Work Text:
Ashlyn Shepard valued professionalism. Raised a spacer with both parents serving in the Alliance military, she preferred structure and following the rules. It made life easier, gave everything a sense of place and security.
Eden Prime had thrown that out the window.
While it was an incredible honor to be the first human Spectre, it had actually not been what she had wanted. In truth, Shepard had been planning to stay in the Alliance, wanting to rise through the ranks like her parents before her. She envisioned a long, successful career before retiring, and even then she hoped to continue serving the Alliance as a consultant or ambassador.
This wasn’t like her.
She sighed heavily and put her head between her knees. If they made it back from Ilos without dying first, it would be a goddamned miracle to not be court-martialed. Disobeying Council orders, stealing an Alliance ship…
“Mother will kill me,” she said aloud with another heavy sigh.
“Well, that’s a comforting thought.”
Ashlyn started, and practically jumped to her feet. “Kaidan…!”
“Sorry, Commander. I didn’t mean to startle you,” he replied, holding up his hands in placating gesture.
She grimaced and turned away from him, crossing her arms across her chest. “I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve to be called that right now. I probably shouldn’t even be wearing my uniform.”
“Hey, don’t say that.”
She quirked a brow at him and began to list off the things they could be charged with, ticking off a finger with each one. “Disobeying orders, stealing the Normandy--which, I might add, is an Alliance prototype--technically assault on an politician, and technically kidnapping.” She fixed him with a slight glare. “Would you like to add anything else, Lieutenant?”
“Well, when you put it that way, we’re a damn good example of representing the best of humanity.”
“Kaidan…”
“My apologies, ma’am. Probably not the best time for jokes.”
Ashlyn fixed him with a slight glare, but then lowered her gaze and hugged herself once more. “I’m...still trying to convince myself that we’re doing the right thing, but I don’t think I believe it yet.”
“For the record, none of us would have followed your lead if we didn’t think you were doing the right thing, Commander. No one else listened to us, so we can’t really be faulted for what we’re doing, you know?”
“The brass probably won’t share your way of thinking, though.”
“One can hope,” he replied with a shrug, which drew a slight laugh from Ashlyn. He grinned a little at that before continuing, “I don’t know what we’ll run into on Ilos, but I want you to know...I’ve enjoyed serving under you, ma’am.”
“And I’ve been incredibly lucky to have you on my team, Lieutenant. You’re a good soldier, and I’m sorry to have dragged you into this mess.”
Something in his expression changed and Kaidan stepped up next to Ashlyn, reaching out to take her hands in his. “Commander...Ashlyn...Please understand that I mean this as more than an LT to their commanding officer. I...think about losing you and my chest feels tight. And even though the galaxy and everything in it will keep going...the only things that are important right now are you and me.”
She averted her gaze. “Kaidan...I appreciate the sentiment, but the last thing I want to be charged with is fraternization.”
“I know, I know. Normally, I wouldn’t even bring this up. But...I don’t know.” He sighed, giving her hands a tight squeeze. “Neither of us know how this will end. I suppose I just thought...Well, this may never happen again. Us, I mean.”
Ashlyn remained silent even as she brought her gaze back up to Kaidan’s, blue meeting hazel. Earnesty saturated his expression, a glimmer of hope in his eyes as he seemed to will her to understand that he was sincere. Under normal circumstances, she would never entertain the idea, no matter what he said. She valued her standing with the Alliance too much, had been terrified to lead him on the whole time they had been chasing after Saren. And yet here he stood, his heart on his sleeve.
...Fuck it.
“I think we’re well past the point of caring about regulation, Alenko,” she murmured. “How about you meet me in my cabin in a few minutes?”
A smirk tugged at the corner of Kaidan’s mouth. “Is that an order, Commander?”
She snorted, shaking her head. “Not in the slightest. More of a request. I just...I think you and I might have some things to talk about.” She then kissed his cheek and pulled away.
As soon as Ashlyn opened the door to let Kaidan in, his lips crashed against hers, clumsy and desperate. She blindly reached for the sensor on the door to close it again, before she reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer even as they began to shuffle towards the bed. When they hit the mattress, they broke apart for a moment, each of them gasping for air. Kaidan started planting kisses along her jaw and down her neck, his hands cold against her abdomen as he worked her T-shirt off.
She shivered and reached down to start doing the same, ignoring the part of her brain that kept trying to tell her this was a bad idea, this was going against all protocol, the last thing she should be doing on top of everything else was starting a relationship in the spur of the moment, she shouldn’t have encouraged him, and what would her mother--
Ashlyn moaned softly as Kaidan planted a soft kiss at the base of her neck.
“So...about that talk…?”
“Later,” she murmured. “Just you and me. That’s all that’s important right now, isn’t it?” she asked, echoing his own words back at him.
Kaidan laughed a little bit. “Yeah…You and me.” He smiled softly and kissed her.