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Shepard watches Udina carefully. She had never truly trusted the man; something about him always made her skin crawl. Now that he was in the room with a vulnerable Kaidan, she felt a surge of protectiveness over her friend, and one-time lover. Rhys steps in, quickly making her presence known. Udina finishes his sentence, requesting an answer from Kaidan, before turning to acknowledge Shepard.
When Udina is gone, Rhys sits next to Kaidan’s bed, asking about his well-being, then about whether he has decided on taking the Spectre position.
They fall into conversation easily, for the most part, and Rhys is grateful they are able to put their past behind them, and move forward with their lives. Truly, she wants Kaidan to be happy, but Rhys is certain that happiness wouldn’t come from her.
Once there is a lull in conversation, Rhys asks Kaidan what else is on his mind; though they hadn’t spent much time together since her mission to defeat the Collectors, she knows him well enough to be able to tell something is weighing on him.
“I heard something about you and some assassin,” Kaidan trails off, waiting for a response.
Rhys sighs heavily, pulling her hands over her face. “Kaidan, look. During the mission to stop Saren and the geth, I enjoyed what we had, but in retrospect, I don’t think I felt the same about you as you felt for me. You were the first person with whom I entertained the thought of a relationship after Alistair died, and I wanted it to work out. When I woke up after Cerberus rebuilt me, I thought about you often. I wanted you to be okay, to be happy. I didn’t reach out after waking up because I knew it would be painful for you, and I wanted to avoid that.
“The Illusive Man told me you were going to be on Horizon, and I was hoping it would go smoothly. Obviously, it didn’t, and that’s okay. I don’t blame you for your reaction. I don’t blame you for being upset, hell, I would have been upset too. Reading your message about going out for drinks with that doctor only solidified things for me. I want what’s best for you, Kaidan.”
He shifts uncomfortably in the bed, asking for more of an explanation by his stare.
“As for the assassin, yes, there is something between us. He and I have been through similar kinds of loss, and it provided a common ground for us to connect. Due to a terminal illness, he doesn’t have a lot of time left, but that doesn’t change how I feel about him. I never meant to hurt you, Kaidan, but I don’t think…”
Rhys trails off, seeing the pain on Kaidan’s face. She knows there aren’t any more words she could say to ease the pain of what she just told him, so she starts to stand.
“Maybe I should go.”
Kaidan reaches for her, and grabs her hand.
“Shepard,” his voice cracks, “seeing you alive sent my head spinning. I handled it badly. I’ll own that.” He sits up slightly, adjusting his hold on her hand. “Just know that for me, there isn’t anyone else. And, I still care.”
Rhys nods once, sliding her hand out of his. The gesture of holding hands is very specific between her and Thane, so allowing Kaidan to hold her hand almost feels like a betrayal.
“Feel like we’ve cleared the air?” Shepard folds her arms, moving to the foot of the bed.
“You know, I may not have been wrong about Cerberus, but I have been wrong about you.” A sly smile pulls at the corners of Kaidan’s mouth, and Rhys returns the expression. “I should let you get back to the Normandy.”
Rhys walks to the door, and turns to bid farewell. “Take care of yourself, Kaidan. We need you at a hundred percent.” With that, she leaves the room.
About a week or so later, Rhys returns to the Citadel to visit Thane while she can. Kaidan is well enough to be up and around, so he goes to the Patient Lounge, hoping to find a chair near the window to give him a respite from the glum surroundings of his room.
He is surprised to see Rhys sitting near the drell he had come to be acquainted with. The two spoke frequently, and Kaidan appreciated his company. Tannor had a way of communicating his thoughts eloquently, but not without emotion. They had recounted tales of grand adventures, and Kaidan always found it fascinating when Tannor would slip into a memory. Kaidan found that the drell had many memories of a strong, fierce, red-headed woman on a glorious quest to defeat an enemy far greater than themselves. Kaidan thought it strange, the parallels between the drell’s journey and his own.
In a way, he felt as though he shouldn’t have been surprised to see Shepard in Tannor’s arms. He took a few minutes to bring his temper under control, then walked to the couple, watching as they converse, the way Shepard’s face lights up when she speaks to the drell.
“Shepard?” Kaidan asks, his voice sounding nearly separate from his body. She looks beyond her drell companion, and her smile widens slightly.
“Kaidan, I’m surprised to see you up and around. I’m glad you’re feeling better.” Stepping to him, she places a hand to his shoulder in a friendly way.
Kaidan can’t return the light mood. “Would you like to explain what’s going on here, Shepard?” Kaidan moves to glare at Tannor, who steps forward, holding Rhys’ hand.
“Kaidan, I can explain.” Thane coughs slightly, and Rhys immediately turns to him, making herself available to help in any way. As soon as he gets his composure, he stands up straight, looking at Kaidan with confidence.
“My real name is Thane, Tannor is an alias used to keep my location safe. Being an assassin for twenty-eight years has made a large reputation for me, and in my condition, it is not wise to be in a hospital under my real name. I hope you can understand.
“The memories I’ve recounted to you have been with none other that our Commander Shepard here,” he turns to her and smiles, the love in his eyes like a dagger to Kaidan. “I was honored to be a part of her team during her attack on the Collector base.”
Rhys steps into the conversation, hoping to help the situation. “This is the assassin I told you about, Kaidan. The one who has experienced great loss, the one--”
“The one you fell so madly in love with?” Kaidan interrupts. He is angry with them both. He feels betrayed by both of them; Shepard betrayed his heart, the drell his friendship. Kaidan directs his attention to the drell again. “And you feel the same, I’m guessing?”
Thane nods once, squeezing Rhys’ hand slightly. “Yes, more than anything. She has woken me from my battle-sleep, and given me more reasons to live within the last year than I’ve had in the last ten years. How could one not love her for that?”
Kaidan turns his back on the duo, again trying to reign his temper.
“I can’t split myself in half, Kaidan,” Shepard almost whispers. “I know how you felt about me once, and I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us. But I’ve decided where my heart is, and it’s with Thane. I adore you, and appreciate you so much for everything you’ve done for me, but I don’t think anything beyond friendship is in our future.” She sighs. “I’m sorry.” Rhys kisses the back of Thane’s hand before continuing. “I should go, but take care of him. And yourself.” In a low whisper, hoping Kaidan won’t hear, she tells Thane, “I love you.” Despite the heaviness of the circumstances, she feels as though she needs to tell him any time she sees him, in case it’s the last time.
With that, she leaves the hospital, returning to her quest.
“Kaidan, my friend, please understand I didn’t tell you because I hoped she would have explained everything. I’m nearing the end of my life, it is not the time to be possessive or petty. Had she chosen you, it would have changed nothing about our friendship.
An orderly approaches Thane, and reminds him it is time for his treatment. He claps Kaidan on the shoulder lightly before leaving. Kaidan doesn’t acknowledge the drell before returning to his own room.
Upon entrance to his room, Kaidan sits on the bed, feeling defeated. Had he only known that is was this particular drell, maybe he wouldn’t have come to care for him so much. Truth be told, Kaidan appreciates Tannor--no, Thane’s presence during his recuperation. Besides, what would be different if he did know? It’s not as though Kaidan can change the direction of Shepard’s affections. She made it clear to him the last time she visited that the possibility of anything more between them is not a possibility at all.
With a heavy sigh, Kaidan makes a decision; he will take the Spectre position offered to him, and he will still love Shepard through this war. If what she told him about Thane is right, the drell doesn’t have much time left to live, and surely her heart will be broken at his passing. He promises to be there for her if she needs him.
It is a difficult promise to make in the moment, but he feels as though it will come to be an important one.