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Everyone always think that they know Yuzuru Hanyu,
they think they know because he of how he displayed himself in front of others.
they think they know because he seemed genuine at all times in front of the cameras.
they think they know because everyone always said that he is the same kind, charming, respectable man in person.
What they don’t know is that he is more than that.
They don’t know that he likes to wake up the same time as the sun.
They don’t know that he’ll always be there with an ice cream at the end of a long day.
They don’t know that he gives you the best hug whenever you’re down.
They don’t know that, but I do
—
Zhenya felt the ache on her body as she slammed herself on the ice for the thousandths time today. Another attempt, another fall she thought, she could never get it right no matter how hard she tried. It was after hours, as all other skaters have gone back to their hotel rooms and it was the first time she jumped on ice again after the injury. However, not everything comes easy no matter how many world titles you have. Her muscle memory seemed to be lacking at this late night and jet lag doesn’t help either.
She rushed to the edge of the stage, unlacing her boots and packing all her belongings looking around the empty arena. It was her first Fantasy on Ice show and her excitement were over the roof especially having Yuzu around makes everything better. She entered her hotel room as quietly as she could knowing that Yuzu has probably slept in earlier however, her phone kept on buzzing from all the notifications she received.
“Hey..” Yuzu greeted her as he slowly wakes up from his sleep.
“Ugh, sorry I woke you up.”
“Well, you didn’t exactly wake me up you know,”
“Still, go back to sleepp,” Zhenya laughed as she pushed Yuzu back to the bed. Yuzu grinned as he slam his back to the sheets.
The buzzing noise that didn’t stop bothered Yuzu and made him grab the phone from her fist slowly. Zhenya who was lost in her thoughts just bit her lip with the gesture knowing that any time Yuzu will see all the comments people leave about her. As he took it, flashes of notification rushes on her phone. Slowly, Yuzu go through the ones that he could catch, seeing nasty comments about her choices and essentially, their lives.
“Don’t look at it.” with the remainder of her energy, she pulled the phone from Yuzu, letting him seeing her vulnerable. Yuzu lets his hand down as she took the phone from him, he let out a small sigh before placing a hand on her shoulder.
Without saying a word, he could feel her body started to shake and how her hand weakly placed on the edge of the bed. Yuzu stood himself up and wrap his hands around her shoulder, putting her head on his chest as he slowly pat her messy hair down.
“I can’t…do it..anymore…” Zhenya sobs in between her words, pouring out all the frustration that she felt the past couple months. Yuzu stayed in silence while he tightened his hug, kissing the crown of her head occasionally.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying..” She untangles herself from Yuzu as she wipes her tears roughly.
“There’s no need to apologise, none of this is your fault..” Zhenya turned herself around as she could feel the tears coming out again after hearing those words.
“Hey..hey.. listen to me okay, they aren’t entitled of how you feel or who you train with or even how good you are. You on the other hand are entitled of all of that. You, should focus on yourself and what you think is best for you rather than whats best for them. Don’t give them what they want and retreat, give them what you can give and the rest is unimportant. okay?” Yuzu give her a small peck on her cheek as he walked over to the refrigerator.
“Cookies and cream right?” He said as he throw the pack of sandwich ice cream from the compartment.
—
What they don’t know is that sometimes, he is just like everyone else.
He likes to be cuddled up through the nights,
he likes to go on ‘dates’ even if you can call them that
He likes to see the edge of your lips curves up when you’re near him.
Although the show practices has taken a toll on Zhenya, she spared some times hanging out with other skaters while Yuzu's out doing some press. She just got back from roaming through Kobe with Misha and Javi when she found Yuzu laying a towel on their little balcony.
“I thought you would come later..” Yuzu greeted her as he slid his arms across her waist, shortening the distance between the two. That one gesture was enough to make Zhenya stumbled through her feet as she looks at his eyes.
“I…wanted to get some rest…” she stumbled through her words, distracted by those almond eyes or how warm his hands felt on her.
“Well, whats a better rest than having a picnic with me,” he guided her to the open balcony overviewing the city, looking through the mountains. She noticed the little bento box located on the table and grapes on the bowl.
“Picnic huh? what fun,” she laughs as she set herself down to the towel and waited for Yuzu to sit next to her.
“Well, we take what we can get,”
“Hai,”
He slowly lowered down the bento box, opening it and put it beside Zhenya, putting everything else to their reach. Wether it was the dim sunlight that shines through, or maybe the chilling breeze, but the view that Zhenya has at that point took her breath away. Without her realizing, she could feel the edge of her lips curved into a smile, the smile grew bigger when her eyes met his.
“What?” Zhenya laughed breaking their eye contact.
“Nothing, I’m just the luckiest man in the world.” He chuckle shyly while scratching the back of his head lightly.
“You’re in that mood huh?”
“What mood?” Zhenya didn’t answer the question. Instead, she slowly picked up the food from the bento box and eat it. Knowing that it would annoy Yuzu the most because she didn’t answer his question.
“Zhenyaaa…” Yuzu whines, shaking her shoulder lightly.
“I’m eating!!!”
“Tell meee,” His eyes scrunch as she saw the smile on his face turned bigger, and his eyebrows tweaking up.
“Eat, Yuzu.”
“Fine, but you tell me.” Zhenya just laughed as she finishes her food.
That night, Zhenya made her way to the bed with t shirt and short pyjamas looking through Yuzu wrapped in the white sheets. She made her way by his side and snuggle to his arms distracting him from playing video game. Zhenya ended up falling asleep on his arm and left Yuzu admiring the lines of face, the curls on her hair.
—
What they don’t know is that sometimes, the stress caught up to him
That whats on the ice could not be left on the ice,
That every little thing he does wrong bothers him
Sometimes, he got too caught up that he didn’t notice the world around him.
A slightly different scene was shown on the ice as Yuzu takes another take off for his quad salchow as the world around him could feel the frustration of not being able to land it. Another take off, another hard slam to the ice, he got up and gained his speed to go for another take off. The fire on his eyes and the bullet sweat streaming through his face shows how much he worked his body today, but he couldn’t let this go.
He took a lap around the rink as he saw other skaters landing his jump, the injury sure took a toll on him, but he’s been good. He’s been following all the recovery process patiently may he add. He’s been holding back training for his jumps for months now, and all he wanted was to be able to land it like old times.
Nevertheless, his body seems to not cooperate with him today as he saw the ice clearing up and the staff shutting down the light on the arena. A sign to call it a day, although the eager in him hasn’t been fulfilled, he knew that it was over for today.
He dump his bag hard on the floor as he reaches the hotel room, making his way to the edge of the bed as he ruffled his hair frustrated with how things go. He buried his face on his palms, feeling all the emotions built up inside him.
“You wanna talk about it?” Zhenya ask, seeing him like this worried her.
“No.. I’m fine..”
“You don’t have to lie Yuzu..”
“I’m not really….”
“Is it the salchow?” She sat next to Yuzu looking at him trying to figure out how to deal with the situation.
“Yes, yes, it’s always the salchow!” the anger in him built up as they approach the topic, he stood up with annoyance going back and forth in front of Zhenya.
“Yuzu…”
“I could never get it right, and the next season is around the corner.. Arghh” He slammed his head to his palm over and over again.
“Hey, look at me..” She stood in front of him, holding his hand back.
“Everything takes time, slowly but surely remember?”
“But I’ve waited Zhenya, for months now! Months!”
“Be patient Yuzu, we’re in this together, I know how you feel…” she slowly touches his cheek with her hand, comforting him. She could feel the tense on his body started to slow down, as he buried his face on her hand. His heart was a calmer now that as he felt safe in her presence.
—
What they don’t know is that sometimes, he doesn’t think he’s enough.
Everyone knows he is more than enough,
But sometimes, he gets exhausted of carrying the whole nation on his shoulder
Sometimes, all he wanted is a little reassurance.
The news of Yuzu receiving the People’s honour awards were flying all over the whole day. With that kind of title on his hand, Yuzu has been busy going from one interviews to another before and after the show, leaving Zhenya alone in their room.
To say she was proud was an understatement, she was so happy and excited to hear the news but with Yuzu’s being everyone’s attention, she hasn’t had a chance to congratulate him. She hasn’t seen him all day even in the chances she had seen him, he’s always taken away by someone else. So she waited for him in the room, with a novel in hand and occasion yawning, she tried to keep her eyes to each word on the page. Soon enough, her body gave up and slept in with the book still in hand.
Yuzu walked into the room floutingly making his way to the bed, all he really wanted was just to stay next to Zhenya. He hasn’t sinked in what has been going on the past 24 hours, he was absolutely thrilled and honoured but he could feel the weight on his shoulder getting heavier every time someone congratulated him.
Yuzu’s head dip to Zhenya’s back as he shorten the distance between their bodies, he could smell the lavender body soap she uses this close to her. Zhenya, noticing his presence was startled and turning her body to him when he stopped her.
“Please, just let me…” Yuzu said slowly as he wrapped his arms around her waist, he dip his head more towards her back. Zhenya could feel a sense of tiredness on her spine as Yuzu’s wrapped tighten.
“Do you love me?” He abruptly said to her. Sure, they have talked about their feelings and how they admire each other but love? it never comes up even once in their conversation. Yet, she knew how she felt right away when he first kissed her.
“Of course I love you…”
After what she said, he loosen his wrap and let her face him, let her see the tears on his eyes that he has hold on the whole day. Zhenya surprised to see the man in front of her looking this vulnerable, let out her arms, bringing his head closer to her chest giving him a space to let his emotions out.
—