and by now, the memories had turned into small shards found in a kaleidoscope. every turn, depending on how the light hit it, another pattern forms. another memory awakens.

he thinks that it’s enough. the both of them had suffered enough times that this being their last seems like mercy.  

just like the other ones, he makes sure to just live his life as is expected of him. or rather, as he sees fit. it’s the last after all, he doesn’t need to make it big or anything. except when he’s dared to audition for an opening at a company called pledis entertainment.

many children his age or younger dream of being a star. he never shared the same dream ever since he became a rocker in the 70s. some of the groupies would follow them everywhere and he wasn’t exactly keen on having people stalk him 24/7. except maybe when they brought minghao along to one of their gigs.

since this is a dare, mingyu thought that he really shouldn’t put much effort into it. he did rehearse the national anthem to perfection in case he really is asked to sing. he’s terrible at dancing so he knows they’ll be terribly disappointed so he might as well have one piece that he can perform perfectly.

come the day of the audition, he’s wearing slippers and his school uniform. as his peers expected, he had forgotten the bag with his extra set of clothes at home while rushing to school. this strikes the grown ups negatively as they eye him up and down.

“student kim mingyu…. could you rotate while the camera takes pictures?”

he nods, turning from side to side when instructed. there is a camera that is beside the judges’ table and another that takes pictures of him from different angles.

“thank you. now, what will you be doing for us?”

mingyu swallows nervously, looking down. “i’ll...sing.”

he goes through the trainee process with difficulty. juggling training and school is difficult. sometimes, mingyu thinks that this is probably not the best path for him. initially he didn’t even plan on getting past the audition.

when he told his friends of the big news, they told him to go for it. his parents, like many, were worried of what this new path will bring. after all, there were many talented kids. even more talented than he is. but he is determined to at least not make a fool out of himself and return the faith the company had put in him.

when minghao comes, joining the lineup for the company’s new boy group alongside mingyu and others, he doesn’t recognize him at first. his eyes don’t, but he feels the connection still. the pull. it’s always present and irresistible.

awkward, he masks this as pure interest. he gets to know minghao, the kid who flew all the way from china to pursue his dreams. he’s talented, and tells him and the others that he’s been on tv before when the topic of experience on tv is brought up. they communicate in a mixture of english and hand gestures when alone. junhui, also chinese, helps bring the others and minghao closer.

he’s good at b-boying but also being very cute, large eyes sparkling in curiosity and intelligence. he also laughs like he doesn’t know the pains of this world but when he learns enough korean, he’s sure to show that he’s much wiser than what others initially thought.

mingyu thinks he’s really cute when he laughs. so maybe he doesn’t mind being a bit clumsy and stupid in his eyes just to hear him chuckle. soon, minghao looks at mingyu with a fondness of a good friend.

he doesn’t fight the feelings that makes his whole chest feel full.

even when he catches minghao changing and the scars show themselves, he doesn’t fight it. this is the last life they will ever live and he’s determined that they will live it to the fullest.

flashbacks soon play even as he falls asleep. some cause him to wake up, breathless and afraid, and this makes him run to where minghao is sleeping to check that he has not disappeared.

by analyzing each cause of minghao’s death, he knows that they are lives in which minghao realizes their connection or he tells him. his death follows almost immediately, at least twenty five days after, in the lives he was able to remember the day he died.

he also realizes that he always remembers minghao after he is shown his scars. and that while minghao has his own, mingyu doesn’t.

one particular morning, mingyu wakes up to take a stroll around their neighborhood. the night had been rough, him having a whole dream of a life in which he is asked to help deliver the stretcher in which minghao lay dead to the morgue.

he didn’t notice minghao following him that time but when the other makes his presence known by asking mingyu to give him some of the fish cake he orders, mingyu breaks down in tears.

centuries worth of pain and sorrow that he couldn’t openly express before come out in a flood of tears. he makes wailing noises, unabashedly voicing out his pain.

the street food vendor gives him a handful of tissues and asks if the boy in front of him is bullying him. confused, minghao’s expression changes from teasing to alarmed. mingyu just cries, covering his face with the back of his palms while minghao stares at him, fish cake in hand.

after a few more minutes, mingyu finishes crying and they take a seat on the chairs the street food vendor provides them.

“did i scare you?” minghao asks, voice small.

mingyu shakes his head, sniffling while drinking the warm soup in his paper cup.

“whatever it is, you can talk to me, okay? i’ll listen.”

mingyu feels tears build in the corner of his eyes and he nods.

they work towards their debut alongside brothers that they cherish. they are known as the boy group ‘seventeen’, the self-producing idols who pledis entertainment breathed to life.

after their debut stage, they all manage to fall asleep on the way back to their dorm minghao resting his head against mingyu’s shoulder as he snores deeply, mingyu realizes that even if there is no curse, he would still fall in love with minghao.

it’s not that he has a past with him that makes mingyu want to hold minghao’s hand or ruffle his hair to tell him he works hard. it’s the passion in his craft, the eagerness to learn, his words that seem so magical they make sense and how, when minghao says his name, he says it with such gentleness that makes him weak in the knees.

it’s also because for the first time in a while, someone openly looks out for him. he doesn’t make it obvious, especially since most of his members believe that he can do everything himself. but the little gestures speak a thousand words. minghao patting his back, helping around the kitchen when he cooks or accompanying him wherever.

mingyu thinks that if the curse is having to fall in love with minghao over and over again for a great many lifetimes, he will accept it.

“you messed up,” minghao says.

today is the start of their tour again and just a few minutes ago they were performing their hit track ‘very nice’ in front of thousands of fans, their carats.

“how so?” mingyu asks, taking the in ear piece of and handing it to the staff. he takes a seat beside minghao in the waiting room.

minghao leans against his chair. “missed a step here and there.”

mingyu shrugs. “sorry, i got too carried away, i guess.”

he hears laughter from beside him. “it’s okay. let’s do better.”

glancing at the other, mingyu smiles. “you were great though.”

the others are yelling in the background, filming a behind the scenes footage for their going seventeen spin off episode. soonyoung and chan approach the both of them, and they say hi to the camera, saying a few words and joking around before they’re left at the side again. minghao is browsing on his phone on instagram while mingyu looks at him.

“hey minghao.”

“hm?”

“do you believe in deja vu?”

minghao stops from tapping at his screen, staying still. “....do you?”

smiling, mingyu leans closer to him. “no, but if i tell you something crazy like we’re star-crossed lovers cursed by an almighty force because we were too selfish, how likely are you to believe me?”

“first of all, that’s gross. and second of all, you’re not my type.”

mingyu laughs, shaking his head. “oh you’ll be surprised.”

“mingyu. what the fuck--”

“GUYS!!! WE HAVE A FLIGHT TO CATCH, HURRY UP!” seungcheol shouts, from the door. the others quickly stand up and follow him out.

laughing still, mingyu stands up to leave minghao there, wondering about the meaning behind his words if there are any at all.

though if there is, maybe (just maybe, with very low probability of it actually being true because it would be in bad taste to actually feel like this towards mingyu, of all people) he feels a tingle of warmth settle in his chest.

“w-wait up!” he shouts, jogging towards the door where mingyu waits for him.

from then on, he follows mingyu, outside the venue to another schedule and forward.

this life, the last among twenty five.