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Dennis nearly jumps a foot into the air from his spot on the couch when Mac comes storming into the apartment, slamming the door so hard behind him that the picture frames rattle. Mac angrily makes his way from the front door to the kitchen.
“Fuck!” Mac yells before kicking a chair that lands with a crash onto the tiled kitchen floor.
Mac’s face is an unnatural shade of red and his hair is sticking up everywhere, probably from running his hands through it in the way he always does when he’s upset or stressed, Dennis thinks to himself. Mac’s back slides down the kitchen counter until he’s settled onto the ground, knees drawn up against his chest, Dennis can see a few tears trickling down Mac’s cheeks.
Dennis silently gets up from his spot on the couch and turns off the TV, he creeps as quietly as he can into the kitchen and sits down on the floor next to his best friend. They don’t say anything for a couple of minutes, they just sit there and listen to each other’s breathing. After the silence grows so thick that it becomes unbearable, Dennis tentatively places one hand onto Mac’s knee and when Mac looks up from the space on the floor that had been consuming all of his focus and into Dennis’ eyes, Dennis feels like he should finally say something, anything.
“What happened? Are you okay man? You seem kind of… panicky” Dennis questions, hesitant. He doesn’t know why Mac is upset but he knows Mac is a very sensitive person so he doesn’t want to set him off again.
Mac’s eyes crinkle up in confusion. “Why do you care? Nobody gives a shit about me Dennis not even, no, especially you. So why even pretend that you want to know” Mac says. The words are angry but he seems more wounded than anything. Mac shifts away and lets Dennis’ hand fall, he stands from his spot on the floor and makes a beeline for his room while running his hands nervously through his hair.
Dennis feels like someone just threw cold water on him. He knows that he can be mean, sometimes even borderline cruel to all of his friends (Mac included), but how can Mac (his Mac) think that Dennis doesn’t give a shit? Dennis is the one who takes care of Mac when he’s sick, he’s the one who listens to Mac’s incessant bitching at the end of a long day, and they’ve been best friends since high school for Christ’s sake, of course he cares.
Dennis takes a deep breath and hauls himself up from the floor of the kitchen, using the counter to steady himself. He walks to Mac’s door and knocks lightly, when he doesn’t get a response he opens the door slightly and peaks in. Dennis’ heart sinks, Mac’s all wrapped up in a comforter and his back is facing Dennis but Dennis can still catch the unmistakable shaking of Mac’s shoulders.
Dennis slowly closes the door behind him as he enters Mac’s room. He sits down on the bed, and when Mac doesn’t protest he lays down fully beside him. Mac’s crying seems to have dissipated a bit, like having Dennis in the room was enough to ease his suffering at least a little bit.
“What happened?” Dennis whispers quietly, not daring to do or say any more or any less.
Mac sighs deeply, “I went to see my dad today” Mac says. Mac still has his back facing Dennis as he speaks.
Realization dawns in Dennis’ mind, of course Mac went to see his Dad today. Mac always comes home a little bit dejected at the best of times after seeing his father, and the worst of times look something like today.
“I told you man, you’ve got to stop letting him get to you. He’s a piece of shit who got locked up when you were a little kid Mac! He doesn’t even know you well enough to be able to pass judgement” Dennis says. Dennis doesn’t mean to get angry but he always feels his insides bubble in anger whenever he hears Luther’s name. Luther hurts Mac, so Dennis despises him and Dennis wishes that Mac could understand that he’s just trying to protect him when he tells him that Luther’s not a good person.
Now Mac rolls over until his and Dennis’ eyes meet, Mac’s dark brown eyes are still full of hurt but Dennis can see the anger sparking.
“He’s not a piece of shit Dennis! He’s my dad, how can you not get that? I just wanted him and I to reconnect, to have some kind of conversation but of course he blew me off and was a dick as usual. I just want to know why I’m not good enough for anyone” Mac says and draws into himself (and his cocoon of blankets) further during the tail end of his sentence.
Dennis sighs and moves closer, he plays with Mac’s hair softly as he speaks, trying to choose his words carefully for once in his life.
“That’s not true, you’re good enough for me Mac. You’re good enough for the gang, for Dee, for Charlie, for Frank, hell you’re too good to be hanging out with us” Dennis says and lets his fingers to continue their slow rake through Mac’s messy hair, smoothing it out.
“My parents, the people who are the reason I even exist still don’t give a flying fuck about me Dennis. Also, if I’m good enough for you then why don’t we ever talk about it?” Mac says all of this quietly, almost whispering his last question. The fingers in Mac’s hair freeze and Dennis goes still.
“Fuck your parents Mac, they don’t deserve you. And what do you mean, what do we not talk about?” Dennis asks, trying to play off his demeanor as confused.
“Us. We never talk about us Dennis. I mean I know we’re best buds of whatever and we’re roommates but you know what I mean. All those times we’ve made out, hell, done more than that. The way that we’re so fucking codependent that we can’t be away from each other for more than a few hours at a time, the monthly dinners, the way we always stand so close? Hell, I told you that I fucking loved you and we’ve never had so much as a conversation about it. Why?” Mac asks, he sounds like he’s running out of energy with every word that passes his lips and it makes something in Dennis’ chest crumple up.
“Mac, I didn’t think that you wanted to talk about it. With all that religious shit you’ve always been into, plus I thought that was just our dynamic. I mean what we’ve got is pretty good right? We’re best friends but we also come home to each other and check in and stuff. What’s so bad about that?” Dennis asks, his fingers have resumed their twirling through strands of Mac’s hair.
“There’s nothing bad about it Dennis. I just thought you might be like embarrassed of me and stuff. I just, I don’t know, with all of my Dad’s shit coming down on me today it just made me feel really shitty and whenever I’m around him it makes me feel like worthless or something” Mac trails off and he finally peaks his head out from underneath the mound of blankets that he has been hiding in.
“You are not worthless Mac” Dennis says as wipes away the tears with the back of his thumb.
Mac doesn’t say anything but he scoots himself a little closer and lifts up his arm, inviting Dennis to join him under the covers. Dennis wordlessly climbs into Mac’s warmth and wraps his small arms around Mac’s waist. Usually Mac is the one holding Dennis close after he has a meltdown, but he kind of likes being the anchor that holds Mac in place.
They lay like that for a while and Dennis smiles as Mac falls asleep on his chest. Dennis drifts off soon thereafter, thinking that they may be notoriously fucked up but at least they’re in it together.