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For all of his endless chatter and chumminess with any stranger around him, Seth had never been too easily read. His discomfort was pushed under opposite body language; a smile and nod when he didn’t understand, a determined bravado when he was afraid, things Danny simply didn’t have the energy for. He spoke far more between the two of them, and far more often did he keep his true feelings protected. Fortunately, eighteen years of friendship gave Danny a helpful pair of spectacles to see through his bullshit.
“I don’t even understand my own notes. Ain’t that somethin’? I go to all the effort to start taking them for once, and I can barely understand ‘cause O’Brien gives us
zero
information…”
He was talking even more than usual, which spoke for a lot more than he was saying out loud. Danny watched him fidget in his bean bag chair for the fiftieth time in twenty minutes, eyes narrowed like he was focused on something frustrating. It wasn’t the homework.
“How can science teachers be so boring? It’s science. Explosions and potions and shit. She makes it sound like we’re memorizing the goddamn encyclopedia.”
“What’s hurting you?” Danny asked.
Seth went quiet. A defeated smile overcame him and he sprawled out dramatically over the chair, a good sign he would rather curl up and hide from Danny’s perfect scrutiny.
“My back,” he explained. “Coach says I need to see a masseuse to fix it, but…”
Danny looked away with aching empathy. Seth would never agree to that. The tension that an hour with some stranger touching him would create might make things worse than they were to begin with. But quitting football, the one school related thing he excelled at, over a back problem was not an option. What would the team do without their captain? Danny convinced himself that that was who he worried for, but deeper down he didn’t know what he himself would do with a depressed, injured Seth. Seeing him so proud and confident after each game was the number one reason he endured long awaited Friday nights stuck in the bleachers of a wild crowd instead of resting at home.
He shut his textbook and half listened to Seth rambling on again, silently eyeing the bed neither of them sat on together since freshman year. Just thinking about what he wanted to say made his throat itchy with anxiety.
“Boy, can that guy talk about sports injuries. I told him I’d put some Icy Hot on it, but I couldn’t reach all of my back and Claire threw a tantrum about doing it for me, like I didn’t help Mom change her diapers for a full year. D’you think it’ll go away if I just take it easy for a while? I’d hate to miss practice, but missing the rest of the season would suck worse.”
“I don’t think it’ll just go away on its own if Coach Davis is making a big deal about it. What if it was someone you knew?”
“What, for the massage? It’d be kinda weird to make my mom do it, and Claire sure as hell wouldn’t.”
Danny continued to wait for him to understand. When it finally registered, Seth looked openly shocked. “ You? But...I mean, that’s- I don’t wanna make you do all that. That would be…”
“It’s not gay,” Danny said quietly. “You’re hurt.”
“I don’t have a problem with the whole ‘gay’ thing,” Seth mumbled. The light annoyance in Danny’s expression became fluttering anxiety all over again. “I just don’t wanna go making you do stuff that’s...that you wouldn’t wanna do.”
“I want to do it.”
It was Seth’s turn to have his heart start racing. Saying it that way made it sound even worse...He swallowed hard, already given up on any attempt to look confident about it. That was a challenge he couldn’t win.
“Right. Then...It’s mostly my lower back, so I guess that’s, uh, where you should start. Thank you, man. You’re a lifesaver.”
He said it more tentatively than normal, but it didn’t take long before he had his shirt off and himself on the bed, face down. Or more face to the side, torso down. He still wasn’t sure how he was supposed to breathe, especially considering it was so hard to before he even lay down.
Danny found it equally difficult to position himself. Kneeling over Seth’s side was going to mess up his own back, nor was standing all too helpful. It ocurred to him that a masseuse would have a table specified for this and some clue what they were doing, whereas for this, his only option was to straddle Seth’s hips and try his best to keep his weight shifted while Seth gave his best not noticing face. He put both palms on his exposed lower back and gently pressed in.
It also ocurred to him that lotion would have been a great idea, if only their platonic attitudes weren’t hanging in the balance. Rubbing his back dry seemed like a pain to the both of them, though it was hard to tell if Seth wasn’t just pained in general. He certainly didn’t look like he was getting a nice, relaxing massage. More like someone was pinching him and he was trying to keep quiet.
Uncertain, Danny pushed his weight into the heel of his hand and watched carefully, but elicited little to no reaction. Seth was still holding himself rigid, as poker-faced as he could possibly manage with his eyes closed. He pushed his heel upwards, and the slightest relax of muscle could be felt underneath him. The second time was an even greater effect, despite him only kneading the surface with the power of a lightweight kitten.
“I think- You’re supposed to be more firm or something.”
Danny stared down at him blankly.
“Like...You push in, y’know...deeper.”
Listening to him was not going to do any good if he wanted to keep acting like this was a massage. Which it was, but it wasn’t...any normal massage, not between a stranger and a professional who did this all day. That didn’t make it not platonic, it just made it harder. And listening to Seth talk was not helping.
He dug his heel in deeper, shaken to his core by the slightest breath of relief. No matter how conflicted, the tension was easing up all over Seth, who couldn’t focus much longer on his too loud heartbeat now that it felt so much better. Not exactly good, but not in pain, which after a while of aching was in fact good.
Though he could relax, Danny could not. All of his effort was poured into the correct rhythm and pressure, not at all on Seth’s calm, mature features and the lightness of his voice, the undetectable sighs and the sounds he’d never heard from him before unless he was imagining it. Not that he ever had. Intentionally. Wherever he felt the most release of tension, that was where he continued to work on until it lessened, and then he would search for inflammation elsewhere. There was nothing else to think about. It was fine just like that.
“That...feels really good…”
Heat broke out across Danny’s cheeks to the tips of his ears.
“Does it hurt anywhere else?” he asked. If he stopped moving now, he was afraid his hands would start shaking.
“My leg,” Seth laughed. “But you don’t have to bother.”
“Where on your leg?”
This time, Seth hesitated. He opened his mouth and said nothing for a moment, then mumbled, “I think I pulled something in my thigh. It’s no big deal.”
“Behind or in front?”
“Uh...Like, to the side…”
His inner thigh. Danny swallowed hard, then pushed his thumb into the muscle there, too distracted by his own rapid pulse to notice the shiver that went through Seth’s entire body. He’d deliberately started low, but if he pulled something, then it was likely higher…
“Boys? How’s it going in there?”
The unexpected voice that rang behind Danny’s bedroom door startled them even more than the knocking, which took a moment to process at all before the horror registered.
“My mom-” Danny choked out.
Seth was already in action, yanking the nearest blanket over himself and nudging Danny to sit up straight. Mrs. Cooper entered with an unsuspecting smile, soon to fall when she eyed the books that they ditched and the redness of Danny’s face. Luckily, Seth was a better actor than him, though that wasn’t to say he was good.
“Hey, ma’am! Cold in here, ain’t it? Dannyman and I were just taking a study break.”
She stood silent against the door for a few long, agonizing moments, unable to take her eyes off her son, who was withering under her stare. Just as Danny opened his mouth, Seth cut him off. “What time is it, anyway? Geez, it’s already nine! I gotta get back home before my mom reads me the riot act. She still wants me to pick up some milk, since we’re out and all…”
“Oh,” Mrs. Cooper’s smile returned unsurely, “Marian will be worried if you go driving around at this hour. Let me get you some, I’m going to the store tomorrow anyway.”
It was a good thing he knew her well enough after all these years. Once the door shut behind her, he was quick to put his shirt back on and a lot slower to pack his bookbag, knowing Danny was still on the bed behind him.
“Woulda looked real weird if she walked in on us like that,” he joked softly. He didn’t have to look to know Danny wasn’t smiling.”My mom’s gonna be so pissed when I fail that final tomorrow after all this studying.”
“You’re walking perfectly fine,” Danny pointed out.
Seth didn’t walk so perfectly fine when he heard the accusation, coming to a shaky stop without a half decent rebuttal. Danny wasn’t as easy to lie to as anyone else. If he was, they wouldn’t have gotten themselves into this situation. Rather, Seth wouldn’t have gotten them into this situation.
“I told you the pain wasn’t a big deal.”
He hadn’t pulled something so much as simply overworked himself, and perhaps that pain wasn’t exactly centered in the place he said, but it had still been real. What Danny was alluding to, he didn’t want to acknowledge it at all. The pain had been real. In fact, he was still in a lot of pain. He just didn’t know where.
“Seth…”
“No, I shouldn’t have- I’m sorry,” Seth mumbled, sheepishly rubbing his shoulder. “You’re right. I...put you in a weird position. Kinda literally. Look, the truth is-”
Yet again, poorly timed knocking interrupted him. Mrs. Cooper was calling out something about 2% or skim, and though he barely had the heart to answer her back in usual cheery fashion, she seemed not to notice and insisted he get a move on. Seth slung his bag over his shoulder, offering Danny an apologetic look before he made his way for the door. “Pick you up for school tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I’ll stay for your practice if you take it easy.”
“I’m skipping practice. Might as well rest up so the pain doesn’t come back, y’know?”
Danny nodded, but he wasn’t sure if it was like Seth to do something like that. He was too overwhelmed by the last twenty minutes to think about whatever he’d been about to say before Mrs. Cooper knocked at the door. All he wanted was to know that the massage was worth it after all of this debacle, and taking a practice off was probably in Seth’s best interest, even if he wasn’t the type to show such forward thinking.
“Hey...Come to my place tomorrow night, okay? It’s a whole lot quieter over there when Mom and Claire are out of town for cheerleading. We can kick off our last winter break with a horror movie or somethin’.”
Though Danny knew well that Seth wasn’t concerned about movies, he refused to let himself read into it. After a night like this, it was too stressful to make assumptions about anything. He gave another nod and a soft “Alright, see you tomorrow,” before following behind Seth to see him to the door, all for his mother’s impression of nothing being wrong. Because nothing was wrong. They were just hanging out tonight, and they were just going to hang out tomorrow.
She wasn’t buying it, and neither was he anymore.