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College parties.
They’re exciting and scary at the same time for Mark. Why would a college student be scared of a party? The answer is simple for Mark: he’s a sap and it only gets worse when he’s drunk.
What can you expect of a Literature student? He writes like his life depends on it (and it maybe be like that); he writes words and feelings that take form in his notebooks. He writes about the most mundane and cliché things, but he writes, he takes words out of his chest in a way that can only be described as desperately.
This is his modus operandi sober; you can picture him now drunk, right?
But he wants to get drunk. That’s the magic of alcohol. It makes you feel more, like every corner of his body wants to be released. He wants to embrace his sappiness and his drunk self allows him that.
And mostly, he wants to be sappy about his crush.
Yes, is a one-side thing, where Mark doesn’t know if his significant other swings the same way he does. He has some suspicions, but they’re no clear enough for Mark to make a move.
(Actually, Donghyuck’s pretty much gay for Mark, but he’s bad at catching hints anyways.)
So, there he was, minding his business (that include writing a poem about stars and moles) when Jeno takes a sit next to him.
“Ma dude. Are you going tonight?” Nudges Jeno, stealing a sip from Mark’s Starbucks.
“If there’s vodka, you bet your ass I’ll be there.” Mark takes his drink back and places it away from Jeno naughty hands.
Jeno laughs at it. “Okay, be there…”
Mark rolls his eyes, a small smile trying to escape. “Or be square. Now leave.”
“Okay, okay, someone’s grumpy today. Get some laid.” Jeno rush to his car before Mark punches him.
And now it’s already Friday night and he’s at the doorframe of Jeno’s house, butterflies in his stomach (or maybe it was that sandwich he ate for lunch) making him a ball of nerves. He takes one step closer and enters the house.
Ugh, I love this environment already.
The smell of smoke, weed, vodka, cheap beer and sweat shouldn’t smell so well to someone, but to Mark it does. There’s a feeling of anticipation that makes him vibrate with cheerfulness. Mark pasts the bodies of horny students and goes to kitchen. He looks around for any sign of his friends, but after a while he doesn’t mind them. He pours himself a shot of vodka and drinks it.
His throat burns at the contact but he’s willing to feel more.
“Mark! I didn’t knew you will come!” Someone hugs him. “Come here, we’re playing jenga.”
Is him, the cause and the start of all his bad ideas (this one just beginning.)
His muse.
“Lee Donghyuck.”
The name rolls from his tongue, so easy, like his lips were made to call him. His hands shivers and he wants to write all over his body stories about love and desire. He wants to kiss every mole in his neck and tell him tales about constellations. He wants to runs his fingers through his hair and get lost in his essence.
Yes, Mark is pretty gay for Donghyuck.
He doesn’t know when it started. They were pretty much just acquaintances in the past, hanging together because their friends became boyfriends, but after one or two parties of getting tired of third wheeling them, they got close. So close, that they text every day in classes, when they can’t sleep, when they wake up.
Donghyuck’s so different. To begin with, he’s a romantic pessimist. He doesn’t believe in love, he hates clichés and hates getting attached to people and feelings.
“Mark, you need to stop spacing out.”
“Uh,” mumbles intelligently Mark. “I didn’t say hi. And yes I told you I was coming.”
Donghyuck nods. “Yeah, to get some….” He gestures his hands in front of him in a gest of mocking. “Inspiration, right?”
Mark punches him slightly in the chest. “My drunk self is more poetic and I need his help to sort something out.”
Donghyuck gives him an indecipherable look. After a silence, he shakes his head. “The gang is over there, let’s go.”
They walk between sweaty bodies to the console room (Jeno has his own room to play video games and it’s pretty much, apart from the rooms upstairs, the only place you can have privacy in this party) where his friends are seated in a circle, a few of bottles around them.
“My bro!” Jeno jumps from his spot to give Mark a hug. “Sit over there, we’re playing jenga.”
Mark waves to the gang and takes a sit between Jisung and Lucas (Renjun’s boyfriend) while Donghyuck sits on the other side, squeezed between Jaemin and Chenle.
“You go, Mark.” Jaemin says, rising an eyebrow.
“Okay.” Mark shrugs and takes one of the jenga that’s on the top. “Tell a secret.” Mark reads.
Everyone in the groups hold their breaths while Mark thinks.
“I think I’m in love with someone.” He says, trying to not look at Donghyuck.
The group coos him. “We been knew.” Mumbles Jeno, who’s next to Jaemin. Mark sents him a death glare before he says something else.
“Okay, Hyuck, your turn.” Jaemin pushes his best friend closer to the jenga.
“Make a sex noise.” Donghyuck sighs. Every muscle of Mark’s body reacts. He can feel himself getting worked up. He hopes he’s being subtle about it. “Ugh…” Donghyuck fidgets before stealing a quick glace in Mark direction. He opens his mouth once, twice, before letting a whine scape his lips.
The group laughs awkwardly. “Okay, everyone, drinks for finishing first round without getting naked!” Jeno takes the bottle of vodka and pours the drinks for the group.
It goes a few rounds like this: Jeno picks up Kamasutra and for a round they’re all in weird (some of them pretty suggestives) poses. Lucas has to strip sometime after. Chenle is dared to go outside and scream “I pick my nose!” Jisung makes everyone drink three shots. Rejun has to show his abs.
Everything is pretty normal till Jaemin can make a rule, so he changes the order of seating and it mostly goes like this: Jeno, himself, Chenle, Jisung, Mark, Donghyuck, Lucas and Renjun.
Very suspicious.
Mark gets Santa and the next person to him must takes their turn in his lap.
And guess who is.
Everything happens in slow-motion to Mark. The way Donghyuck stands up and gets closer to him. Asking him if this is okay.
I think the fuck no. There’s no way I’m okay with this but I want you closer to me because this might be the only change I get to have you in my arms.
Mark nods, opening his legs so Donghyuck can sit between them. He gulps, trying to keep his shit together and not make this more awkward (if the way his hands are moving around trying to find a spot to put them are any indication of it). Especially, since this closeness allows Mark to smell him.
The familiar honey and sun smell he hangs around every time they talk. It makes him think of them laughing in Jeno’s living room, their knees touching under the table while his friends talk, their shoulders touching when they walk together to the bus stop-
“T-swift.” Reads Donghyuck in front of him. “This one is easy because I have never been in a relationship.”
“You’re so hopeless, one day you’ll find love.” Says Jaemin, giving him a meaningful look. Donghyuck just shrugs and takes a drink.
“Not gonna happen, relationships sucks. Holding hands and stuff gross the fuck outta me.” Donghyuck states bitterly.
Those words are like knifes to Mark’s heart, cutting through his beliefs of love. Mark is not naïve, he knows there’s no such a thing as true love, but he wants to have a bite of it. He shifts uncomfortable in his seat and clears his throat.
“I need to go the bathroom.”
“Are you ‘kay?” Donghyuck whispers, moving sideways to look at Mark.
And everything seems small and hot in the room, and he really wants to get out. He doesn’t turn back when gets out of the house. He looks for his phone to call an uber, but drops his phone again in his pocket. For some reason he wants to walk, in the middle of the night.
“Hey!” The sound of shoes tapping the pavement. “Mark!”
Mark stops in his tracks, not daring to look back. Donghyuck is now next to him, a tinge of disappointment in his eyes.
“Why would you leave without saying goodbye?” Behind his jokingly tone, Mark can sense Dongyuck’s distress, as his lips make a pout. Just the gesture makes him feel like jelly.
“Oh, fuck off.” Scoffs Mark. “I just needed fresh air, I’ll be back in a while.”
“Why so?”
“Why so what?” Deadpans Mark.
Donghyuck’s head tilts to the side, looking at him with those caramel eyes. After a silence, his eyes crack open. “Are you, perhaps… Did you…. Did I turn you on?”
Silence.
“That’s why you’re not looking at me?”
Mark needs to wash his converse before digging a hole and die right there.
“Oh sweet jesus!” Donghyuck laughs long and louder, making Mark more embarrassed that he can be. Mark puts his hands in his face and stays still. Donghyuck takes one step closer, the tips of their shoes touching. “So you had it all in you, uh?”
“Oh, please shut up.” Hisses Mark between his fingers. Donghyuck takes them away, reaching out a hand to tilt the elder’s chin so their eyes would meet.
“Mark.”
“What.”
“Talk dirty to me.” Donghyuck grins wickedly, pushing Mark to the nearest tree.
Mark feels his body burning as his heart beat goes haywire. Mark wants to mock him or tease him, literally anything, but all the normal conversational areas of his brain are muted, his brain screaming in high-pitched tones. It doesn’t help the fact that he’s drunk and Donghyuck’s too. The last one, getting so closer that Mark can feel his breath in his neck, sending a shiver down his spine.
“Talk dirty to me.” Hiccups Donghyuck this time leaning closer to his ear.
Mark gulps, his head feeling dizzy at the whole situation. But he wants to speak, to tell him something, to release a bit the fierceness of his feelings. So he takes Donghyuck’s fingers and interlocks them together.
“I think I’m gonna love you for a long long time.”
Donghyuck stares at him before laughing nervously.
Mark continues. “That day when you smiled at me, I had no choice but to love you.”
Donghyuck frowns his eyebrows, giving him a questioning look. “Wait Mark-”
Mark feels his chest burning and sweat starts to run in his temples. He feels a rush of energy that makes him stumble in his next words.
“I love you so fiercely that all the love and sappy poems make me think of you.”
Donghyuck no longer thinks this is funny. “Okay, you’re drunk-”
“Yes, I’m drunk,” interrupts Mark, staring at him now with a gently expression, like he was an open book Donghyuck should read. “But even when I’m like this I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Donghyuck gulps loudly, letting out a shaky breath. “Mark…”
“I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s driving me nuts. And I know I’m drunk and you won’t take this seriously, but do you really think I can say this sober because-”
Donghyuck takes Mark by surprise before he leans in to kiss the other one. Mark stills at first surprised, but a moment later, he’s taking Donghyuck’s face in his hands, one cupping his cheek while the other one trails them up to the back of his neck. The kiss is slow and soothing at first, the both of them too shy to do more. Mark gets the courage and moves to kiss along Donghyuck’s jaw, down his neck, sucking the bare skin while Donghyuck tilts his head for a better access. He kisses him way back to his lips, nibbling the other’s lower lip, taking it between his teeth and sucking it, obtaining a sharp gasp escaping Donghyuck’s lips.
“Do you write about me?” Donghyuck ask, pulling away. The gaze makes Mark melt like a popsicle in summer; his lips are swollen, checks flushed, hair messy, inviting Mark to brush it again.
“All the time.” He leans for a kiss. “About your moles.” Kiss. “About our roads home.” Another kiss. “Words make sense since I meet you.”
“Why?” Donghyuck’s voice small, like it was about to break at any minute.
“Why what?” Mark tries to look for the youngest gaze, to look at him in the eyes and find what’s worrying him.
“Why me?” Donghyuck shivers, his eyes starting to get watery. “I’m not pretty or good at anything besides my Business classes and even there, I’m average. Why me? When there are other girls and guys that would be dying to date you? Why me when I’m the one that doesn’t believe in love? Why me when you could be with someone better?”
At this point Donghyuck has tears streaming down his face and Mark wants to wipe them off but he suspects Donghyuck itself hasn’t realized about it. He opts to hug him, taking his waist to get him closer, his chin resting in his shoulder. Donghyuck snuggles in his chest, burying his face in his jacket.
“I don’t know either. But it’s not the way you look, it’s been always the way you are. I could have fallen with you with my eyes closed, Donghyuck.” He whispers, making Donghyuck feel on cloud nine.
“Damn it, Donghyuck, it’s never been about looks with you. But I’m open to discuss how much I think about your tanned skin, with those amazing legs, your beautiful rounded caramel eyes and that moles that I want to kiss every time.”
Donghyuck pinches his stomach, but Mark can feel the smile that’s tugging in his lips. He kiss the top of his head, his eyes meeting, making the mood around them feeling so thin; if Mark made a mistake in his next words it would be a catastrophe.
“I want to enjoy the loneliness with you. I want to listen to the silence together. I want to write about you and me together in an ‘us’. We will be a love poem, a love song. I’ll hold you together and you’ll do the same to me. We can learn together to love.”
Donghyuck’s still, taken back, trying to capture every little word Mark said so he could keep it close in his heart. He wants to give up and kiss that dumb face away from Mark, but he’s scared. He’s scared because everything has an ending and he’s scared he’ll be more broken than he is already. He’s scared because he hates being vulnerable and trust comes difficult to him (but little did he know Mark could read him like every other book he has read.)
“I’m scared… I’m scared I won’t be enough.” Confesses Donghyuck.
Mark nods, cupping Donghyuck’s face. “I know the hardest person to love is yourself. But we can try it.”
Donghyuck lands a soft peck in the other’s lips. “I want to write about you too.”
“You do?”
“Yes.”
Mark kisses him again, this time softer, caressing his face, landing a lazy finger in his cheekbones down to his jaw, now tilting his head to one side so Mark could kiss him better.
“I like you.” Donghyuck whispers between kisses. “I’m sorry I said those things later. I regret them all.”
“Which ones?” Mark talks in his neck, his lips kissing his moles.
“Holding hands doesn’t gross me out. It’s actually a good feeling.” He lets a chuckle out. “Like I’m yours and you’re mine.”
“In fact, hold my hand tight and never let it go.”
Donghyuck looks beautiful in the moonlight, even more beautiful with his lips swollen, his eyes shining from the unshed tears, his cheeks flushed in a tint pink. But like Mark said, it’s never been about looks. He read once you can’t look into someone’s soul and not fall in love with them.
He thinks he’s trapped for eternity in Donghyuck’s.
“Promise?” He asks.
Donghyuck rolls his eyes, but answers sweetly. “Promise.”
