Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was Shinya's idea; it was always Shinya's idea.

"A road trip?" Guren was in the middle of studying at his desk when his roommate first proposed his plan. "I don't have time for that."

"Sure you do!" Shinya replied, grinning as he crossed the room to lean an elbow on Guren's shoulder. "And if you don't, then just make some."

Guren sighed, and if he didn't know better he'd whack Shinya on the head. Unfortunately, he doubted it would do anything. Idiots never stopped being idiots, especially if their name was Shinya Hiiragi.

Yet after a brief pause, Guren decided fuck it, and batted at Shinya anyways.

"Owow so violent! So much pain! Now you have to go on a road trip to make it up to me!"

"Does an injured person usually smile through it? You're fine." Honestly. He had organ systems to memorize, chemical compounds to learn, concepts to review…

If only he didn't have a sack of potatoes hanging off of him still.

Guren finally put his pencil down and attempted to dislodge Shinya's arms from around his neck. As expected, it was a futile attempt. Separating his hands meant getting his cheek poked instead, and fending off that left him open to get his hair pulled, and holding both of Shinya's hands meant he couldn't do anything else. He thought about the room transfer request form he had in his drawer. He thought about filling it out.

"Come on, Guren. Obviously not right now, but we could take a gap year. That should be fine, right?" Shinya peered over Guren's shoulder, and Guren didn't need to look to know what kind of stupid expression he had on his face. One that emphasized it's fine it's fine, right?

"You know I'm not stopping after my bachelor's. I have to focus on graduate school after this; I don't have a year to take off." And after that, his doctorate. He couldn't afford to stop now, not if he wanted to become a doctor as quickly as possible. Each year he was stuck in education was another year of patients he couldn't help, and when his thoughts spiraled particularly downwards, the lives that weren't being saved weighed on his soul.

"That's called arrogance, Ichinose-kun," someone, probably a professor, told him once.

"I know," was definitely his response.

Guren didn't notice their positions shift until Shinya had shaken off both of his hands and held them in his own instead.

"You're losing focus, Guren. That's not good for a doctor-to-be." His voice lost its teasing edge. "And I can feel your hands shaking. That's a sign of overwork, you know? Wrecking yourself won't bring anyone back."

Guren stiffened, and he was sure Shinya felt it. But the latter said nothing, and the silence spanned over several long moments.

"You won't leave me alone until I agree, will you?" he finally relented. The smile was back on Shinya's face.

"Nope!"

It turned out, sharing a car with Shinya was similar to sharing a room with him: annoying.

"Hey, Guren! Those shrubs look a little like your eyebrows!"

One of said eyebrows twitched. "If we weren't on the highway, I'd pull over just to throttle you."

Shinya's laughter bounced off the windows, and Guren lamented his lack of foresight in not packing ear plugs. The radio was playing some annoying ass music, and whenever he tried to change it Shinya would just turn it back. He wasn't sure if it was because the other actually liked the station or just enjoyed pissing him off.

Maybe both. Probably both.

"Too bad! And if we get into an accident, well this is your car." Shinya was definitely sparkling right now. And his insistence that they take his beat up truck over one of Shinya's fancy sports cars suddenly made a lot more sense.

"I guess that's a risk I'll have to take."

Shinya blinked. "Eh? Wait, Guren you're not really—?!"

He flipped on his directional and started shifting to the next lane closer to the break down zone, and Shinya frantically glanced between the road and him.

"Guren you can't be serious!"

"I'm very serious." The car moved from the middle lane to the far right, and Shinya looked like he was about to say something else when Guren took the nearest exit. "...very serious that this is the exit we have to take to get to our first stop."

Shinya stared at him. "I thought..."

"What? You thought I was going to pull over just to beat you up?" He snorted. "How barbaric do you think I am?"

Huffing and crossing his arms, Shinya turned his head away. "You made it sound like that on purpose. I just never know with you."

Guren frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said." If Guren expected more of an explanation to follow, he was sorely mistaken.

"Once we get off, I can still pull over."

"I'm getting so many mixed signals!"

"Guren, I think we're lost."

Hands on the wheel, eyes on the road, Guren refused to look at his companion. They passed by another exit that he couldn't place on his mental map of their route.

"We're not lost."

"Mhm," Shinya hummed. "Then where are we going?"

"To an inn." Which wasn't wrong. Guren just... didn't know how close they were to it.

"And when will we get there?" Shinya asked, as if reading his mind.

"...soon."

Shinya sighed, then flipped on the radio that Guren turned off hours ago. "Gureeeen~ got us looost~" he sang crudely to the rhythm of the song.

"Shut up, I did not."

"Sooo diiid~!"

Two hours later, they pulled into the inn and both of them collapsed exhausted onto the bed. Guren slung his arm over Shinya's waist while Shinya shifted closer, and neither of them noticed how the shadows seemed to move.

The next morning, Guren woke up twenty minutes before check out and Shinya snored unhelpfully next to him. At first the numbers on the digital clock appeared blurry through his sleep hazy vision, but when images began to sharpen he jolted awake immediately.

“Shit—Shinya! Get up, we have to go!” He gave the other a rough shove on the shoulder, but besides a muffled groan Shinya didn’t budge. God, he was so… Whatever. Guren would get ready and gather their belongings, then drag Shinya out of bed himself if he had to.

In the middle of stuffing clothes haphazardly into a bag, he tossed an outfit at Shinya’s face before the blond began to stir. Whether it was actually Shinya’s clothes or his, well they’d find out later and deal with it then.

“Guren, what…?” Shinya peeled a shirt off his head before stretching lazily, merely watching as Guren got their shit together on his own.

“Check out’s in…” he looked at the time, “fifteen minutes. Get dressed we have to go.” He figured the time limit coupled with the urgency in his voice would motivate his partner to move, but of course Shinya only blinked at him.

“Couldn’t you have woken me up more sweetly? Like with a kiss?” Guren could hear the pout in his voice, so he didn’t bother to look up and see it too. He did, however, roll his eyes.

“That’s what you’re thinking of? Get serious, I don’t feel like dealing with unnecessary crap.” He frowned, getting on his hands and knees as he checked under the bed for anything that might have fallen. “Besides, isn’t it gross kissing in the morning? My breath gets sour.”

Shinya laughed above him, and once he confirmed nothing got dropped, Guren straightened up and sighed. So Shinya wasn’t going to be any help it seemed.

“I don’t know, I think it’s kind of hot,” Shinya replied, and by the mirth in his voice, Guren wasn’t sure whether he was joking or not. Either way, he wrinkled his nose.

“I always knew you were a weirdo.” He rose to his feet, brushing off his pants, and Shinya only giggled.

“Well you know—”

Then Guren pulled him forward by the back of his neck and cut off the rest of his words. The kiss was brief, and because Guren was still conscious of how disgusting his mouth was he kept it chaste. He pulled back after a few seconds, and turned away to look for Shinya’s reaction from his peripheral.

“...that’s not right, Guren,” Shinya said eventually. “It doesn’t count as a wake up kiss if I’m already awake.”

And then Guren clicked his tongue before turning away completely. He still had to check the bathroom, and there were now only… twelve more minutes.

“Whatever, will you get ready now?”

“Haha, yes yes as you wish!”

It turned out he gave Shinya his clothes by accident, but Guren didn’t fully realize that until they were in the car and already on the road. It was more like Shinya noticed right away and purposely chose the worst time to reveal it, but ignoring that made the situation much less irritating.

Instead, he focused on their destination. The roadtrip was Shinya’s idea, so he’d left it to Shinya to plan their route. He drove with rest stops and landmarks in mind, but he hadn’t actually reviewed their journey in full. He trusted Shinya not to choose somewhere suspicious, and adjusting to the road trip had taken more of his energy than he expected. Actually, if he thought about it, he recalled Shinya assuring him he’d taken care of the directions so there was no need to worry…

Guren began to worry.

At the next traffic light, Guren pulled out the map Shinya stuffed in the glove box, and before said man could protest, unfolded it in full. There, prominently in blue sharpie, was their designated path.

A giant circle.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Shinya had the decency to sound embarrassed as he laughed. “Ahaha, don’t be like that Guren. I couldn’t think of where you’d want to go, so I figured this was the next best option! Besides,” he fanned his hands out in front of him, “isn’t the real joy of a roadtrip the journey?”

Shinya was an idiot. He was stuck in a car with an idiot. If the light hadn’t turned green precisely at that moment, Guren would have hit his head on the steering wheel.

Guren almost got them into an accident when he tried to multitask between throttling Shinya for some reason or another and driving. Shinya only laughed, but Guren for one felt like the wind had been knocked out of him and couldn’t even find the energy to get angry.

At least they found the next motel with relative ease. Shinya’s exclamation of, “Guren you didn’t get us lost!” was testament. Dropping their bags in the entry and collapsing onto the bed, Guren felt like he could fall asleep right then and there.

“Ah, I can’t believe you almost crashed the car!” Obviously Shinya wouldn’t let him do that though.  “It was hilarious, I’ll have to tell the others when we get back. Ooh, do you think they’ll answer a FaceTime right now?” Shinya’s chatter had begun to turn into white noise, but FaceTime Guren heard.

He slapped the phone from Shinya’s hand. “Don’t you dare.”

Shinya crawled to retrieve his phone and whined the whole way. “Boo Guren is no fun!”

Guren’s response was to toss a pillow at Shinya’s back. He flicked the lamp light off, and nestled into the covers on his own. If Shinya wanted to be a pain, then he could find his way in the dark on his own. Unfortunately, phones had flashlights these days so Guren’s small revenge amounted to even less than he thought. A lot of unnecessary complaining on Shinya’s end, minutes hacked off his sleep time on Guren’s.

“It’s a good thing I found my phone, otherwise what if — ”

Guren was completely ready to tune Shinya out, but when silence fell he couldn’t help cracking an eye open and rolling over. “What?” He couldn’t see very well through the darkness, but the illumination from Shinya’s phone revealed an uncharacteristically concerned look. “...Shinya?”

Then Shinya smiled, and turned off the light. “Nothing, I just… well let’s go to sleep!” The mattress sighed under Shinya’s weight, and Guren was suspicious but when he looked into the darkness, he didn’t see anything but. With a shrug, he settled into sleep peacefully.

At six years old, Guren Ichinose had dreams of being a soccer player. His family wasn’t rich enough to send him to any fancy training programs or get him into anything but the local amateur team, but every champion started at the bottom. He played from sunrise to sunset, school thrown in there sometime in the middle, and every night his father had to call him in before it got too dark out.

Guren was a skilled player, but he was a charismatic one as well. He didn’t want to play well by himself; he wanted to play well with a team , and he was determined to get the neighborhood kids just as passionate about the sport as he was. Talent only got you so far, he believed. Hard work did the rest, and it was his spirit that touched his teammates more than his abilities.

But there was always a risk involved with effort. Guren tried hard, and then he tried too hard. He rolled his ankle and fell on his leg at an impossible angle, earning him a night at the hospital and then weeks of subsequent follow up appointments.

It was hell, it was awful, it was so boring to sit around and wait for his turn while his leg remained stiff in a cast, useless. Rather than the waiting room, Guren spent his waiting time roaming the halls. He dodged nurses and faked losing his way to the bathroom more times than he could count, just so he could peek into rooms to satisfy an unreasonable childish curiosity.

Room 221B was just another room. Guren turned the handle and opened the door, and when he poked his head in the darkness grabbed his hair and devoured him whole.

“Guren!”

Guren awoke with a start, panting and slick with sweat, a worried Shinya staring down at him. The lights had been turned on, but the glow of the lamps still cast shadows. Guren deliberately looked away from them.

“What was I…?” He pressed a palm to his forehead and took a deep breath.

“A nightmare,” Shinya told him softly. “You haven’t had one in awhile.”

Guren shook his head. “I don’t think it was that. I can’t really remember…” He could recall a feeling of dread, of something sinister seizing him, but unlike the other night terrors he experienced, he couldn’t recall what it was from.

Shinya’s eyes asked a weighted question that they both knew didn’t need to be verbalized.

Guren in turn averted his gaze and hung his head.

He didn’t know if it was about Mahiru.

And he couldn’t say it absolutely wasn’t.

Driving the following day was punctuated by sparse words, smooth driving, and a silent radio. Guren and Shinya woke up without complications, and virtually everything went according to schedule with no bumps or curves along the way.

In a sense, Guren supposed he should have been happy.

“Oi, Shinya. Your idiocy is boundless, but has it finally rendered you speechless?” was what he ended up saying.

Shinya perked up, and his lips curled a little bit as a soft puff of air left his nose. “That’s a cruel way to ask if I’m okay. Guren, you really need to work on those people skills.”

Guren’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “I wasn’t asking if you were okay. Just curious, about the state of your stupidity.”

“Mhm…” Shinya was definitely grinning now. “Definitely need to work on the people skills.”

Guren’s fleeting unease quickly morphed into irritation, and once he began to scowl Shinya began to laugh. At some point the radio was flipped on — then off and on again — and Guren almost ran a red light.

By the time they made it to their lodging for the night, Guren found he could breathe easier.

Six year old Guren stood before room 221B once again. This time however, his hand hovered over the doorknob before turning it and peeking inside.

The sight of a nicely lit room with stark white walls greeted him. The sun filtered in through the window, and an overpowering stench of sanitation washed over him as he stepped inside.

“Who are you?”

He looked up and saw the lone bed had an occupant. A young girl with pale violet hair stared back at him, and before he thought she was pretty (and he did in fact think she was very pretty) he thought she didn’t look right in a hospital room. Her eyes were too hard, like how Shigure sometimes looked when she played goalie and Guren rushed at her with the ball at his feet. Though Shigure didn’t quite look like this either.

Hospitals were for the injured and the frail. This girl he didn’t believe was frail at all.

“Guren,” he replied thoughtlessly. “Who are you?”

“People usually know who I am.”

At that Guren wrinkled his nose. “Well I don’t.”

The girl giggled, and it sounded nicer than the wind chimes hanging from his porch. “Hiiragi. I’m Mahiru Hiiragi.”

“Huh, so ‘Mahiru’ then?” Last names always felt stuffy to him, and “Hiiragi” seemed like a mouthful.

“Are we friends?” she quipped.

“If you want to be.” He didn’t get the point of specifying, but he’d rather be friends than not with Mahiru. At least, he got that kind of feeling.

“Only friends call me by my first name,” she explained as if he’d asked.

Guren only shrugged. “Then we’re friends.”

“Do you want to know a secret then, Guren? Because we’re friends?” Mahiru beckoned for him to come closer, and he gravitated towards her like a moth drawn to light. He leaned his ear forward as he did with other kids when they told him things that couldn’t be shared, like who really kicked the ball through someone’s window, and his expectations were something along those exciting lines.

But Mahiru cupped her hand and whispered, “You’re the first person to ever call me Mahiru.”

Shinya didn’t wake him up this time. Instead, Guren blinked his eyes open to a dark room feeling exhausted. He looked to his right and just made out the subtle rise and fall of Shinya’s chest. So it was still nighttime. Despite his weariness, Guren wasn’t exactly tired anymore. It was going to be a bitch getting back to sleep at this rate.

He stared at the ceiling as if it would magically put him asleep, and then a voice whispered, “Guren,” into his ear.

He shot up immediately and whipped his head around the room.

That was —

If he didn’t know better, he’d say the shadows seemed to move. But after rubbing his eyes and blinking rapidly, the darkness remained completely still. Just in case, he reached up and flicked on the light above the headboard.

Nothing.

What was he expecting?

The only movement that occurred was Shinya stirring awake.

“Guren…?” he asked, voice steeped in sleep.

Casting one more glance around the room, then another at Shinya, Guren turned the light off before flopping onto his pillow. His hand reached out to thread through Shinya’s hair, and the other shifted closer.

“What’s wrong?”

Guren kept stroking his head. “Nothing… can’t sleep.”

“Want me to tell you a bedtime story?”

“No.”

Then Guren drifted off thinking about how soft Shinya’s hair was.

The next day they planned to stop at a lake. For multiple reasons, Guren thought it was a terrible idea but since Shinya wouldn’t shut up about it, he gave in and indulged his boyfriend’s whims.

That was his first mistake.

His second was standing at the edge, like Shinya told him to, trying to spot an alleged fish.

Needless to say, it ended with him scaring off any fish with a momentous splash, and then Shinya frightening any stragglers as he followed after Guren.

“We’re in our clothes!” Guren shouted at him, pulling at his drenched sweatshirt that felt more like waterlogged body armor than anything.

“Who cares, we’ve got more in the car! Live a little, Guren!” Shinya emphasized his point by flicking water at Guren’s face, and the latter retaliated by trying to send a tsunami the other’s way.

When they finally got out and toweled dry before changing into spare outfits, Guren was the only one who sneezed.

Which was so unfair.

Of course, Shinya laughed his ass off.

Guren honestly thought when they pulled in for the night that he got the wrong location.

“You sure this is the right place?”

Shinya poked his head out the window and nodded. “Yup, Moon Demon Motels is tonight.”

What kind of name was that? The placed looked and sounded creepy, and Guren didn’t trust the flickering streetlights and single lit reception area.

“Do you need me to hold your hand while you check us in?”

Guren grit his teeth. Screw it. They were staying here.

The room was just as seedy as the rest of the place. They were door 105 in a line of identical motels, and Guren’s only comfort was the idea that they weren’t the only ones enduring a night in this suspicious establishment.

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” Shinya tried to assure him. “It was the cheapest place around, and that was what you wanted right? Not too fancy and not too expensive.”

True, he did give those requirements but, “I never said find the set of a horror movie.”

He entered the bathroom to find the mirror cracked, and the rust collecting in the shower didn’t help either. Taking a seat on the bed squeezed a long, creaky groan out of it, and Guren concluded the sooner morning and check out came, the better.

It became a habit to bypass the waiting room and zip straight towards room 221B. Or well, zip as fast as a boy with a broken leg could at least. Mahiru asked about his cast the next time he came to visit, and he asked her about her condition the time after that.

“It’s my heart. It might stutter at any second, so I’m to be where they can administer the most efficient and effective treatment as quickly as possible.” When Guren talked about soccer the other day, Mahiru’s eyes lit up and she fired off question after question about the sport and what position Guren played. Compared to then, her voice now fell dead and mechanical.

“When do you get out?” he asked.

“I don’t.”

Guren wrinkled his eyebrows. “You’re stuck here? Have you ever been outside?”

“Only when a nurse comes with me, and it’s never off hospital grounds.” He expected Mahiru to sound sad at such a bleak reality, but instead the girl was passive and neutral. Not upset, not happy, just… resigned. It was weird, and all at once Guren decided he’d rather see her smiling than anything.

“I’ll take you out then,” he declared. “All the way to the soccer field!”

Mahiru blinked at him owlishly. “That’s impossible, you’d never make it.”

Okay, maybe it was a bit far-fetched, but her immediate rejection pushed Guren to fight the odds even more. “Just wait! Next week when I come over, we’re going to run to the soccer field.”

There was doubt in her eyes, he could see it, but the next moment Mahiru giggled, and that was all the confirmation he needed.

Ever since his accident, Guren had spent his days moping about, whining because he couldn’t do anything. That week marked the first since his leg broke that he actually felt engaged. He planned the route from Mahiru’s room to the exit, studied the hospital routines via observation, and finally planned all the cool stuff they’d do once they got to the field. He couldn’t kick the ball, but he could bounce it on one knee or get someone else to play for her.

Guren had to stop at that thought. He did want to show Mahiru soccer, but… he wanted to show her him playing, how cool he was. What if she started admiring Mito after watching her score a goal? Guren huffed just thinking about it.

It’d just be him and Mahiru then, no one else.

Guren expected his eyes to adjust to the darkness after blinking a few times, but the solid black never melted into the vague shapes of furniture and walls. His hands immediately flew to his side — Shinya — only to grasp thin sheets.

“Shinya?” he asked the darkness.

“Guren,” it replied. Except it wasn’t Shinya’s voice. It was the same from last night, it was…

“Mahiru — ?” Guren’s voice broke off, and his blood ran cold.

From the darkness, two bright red eyes emerged followed by flowing violet hair. She was smiling and coming closer, and although every muscle in Guren’s body yearned to flee he remained rooted in place.

“Guren,” she whispered. The word brushed his ear, and Guren slapped his hand over it whirling to the side, expecting to see her hovering there.

Darkness.

At the foot of the bed, an empty space replaced where she once stood. The invisible tension in the air fled, until Guren was left alone with his heart throbbing in his ears.

Shinya knew something was wrong. He could always read Guren like a book, and the following morning was no exception. Good morning got cut off by are you okay , and even when Guren replied he was fine, he could tell Shinya didn’t buy it. But that didn’t stop him from pressing forward to check out as quickly as possible, shrugging off Shinya’s searching looks.

For a blissful hour, Shinya’s concern remained silent. He didn’t start vocalizing his worries until they settled onto the highway.

Not that Guren was sure he could call Shinya’s questions completely out of concern.

“Did you get scared?” was the first one, to which Guren bit out a no.

“Was the bed extra creaky?”

“No.”

“The wind was howling and you were scared of monsters!”

“No!”

“Did I slap you in my sleep again?”

“No — what do you mean again ?”

They were stuck in traffic at this point, and Guren turned to glare at his partner. Again? He’d been slapped in his sleep more than once?

Shinya of course merely laughed it off, waving his hand. “Haha never mind never mind! But what was it, Guren? Did you see a ghost?”

And at that, Guren had to pause. He didn’t know what he saw, but it wasn’t a human. He even hesitated to really call it Mahiru, although if anyone were to come back like that… it wasn’t unfitting for her, at least.

Like that, the mirth faded from Shinya’s voice as he continued, “...did you?”

Guren ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t know. But it… it looked like Mahiru,” he admitted. It sounded like her too.

“Hm, so that’s it.”

Guren blinked. “Shinya?”

Shinya looked up. “Oh, nothing to worry about!” He plastered a smile onto his face. “I just confirmed that you really are scared of ghosts!”

Guren’s jaw dropped and he sputtered before lashing a hand out to whack Shinya in the head. “That’s not the point! I’m not scared of ghosts!”

Shinya swiftly dodged and Guren’s hand connected painfully with the seat. “Haha! That’s not what you just said~”

Gritting his teeth, Guren’s hands returned to the wheel and he willed the traffic to speed up. Now he remembered why he was reluctant to confide in Shinya. It always backfired like this.

“Heey Guren,” Shinya said when they rolled to another indefinite stop. When Guren didn’t reply, he began poking the driver’s shoulder. “Guuren?” They started moving again, and Guren willed himself to ignore it.

“Guren?”

Shinya wasn’t there.

“Gu-ren?”

He was alone in this car.

“Gureeeen.”

The corner of his mouth twitched and Guren twisted around to glare at him. “ What — ”

Shinya’s uncharacteristically solemn expression made him freeze. “...Shinya?”

“Was it really her?” was all the blond asked. The sudden whiplash of moods caused Guren to stutter.

“Uh, what was…?”

“The ghost,” Shinya prodded.

Guren regained his composure at that. Right, the conversation started with that. “Oh, yeah. At least, I think so. It was dark.”

Shinya just nodded, as if he understood completely from such a vague description. “I guess that confirms it then.” He leaned back against his seat, crossing his arms. “...I’ve been seeing her every night. It’s just a shadow, but with your story I’m certain it’s her.”

So he saw her too? Good to know Guren wasn’t just seeing things. With this they could figure out how to deal with it and —

No, wait.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?!” Usually people would mention strange shit the moment it happened, wouldn’t they?! Ugh, Shinya … Guren felt the familiar urge to shake his boyfriend rise up again.

“I didn’t want to scare you with ghost stories! Come on Guren, I know you’re afraid.” Shinya had on an impish smile, and Guren’s knuckles whitened the harder he gripped the steering wheel. Traffic began to move as if it were a sign from god to let this go and refocus himself, but even then Guren had to exercise finely tuned self control to keep himself on topic.

“I’m not afraid,” he bit out, and left it at that. “You still should have spoken up earlier. How long has it been going on?”

Shinya waved off his  concerns and leaned his head against the window, causing Guren’s eyes to narrow. “Is this what you should be focusing on? I figured our plans from now on were more important.”

The thing Guren had always hated about Shinya’s evasions was that they made sense. Even if Guren didn’t want to, he couldn’t ignore the logic mixed in to excuses. He could push this all day, and they’d still have to deal with the night when it came.

He sighed. Shinya won, for now.

“Do you have a plan?” he asked, although he already suspected the answer.

“Haha, nah not really! You do though, don’t you?”

Guren should have been flattered that Shinya had such confidence in him, but the way the other said it made it feel like more of a burden than an honor. Did he put it off to let Guren deal with it eventually? How irresponsible and childish. Even if he was right.

“We should figure out what she wants first,” he grumbled. He did in fact spend most of the night mulling over what to do to prepare for the following evening.

“That’s my Guren! Always so reliable~”

“Yeah yeah, shut up.”

They had a few more stops planned that day, but with the time lost sitting in hours of backed up lanes, the pair decided they might as well try to make it to the inn before it got too late. Guren wasn’t sure about Shinya, but for once he was anxious to go to sleep for reasons other than fatigue.

Once they’d settled in and turned off the lights though, when Guren closed his eyes he laid still for a solid ten minutes before opening them again. He couldn’t get to sleep. His mind was racing with shadows and spirits and Mahiru, and if he were to pick three things that equated the opposite of relaxation, those would be it. For the past few nights, he’d been woken up after a dream he couldn’t remember, so he assumed he had to dream before she would show up. If this continued, it’d be a night wasted on needless worry.

“Guren?”

For a second, Guren stiffened. The last time something whispered his name in the dark, it’d been… well, something he’d rather not think about. This time though, the voice was obviously Shinya.

“What?”

“Can’t sleep?”

“Not really.”

He heard Shinya shift as the blankets rustled with him.

“Are you thinking about Mahiru?” There was something in his voice that sounded off, but Guren couldn't place what. He got the sense that he wanted to choose his words carefully, but Shinya always saw through his lies. All he could say was the truth.

“Her and other things.” Guren turned on his side and he could just make out Shinya’s face through the darkness. “Like how to exorcise a ghost.”

Shinya giggled, which was a tad insulting. Guren hadn't been completely joking . “This has turned you into an exorcist? What about being a doctor?”

Just to be contrary, Guren fired back, “Who says I can't be both?”

“If anyone could pull off being a doctor exorcist, it'd be you. That'd mean Mahiru dictated your life’s course twice, huh?”

Guren didn't know what to say to that. “...maybe. But it wasn't just Mahiru that made me want to be a doctor.” She was the reason the idea came up, sure. But he didn't continue solely for her. Guren slaved over textbooks and suffered through exams and practical studies for the prospect of saving at least one person's life. He wanted to help people, and there was no oath he was more ready to take than the Hippocratic. And when it came time to deliver devastating news, Guren wanted to be the one to give it not receive it. He wanted to take on the burden of facing loved ones and telling them that his best wasn't enough, just to go back and swear to himself he would never let this happen again.

It was much more than Mahiru, but it didn't exclude Mahiru.

Not that he'd have the chance to save her now. That passed awhile ago, but if this really was her ghost… maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

“Hm, I guess not. Underneath your tough exterior is a big softie after all.” Shinya’s hand came up and brushed through Guren’s hair. “You care about everyone. It's almost too much sometimes.”

Guren covered Shinya’s hand with his and closed his eyes. “There's no point in caring if I'm not willing to do something about it.”

He couldn't see, but he heard Shinya’s smile through his voice.

“That's so like you to think.”

That night Guren dreamt of Shinya. In his freshman year of university, his work didn't give him the biggest headache; his gnat of a roommate did. Any time he said not to do something—the ramen in the cupboard was his —Shinya ignored it—Guren walked in to Shinya happily slurping the last cup of instant noodles the next day.

Guren filed a complaint to get a new roommate immediately, but got the response that he had to wait it out. It'd only been a week, they said. A week of Shinya was more than enough, but that excuse didn't fly with the dorm executives.

He kept the transfer request in his drawer as insurance even when he told himself he'd wait at least a month before asking again.

Three weeks into their semester, Shinya mentioned Mahiru for the first time. Guren had been studying and Shinya had been on his bed munching on chips. Guren’s bed, to be precise, because something else Guren told him constantly was don't go on my bed and don't eat on my bed .

“You knew a girl named Mahiru, right?”

That caused Guren to stiffen. “...a long time ago, yeah.”

“Did you love her?” he continued, popping another chip into his mouth.

Guren thought about the boy he used to be, a headstrong kid who made bold declarations with every intention to fulfill them and every odd stacked against his success. “Yeah, back then.” He swiveled around in his chair. “How do you know her?”

Shinya actually laughed. “Wait, do you really not recognize my last name? The Hiiragis?”

The name sounded familiar, and logically it was probably Mahiru’s… so Shinya was related to the stuck up old farts from back then? “I don't really care about that stuff, so I never took note.” It did make him a little more wary of his roommate though.

“Haha, I see why they hate you, though I got that sense since the moment we met too.”

Guren didn't know if that was supposed to be an insult or not. It probably was, so he chose not to react. “Why are you bringing her up now?”

Shinya rolled up the chip bag and clipped it shut. “I'm gonna visit her soon, so I thought could sneak you in.” His legs swung over the side of the bed as he crossed the room to toss it back into the cupboard.

Visit her? He hadn't seen Mahiru for years, more than a decade at least. And not only that, how could Shinya bring up something so—important?—so casually? Guren was still trying to process all of this when Shinya flopped back onto Guren’s bed.

“It’s fine if you don't want to—I hate them too you know,” he said.

“Why are you going then?” Guren asked, stalling for time. He still didn't know what he wanted to do. See her or not see her, did she even remember him? And more importantly, would she be disappointed…? Judging by what Shinya said, she was still stuck in a hospital. A different one from where they met, but still trapped and bed bound. Still sick. After all this time, he wasn't yet at the level where he could save her.

“Hmm, because it's one of my duties? As her fiancé. It's looks good that I visit her regularly.” Shinya had a magazine open now, laid out on his back and skimming some trashy article or another.

Guren nodded. Then did a double take. “You—You’re her fiancé?” That explained the question about his feelings. But that was a long time ago; there was no way he still had feelings for Mahiru. Not like that, anyways. “You don't have to worry about my feelings then, I don't want to steal her away.”

Shinya didn't look at all perturbed by the revelation. From Guren’s experience, not much could shake him in general, but still… Shinya’s face didn't look like that of a concerned bethrothed. “Really? I think she’d be sad to hear that. Even after the higher ups relocated her, she could never stop talking about ‘Guren.’ I got curious about him too you know.” Now Shinya was outright grinning, and Guren had a feeling he didn't want to know what was coming next. “I wondered, ‘What kind of person is this punk who kicked a soccer ball at Mahiru’s window?’ You even shouted how you were going to become a doctor for her, and that she had to wait for you.”

Guren wanted to die. Shinya was there for that? He was dumb kid back then, he promised everything to Mahiru, and for what? For over a decade later to still be stuck in pre-med programs. It was almost ironic. Back then, he'd seen the men that went after him for sneaking Mahiru out of the hospital as the ones in his way. He'd been too weak to do anything about them, and Mahiru had to tell them to stop beating him if they wanted her to go back peacefully. He was left face down in the dirt, crying not because of how much his body ached, but because he couldn't even do this much for her.

The next day, the hospital staff told him Mahiru was no longer staying there.

“Well, you've met him. Disappointed?” The last thing he was worried about was letting Shinya of all people down, but he still gauged the other’s reaction. Maybe Mahiru shared his sentiments.

“Nope. In fact, you've been defying my expectations left and right.” Shinya looked away from his magazine towards Guren, laying it closed beside him. “So, you coming or not?”

Then and there, Guren decided that Shinya and Mahiru were nothing alike.

“Let me know when you're leaving.”

Shinya quite literally shouted from the door the second he was leaving, forcing Guren to scramble and get his things together to rush out with him. He’d wanted to know so he could mentally prepare himself, which clearly Shinya didn't give a shit about, and for all his griping he got nothing more than fake sheepish smiles in return.

By the time they made it past the receptionist and to the door of Mahiru’s room, it all finally caught up to Guren. He was going to meet a girl he hadn't seen for over ten years. What would he say? How would—

Shinya opened the door far too soon, and Guren was left gawking in the doorway.

“Oh, she's not here right now. Looks like we have to wait then,” he said, pulling aside a plastic hospital chair and dragging it next to another vacant one. “Come in already and join me.”

The entire walk in felt awkward and tense, and Mahiru wasn't even here. This was a bad idea, how the hell did Shinya talk him into this? Guren sat down and his muscles stiffened, unmoving. Beside him, Shinya was practically lounging.

“Wow, I've never seen such a lifelike human statue! It almost looks like Guren.” Shinya knocked on his head with his knuckles, and Guren’s palm came out smack him away.

“Cut that out!”

He had more to say, but then the door clicked open and Guren’s heart stopped.

“Oh, Hiiragi-san you're here today. And you've brought a friend…?” The nurse filed in first and looked between the two boys. She never got an answer though, as Mahiru trailed behind her only to perk up at the sight of Guren.

“Guren…?” A smile lit up her face. “You're here!” She dashed towards him and threw her arms around his neck, Guren sputtering as his wide eyes took in a familiar lavender. Mahiru. Should he hug her too? Should he not? What did he say to the top of her head? It felt like he couldn't breathe.

He tried to inhale, but no air could pass through his throat. He tried again, and then panic shot up his spine.

Guren’s hands immediately flew to his neck, and his eyes bulged to see darkness. The darkness of the hotel ceiling. It was just a dream, he could—

He couldn't breathe. Strangled noises clawed their way out of his throat, and Guren began to thrash wildly. What was there, who was there, how…?

“Sh… Shin… ya…” he gargled.

Miraculously, the body beside him stirred and Shinya’s voice was murky with sleep. “Guren?”

Guren’s words came out as incomprehensible noise squeezed through a blocked airway..

“Guren?!” He felt Shinya’s hand on his shoulder, and then the pressure around his throat dissipated allowing Guren to cough and sputter on air. His chest heaved with relief, and as oxygen filled his lungs, his head shot up and to search the darkness. Nothing.

“She disappeared,” he croaked.

Shinya frowned, and Guren could just make out the shake of his head. “No, she’s coming closer.”

“Huh?” Guren breathed.

“I’ve been watching for awhile,” he continued, “and she’s getting closer every night.”

Guren swallowed and coughed, forcing his battered airways to recover, before grasping darkness hoping for Shinya. “What... do you mean ‘closer’? How long have you known?”

He felt Shinya’s hand over his, then the pressure of being gently pried off. “Awhile.”

“Shinya,” Guren repeated.

“What would you have done?” The sharp edge in his voice caused Guren to pause. “If I told you, you would have started worrying about it. That’s just how you are, especially after what happened.”

Guren couldn’t deny that. But he didn’t see why it had to be kept a secret. They could have dealt with this earlier then; he could have been more prepared for--

“I’m sorry.” The trembling presence of Shinya’s fingers rested against Guren’s neck. “I didn’t think she’d hurt you.”

And all of Guren’s irritation dissipated. He could never hold out against Shinya for very long. Sighing, he flopped onto his back and let his head sink into the downy fluff of his pillow. “She’s probably done for the night. The nightmares don’t come back after I wake up.” Granted, usually he never got much sleep afterwards anyways, but there was no chilling sensation of being watched leftover in the air. And now that both him and Shinya were aware of… whatever was going on, Guren felt far more ready to face it. Enough that genuine fatigue could crawl up and drag his eyelids closed a second time.

“Let’s go to sleep and talk about it in the morning.”

There were no signs of Mahiru during the day. No bruises on Guren’s neck, none of their belongings misplaced. It was as if she never appeared, and the events of the night as fleeting as a dream. Only their joint experiences anchored their assumptions to reality, and by the time they were on the road again, their discussion had devolved into whether to call her a poltergeist or a demon.

“She seemed vengeful to me. Miserable in the afterlife, miserable in her life, it makes sense. She hated hospitals.”

“But her eyes were never red, and she never seemed sinister before--just unhappy.”

And so it went. The conversation derailed further into the realm of what counted as an exorcism, and if exorcists had different specialties or not, and by lunchtime they’d completely exhausted the subject to the point of a Mahiru-free meal. Like a silent weight, the heart of the issue still hung over their heads, but at the very least talking about it proved useless.

They’d have to put it off until the evening.

Checking in, unpacking, and climbing into bed all progressed smoothly without a word of Mahiru. It was only once they were situated under the covers with the bedside lamps on that Shinya finally brought it up.

"What do you think she'll do when she gets here?" Shinya wasn't looking at him, but he wasn't reading the book opened in front of him either.

"Dunno. Does it matter? The dead can't hurt the living." He tried to be nonchalant, and after years of stifling his feelings to get through courses, to ignore injustices riddled throughout the medical world, he thought he did pretty well. But he should have known better than to think it'd work on Shinya.

“She choked you, Guren.”

Guren shrugged. “There weren’t any marks, and it didn’t last long enough to kill me.”

There was a beat of silence, and Guren turned to raise an eyebrow at his partner upon seeing him frowning.

"That's stupid," Shinya replied immediately. "Worrying enough for both of us... I know you mean well Guren, but don't underestimate me." He snapped his book closed. "Some of that burden, I can take it."

He was a fool to think it'd work on Shinya. Sighing, Guren let himself fall against him, and he almost chuckled at how the other scrambled to support his weight. "...alright, you win. I wonder... if she's crying."

Shinya shifted so Guren's head could rest on his shoulder, and his hand found its way into silky black curls. "Crying...?"

"For breaking my promise." Guren closed his eyes and tried to lose himself in the feeling of Shinya's fingers on his scalp. "I said I'd save her."

"You became a doctor for her sake. You did so much—"

"And she still died."

"And there was nothing you could have done about it.” Shinya's hand stopped moving. “She chose to try that medication herself, and it was just bad luck that her body rejected it."

Guren sighed again. He wished Shinya would keep stroking his head, but maybe he didn't deserve that kind of comfort right now. "She wouldn't have taken it if it weren't for me." He felt Shinya move to look at him, but Guren didn't feel like returning the favor. "The nurse told me. Mahiru agreed to try the medication the day we visited her, even though it hadn't been tested yet. She said she didn't want to lose me, that idiot."

Shinya didn't say anything, but he carded his hand through Guren's hair over and over again. That would be the end of it then. A part of him wanted to stay like this, being comforted by Shinya. And then the rest of him faced reality: it wasn’t him who deserved comforting.

Yet just as he was about to pull away, Shinya spoke.

“That still doesn’t make it your fault, you idiot.”

When he looked up, Shinya was already twisting around. He dislodged his arm from around Guren and shifted over to give him space before settling down under the covers. Guren did the same after flipping off the lamp by their bedside.

With the curtains drawn shut, the lack of light let darkness wash over the small motel room. Staring at the ceiling even though he could barely make it out, Guren wondered if this meant there couldn’t be any shadows or that shadows were everywhere. Ah, maybe he was a little frightened.

“Are you scared, Shinya?” he asked the darkness.

“Nope. The dead can’t hurt the living, can they?”

Guren blinked. “Did it sound that stupid when I said it?”

“Yeah.”

Guren hadn’t been impressed by the name of this place when he’d first seen it searching online. Pretty Professional Psychic Progenitor sounded stupid enough on the website, but seeing it now displayed on the shop’s signage was somehow worse.

“Do we have to go in here?” he asked, shutting the car door behind him as Shinya rounded the front.

“You’re the one who found him. ‘We’re lucky there’s an exorcist nearby at all,’ didn’t you say that?”

Avoiding Shinya’s gaze, Guren sighed. That was true. Sending “exorcism” into a search engine and getting even one relevant result felt like victory in the moment, and it was riding on that feeling that he convinced Shinya to make a detour for this place. But given time, his initial optimism faded out, and now Guren was overwhelmingly uncertain.

“Yeah yeah, we might as well go in,” he decided. This Ferid Bathory better be worth the trouble.

“Welcome, to my abode.”

Guren wanted to leave. He looked to Shinya only to find blue eyes dancing with you brought us here Guren staring back at him. He scowled.

“Your negative energy is coming off in ways, are you here for a soul cleanse?” The cheesy sales pitches, the gaudy curtains and crystal ball held up by a fake skeleton hand, it was all too much. Ferid Bathory, Guren decided, was not worth the trouble after all.

“Come on Shinya—”

“You came here for help with the ghost, didn't you?”

Ferid’s voice stopped Guren mid step, back already turned to the exorcist. He looked over his shoulder.

“What do you know about that?”

Guren didn't like the way Ferid smiled, like he'd won a game they hadn't even known they'd been playing. “Sit down and we can chat. You too, Hiiragi outcast.”

Just for that Guren considered walking out anyways, but Shinya sat down before he could. The smile on his face was the blank, pleasant kind he wore when Guren began rattling off medical terms.

Sitting beside him, Guren noted it wasn't quite like that either. This smile had more edge to it, finely sharpened and razor thin.

“There's no use leaving when he's only showing off that he knows what we need,” he answered Guren’s unspoken question.

“That doesn't mean we have to put up with whatever he says.” Guren held Ferid’s stare and decided he hated how amused he looked. “Tell us what we want to know, and don't pad it with anything else. Assume we trust you unconditionally.”

The exorcist himself shrugged. “You wouldn't be saying that if I hadn't just struck a nerve. All in the name of efficiency.”

Guren’s hands tightened into fists in his lap, but his expression remained hardened. If they had to suffer this man’s presence, he'd at do well to keep his reactions at bay. He had a feeling it'd only encourage Ferid’s antics.

“I know there's a ghost, but what I don't know is what you want to do with it.” Ferid bypassed his crystal ball completely, opting to prop his elbows on the table and knit his fingers casually.

“What do you mean? Obviously we want to help her pass on.” They had to do something. They had to deal with this, but somehow Guren hadn't thought about exactly what that entailed until now.

“So you want to be rid of her.”

The exact thought had run through Guren’s mind.

“ No— ”

“Pass on, help, exorcise, get rid of , it's all the same no matter how you dress it up.” Ferid smiled, and Guren simmered with frustration. It made a difference to him, what the intent was. He didn't want Mahiru stuck here, suffering. If she wanted something, his reflex was to try and give it to her. He wanted to help , not be rid of her like a pest. She deserved more than that.

“We think she's… dangerous,” Shinya cut in. “We’re looking for information. You're the only one in the vicinity who can provide that.”

“Well you're right about that. I have a way of being in just the right place, where I'm least expected and most desired.” Ferid’s smile betrayed nothing but amusement, and it made Guren not want trust a word out of his mouth.

“Tell us the options.” They didn't have to listen to him.

“I'll need to know what I'm dealing with first. Tell me about your ghost.”

Guren scoffed. “You don't know that already?”

“I know more than you, but even I require details for a full picture.” The teeth of his smile almost seemed sharp, even though Guren could see the blunt edges himself. “Don't test me.”

“She's… someone I knew. And I think she's trying to kill me.”

“I think I saw a movie like that, three or so times.”

“I'm being serious .”

“She's only shown up at night, and she gets closer and closer each time,” Shinya cut in. His face betrayed nothing compared to Guren’s, which tried so desperately to contain everything. His hand silently slid over to cover Guren’s beneath the table, out of sight, and the gesture alone was enough to cool Guren’s nerves.

“Her eyes were red,” he added.

At this, Ferid hummed thoughtfully. “Red eyes and a gradual nightly descent. You could be at the mercy of a demon. Those are much trickier than spirits.”

Guren didn't like the sound of that, nor the thought. “What makes someone turn into a demon?”

“Oh anything can do it. Humans are versatile in that way. If they want something hard enough, it can consume them in the nastiest of ways.”

“Is it usually hatred that motivates them?” Shinya asked calmly. “Or love?”

Ferid positively preened.

“My, how did you know?”

Guren stormed out of the exorcist’s shop and slammed the door of his car shut behind him for good measure.

“I can't believe that slimy con got us to buy his shit,” he groused, flinging the plastic bag of talismans in the backseat.

“You're the one who got goaded into it, Guren,” Shinya reminded him lightly. “I'm surprised your limit was when he offered you a ritual to get rid of the permanent wrinkle in your forehead.” He poked Guren’s forehead where, as expected, a crease had formed.

At Shinya’s touch though, Guren tried to relax. “I don't know whether this trip was useful or not.”

“It was, Shinya assured him. “We know more than we did before, and if those talismans don't work as he claimed, we can be angry and then move on.”

“Should we even trust anything he said? Half the time he was just mocking us.”

“It was mostly you.”

“Shut up!”

Spirits were easy, Ferid claimed, but demons were troublesome. Of the more useful things he mentioned, he described the nature of demons as “humans, but worse.”

“They’re driven by an extremely strong desire, love being the most common as you assumed. But it's in their nature to twist that into something else far more dangerous, like say… dragging their true love with them to the hellish abyss of the beyond.”

At this point Ferid had begun wiggling his fingers and making a face too comical for the severity of his statement. Guren didn't want to take any of what he said seriously, but he thought maybe he was also looking for a reason to believe Mahiru hadn't fallen that far. That the girl he used to love didn't get warped into some creature trying to attack him at night.

Even scarier was the fact he couldn't find it in him to be surprised.

The night was more tense than ever, even though they pulled in to rest for the day while dusk was still settling. They set up the talismans on the walls and the edge of the bed, and if Ferid was to be believed, no demon could cross them.

When night fell, Guren still couldn't sleep easily.

“Guren, are you scared?” Shinya’s voice whispered from his side.

“I'm imaging all the ways I can sue that shitty exorcist if his talismans turn out to be fake.”

“That's no good, what if he shows up in your dream tonight?”

“I’d rather face a demon.”

Shinya chuckled, and his hand found Guren’s in the darkness.

“Would you? I think you'd be too soft to call her that to her face.”

“...I wasn't necessarily talking about her.”

The sheets rustled, and Guren heard Shinya’s voice much more clearly. His free hand found the other’s neck and rested there.

“See? You're such a softie.”

Guren raised an eyebrow, though he doubted Shinya could see. “Jealous?”

“Do you want me to be?” He could hear the teasing lilt in Shinya’s voice, and he felt his boyfriend’s ankle slide against his.

“Not really.”

“That's so unromantic. If I didn't know you better, I'd be feeling very unloved right now.”

Something in Guren tightened, and he slid his fingers through Shinya’s hair. “I do love you,” he said resolutely.

He couldn't see Shinya’s reaction, but the ankle that was traveling up his calf stilled.

“I know,” he answered after a moment’s pause. “I love you too.” There was a distance there, a detachment that Guren didn't like. “But I'm not the only one that does, you know.”

Guren wanted to play dumb, but that wouldn't work on Shinya. It never had. He knew who he was talking about.

“Right now, you are the only person I want to be with.” He wished words were enough to smooth this over, but it'd been years since they first had this kind of conversation. Months since they'd gotten so close to examining it.

“What will you do if she tells you she loves you?”

There were too many ways she could say that. Sadly, angrily, coyly. There were too many ways to answer, and none of them would make her happy.

“I don't know.”

Shinya sighed, but it wasn't for himself. Guren, with his too big heart, always seemed to fall short of his own expectations.

“That's no good Guren. You're the only one who has to.”

He was kissing Shinya, hands threaded in pale strands of hair, and he couldn't remember whose bed it was on when it first happened.

After the hospital visit, they talked about Mahiru a handful of times, but mostly they didn't. Mostly their conversations included their ever changing roommate barriers, classes, everyday student grievances, and everything in between. Once, Guren nearly tore himself apart over an exam and Shinya calmed him down with soft words and a closeness Guren hadn't even realized existed between them.

The distance, imperceptibly, continued to shrink.

Guren crossed the threshold when he could recognize the moments Shinya closed up, for reasons he refused to speak of, and they'd wake up in his or Shinya’s bed always curled into each other. Like that they'd beared their vulnerabilities without meaning to. There was a silent agreement that the roommate change form would remain in Guren’s drawer, to be brought up when Shinya ate on Guren’s bed and Guren stayed up with the lights on early into the morning, but it was never to leave, because neither of them truly wanted to be separated.

One night, when Shinya got that faraway look in his eyes, a quiet death of something inside him that Guren could only cradle and coax the life out of, Shinya whispered, “Mahiru is dead.”

And then he admitted, “It’s been a month.”

Guren wondered if somewhere along the way, his heart became lost. If, because there was a gaping hole in his chest, he couldn't feel it break.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“I didn't want to see you sad.”

Then he realized his heart was where it should be. It just swelled for someone else, and the ache he felt for Mahiru was the painful parting of someone he treasured; it wasn't the devastation of losing a lover.

“So why did you tell me now?” It wasn't accusatory, just curious.

Shinya tilted his head to look at him. “It became too much.”

For all he didn't understand yet, Guren thought he could at least feel what Shinya meant as they gazed at one another, words powerless to the hold their eyes had on each other.

That was how Guren’s lips became fastened to Shinya’s, and hands mapped bodies with their touch. It was familiar, inevitable, and somewhere in Guren’s mind he registered this as a memory, because he was too accustomed to the feeling of Shinya’s body on his for it to be the first time.

Shinya gasped, and Guren’s name spilled from his lips. Eyes closed, Guren sought to cover them with his own again, until Shinya failed to respond in turn.

Guren’s name came out again, but this time he could hear the rising panic in it.

Shinya was crying, and Guren only glimpsed a pale hand before it dragged Shinya across the sheets over the edge of the bed. His reactions were too slow; he felt Shinya slip through his fingers and with a startled gasp he blinked and time sped up again.

It felt superhuman, how quickly his arms closed around Shinya, soundly sleeping against him. The other stirred, but the rise and fall of his chest confirmed he was alive and Guren felt that was enough to ease the other back into sleep.

He paused rubbing Shinya’s back when he caught red eyes staring at him from the far edge of the bed. Right at the line drawn from the talismans.

“I wonder where you got these,” Mahiru mused, reaching a finger out to touch one of the paper tags. It sizzled on contact, and though her hand flinched away nothing else of her body betrayed pain.

“What do you want, Mahiru?” His voice was soft, almost inaudible, but she must have heard because she giggled.

“So kind, trying not to wake my fiancé?”

“He's not your fiancé anymore.”

“I fell for your kindness,” she went on, as if he hadn't spoken. “I wonder if he did too. It'd be another way we’re similar.”

Guren narrowed his eyes. “What are you getting at?”

Mahiru smiled, and Guren didn't remember that being such a sharp expression on her. “Not what you're thinking. I'm just saying we have similar tastes.”

Somewhere in his mind, Guren knew he had to catalogue this, analyze it for how he could help Mahiru and figure out what she wanted. But most of him was still recovering from the aftershock of watching Shinya being pulled away from him, and he could only barely keep up with Mahiru’s cryptic answers.

“What do you want from me?” he asked again.

“Talk to me tomorrow. Leave the talismans if you wish, but don't go to sleep.”

She disappeared, and just when Guren was about to settle for another sleepless night, her voice floated into his head from behind.

“ Think about me .”

He couldn't twist around without disturbing Shinya, but he knew when she left the moment chills stopped running down his spine.

Almost imperceptibly, Shinya pressed closer and his arm around Guren’s waist tightened.

Guren sighed, and figured he would try and sleep again anyways.

Mahiru, Shinya, he hadn't been able to soothe either of them tonight.

“She wants me to wait up for her tonight,” he told Shinya in the car.

Shinya hummed in light distinterest. “I see.”

“You already know.”

“Hm, so you knew?”

“Not until she was gone.”

“Guren always was a bit slow on the uptake.”

That earned a sudden stop, car almost skidding, that sent Shinya lurching forward before his seatbelt dug into his chest. He fiddled with the contraption until it loosened again, then frowned.

“You haven't outgrown childish pranks either,” he chided.

“Be serious. I wanted to discuss what to do with you.” They were driving on a less populated back road, and had the leisure of conversation without requiring too much focus on Guren’s part.

“Isn't this between you and her? I'm not completely uninvolved, but she doesn't want anything to do with me. We were never very interested in each other from the start.” Shinya’s face was carefully blank, but Guren still frowned.

“If it involves me, it involves you. That's the annoying bit of the relationship clause you entered with me.”

Shinya gaped at him. “I don't remember being told about this clause.”

“I'm pretty sure I told you about it.” He pulled a thoughtful face. “Though I might have been busy going down on you while I said it.”

Shinya really coughed this time, and the hint of a flush crept up his neck. “You're making fun of me,” he declared.

“I am,” Guren conceded readily, a half smile twitching on his lips.

Groaning, Shinya lamented with too much woe, “What happened to the boring Guren who wouldn't know a joke if it hit him over the head?”

That was easy.

“Hiiragi Shinya happened.”

They let the topic of Mahiru go like a leaf down a stream, gradually and at ease until the water swallowed it completely and sunk it to the bottom.

Later, with the bedside lamp flicked on, there was no avoiding Mahiru. Figuratively or literally.

Guren sat awake, back against the headboard. Shinya laid beside him, but from his breathing there was no doubt he was awake as well.

“She said to think about her,” Guren said, no preamble. “But all the dreams she sent me were nightmares.”

“If we insult her, maybe she'd get angry enough to come out,” Shinya suggested. “That'd make her a poltergeist.”

“That'd make us assholes,” Guren countered.

“We could be worse.”

Guren conceded. “We could.”

Shinya’s arm ended up draped over Guren’s lap, and Guren took his hand wordlessly.

“Did you remember your dreams?” Shinya asked lightly, turning his palm upwards to drag his thumb over the back of Guren’s hand.

“I remember feeling like they were nightmares, but that’s it,” Guren replied casually, before it occurred to him: “But I remember the ones with you in them.”

Shinya turned to look at him curiously. “She sent you dreams of me?”

“I was thinking about you.” Guren wasn’t sure if he should mention that Shinya died in his dreams.

“How romantic~” Shinya sung.

Guren scoffed lightly, then flicked at Shinya’s forehead.

“Has Guren turned into the kind of person to flirt so shamelessly in front of me?”

Both of them froze, and the red eyes of every night glowed from the darkness. Their movement wasn’t pronounced; Guren felt from his growing unease that they were coming closer, until the residues of light blurring the boundary between shadow and luminance reflected off a silhouette.

“Mahiru.”

The sound of her name from Guren’s mouth made the shadow smile.

“Guren,” she spoke from a distance, and there was nothing haunting about her tone. Not like every other night she visited. It still set Guren on edge.

For a few tense moments, none of them dared to move. Or rather, Guren felt like a wooden doll whose joints would creak if he moved an inch, while Shinya felt equally as tense by his side. Mahiru was still, but unlike them, she eased into it. She was waiting at her leisure for them to react first.

“You’re far away,” Guren said, and layered in the statement was several questions. He asked about how she was always coming closer, and chose at the last moment to keep her distance. He asked if she still intended to come closer. He asked if it was the lamp or the talismans’ doing. And then he didn’t ask about distance at all, staring at her like she was no longer human.

Some part of him still squirmed at the idea.

Mahiru chose her interpretation purposely. “You’re keeping me here.” She tilted her head. “Why don’t you come closer?”

Like a marionette whose strings were snipped, Guren began to move only for Shinya to put a hand on his arm, holding him back. His eyes were focused on Mahiru.

“What are you planning to do?” he asked. After all this time, Guren still took note of how Shinya could kill all the life in his voice. How he could ask a question riddled with suspicion, and yet not sound aggressive at all. It wouldn’t be right to call it casual even, or cautious. There was no way to connect any feeling to it, and once upon a time Guren frustrated himself trying to pinpoint what made it sound so off. Even now he wasn’t sure he entirely understood, but he made his peace with it.

Shinya only got like this when topics strayed to his family.

The ones he no longer shared a last name with.

“I want to talk to the boy I love, Shinya. Will you stop me?” The way she said it, it sounded more like Can you?

“For how long?”

“We were never close, but we know each other enough to recognize stupid questions.”

There was a long, silent exchange that Guren could only sit aside and watch. Mahiru would want nothing less than forever, he knew, albeit subconsciously. Shinya seemed to say Never.

Guren placed his hand over Shinya’s and gently urged it away. Shinya didn’t fight him.

“I’ll talk to you, Mahiru. But I won’t turn the light off.” That was his compromise.

“Then at least come closer, within the light. I cannot pass this point.”

Guren threw the covers back, and he didn’t go to the edge, but he went far enough to show he wasn’t scared. He would face Mahiru honestly, straightforward.

“And Shinya leaves.”

The request wasn’t surprising, but it was abrupt. The conflict immediately struck Guren’s face, and he turned back to Shinya. Whether it was to ask his opinion or make him choose, Guren didn’t know. What he found on Shinya’s face was a careful blankness that made either impossible without speaking.

“Shinya, I’ll be okay.” Guren didn’t believe Mahiru would hurt him, in what was likely a gross residue of sentimentality that Guren liked believing he never had in the first place. The realistic side of him asked what he meant by “hurt,” and Guren didn’t have an answer for that.

“I’ve become the third wheel to my boyfriend and his demon ex-girlfriend, how cruel.” It fell just short of being a teasing quip, with too much genuine bitterness to be as light as his tone might have been. “You’re a bleeding heart, Guren. It’s one of the reasons I fell for you.”

Without another word, he stepped right into the shadows past Mahiru. Guren didn’t watch him go. He kept his eyes on the creature that could threaten him, and made sure she didn’t.

The soft click of the door resonated through the room, and only then did Mahiru lose the subtle air of demon that clung to her since the start. Guren thought about how much she looked like a simple girl in love, despite how he knew she was more than that. Possibly, because she was a girl in love.

“I wonder which of us is the cruelest,” Mahiru began softly, even though her eyes were calculating. “Me, for what I want. My fiance, for falling in love with you. Or you, for accepting him.”

“If you want to make me regret Shinya, we won’t have much we need to discuss,” he said plainly. He wanted to help Mahiru move on, to settle the weight in her heart, but he wouldn’t tear down Shinya in the process. He wouldn’t make any compromise if it regarded Shinya.

“Loving you is such a complicated thing, Guren. Your best trait hurts when it counts. Shinya must understand  this well.”

Guren’s eyes narrowed, and he realized that his relationship (if it could be called such) with Mahiru was complex. As was his with Shinya. But he hurt Mahiru by not loving her anymore, the way she wanted. It didn’t feel right to imagine her on the same grounds as Shinya.

“He was sent away by you because you didn’t want to upset me. You’re too kind for your own good, Guren.” It was the wrong time to remember that in all likelihood, Mahiru was a demon. “I wonder if he listened because he trusts you, or because he couldn’t bring himself to watch our conversation.”

“Should I call him back in, if you have so much to say? I’m sure he could ease your curiosity.” HIs message was clear: no more talk of Shinya.

Mahiru seemed to accept that, because her features softened. “That isn’t what I want to talk about. You know why I’m here, Guren.”

He did.

“I do.”

“I love you,” she said. “I’ve loved you, even beyond death.” They were close enough that if she reached out, she could caress his cheek. It was startling when she did raise her arm, crossing the threshold but ever stepping over it. Her hand stopped just short of his skin.

Guren blinked at her, eyebrows raising.

The smile on her face was so sad, it made her look human again. “My hand is cold. It wouldn’t be pleasant to touch me, would it?”

He grabbed her hand, then pressed it to his face without taking his eyes off of her. “I don’t mind.”

The red of her eyes glistened. “I really love you,” she said again, and Guren could feel her words soften his heart. But they didn’t make it race. “

“I know,” was all he could offer.

“You won’t say it back, even if it’s a lie? I’m already dead.”

“I think lying to you would be more cruel. I don’t want to hurt you, Mahiru.” Guren tried to be as sincere as possible, to show he stilled cared, and hoped it would be enough.

He didn’t need to look at Mahiru to know it wasn’t.

“Oh Guren, you already have.”

For all his kindness, Guren didn’t know how to ease the pain caused by what he no longer felt.

After a few moments of silence, staring at each other in a way that stretched seconds into minutes, Mahiru seemed to understand that.

“Could you at least kiss me, just once?” She must have seen the hesitation in him, because she added, “Just to say goodbye. It’s my biggest, most foolish regret.”

Her regrets. The ones that kept her here, the ones Guren wanted to help her with. He took her hand away, but he didn’t let it go as he stepped closer, dangerously so. She could pull him in at any moment.

Guren leaned forward, and his lips met Mahiru’s forehead.

“I can’t give you the kiss you want,” he said. He released her hand, then met her gaze. “I’m sorry.”

Tears rolled down her cheek, and Guren felt it would only hurt her more if he reached to wipe them.

“You’re so cruel, Guren.”

And then she was gone.

Shinya was standing beside the door, and his head turned the moment Guren stepped out. The air between them was tense, tentatively charged with emotions that had the potential to spill over.

“You’re alive,” Shinya finally commented.

“I am.”

They lapsed back into silence, before Guren spoke up.

“I think she’s gone.” He tried to balance his regrets to stay on the right side of melancholy; the side that regretted his lack of ability to help her, not an urge to stay with her.

Shinya looked at him, and his expression was unreadable but somehow Guren found comfort in it. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said, without the teasing edge.

Guren walked until he stood directly in front of him, and then sighed as he let his head drop to Shinya’s shoulder. In that instant, the tension dissipated and Shinya brought his arms around Guren.

“I’m an asshole,” Guren spoke into the fabric of Shinya’s shirt. “I made a girl cry.”

Shinya didn’t reply, only drawing lazy circles on Guren’s back.

Then finally:

“There are worse ways to earn that title.”