Chapter Text
“Where is Shiro?”
“Have you seen Shiro in the past few days?”
“Hey, did you talk to Shiro?”
“Do you know what Shiro is doing?”
These questions are starting to drive Keith crazy. It seems like everyone at the Garrison thinks he is the one that would know about Shiro’s behaviors. He can’t deny their close relationship, however he would wish for people to stop being so intrusive.
To find some peace, Keith wishes he could go get the black lion and go for a practice fly. However, since they have finally taken back the earth from the Galra invasion, scientists from the Garrison have been working with Allura to try to build new ships. Which means studying the lions.
So instead he hangs out near the room they reserved for training most of the time. This is where he realised people would talk less to him. It isn’t that Keith doesn’t want to discuss with anyone, but most of them would ask about Shiro at some point and it would grate on his nerves.
As he is escaping the shower he nods to Pidge’s brother as he heads off to the training room. They don’t truly talk, but they do acknowledge and respect each other. After all they had to work together as a member of the Blade of Marmora and of the Resistance. Keith can still hear clearly Matt’s voice in his head screaming for him to not sacrifice himself.
He sighs as he finishes to dress. Shiro hasn’t been around for days now, and with the position of power he acquired himself, nobody truly dared bothering him. They all knew he was in his room, which at least meant his life wasn’t in danger, but the man with the robotic arm didn’t truly give signs of life either.
“Hey Keith!” Resonate Lance’s voice behind him. “Do you know…” Before the Cuban boy can even finish his sentence, Keith turns around and glare at him, his tempter finally flaring up.
“I don’t know where is Shiro! I am not his babysitter and you can all go check by yourself!” He raises his arms in the air in despair, and starts walking past Lance when he raises his hands in front of himself in a defense gesture.
“Woah, Calm down. I was just about to ask if you have seen Matt because Pidge wanted to show him something in Killbot Phantasm I.” He raises an eyebrow at Keith. “No need to get so much on your defenses, but now that you mentioned it, where is Shiro?”
The pilot of the black lion makes a loud frustrated growl before he gets out of the locker room, leaving Lance alone and confused there. Knowing him, he will just say something about Keith’s lack of skills in communication and continue to search for Matt.
If Keith was truly honest with himself, maybe the reason why everyone asking him annoys him, is because he doesn’t know himself what is happening. One day their leader was out, smiling and being serious when needed, guiding them. And the other, nobody could get a hold of him. Vanished in his own room without a word for anyone and a locked door.
Being the closest to Shiro, that might be why people expected him to actually know what it was all about. However, Keith has never been the best at positioning himself in other people’s shoes. It isn’t what he does. It is easier with Shiro sometimes, but at the same time, maybe Keith has a tendency to think the man can take anything on his shoulders without falling.
Before he can realise it, his feet had brought him to the Commemorative Hall. All over the wall, the names of the fallen soldier of this war that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Stronger than his will, Keith goes through the names, he doesn’t like when a visage appears in his memory linked with the name he reads. He has never been good with leaving people behind.
Finally his eyes land on the plate he was searching for unconsciously.
Adam W.
His heart can’t help but squeeze in his chest. It isn’t that he knew him that much, but at the same time, he was Shiro’s lover. Which mean they did spend time together when he was younger, before the Kerberos mission came in and destroyed the relationship Shiro had actually taken time to build.
Keith remembers the first time he actually met Adam. He thought the man was imposing, and also a teacher. Which obviously, with how he was as a youngster, didn’t sit that well with him at the time. Every figure of authority had a way to get on his nerves after all.
Weirdly enough, Shiro seemed really soft compared to how harsh Adam looked like. Keith wouldn’t have pictured them together, but if it was making his mentor happy and complete, than he had nothing to say against it. Anyway, he still had time with him so it was all good.
However, now ton of events happened since this time. Keith got a lot older, matured, and Shiro lived through experiences people couldn’t even dream of. Which would be more of a nightmare than a dream.
But even if they lived through so much, Adam didn’t wait. And now what is left of him is only that commemorative plate, a name and some dates. Nothing for Shiro to cherish.
It hits Keith hard suddenly, to realise that Shiro doesn’t have anyone to lean on anymore. No one to look forward to, or to wait for. No one to share how he feels and what his hard on him.
Even in their mission, no matter how many times Keith had been the one to save the other. Shiro had been there to guide him and ask nothing in exchange.
Without a second thought, the black paladin turns around on his heels, and walks straight for the dorms.
***
Once Keith is in front of Shiro’s door, he realises he feels out of breath. Should he knock? People actually probably already tried to knock and got no answer or one of the other’s way to make people leave without thinking anything is wrong.
What if he knocks and Shiro refuses to see him? He didn’t try yet, thinking the other actually needed some time off and alone. However, now he feels worried and the lack of Shiro’s presence is starting to weight on his shoulders.
It reminds him a bit of the 2 years he spent on the back of a space whale with Krolia. Sometimes he would get lost in his thoughts, worrying about time going by. How was it outside? How were the Blades or the paladins? But more importantly, how was Shiro? It had haunted him, only training with his mother and actually learning how to get in synch with Kosmo kept him focus on his own goal.
The thought brings an idea to his mind. “Kosmo!” Keith is about to run to his own room, hoping to find his space wolf in there. However, before he can even walk more than 3 steps, Kosmo appears in front of him.
It makes him smile softly, as he leans forward to caress the beast behind his ears. “You knew I needed you?” This is the closest he had felt to a creature in a long time. “Can you help me?”
Without more words, Kosmo walks toward the door Keith was staring at and waits for his partner to be ready. It takes a few moments for the member of the Blades to take some deep breath, he doesn’t know how will be the man he craves to see, but he knows it isn’t going to be joyful.
“I need to do this.” With a assured gesture he puts his hand on Kosmo’s fur, and they both suddenly disappear from the corridor. Once the weird sensation is gone, Keith can finally look around, but there is nothing to be seen as the room is pitch black.
Without him being able to get his bearings, he feels someone move abruptly where the bed probably should be. “Shiro, it’s me.” Keith says in a hurry, not wanting any fight happening. He didn’t expect darkness to surround them when he decided to use Kosmo’s power.
The sheet sound stops in a second, and Keith hesitates before moving.
“Keith?”
Suddenly, his heart stops. The voice is so weak and unlike what he is used to. It gets strongly under his skin and makes him move without thinking. Soon enough, he feels the mattress under his knees sinking softly. His hands searching for the form of the most important person in his life.
“It’s me, hey.” He almost expects to have the other fight when he gets him in his arms, but Shiro doesn’t actually budge away. “You have been worrying people, you know?” He isn’t good at this, but he tries to keep his voice soft. If there is someone he usually doesn’t try to overthink his words with, it’s Shiro.
The older man’s breathing is heavy and messy, his fingers even clinging to Keith’s clothes in a way they almost never did.
“I… can’t.” Keith can almost picture the way Shiro closes his eyes at the revelation. It makes him hold tighter on the other. “Everything… it’s too much. I don’t know what I am aiming for anymore… it’s… there is nothing.” His voice breaks at the end and the black haired man feels a huge pull inside all of his members to protect the other.
“You aren’t alone Shiro.” He tries to keep his voice soft, but his usual sharpness is also present trying to be firm. On his thighs, Keith can feel the weight of the white haired man’s new human robotic arm. After being kidnapped, forced to fight, getting his arm cut to add a new one, getting stuck in the position of the leader of the only hope that can save the universe against the Galra, losing his own life, getting his soul forced into a clone, getting his arm cut again and another surgery to get a new one, after having lost the man maybe he wishes to go back to, who could blame Shiro to finally break down?
“We are all there for you. Every single one of us is worried for you because we care for you.” These words aren’t easy for Keith, but with the paladins, his friends, he learned the meaning of them a bit more. With Shiro, they are natural. “And... “ He hesitates, feeling like he is revealing too much of himself. “This isn’t the end, you have other opportunities, other… people that would like to fill in the blank.” His cheeks feel suddenly hot in the most inappropriate time.
Even if he feels he said too much, it seems to wake up something in Shiro as he raises his head that was resting on Keith’s chest. “It just… Keith it just feels like too much. It…” His voice is so weak and almost pleading. “I wouldn’t wish to anyone to get me in this state…” The undertone in this tells the youngest everything he needs to know in a way. Maybe hopes? But despair too flares up in his chest.
“I don’t know if I can still… act like if there is nothing.” Shiro says and the fact that he is opening so easily just proves it all to the other.
“Then don’t” The words are easily going out of him in a burst. “Just don’t” He isn’t always good to hide his tempter or how he is feeling himself. “Nobody asks you to be perfect. Be yourself, and if you break… I am here.”
He feels the man tenses up in his arms and he wishes he didn’t say anything wrong. The situation seems a bit precarious, and Keith is letting his feelings guide him in this.
“It just seems all so dark, Keith…” It seems like Shiro’s tired way to say he doesn’t want to impose himself on anyone. A bit of a demand to be let to sink.
Which he won’t let happen without doing anything. “If you allow me in…” He takes a deep breath, and now that he sees better in the obscurity he raises Shiro’s chin up so he can also look at him. “I can’t promise you to bring you back to light. I wish I could, but I don’t think this is where I belong… but… if you let me, I’ll hold your hand in the darkness and I won’t let you go, so you don’t get lost.” He pauses. “So we don’t get lost, and if we do, it will be together.”
Keith heart beats so fast, he can almost only hear it in his ears mixed up with Shiro’s messy breathing. He isn’t sure what kind of answer he will get and it scares him to death. After a few minutes, all of his hopes seem to vanish and he is about to add something about finding someone else too, but then a pair of lips find his own. Warm and dry against his own wet ones.
His first response is to close his eyes and bask in the feeling, which end way too soon, followed by Shiro’s broken voice. “I don’t wish that for you.”
Even shaken by the sudden kiss, his palms feeling clammy he doesn’t let his resolution down. It burns even more strongly in his veins. “But I wish it for myself, and I am now old enough to decide.”
With this he brings the older man down into a laying down position, holding him close against him. “Sleep, tomorrow is another day and we will see what you can face at that moment.” Keith truly hopes he is doing this right, his feelings a mix of pain and joy mixed together.
It takes a few minutes for Shiro’s breathing finally to become slower. When he thinks the other is sleeping, Keith lets himself close his eyes in the embrace. He could rest too, it probably won’t be easy to deal with what will follow.
To his surprise, as he is almost dozing off, Shiro murmurs against his neck. “I… love you... Wait for me.”
Knowing of Shiro’s past, Keith can only hold him tighter.
“I am going nowhere, in light or darkness, I am with you.”