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It starts slow, slower than Sanghyuk is used to.
Hakyeon has piercing eyes, lined with thin lines of black eyeliner, and the way he looks at him from across the bar is nothing short of hungry.
His voice is smoother than honey when he compliments Sanghyuk for his appearance, nonchalant and confident when he asks for his number.
Sanghyuk, on the other hand, is unusually stuttering as he answers the man's words, marveling at the way Hakyeon's eyes look blue under the lights of the club.
He feels giddy for the rest of the day, so much that Hongbin teases him all the way to Jaehwan's apartment, but he doesn't care. Remembering the look in his eyes made him shudder in desire.
Hakyeon calls him the next afternoon and within a second it turns from awkward to fun, the man's voice making Sanghyuk smile breathlessly. It turns out that they live pretty close by, and decide to meet in a small coffee shop about halfway between their apartments to meet face to face.
Hakyeon shows up in a loose black shirt, and he looks so broad but casual that Sanghyuk almost screams. His smile isn't as predatory as it was last night, instead it's warmer, welcoming.
They sit in a table by the windows, and Sanghyuk lets the other order some pastries for him because Hakyeon claims he's a usual in this particular coffee shop. And it seems to be true, evident by the friendly smile the waitress flashes him when he orders.
Sanghyuk hums loudly at the first bite of a raspberry-filled pastry, earning a satisfied laugh from Hakyeon. They eat while they talk, and it takes a full hour before they bother leaving.
Hakyeon tells him about his job as a photographer, about all kinds of funny experiences he had over many collaborations with different companies and studios. Sanghyuk is mesmerized when he learns thay he once shot for his favorite fashion brand, and feels almost bad that he doesn't have this kind of interesting occupation to talk about.
But Hakyeon doesn't seem to mind, and he coaxes out stories about Sanghyuk's current semester as an Architecture student, and even about his absolutely boring part time job at the local library.
Hakyeon walks him to campus since he has an advanced maths class that afternoon, and he parts with the request to text him later and a teasing touch on Sanghyuk's forearm.
Needless to say, Sanghyuk is too fazed to care about equations that day.
From there on, it goes smoothly.
They start meeting up every other day, going on dates ranging from simple walks in the park to middle-of-the-night raves in small clubs.
Hakyeon is endlessly interesting and fun, with a wide personality that never fails to entertain Sanghyuk. Sometimes he's a mom, nagging Sanghyuk to dress properly so that he doesn't get cold and making the occasional homemade dinner. Sometimes he's an absolute dork, dancing lightly like he's a pop star, posing like a model. Sometimes he's a sexy demon, but that one's reserved for when they're getting drunk on unauthorized liquor in shady nightclubs.
On their date to a small amusement park Sanghyuk wins a peach-shaped plushie in a shooting game and gives it to Hakyeon, who smiles widely and clutches it for the rest if the day. They kiss for the first time on the top of the ferris wheel, giggling and entwining their fingers like one of those overly-touchy couples that used to make Sanghyuk gag.
They fall into a comfortable, satisfying relationship.
In the few months that pass since their first date, they already know the route to each other's apartments by heart and freely roam through each other's refrigerators. They stay the night because why not, and stay up watching horror movies that make the both of them hide under the blankets and shriek at every jumpscare. One time Sanghyuk wakes up after a late night full of popcorn and movies, and finds his boyfriend cooking breakfast without a shirt. That's when he knows he's absolutely whipped.
But one thing becomes an issue as times passes by, an issue Sanghyuk has never had in any relationship he was in before.
It's been months, and they haven't had sex yet.
He never brings it up as a full conversation, but it's clear that Hakyeon has some kind of issue with the whole concept.
They kiss all the time and that leads to frequent makeouts on the sofa. Sometimes their makeout sessions turn a bit heavy but Hakyeon always pulls away before it becomes too heated, finding excuses to get away from the situation. Sanghyuk feels frustrated.
He finally brings it up one summer morning.
Neither of them have any plans for the day so they wake up late, Hakyeon resting in Sanghyuk's arms peacefully.
Sanghyuk's morning wood is getting annoyed by the evident lack of action, and he decides to give it another try.
"Hakyeonnie," he whispers into his boyfriend's hair, hugging him from behind.
Hakyeon chuckles and curls closer, the perfect tiny spoon he is.
Sanghyuk brings him closer and trails kisses down the other's shoulder, running a teasing hand down his side and pressing his fingers into the soft flesh of his hip, feeling Hakyeon shudder.
The moment his hand tries to move lower, Hakyeon stops him with a firm tug on his wrist and inches away. Sanghyuk feels his heart sinking, as it, does whenever this happens, but he decides that it's time to hear what the hell is the matter.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," the lie is evident in Hakyeon's voice.
"Be honest with me. Please."
Hakyeon turns slowly around and they're face to face, hands buried in the light covers. His face, beautiful and chiseled, is unsure and nervous.
"I don't understand why you're always pulling away whenever it gets anywhere farther than kissing and stuff like that," he pauses. "I want you, and- and if you don't want me, just tell me so I can know."
"It's not that," Hakyeon sounds unusually coy. "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."
"Then what is it?"
Hakyeon flushes, seeming anxious. It takes him another second to answer.
"I... I've never done this before. With a man. Ever. And I want to, I mean, with you. Really. But every time it gets too much and I start getting anxious and I panic, and... And."
Sanghyuk stares at him for a long moment.
"You're nervous because you've never been with a man before? Because I don't care about that. I can handle it. I can teach you, I'll be slow about this."
Hakyeon exhales slowly, averting his eyes. "It's not just that. It's just... Well, you know how I'm not in touch with my family. But the reason is that they didn't accept me, because they found out I like men. They screamed at me when they caught me kissing a boy. Pretty much kicked me out on the spot and I haven't seen them or spoke to them since."
Sanghyuk stares.
"Since then I tried to get over everything, I dated men but every time we get too close to sex, I see my parents again, shouting at me because I'm a worthless faggot that shouldn't be alive."
"Hakyeon..."
"So, umm, that's it, I think." Hakyeon lets out a lifeless laugh. "I never told that to anyone before. Everyone until now just left when they realized I can't give them this thing that they need so badly."
Sanghyuk looks at him for another long moment, at the vulnerable expression on his boyfriend's face, and he feels himself boiling with anger at every person who had ever hurt this man before.
"It's okay."
Hakyeon looks at him with surprise.
"It's okay. I mean, of course I want sex, everyone wants that. I want you, obviously, I mean, have you seen yourself? You're a snack. But I don't just want you. I want... you. I think that I'd rather date you, and hug you, and hold your hand, without going any further, rather than not have you at all. And wether you'll ever feel like you can get to this step without feeling bad, I want to be with you."
Hakyeon crawls closer to him and buries his face in Sanghyuk's chest. Sanghyuk holds him tight as he cries, spewing choked-out 'thank you's and small sobs, caressing Hakyeon's hair as softly as he can. He's not as calming as his boyfriend, doesn't have nearly as much empathy and compassion, but he decides to do his best to make sure Hakyeon never, ever, feels insecure again.
"Sorry," Hakyeon says once he stops crying, wiping his eyes furiously and clearing his throat.
"Don't be," Sanghyuk assures him. "I'll be with you, every step."
Hakyeon smiles at him, wide and teary and clear. "Every step."