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Aw, man. I can't believe I've actually stared death in the face. For real. I've seen God. The Big Man himself. And not only are we already best buds but He also actually confirmed that Tom Jones is my dad! And he let me go back to Earth so I could keep fighting with the team! God must really like me. I mean, He did say He wishes I was His son. Doc says I "hallucinated before brain death and it was only by some miracle that I regained consciousness" but I know that it was more than just "some miracle." God and I are pals. End of story.
Man, Miss Pauling really knows how to stick it to a dying guy. That guy tried to kill my friends. When I showed up with Heavy and saw Miss Pauling standing there, I could tell there was something different about her. I had no idea it was because she'd lost most of her blood and was also covered in it. That's when I saw doc runnin' around with a bucket full of blood and pouring it into people. Hey, that guy might be pretty nuts, but as long as it works and he keeps us alive, we mostly try not to question his methods.
Anyway, Miss Pauling is way tougher than I thought. I had no idea how good she is at filling a guy's last moments with threatening words. I gotta go tell her.
I go up to Miss Pauling just as I hear Spy saying "You're getting very good at saying horrible things to dying men, Miss Pauling." Oh no you ain't, Fancy Pants! Those were my thoughts exactly! You might be a lady killer, but you ain't killin' this lady!
I hear her respond. "I know, right?"
Ugh. Okay, here goes nothin':
"Hehey there, Miss Pauling!"
"Oh, hey, Scout." Okay. Less than thrilled to see me again. Easily fixed though!
"Uh, did... did you know that I just died earlier?"
"Oh, really?" See, now she's interested.
"Yeh, and I actually saw God. Oh, Miss Pauling, heaven is the best! They got three foosball tables! Three! Oh, and also Tom Jones is my dad."
"Um... okay?" What? 'Okay?' How is she not more excited or impressed by this?
"Miss Pauling. I died! I was swarmed by a buncha robots and I took out some of 'em, well, a lot of them, really, but one of 'em got a couple lucky swings in... then I started feelin' real tired and suddenly I was in heaven! ... Say, Miss Pauling? Remember when I said we should go somewhere 'less naked'? Why didn'tcha come with me? I saw the way you talked to that dead guy, and I seen you fight. I know for a fact that you woulda been able to help me take down all of those robots, no problem."
She looks down at the phone in her hand. "I'm sorry, Scout, and thank you, but things got a little crazy over here. Soldier and Zhanna were naked and covered in honey, then all of a sudden I was covered in robots! Then I got a call from the Administrator, and she was not happy about the fact that the last of the australium is... well, up in space. Oh, oh! But I did find out where Engie is!"
What? Engie? Geez, I haven't seen that guy for months. "Well, where is he?" I ask.
"Well, see, I can't exactly say where... all I know is that he's with the Administrator."
Man, I honestly completely forgot about the Engineer. He mostly keeps to himself unless he's tellin' us stories around a bonfire after battles or doin' experiments with Doc. Oh man, when those two eggheads start workin' together, there ain't nothin' that can stop them. Not even bread tumors. Especially not bread tumors.
It sure woulda been nice to have Engie with us, though! I can't understand why he would need to be with the Big Boss Voice Lady. What could she possibly need him for that's more important than buildin' dispensers an' teleporters an' big guns?
Nah, too much to think about right now. I still got somethin' to say. I turn back to Miss Pauling.
"Well, anyway, I came over here to let you know that I think you're real tough and... well, I probably shoulda noticed it sooner... I mean-- I guess what I'm tryna say is...
Ya fight good."