Chapter Text
You had barely reached your first century when you met him, a much older, much more experienced person than yourself (at least in your eyes). While most were attracted to his elder brother, the crown prince Thor, his cunning and sharp-edged wit had always fascinated and enthralled you.
You, to your poor mother’s dismay, desired nothing more than to train and learn as a warrior, like the princes and their friends, most particularly Lady Sif. You were a disgrace to your noble family.
However, your father didn’t care much, in fact, he seemed a bit happy that his daughter, his only child, wanted to take a different route. It probably had to do with him always having wanted a son. Since he didn’t, you supposed he had to settle for a daughter acting like a son.
So he took you to the Allmother and Allfather, asking on your behalf. And, much to his and your surprise, the Allfather agreed without blinking and the Allmother, bless her beautiful soul, offered to give you your first lessons with a dagger. The Allmother herself!
After a few years, the Allmother had grown quite fond of you, but didn’t have much time to teach you, for you were learning quite swiftly and needed more substantial tutoring. Thus, she turned you over to the raven-haired prince himself, and the real fun began.
He pushed you, much more so than his mother, and at first you were intimidated, but you could tell he cared, truly cared, and deeply. And eventually, as you trained with him, you started talking, joking, even bantering with him. After a century spent together, you could confidently call him a friend and no one, not even your mother, would contradict you.
Once you were good enough to be called his equal, you wondered if you ought to cut off your training sessions with him since you didn’t think it proper to spar with a prince (him training you was a different thing altogether). So one day you had carelessly broached the subject of perhaps training with the Warriors Three instead, though they were often accompanied by Prince Thor. You secretly wanted to stay as his sparring partner though.
But then Loki’s eyes darkened and he replied, with great reluctance, that you may do as you please. And your heart swelled with joy at the thought that he didn’t want you to leave him, but he would rather you do what you wished. And so you stayed, much to the disapproval of the “proper” court ladies and noblemen. Especially to the disapproval of your uptight mother, though your father could not possibly have cared less.
Many in the palace, including Loki’s own brother, suspected that you were in a romantic relationship with him. The thought of having your friendship with Loki develop into something more made your stomach twist uncomfortably. After all, he did not see you like that. Even though you were of noble blood, you would offer little to the royal family. Your family was not as high up in the nobility as some, and you were quite unpopular among your peers. You had few friends besides him and perhaps Lady Sif.
But you didn’t care. In your mind, it was the quality of your friendships, not the quantity, that mattered most. Loki was your best friend. And you wouldn’t lose him, especially not from the pursuit of something more, a pursuit you surely did not want. You would be mocked and hated even more than you already were, but, most importantly, you would lose Loki because he surely didn’t feel the same as you. You couldn’t chance that.
After awhile, you became sick and stayed in bed for the better part of a week. Loki visited you frequently, and you teased him about missing your presence on the sparring grounds.
And then one day when you were better, you were running through the halls, ignoring all the familiar snickers and snide comments thrown your way by the court ladies, beaming as you raced to get to the sparring grounds. You had just seen one of the cruelest of the court ladies get publicly humiliated by trying to lie to the Allfather (stupid girl), and you were dying to tell Loki. You couldn’t wait to see his reaction.
But before you reached the sparring grounds, you happened to pass by some of the gardens and chance a glance at them, still smiling.
And then you almost tripped when you saw Loki, your beloved prince, grinning at and joking with a beautiful Vanir girl around the same age as you. She had lovely chestnut-colored hair and lightly tanned skin. And she looked right at home by his side. Loki turned, his back facing you and your heart almost stopped when you saw him lean down and… did he actually kiss her?!
In that moment, it was when you knew. You knew that you loved him, as surely as he did not love you. You loved his sleek black hair, his enrapturing green eyes, his elegant style, his flair for magic, his charming wit… you were completely enamored by him, and you hadn’t even known. You had been a complete and utter fool. You had been so blind to your own self. Turning sharply back on your heel, you left, forcing yourself not to look back.
You didn’t leave your room for the rest of the day. Sif noticed and came to talk to you, but you feigned tiredness from the lingering effects of the illness. Loki, you noted bitterly, didn’t come at all. He didn’t so much as ask a servant to give you a message.
Late the next morning, you were curled up in bed, trying and failing to get into one of your favorite stories, when a knock came at the door and you heard Loki calling from the other side.
Part of you wanted to ignore him, but you did not like putting things, especially conversations with people that were dear to you, off, so you climbed out of bed, grabbed some clothes, walked to your living room, and called a greeting to him as you hurriedly got dressed.
“Are you alright, (Y/N)? Sif told me you were still rather indisposed yesterday when she came to see you,” Loki said.
“I’m fine,”
There’s a brief pause, and you wonder if he’s left, though it would be strange for him to leave at this point in the conversation. But then he speaks again. “I am sorry I could not stop by yesterday. I sent a message through a maid but she must have forgotten to deliver it or gotten lost, I believe she was newly hired.”
“It’s fine, really, Loki. I’m good, great even. Much better than yesterday,”
“Will you let me in?” He asked.
You swallow. With the new revelation of your feelings for him, you were sure interaction with him would be awkward. Would he be able to sense your sentiments somehow? Was that possible? Your cheeks heating, you nodded, then cursed inwardly. He couldn’t see you nod. “You may come in, I suppose,”
The door slowly opened, and Loki stepped in, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. He frowned as he appraised you. “Your eyes look red,” He says.
“I couldn’t fall asleep,” It wasn’t a lie, you reasoned, since you’d been up all night tossing and turning, unable to divert your mind from a certain raven-haired prince.
“Sif made it quite clear that you were extraordinarily tired when she saw you yesterday.”
You grit your teeth. “I… couldn’t sleep after she left.”
“And why is that?”
“Nothing of import,” You reply, cheeks flushing slightly. Nothing of import indeed.
“Why do I get the feeling that you are hiding something from me? Darling, I am not called the god of lies for no reason,”
“Well maybe your lie detecting skills are getting rusty, how should I know?” You say, shrugging as if to emphasize your point. “You’re not perfect, however much you would like me to think so,”
“How could my skills possibly get rusty in this palace? It is a viper’s nest, full of liars and manipulators. I assure you, darling, there is not a day, indeed, sometimes not even an hour, that passes by without my needing to employ my lie detecting skills,”
You scoff. “Well, maybe you’re just having performance issues.” And… you’re back to teasing and bantering with him. It feels so familiar, and yet the familiarity only serves to pain you further, because it is the familiarity present between friends and nothing more. You were so screwed.
Loki cleared his throat. “I would love to further debate my lie detecting skills with you, but I am afraid I do not have time. There is another matter I must speak to you about before I take my leave,”
Take his leave to spend more time with the beautiful girl from the gardens, you think.
“You have been sick, so you may not know this, but the palace is hosting several guests. There will be a ball tonight in their honor.”
It could very well become a place for a betrothal, you muse. After all, the king keeps dropping hints that he wants his sons to marry. Prince Thor is under more pressure, but Loki isn’t completely under the radar. If he likes this mystery girl, he might very well propose. You have no idea how long he has known her. Though you are close to Loki, you are sure he keeps things from you. You certainly do.
“And I am expected to go, I suppose,” You say dully.
“If you are up to it. Are you certain-“
“I will go,” You interrupt him. If only so you can confirm to your poor heart what you suspect.
“Very well. I would advise you to not stay too late and to not drink any alcohol-“
“Yes, yes, Loki, I may not be as academically bright as you, but I am not stupid either. I will take it easy.”
“Alright. Remember, you are not required to go, so if you do not feel well, do not hesitate to stay back.”
Stay back and out of his way so his gorgeous lady will not be jealous. So his attention may remain on her, and her only.
“I’ll be fine,” You say quietly.