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Eve sat up in bed and smiled, she had woken up before her alarm which was unusual for her but today wasn’t any normal day today was special, it’s the day she finally gets to meet Gerard Way, he was her childhood idol and she had waited 12 years for this moment, she jumped out of bed and headed for the bathroom, as she entered she turned on the shower and hit shuffle on her MCR playlist before jumping into the shower, in her excitement for the day’s events she started singing along loudly and dancing in the shower careful not to fall, as she started to wash her hair she couldn’t help but think how thankful she was to finally live in her own place.
Eve’s parents were devoted Christians and didn’t approve of her taste in music and especially didn’t approve of her obsession with My Chemical Romance, they never allowed her to attend a concert as they believed the band were the work of the devil and trying to corrupt their beloved daughter, she had actually grown up extremely accepting and open minded despite being brought up by two devoted Christians or as she called them homophobic bigots, she couldn’t help but smile as she stepped out of the shower singing along to one of her favourite songs ‘thank you for the venom’ a song that specifically made her parents hate the ‘devil worshippers’ they interpreted the song as them not believing in god, which didn’t matter anyway as Eve made her mind up on her beliefs from a young age, it severely angered her parents once they learned she didn’t believe in god and they tried with all their might to force her to follow their views but it wasn’t working, she had even began to moving her possession to a rental unit and didn’t have many things left in her room, the night before she moved out her parents told her she was going to Christian camp and that was the last straw she packed the last of her belongings and got her best friend Kyle to pick her up, his roommate had just left and he had an empty room up for grabs so as soon as her parents were in bed she left leaving a note on her empty bed:
Dear bigots
I’m sorry I wasn’t the perfect Christian daughter you hoped I would be, I don’t see how you can believe in a god that allows so many horrible things to happen, how could you worship a man that lets children dye and murderers and pedophiles live, how you can be so horrible to the LGBT community, they were born the way they were they didn’t ask for anything but to be accepted and how can you justify what happened by saying it was God's plan, what did me and Adam do to deserve what happened to us! I can’t begin to imagine how much you are blaming that devil worshipping band right now but in all honesty mother I never believed in god and you taking me to all those protests against gay rights pushed me further and further away from you, they weren’t monsters they were people and you were asking an innocent child to hate a man she never met just because what, he loved men and not women. I can’t do this anymore, don’t you think I have been through enough, you cut off my counselling that I needed because she encouraged me to listen to my chemical romance, you know the only thing that calmed me down when my panic attacks came, I could never forgive you for that, I NEEDED Alison, telling me I was going to Christian camp was the last straw, disown me if you like tell people you have no daughter I don’t care, I’m moving in with Kyle because he is more like family to me than you are and I know he will look after me!
With the little bit of respect for you, I had squashed and no more love left in me for you I just hope you realize you pushed me to do this
Eve
Eve had lived with Kyle for about 2 months before she had found her own place, it was perfect a one bed studio apartment and it was surprisingly in her budget, luckily she had studied hard and managed to get herself a decent job as a nanny with a wealthy family, they liked her so much they took her on the family holidays so she could care for the children at night while they went out with friends for drinks, they didn’t ask her to pay for the holiday and paid her while she was looking after the children as well as giving her 3 days off for every week she worked on holidays, she didn’t ask them for much time off so when she did ask they accommodated for her by calling an agency for a replacement nanny for the duration of the time she had asked for, she asked for a couple of days off to go see Gerard and they just laughed and said they had already called the agency and booked a nanny when they saw he was in town, she couldn’t help but love them, they treated her like their own children and she looked up to them like they were a mother and father, she had been working as a babysitter for them since she was 17 when she turned 19 they took her on as a part time nanny while she continued her studies but not long after they asked her to become a full-time nanny for them till the youngest child hit 16, which she knew was going to be a while as they were expecting their third child at the end of the year.
Eve was happier than she had ever been as she walked to her bedroom and picked up the hairdryer that was on the floor by her bed, she turned it on and started blow drying her hair, as she did she looked up feeling the sensation of being watched, she saw Kyle in front of her rubbing his head, he looked exhausted “Eve its 6 in the fucking morning keep it down with your devil worship” he laughed slightly, he liked to make jokes like that to prove just how ridiculous her parents were, she continued to blow dry her hair as she shrugged “you fell out with Steve and you crash on my couch then you deal with me singing at 6 in the morning” he walked over and sat on the bed “why are you up so early any way you booked the day off” she raised an eyebrow as she shut off the hairdryer and looked at him “have you forgotten that the signing is today?” Kyle shook his head as he laid back on the bed “how could I forget you haven’t stopped talking about it for the last six months, I was so glad you found your own place 2 weeks of listening to your constant Gerard talk is enough to make a saint swear” she laughed slightly knowing he was only joking with her “do you think he will actually get time to talk to you or do you think it will be more hi what’s your name sign and goodbye?” Eve shrugged as she looked down “deep down she knew there was no chance she would get to talk to him but she prayed that she would be able “I hope I get to talk to him and tell him how much he means to me, he saved my life after...” she cut herself off wiping the tear from her eye, she still hadn’t been able to talk about what happened to her even now, it had been a three year and she still wasn’t ready to talk to anyone, Kyle sat up sensing the hesitation, he pulled her into a protective hug and rubbed her back “I know honey, it was hard for everyone but you especially no one should have to go through that” she shook her head knowing this was going to be hard but it was something she had to do, she felt it would be the start of her being able to move on “are you sure you’re going to be okay going alone, I can call in sick if you need me to come with you” she shook her head slightly as she looked at him “I’ll be fine, you know you’re on your last warning and besides if you get fired who’s going to bring me all my favourite dresses when they go on sale!” they laughed slightly, Kyle worked at hot topic and was the one who marked up all the sale items so as soon as the ones she liked went on sale he would buy them and bring them home for her, he fuelled her shopping addiction but she didn’t care, she waited till they were on sale to save herself some cash and it worked, getting them discounted saved her hundreds of dollars over the 5 years she had know Kyle, she stood up and looked at him “now go on I need to get dressed, you are still taking me to the station right?” Kyle nodded as he stood up and walked to the bedroom door “of course, I’ll wait for you in the room” she closed the door as he walked away then turned and grabbed the bag she had got ready the night before, she checked to make sure everything was inside, she turned off the music and slipped her phone inside along with her copy of the umbrella academy novel, it was a comic book event he was doing the signing at and she was addicted to his stories so she made the choice to get her comic signed rather than one of her many MCR items, she smiled as she looked at the outfit she had set out before getting dressed.
Eve walked down the hall and into the living room, she noticed Kyle had fallen asleep on the couch and couldn’t help but laugh slightly, he once slept through a fire drill at school which got him into some serious trouble “Kyle honey, I’m ready to go” she shook him softly as he started to wake up “hey sleeping beauty, it’s time to go my trains in 40 minutes” Kyle rubbed his eyes as he pulled his key from his pocket, it was a 10 minute drive to the station as long as there was no traffic and Eve wanted to make sure she didn’t miss that train “can we stop for food on the way?” Eve nodded as she grabbed her keys “if by food you mean coffee than yea” he stood up and followed her out to the car yawning slightly “have you got the key to get back in?” Kyle nodded heading back to lock the door to the apartment.
********
Eve smiled as Kyle pulled into the McDonalds down the road from the station, it had been a fairly quiet drive as Kyle wasn’t really talkative till he had drunk his morning coffee, he ordered two coffees and a couple of hash browns “sure you don’t want anything to eat” Eve nodded as she grabbed a 20 from her purse, she hadn’t always been the best of eaters but even less so now, honestly Kyle wonder how she didn’t suffer from anorexia but he brushed it off knowing she would eat when she was hungry she was always the same, he drove onto the pickup window and paid for the coffees, he threw the change into the pot he kept in his car and took the coffees from the woman on the drive-through, he passed them over to Eve before driving up the road to the station “before you run off I want to talk to you okay” he parked the car up as she looked at him questioningly “okay I know that tone, what’s wrong?” Kyle sighed as he took his coffee from her taking a sip, he watched Eve as she eyed him up questioningly “this is the first big event you have attended in a long time, I’m worried that you may have an episode” Eve rolled her eyes as she relaxed taking a drink of her coffee “I haven’t had an episode in 4 months, Kyle, I’m going to be fine” he shook his head slightly as he reached into his pocket pulling out a laminated card “I know you hate this but please for my peace of mind take it” she cringed slightly looking at the card, she hated it and never carried it around with her, it was something her therapist insisted she took when she first started seeing her, it was a panic attack warning card, if she ever started having a severe panic attack she was supposed to take it out and give it to whoever she was with or someone that could help he, she reluctantly reached out taking the card “I’m only taking this because I know if I don’t you won’t go to work” Kyle smiled as she slipped it into her bag “that’s my stubborn girl, now go and get yourself on that train, I want to hear all about it when you’ve met him” Eve smiled as she got out of the car “don’t be late to work okay, I’ll see you tonight” she closed the door and headed into the station pulling her phone from her pocket, it was still 20 minutes until her train was due to arrive, she plugged her headphones in turning on her MCR playlist again as she waited.
Eve walked towards the queue looking up, she was shocked to find it already huge so early in the day, she walked up joining the back of the queue as a security man barricaded off the line “you’re our lucky last, the queue already has 350 people in it” she looked at all the people in front of her shocked, it seemed impossible that there were so many people but had she been 5 minutes later she may have been one of the poor souls who would be getting turned away today, the idea of being the last person to meet was very nerve-racking, she believed that if there was anyone they would remember it would be the last person they met. She felt a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people around her as she pulled out her phone and put her headphones in, it was her way of staying calm and avoiding a panic attack, she pulled out the plastic rain poncho she had packed and opened it out laying it down on the floor to sit on, the last thing she wanted to do was sit on the dirt but it was going to be a long wait, she was at the back of the queue and it was only 8 am he wasn’t even due to start signing till 9:30.
********
It has been a long day but Eve was finally inside the building, she was moments away from meeting Gerard, the room was slightly crowded but they had set up barriers around Gerard’s table to stop people who hadn’t waited from going over to him, she waited as the person in front of her walked away before being ushered over, she placed her comic down on the table and he smiled up at her “hey, how are you” he reached out taking the comic and opening it as Eve opened her mouth to speak, just as she did there was a loud bang in the room from door slamming shut in the wind, her hands began to shake as she looked around, she was having a flashback, it was the first time in months but she was about to have a severe panic attack “no, no not again” Gerard looked up seeing how pale the girl had gone, her whole body had started to shake “are you alright” Eve couldn’t get the words out as she reached into her bag pulled the card out that Kyle had forced her to take, she cursed needing to use it but everyone had started looking her way as tears started to roll down her face, Gerard reached out taking the card from her shaking hand, he read the card before instructing his security to help her out of the room to somewhere more private, he got up picking the comic up from the table as he followed the security into a back room where they sat her down on a couch “get her some water” he walked over taking her bag pulling her phone and head phones out, he helped her place the ear buds in as her hands were shaking so violently “can you get it on yourself” Eve tried to take the phone but dropped it instantly, she was so embarrassed that her mind chose this exact moment but at the same time fear had taken over and she couldn’t stop it, she watched as he unlocked her phone and hit play for her. Gerard sat beside her and watched as her shaking became less violent, he handed her some water to sip on and sat with her for 30 minutes till the panic attack had passed. Eve pulled the headphones from her ears flushing bright red as she wiped her face with the tissue Gerard handed her “are you feeling better?” she nodded as she looked at him “I’m so sorry, I haven’t had an attack in 4 months, I didn’t...” he shook his head causing her to pause “don’t worry about it” Eve smiled slightly seeing the grin he was giving her, it made her feel at ease “can I sign this for you?” He picked up the umbrella academy novel that she had handed him just before her attack, she nodded not knowing what to say, she felt embarrassed and star-struck, it felt like her mind had stopped working “what’s your name sweetheart” she looked up shaking herself off slightly “Eve” she paused watching him as he opened the comic and started writing something inside “I hope you didn’t mind me fishing your phone out of your bag, the card says that you need music to calm down” Eve rolled her eyes, Kyle had messed with her card again “no it’s fine, I really can’t thank you enough for the help you just gave me” he smiled as he closed the book “do you mind if I ask what brought it on?” Eve looked away slightly it was going to sound so stupid to someone who didn’t know the situation she had been through “the door slamming” she paused slightly as she wiped her eyes “I was a victim of a school shooting, we were late to our next class because I wanted to go the long way and avoid the girls that were bullying me, my twin brother was walking with me down the empty hall when the live shooter drill rang, there were no classrooms where we were so we did what the school had taught us to do hide in the bathroom, we went into one of the cubicles and he pulled me into his arms with his back to the door so I was protected, we could hear the shots in the hall getting louder before the bathroom door opened, I held my hand over my mouth, I was too scared to even breath but Adam stayed calm and squeezed me tight as the shooter kicked on the cubicle doors to make them open, he kicked the one open we were in and laughed before shooting Adam, he still held onto me tightly as he shot him again, he fell dragging me down with him, the shooter took the opportunity to shoot me twice before leaving us to bleed to death” Eve paused as she wiped the tears from her cheeks again, she felt Gerard put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her, she felt stupid rambling this all out but she couldn’t stop herself, she hadn’t spoken to anyone about this before and for some reason her mind chose now to let it out “I called 911 from my phone and told them we had been shot and which bathroom we were in but they weren’t allowed into the building till the shooter had been taken down, I had to watch Adam die in my arms, he tried to stay strong but towards the end he started begging for help, before he died he told me he couldn’t feel pain anymore and that he loved me” Gerard pulled her into a hug feeling a tear in his own eye, he had never spoken to someone who had been in a school shooting before and it horrified him, he was speechless yet all he wanted to do was make this girl he had never met before feel secure and safe, he sat and held her silently not knowing what to say “I wanted to tell you today how much your music had helped me through, if I didn’t have it I don’t think I would have made it to where I am now” Gerard pulled away and looked at her with a small smile “I’m so glad my music could help you through such a horrific even” she wiped her eyes again as she looked down “I am so sorry, this is so unlike me, it’s been 3 years and I haven’t told anyone about what happened” Gerard shook his head as he looked at her “don’t apologise I’m glad I was here to listen” she couldn’t help but feel at ease, he didn’t even know her yet he was being so caring “is there someone I can call, I don’t want you to have another attack and have no one to help you” Eve shook her head slightly “no, I live alone and my friend is at work” Gerard shook his head not liking the answer she had given him “I don’t want travel home alone, do you live far?” Eve looked down slightly as she fiddled with the ring on her finger “I was taking the train home it’s about an hour or about 30 minutes in a car” Gerard stood up looking at his phone “come on then, I’ll drive you home” Eve looked up at him shocked, had she heard him right, did he just say he would drive her home, she felt like she had just fallen down the rabbit hole as he reached out for her hand “I don’t bite” she reached out taking his hand as he helped her stand up she walked behind him silently to his car beginning to think she had passed out and this was all a dream
********
Gerard smiled as they drove down the highway with the radio playing “you are awful quite is everything okay?” Eve sighed as she looked at him “okay this is going to sound really ungrateful but I just don’t understand why you are doing this for me when you don’t even know me” Gerard laughed slightly, he didn’t really know how to explain it “I know how crippling panic attacks can be, I suffered with them when I was young and after hearing what you have been through I just wanted to make sure you got home without a second attack” she smiled slightly, it made her feel normal knowing he had suffered from panic attacks “I always wanted to tell you how much of a hero you are to me and this just tops my expectations, you mean so much to me I don’t think I would have got through the last three years without the help of your music” he smiled awkwardly, it always felt strange when people told him he was their hero because he was just a man he was nothing special “I’m just glad the music I helped write could help you so much, just watching you calm down from the panic attack while listening to the songs really showed me why I did what I did” she fell silent again not knowing what to reply as she heard the first notes of welcome to the black parade, it was a little strange hearing it on the radio while sat next to the man who sang it, she hummed along quietly as she looked out of the window it didn’t take long for her to notice the second voice filling the car, Gerard had started singing along, she felt the goosebumps as she turned to look at him, he was subconsciously singing along and she couldn’t believe her ears, she had never heard him sing live and in such an intimate space as a car she become overwhelmed with joy, tears started to form in her eyes as she listened to him till the song was over “that was breathtaking” he looked over and laughed as she wiped her eyes “it’s not the first time you heard me sing in person” she looked away letting out a shallow sigh “my parents didn’t allow me to attend any concerts, they thought you were devil worshipping Satanists” Gerard laughed slightly, he always found it so funny when he would hear about parents thinking they worshipped the devil “I’m not saying I’m and atheist and I’m not saying I’m catholic like I was raised but I do believe there is a god out there somewhere. Parents always take our music so out of context” Eve couldn’t stifle her laugh as she looked at him “you did sing about murders and vampires a lot” he laughed with her thinking back to the early albums “yea I guess that explains it” he pulled up outside Eves apartment block and smiled “here we are, it’s been really nice talking to you” Eve looked out of the window and sighed, this had been a dream come true and now it was over “is it too much to ask for a photo?” Gerard laughed slightly as he watched her, she still had her back to him “of course not but maybe we shouldn’t do it in the car, don’t want rumors flying around that I’m cheating on Lyn-Z!” Eve nodded as she got out of the car, she watched as Gerard followed suit joining her on the sidewalk for a quick snap, she held her phone up taking a couple of photos “I almost forgot to give you your novel back” he opened the car door and reached in to grab it “I just want you to know I won’t share this experience, last thing you want is people faking panic attacks to get close to you” Gerard smiled as he turned holding the novel out to her “I hadn’t even thought about that, thank you” he handed the comic over before giving Eve one last hug, she smiled as she pulled out of the hug “thank you for everything!” Gerard grinned as she started to walk to the front door “stay strong” she walked into the door and turned watched as Gerard got into his car and drove off.
Eve headed up to her apartment as tears of joy rolled down her face “did that really just happen” she heard footsteps running up the stairs behind her “Eve!” She turned to see Kyle chasing her up the stairs, he was out of breath as he caught up with her “I just come onto the street and I swear I saw Gerard Way” she nodded slightly “he drove me home” she turned and started walking up the stairs like what she had just said was totally normal “I must have something in my ears because I’m sure you just said Gerard way drove you home!” she nodded again as he caught up with her “I had a panic attack in front of him, a pretty server one that lasted 30 minutes” he gasped slightly as they reached their floor “oh honey! I’m so sorry” she shook her head slightly “don’t be, if I didn’t have your card he might not have been able to help me, I couldn’t do anything I was shaking so much, all it took was a door slamming” she unlocked the door before they both entered the apartment “what did he do?” she kicked off her shoes before heading to the couch to sit down “just after I joined the queue to meet him they closed it off I was the 350th person in line so I was the last person to meet him, just as I walked over a door slammed and fear took over my whole body, I started to shake and cry, I guess I turned a little pale too, he asked if I was okay but I couldn’t form the words so I reached into my pocket pulling out the card” he nodded as he sat down beside her, she leaned onto him as he wrapped his arms around her, it was all the comfort she needed, he was always there for her “he read it and had me taken to a private room where he came and sat with me, he took my bag finding my phone, he helped me put in my headphones before playing my music for me, I was shaking so much I couldn’t even hold the phone, it was so embarrassing” he rubbed her shoulder lightly, if it wasn’t for the fact Kyle was gay they would make anyone think they were a couple “what happened next?” She let out a small sigh “well I came around and he asked me what caused it, I told him it was the door slamming and I couldn’t stop myself I went on to tell him everything, he’s the only person I have told and I don’t even know him” Kyle nodded slightly, he understood what she was going through, after all he was studying psychology “sometimes it’s easier to talk to a complete stranger, in some cases a person you idolise and for you he was both, you idolise and love Gerard because his music and voice are the only thing that has kept you going and you don’t know him personally, getting the chance to sit alone with him gave you the opportunity to pour your heart out about what happened” Eve laughed slightly as she looked up at him “I told you not to psychoanalyse me” he knew she was using the wrong term but didn’t want to correct her “so how did he come to driving you home?” she sat up out of his grip and looked at him “he didn’t want me to have another panic attack when I was alone, I told him there was no one he could phone so he insisted on driving me back here, on the way home in the car he started singing welcome to the black parade and I cried slightly, it was breathtaking to hear him sing in person but even more so in such a private intimate place” Kyle beamed as he looked at her, he knew this was a dream come true and nothing could ever measure up to how happy this made her “what did he write in your comic?” she shrugged slightly as she looked at him, how had she forgot to open it and look, she reached over grabbing it from the table “I don’t know I never looked” she opened the front page reading it out loud “Eve, you are never alone in the MCRmy xoxo G” she felt a tear in her eye as she noticed Kyle reach down and pick something up, he held a small note in his hand and read it aloud “if you are ever alone and need to talk I’m just an email away, don’t be afraid to reach out Eve help is always there... he put his personal email on here!!” Eve shook her head not believing what he was saying “shut up, don’t be sp crewel!” He handed her the paper showing her the writing on it “he really did give you his email Eve, he must have really wanted to help!” Eve shook her head as her phone started to ring distracting her, she pulled it out looking at the caller ID before quickly answering the phone “Bianca, is everything alright?” Kyle listened to her end of the conversation, Bianca calling meant only one thing, her night off was cancelled “yea I’m home now, it was fantastic finally meeting him... oh no, how can they do that when you had this booked for weeks... of course... no its no trouble, I didn’t have any plans... I can be over in 20 minutes... alright I’ll be there in 30” she hung up the phone and looked at Kyle who was shaking his head “don’t give me that look, I actually love my job and they are paying me double since it should be my night off” he shook his head slightly as he watched her stand up “can I at least crash in your bed?” she rolled her eyes as she walked over to the door grabbing her car key “fine but no jacking off!” He smirked slightly as he stood up “that was one time!” he watched her leave the apartment locking the door behind her.
********
Eve yawned as she sat on the couch, it was late and she had put the kids to bed already, she wanted to head home to bed as she had to be back early in the morning to get the kids to school but Bianca and Richard were running late from their dinner with no explanation, it was unlike them and she was a little worried, she grabbed her phone and called the restraint they were using “hey is Bee still there... when did they leave they haven’t arrived home yet and I’m starting to get worried... no, it’s fine I’ll call Bee thanks Jason” she hung up the call and stood up walking to the kitchen to grab some water, she needed to take her anxiety pills before she had a meltdown, she thought maybe that was the reason she was worrying too much because she was late taking her meds, she took the bottle from her bag and shook two into her hand, as she capped the bottle and dropped it in her bag she heard the security alarm say front gate open “thank god!” Eve popped the pills in her mouth and swallowed them with some water as she waited for Bianca and Richard to enter the house, she walked back into the room to see them walking in with beaming smiles “Bee what time do you call this, I have to be back here in 6 hours to get the kids to school” she walked over ignoring her comment and giving her a tight squeeze “one of Richards friends stopped by for a unexpected visit and we lost track of time, I think you might like him he’s just parking the car now” she let go of Eve and walked to the kitchen “Richard what is she on about?” He smiled slightly as Bee returned with packet of blueberries her latest craving “Eve meet my old friend” she looked to the door a little wide eyes and shocked “wait, she’s your amazing nanny!” Richard nodded a little questioningly “that’s the girl I was telling you about that had the panic attack, that’s Eve” Richard and Bianca both looked at her, they had never connected because they knew she hadn’t had a panic attack in four months “why didn’t you tell me Eve, I wouldn’t have asked you to work tonight” Eve shrugged her shoulders as she looked at Bianca “it really wasn’t a big deal, I suffered longer episodes before” Gerard raised an eyebrow as he looked at her, he knew she was lying about how bad it was but didn’t want to call her out and make her look bad, Richard stepped forward and shook his head “never the less I don’t want you to drive home alone so late, sleep in our guest room tonight” she sighed slightly looking down, she knew better than to argue with them both especially when Bianca was pregnant, she could be real scary if she wanted to be “fine, fine I’ll stay in the guest room” Gerard laughed slightly trying to break the tension “so um, I’m just going to go sit on the couch for five” Richard looked at his watch as he yawned “I’m actually going to head to bed, I have to be at the studio in the morning for a new instillation” Richard owned an art studio, he bought and sold expensive painting and sculptures “I’ll see you tomorrow Gee” he turned and reached out for Bianca’s arm “Eve will you set the alarms tonight” Eve nodded as she watched them walk up the stairs.
Eve walked over and locked the door before setting the perimeter alarm “I am so sorry about that” she shook her head as she turned to see Gerard rubbing the back of his head “don’t worry, they know I have suffered badly from them, I was actually working as a babysitter for them when it happened” he sighed slightly still feeling guilty as Eve walked past him into the room, suddenly she didn’t feel tired anymore as she sat down on the couch and made herself comfortable, Gerard walked in behind her and sat on the other end of the couch, he hesitated slightly as she looked at him seeing the hesitation in his face and body language “was that really your personal email?” He nodded as he looked up “yes, I thought it might help to talk to someone you didn’t know very well rather than people you live around all the time, I could sense the guilt Eve and you need to know it wasn’t your fault what happened” she looked down shaking her head “he used to walk me to class so the girls would leave me alone but they still frightened me so that day I made him go the long way around even though I knew we would be late to class, if I would have just gone the normal way we would have been in the classroom when the bell rang” he moved closer to her and pulled her into a slight hug as a few tears dripped off her face “you didn’t make him go that way, he could have let you go alone or said no we are going this way but he was your brother and he wanted to look after you” he held her close as she tried to wipe away her tears “he told me, while we were laying in the bathroom hoping help would come, he told me not to blame myself, he knew I would, he knew I wouldn’t let it go” Gerard shook his head as he held her “Eve until you accept that it wasn’t your fault, until you let go of that guilt you won’t ever be able to move on from this nightmare” she sighed as she looked up at him “how do I let go of something like this, how do I make myself believe that it wasn’t my fault” he looked down at her feeling his heart ache for her, she wanted so badly to move on from this but had neglected her own needs for too long pretending everything was alright “you start by admitting that you’re not okay” she took a deep breath in as she looked down “I'm not o-fucking-kay”