Work Text:
Jeongguk's hands tremble as he finishes reading the last sentence written on the diary he is currently holding.
His nonstop shivering, along with the silent tears running down his cheeks are the only visible signs of his heavy heart and the immense pain that overflows it.
Jeongguk shakes his head with surprising effort, noticing the spreading black ink of the words scribbled across, now blurred out by the thick stains of teardrops on the paper.
His fingers hesitantly turn the page, finding a new, blank one.
☆。*。☆。
When I first saw him, I thought: there's no way he's real.
I used to think angels only existed in heaven, and beautiful princes only resided in between the pages of books and behind movie screens.
But I was wrong.
It was the first day of Junior High, and he was sitting there alone, biting the cap of his glitter pen, lost in his own world, while everyone around him was chattering and laughing.
I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
He was so beautiful, like the most delicate of flowers standing in the midst of an infinite, miscellaneous garden and competing against the beauty of millions and millions.
His body was petite and small, skin a rich tone of honey gold. His eyes were vivid and shy, almost timid: a dreamy shade of brown, flecks of deep brown married with lighter hues. His nose was beautifully crafted, straight and prominent, and his hair was perky and curly. Long, silky strands tinted by the color of chocolate milk.
And it wasn't even winter. Yet, he was wearing a cute, wool-knit hat with a pong pong on top, a pastel, fluffy-looking sweater, and a pair of pink bunny slippers.
My heart ached with the desire to talk to him, but my shy-self persona impeded me from doing it. And even though I tried to ignore it, there was the thought in the back of my mind that someone like him could never be with someone like me.
I couldn't help it, so I drew him, blessing the twenty-fourth page of my sketchbook with his etherealness.
Granted, it was safe to say that I was a pretty good artist, and I could guarantee, that as I stared at the final outcome of my sketch, and alternated between the drawing and him in real life, there was no comparison.
For not even pictures or the finest pencil held by the most gifted hand could do justice to his beauty.
I remember the smile on his face as he kept writing in that small notebook of his.
~ And it enchanted me, oh, darling, you have no idea how hard that smile of yours managed to pull at the strings of my heart ~.
And I braced myself.
Because, at that moment, I knew. I knew that my heart was his to break. That he could use me like a puppet, and play with it until he moved on.
Except, he wasn't capable of doing such thing. His heart was too precious. Too pure for this world of hatred and chaos.
He was a snowflake, an undiluted piece of purity and innocence that fell from the sky. But even I knew that a snowflake was no less immune to tainted-ness, and I wanted to be the cushion of his fall.
I wanted to be his shield, protecting him from all the darkness and hurt.
That day, we did an ice-breaker, and I remember the way his cheeks blushed a cute pink as everyone's attention was suddenly on him.
He smiled shyly, quietly uttering his name and his preference of hot cocoa over coffee.
Kim Taehyung.
A beautiful name for a beautiful human being.
I couldn't have been happier. I finally knew his name and, even better, something other than it.
But I wanted him to be mine.
I wanted to be the reason of his smile, I wanted to be the person he wrote about in that diary of his he carried around, I wanted my name to be the first thing that popped into his head every morning and the last thing he thought of when he went to sleep.
But most importantly, I wanted to make of him the happiest person on the planet.
I didn't think I had a chance, not at all. But that didn't stop me from hoping and trying.
~ Yes, baby, the notes you found inside your locker everyday, the pieces of candy and the flavored packs of gum you found underneath the drawer of your desk, the adorable drawings of iron man on the last page of your notebook, the chocolate scented teddy bear stuffed inside your backpack, the origami paper hearts slipped in between the pages of your books, the song lyrics written on your desk — they were all from me ~.
The first time we talked, it was because he wanted me to draw a picture for him.
My heart was at my throat, and I could feel its sound like a drum pounding in my ear.
He wanted a portrait of himself.
What he didn't know was that most of the pages of my sketchbook were already filled with drawings of him.
But I gave myself the honor to draw him again, this time with his knowledge and affirmation. Nonetheless, I drew him with meraki, pouring my heart and love into that piece of art. It was not him, but it was close enough.
Upon receiving it, he hugged the portrait close to his chest, smiling while expressing how much he loved it.
I was smiling, too. And looking back, I wonder how obvious I made myself look that day.
But then, his cheeks flushed, and he was bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet, seemingly shy all of a sudden.
I was not expecting him to lean closer, stand on his tippy-toes, and plant a soft, butterfly kiss on my cheek.
It did wonders inside of me, leaving me thinking whether this was really happening, whether it was actually real.
He thanked me and left, and I stood with a dumbfounded smile on my face and my heart beating alive on the palm of my hand.
☆。*。☆。
Sometimes in school, he would catch me admiring him from afar during class, and I would immediately avert my gaze, cheeks flaring with hotness. But I'd always catch a glimpse of his smile after I looked away.
And it was as if he knew.
There was a scintilla of hope glowing inside my heart, spreading across my chest and filling my body with warmth.
But it was during lunch, when I first took my chance.
He was sitting in front of a table, cookies, cupcakes, and other types of sweets were occupying its entire surface. And on the corner, there was a small piggy bank with a dollar sign drawn with purple glitter marker on the side. Attached to the cascading table cloth, was a flyer that read,
"Fundraising For Children With Cancer. Buy a treat and donate! Your collaboration could save a life!"
Before I realized, I had made my way to him and said, "How much for a chocolate chip cookie?"
He lifted his head, and his gaze met mine, eyes glinting with a shimmer of surprise, but then his lips curled into a bright, rectangular smile that made my heart rate suddenly go up.
I suppressed the desire to coo at it.
"559 won," he replied.
My heart fluttered, and I lost my breath for a second. But I quickly recovered, coughing into my hand to clear my throat. "I'll take ten," I said.
His eyes widened. "That's a lot of cookies for one person," he said.
Looking at the size of each one, I realized he was right. "They're not all for me," I mumbled, and blushed.
"Oh?"
I nodded, looking up to meet his gaze. "Would you like. . . ?" I said, purposely trailing off, letting the question hang in the air.
It was his turn to blush, and he looked down at his lap, heat kissing his cheeks and tipping his ears scarlet. "I-I c-couldn't," he stuttered.
"Please," I said, "Eat a cookie and save a life?" I smiled cheekily.
Taehyung laughed, and the sound engraved itself in my heart, echoing inside my head like a melody I did not want to forget. "But it's your money!"
"Alright, I'll pay extra for those you eat, then."
"No!" he replied immediately, and his cheeks flushed the color of sunset upon realizing he'd raised his voice, looking down in embarrassment. "It's fine, I'll take them."
I beamed in satisfaction.
Taehyung gathered five cookies and put them inside a paper bag, then handed it to me. "That'd be 22364 won," he said.
I took out my wallet and extracted the money, stretching my hand forward until he grabbed the bills from me, exchanging it for the bag of cookies. I slipped my wallet into the back pocket of my jeans, and just as I stepped back, an idea popped into my head.
My body began tingling and I could hear in my ears the unsteady drum of my heart pumping inside my chest. It was my chance, I'd been wanting to do this ever since the day I met him, and I finally had an opportunity. I couldn't let it go to waste.
It was now or never.
"W-would you . . . like to go out?" I asked nervously, voice cracking, as I fidgeted with my fingers.
For some reason, some part of me was expecting him to kindly reject me. But to my surprise, Taehyung's face lit up, his smile turned even bigger and his eyes grew wider, twinkling with delight and elation.
"Really?" He asked.
And I nodded, a bit too eagerly, more than pleased with his reaction. "Yeah."
Smiling genuinely, he responded, "I'd love to."
There was a vortex of thoughts and emotions swirling inside my head, and a new feeling took over me. I felt exultation, a mix of happiness and incredulity and pride, like I'd achieved the greatest thing in the world.
Which, to me, it was.
I felt my lips tugging upwards into a gleeful smile. "Great! Are you available on Sunday evening?"
He narrowed his eyes a little, thinking, before he nodded, a little smile dancing on his lips. "Yes, I am!"
"Perfect." Suddenly something dawned on me. "Can I have your number?" I asked, fiddling with my sleeves.
"Sure!" Taehyung said, grabbing a pen and tearing a piece of paper from the tiny notebook on the table, quickly writing it down. "Here."
I grabbed the piece of paper and stared at the perfect, curved digits scribbled across.
God, even his hand-writing was beautiful.
"By the way, thank you for the cookies. You're very kind, Jeongguk."
There was a tingling sensation in my chest, and my heart fluttered inside its cage. Truthfully, I never really liked my name, but I felt in love with the way it sounded on his tongue. It was magical, and I found myself wanting to hear it again.
"My pleasure," I said.
We waved each other goodbye. And I walked away, feeling like I owned the moon.
☆。*。☆。
Constant frissons of nervousness swept over me, and I couldn't stop thinking about all the ways I could embarrass myself.
But all worries vanished as soon as I saw him walk out of the door of his house, wearing a white sweater with black, skinny jeans and a pair of white tennis shoes, chocolate bangs covering his forehead and falling over his brows, a black beret on top of his head, and a glowing smile on his lips.
"How do I look?" He asked timidly, cheeks growing florid under my gaze.
Still under my awe-struck trance, I replied thoughtlessly, "Beautiful."
Taehyung looked down at the ground. "Thank you," he mumbled, still refusing to meet my eyes.
Discarding my own fear, I found myself daringly and gently tilting his chin up with my fingers, beckoning him to look me in the eyes. "It'll be fun, I promise." And what I saw were two twinkling eyes full of wonder, honey brown orbs scintillated with an avid glint of curiosity and marvel.
And I knew that the night belonged to us and the stars were shining extra bright just for the two of us.
☆。*。☆。
We went to the park, because that's where he wanted to go, and fed the pigeons together. The air was crisp and the sun was setting, evening sky splashed with a mellow orange hue and adorned with white, shapeless clouds.
After that, we went to town square, and wandered around, exploring and enjoying each other's company. At one point, we came across an old man sitting on the streets, and he dropped a few coins into his bucket. The man thanked him, and Taehyung looked at me with a guilty expression in his eyes as he bit his lips.
We ended up in a clothing store, buying multiple sweaters, and then rushing towards a food cart selling sandwishes. After we were done buying, we went around the city, handing around a sweater and a sandwish to poor people we saw on the streets. People smiled with effulgence, and called Taehyung an angel. The smile on his face every time someone thanked us was precious.
Finally, we went back to the man we saw at the beginning. He was leaning against a wall on the floor, seemingly asleep. But that didn't stop Taehyung. He tapped him on the shoulder, and the old man stirred until he opened his eyes.
Taehyung offered him a kind smile, and said, "Sir, would you like a sweater and a sandwish?"
The man's eyes widened, seeing the brown cotton sweater and the sandwish wrapped in clear plastic on Taehyung's hands, genuine surprise etched on his face. "Oh, dear," he said, taking them from him.
"I'm sorry we couldn't give you more," Taehyung said, and there was shame in his voice.
I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind, his back leaning against my chest, and I lowered my chin down to rest it on his right shoulder.
He took my hands, as if accepting my reassurance.
The man smiled. "This is more than enough, my child. You've done what others can but won't do. God bless your heart."
☆。*。☆。
"Do you think I made people happy today?" Taehyung asked.
We were sitting on a patch of grass, near the river. The bridge was across it, and we could see the lights of the buildings nearby. Taehyung poked the water beneath our feet with a stick.
The umbriferous lamp above us casted yellow circles and obscure shadows on his face, preventing full clarity from descending onto his features.
"Of course, sweetheart," I replied, the pet name rolling off my tongue naturally, but I didn't regret it.
He turned his face to me, and I thought a detected a hint of crimson on his cheeks under the light of the streetlamp. He looked down.
"B-but what if they thought I did it out of pity?"
"They didn't," I said, more on reflex, "Did you see the look in their eyes, the smile on their lips? It was pure joy and disbelief, they were genuinely grateful, and they loved you."
His expression softened, eyes lucent and hopeful. "You think so?"
"A hundred percent."
And then he smiled, and my heart melted.
☆。*。☆。
We found ourselves making our way through a crowd in the middle of town square, lured by the music. Our fingers were interlocked as he pulled me forward through the mass of people, guiding me with his hand, and I could hear the echo of his laugh as we continued.
Soon, we found out the epicenter of the crowd was an underground band named BTS.
"Everybody make some noise!"
People screamed and shouted, and Taehyung laughed, still holding my hand.
I smiled, just as absorbed in the ecstasy radiating from the crowd.
"Now we're gonna sing a song, but y'all gotta dance, alright?" The person on stage held the mic towards the audience, and a chorus of "yeah!" followed right after.
He crouched down. "People in Seoul are as beautiful as the city. I like it." He gestured behind and said, "Come on, play the music."
Sure enough, a beat started playing. "Mmm, that's better," said the singer, who was apparently named Jimin. "Come on, everybody, show me what you got. Move those hips like you do during sex!"
People laughed at that, and I caught Taehyung blushing, but he laughed it off, pretending he wasn't embarrassed, which I found adorable.
"The night is young, my people, and so are we!"
Then, he started singing, and people began to dance.
Taehyung looked at me with doubt on his face, but I could tell he wanted to dance. So I moved in front of him and took both of his hands into mine, offering him a smile. "Come on!" I said, and he laughed, following me along.
Everybody around us was dancing, and the sense of youthful exuberance exuding from the crowd was contagious. It made your feet and hands itch with excitement. It made you want to dance.
So we danced.
It was unprofessional, but that's what made it better, because nobody cared about perfectionism. It was all about laughs and smiles, and feeling the rhythm in your body.
The song they were singing was unknown to me but it was fun and energetic.
"Come on, everybody, switch partners. Meet new people. We're all a family here!" said Jimin again, going back to singing afterwards.
My heart dropped when someone tugged Taehyung away from me, and someone else grabbed me. Our eyes met as we were being pulled away, but he just gave me a smile, and I didn't feel uneasy anymore.
Instead, I focused on my partner, who turned out to be a young girl. She smiled at me, and we spun around. We danced until we switched again, and I was met with a slightly older girl. It was strange, dancing with foreign people, but I didn't dwell on it too much. Instead, I smiled and let myself get carried away by the music.
We kept switching partners, boys and girls alike, and I watched as he got whisked away every time.
Six partners later, I turned to the next person, expecting to see yet another stranger. But they stumbled and my hands instinctively went around their waist to prevent the fall, accidentally pulling them up with more force than intended. And I looked down to meet sweet chocolate eyes.
My heartbeat accelerated, and my grip around his waist tightened, bringing him closer to my chest. "I'm not letting go," I said, feeling the rush of relief still coursing through my blood.
And he laughed, hooking his arms around my neck. "Then, don't," he said.
This time, there was no tension on my body as we danced, no feelings of unexplainable infidelity.
Taehyung's body was warm against mine, he fit just right in my arms, our colors blending so well together. We swirled around, swaying to the music. The sky was full-on black now, and there was a blanket of tiny little dots of light and brilliance complementing it.
It was time to switch partners again, but we never left each other's gazes. Not even as I raised him into the air and spun him around. Taehyung smiled, and I smiled, too, bringing him back down. We looked into each other's eyes, and it wasn't until a loud cheer erupted that we realized the song had ended.
A slight blush appeared on his elysian features, and we laughed in unison, turning to the center of attention.
"Nice, everybody! Are you tired yet?" He held the mic towards the crowd again, and they screamed "No!"
This time even me and Taehyung joined. We looked at each other afterwards and grinned.
"Good! 'Cuz that was simply just a warm-up to get the adrenaline kicked off!"
The night was far from being over.
☆。*。☆。
Weeks went by, and our relationship efflorescenced.
The world around us ceased to exist. Taehyung started sitting next to me during lunch. I would stick a small flower behind his ear, and whisper sweet nothings into it.
The sweet, roseate color would once again paint over his cheeks, and I would graze my fingers soothingly over them just to appreciate the moment.
Taehyung became the owner of my dreams, the brightest star in my galaxy, the light of illumination that would make my shadows vanish.
He was a myriad of all the colors combined together to make up the brightest, and prettiest shade.
The first time we kissed, it was raining.
We were in school and he was hidden away inside an empty, windowless classroom because he was scared of thunder.
I remember hearing the small, muffled sobs as I passed over the classroom.
And when I found him, I saw that he was curled up in a ball, underneath one of the desks, crying and sniffling.
My heart broke, and suddenly my chest felt too tight, as if bounded by ropes. I crouched down to his level and gestured for him to come out, beckoning him forward into my arms.
Taehyung looked at me with fear in his teary eyes, but he obeyed, letting out a whimper of relief upon feeling my arms around him.
I caressed his back as he buried his face on my chest, pressing my lips to the top of his head and mumbling words of comfort against his hair.
I wanted to protect him that day, I wanted to make him feel safe in my arms. To let him know that he didn't have to worry when he was with me.
His sobs had quieted down, but a loud grumbling sound resonated from outside, and Taehyung tensed against my body.
So I drew him closer to me and pressed my lips to his forehead in an attempt to appease his nerves. A few minutes went by in a comfortable silence. The rain had finally ceased. Taehyung's sobs had subsided, and his body had stopped trembling and shuddering.
"Kiss me," he said.
And my heart skipped a beat, perhaps two.
I was surprised, for I hadn't expected it. My chest fluttered as a frisson of euphoric warmth blossomed from within my core and spread across like a wildfire.
But I didn't hesitate. I leaned forward and closed the distance between us.
It was brief, an innocent butterfly of a kiss; merely a whisper of breath against skin. Like the small breeze of fluttering wings.
We pulled away, our lips remaining only a centimeter apart. Our eyes were still closed and Taehyung sighed against my lips.
I leaned in once more, desperate to feel him again. This time it lasted longer. It was slow, soothing, and sweet. His lips were plump, delicately soft and pillowy, and they tasted like cotton candy.
He kissed me back, like I'd dreamed so many times before, and the feeling was ineffable. Almost like walking on air, like dancing in the clouds.
He was priceless, and his heart was a treasure without a map. There was no formula. I merely happened to be the key that fit in.
His lips fit perfectly against mine, molding together just right. They followed a natural rhythm, smooth and synchronizing, as if we were reciting for the first time the lines of a poem we'd known forever.
My hands were set behind Taehyung's ears and I stroked his cheeks with my thumbs as I slanted his head to the side.
He wrapped his arms around my neck and his body melted into mine, our billowing breaths mingling together as I caressed his lips with mine.
We pulled away. Taehyung buried his face on my chest, and I heard him release a sigh of contentment.
The rain was still falling outside, so I sang a soft lullaby in his ear.
Taehyung fell asleep in my arms. And I accommodated his body on my lap, letting him rest his head back on my shoulder.
I stayed awake through it all, and as I tuned in to the rhythm of our hearts, I was happy to know they had a purpose:
And it was simply to beat for one another.
☆。*。☆。
The more time passed, the more I learned about Taehyung.
For instance, I learned that his favorite book was The Little Prince, that his favorite pastry were macarons, more specifically toffee-flavored, that he was fond of things that were cute and unique, colorful and aesthetically pleasing, that he loved to entertain himself by watching anime and reading manga, and that he believed in there being a rabbit on the moon.
I knew that he slept with the light of his cute little nightstand lamp on while the song, 2!3!, played from his music box, his arms wrapped around his pillow and his legs draped over his tiger plushie because he couldn't sleep without hugging something.
It was a viridescent Saturday morning, and the soft susurration of leaves could be heard as the cool breeze blew over.
"I want you to draw me," he told me.
We were over at my house, in my bedroom. And I looked up from where I was lying on my bed.
His back was to me, gaze fixated on the mirror. A long, see-through cardigan hugged his shoulders, and the back of his thighs were on display.
I smiled. "Really?"
He didn't turn around but his eyes met mine through the mirror. "Yeah."
"Right now?"
He nodded.
"How do you want it?"
There was a glint in his eyes, and he turned around to face me. A hint of pink was sprayed over his cheeks, and there was a certain timidness in his posture.
Slowly, Taehyung let the cardigan fall over his shoulders, landing near his feet, revealing a white cotton blouse and high-wasted denim shorts. My heart skipped a beat, and I watched intently as he pulled the blouse over his head and began unbuttoning his shorts.
My breath caught in my throat, and in the back of my mind, something told me to look away, for the sake of courtesy, but I found myself unable to avert my gaze, hypnotized.
Taehyung slid his shorts down his legs and slipped out of them, leaving him only on a pink lace undergarment with a small bow in the middle. I thought he was going to stop there, and I let my body relax.
But then, he started lowering his panties too.
I gulped.
"Like this," he said, slight uncertainty dripping from the tone of his voice.
I stared, amazed, at him, standing naked before me.
And it was the most glorious, beautiful, and delicate thing I had ever laid my eyes on.
Taehyung's body was fragile and dainty, curvy in just the right places, skin bathed in sunshine, a melange of vermeil honey and brilliant gold. His collarbones were prominent, feminine in a beautiful way, his hips were sensual, and captivating. Waist tiny and slim, long legs smooth and graceful, glowing under the yellow light of the lit lamp perched atop the vanity table.
He was a work of art, mesmerizing and scarred with beautiful imperfections. He was amaranthine, youthful and lovely. A touch of undying starlight and everlasting beauty. So full of grace.
There was no such a thing as minutiae in him. Every single part of him was pulchritudinous.
"Wow," I whispered, "You're perfect."
Taehyung's cheeks turned an even darker shade of pink and he looked down.
I smiled, then leaned over the bed to grab my sketchbook and pencil from the nightstand. I tapped the pencil against my lips. "Do you want to sit, so that--"
"No, no, standing is fine."
I furrowed my eyebrows in concern, chewing onto my bottom lip. "B-but I don't want your feet to hurt."
At that, his expression turned serene, and a newfound tenderness adorned his delicate features. "I can take it, Ggukie."
My heart softened. The nickname was just about one of the most beautiful things I'd ever heard. Needless to say that it was only special because it was his voice that pronounced it.
"Okay," I said, "I promise I'll try my best to finish as fast as I can."
Taehyung gave me a smile, and it was too much. "Don't worry, take your time."
So I drew him.
My pencil did wonders as it brushed against the paper. It slid across, drawing every single line of his body, every single nook, every single curve. I drew the fine shapes of his silhouette, as well as every single flaw that could be found on his skin. From his pretty doe eyes and his straight nose, to the constellation of tiny little birthmarks scattered around his face. From his long, elegant arms to the glory situated right between his legs.
Finally, I looked up, and smiled. "All done."
Taehyung's posture relaxed, as if finally releasing off the tension from his body.
"Come here, beautiful," I said, beckoning him to come closer to me, and he did, eagerly walking towards me until he was standing between my legs as I sat on the edge of the bed.
"Can I see it?" Taehyung asked avidly.
So I showed him the sketch, and I bit my lip in nervousness as I stared at him, eyes skimming over the drawing, tears beginning to brim over.
"Tae?"
"I-It's beautiful," he stuttered.
I smiled. "That's you, angel."
"I love it!" He said, before he launched himself at me, causing me to fall back on the bed, him on top of me. "You're so talented, Jeonggukie."
I laughed, cupping his face into my hands and stroking his cheeks with the pad of my fingers. "There's no artist without art."
Taehyung's cheeks flushed a cute color of red. "But there's also no art without the artist."
I opened my mouth, and paused. "I guess it goes both ways."
We stared at each other, and before I knew it, the distance between us had minimized to zero. Our lips moved languidly against each other, and I could hear my heartbeat pulsing inside my chest happily. My fingertips were pressed to his waist, and his hands were lost in between the strands of my raven hair.
Our kiss deepened, and our tongues caressed each other. I grabbed ahold of Taehyung's hips and slowly angled him towards the bed while our mouths were still connected. His back hit the mattress, and a sweet sound of pleasure was emitted from his parted lips.
I pulled away, panting, and instead began trailing kisses down his neck — redolent with the rich scent of cocoa frosting and mint — drawing my way down to his naked stomach, where I planted small, open-mouthed kisses and suctioned the skin diligently.
Taehyung moaned from above me, and his grip on my hair tightened.
I traced my way back to his mouth and lost myself in its sweetness again. He hummed against my lips, causing waves of vibration to travel along my spine.
We kissed until we could no longer hold our breaths. We broke apart, however, opted not to pull away, our lips still brushing.
"Ggukie," he said, warm breath fanning over my mouth.
"Yes?"
"I . . . am not ready yet."
Something in me pulled, and the sudden urge to hold him so close to me and not ever let go was overwhelming. I pecked his lips.
"That's okay, my love."
Taehyung looked up at me. "You're not gonna leave me?"
Hearing that made my heart hurt, and my face morphed into a crestfallen expression. "Angel, what made you think that?"
Taehyung looked away, and shame was written in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around his middle, hugging himself in a self-conscious manner.
"I don't know. I just thought that since I'm willing to wait to have sex, you wouldn't want to be with me anymore after I told you."
My heart broke. "Baby," I told him, and when I saw that Taehyung was still avoiding my eyes, I added, "Baby, look at me."
His gaze finally lifted up to meet mine, and I grazed my thumb over his cheek to wipe off the tear that had slipped from his eye. "I could care less about sex. For the love of God, please don't think I'm with you because you're beautiful and I want you for my own stupid self-indulgences. No, you're more than that, and I could never bring myself to use you like that. You wanna know what I really care about?" I asked.
Without waiting for his response, I leaned down and planted a soft, warm kiss on the skin above his left breast. "This," I said, grabbing Taehyung's own hand and positioning his palm right over his heart, "is the only thing I want and need."
Tears were gliding down his porcelain cheeks, and his eyes held a look of warmth and tenderness. "G-Ggukie" was the only thing he said before he wrapped his arms around me and roughly pulled me down, our mouths immediately meeting. Once again, our lips were moving, but this time, the kiss held so much more meaning.
Taehyung smiled through the kiss, through his tears, and I felt consoled to know that they were tears of happiness rather than sadness.
It was my greatest pride.
☆。*。☆。
We sat together every chance we had. Sometimes, Taehyung would ask me to read the notes on the board out loud to him because he couldn't see clearly.
I would offer him my glasses, but he'd refuse to use them, telling me I needed them more.
I thought his vision was gradually declining due to natural causes, and I told him I would buy him a pair of glasses.
~ But I didn't know, my love, how could I? ~
Sometimes he would fall asleep during class, and I would thread my fingers through his hair, thinking that he just hadn't gotten a good night's sleep and was simply tired.
I would walk him home every day but, for some unknown reason, he would refuse to let me in every time.
We would always hang out my house, but never his.
Once, we were aimlessly walking in the forest behind my house, wandering around for hours, playing and teasing each other with persiflage and kittenish talk on our way.
Taehyung would frolic around and jump from rock to rock, jumping into my arms when he stepped on the last one.
A precious smile of joy would appear on his lips as I spun him around in the air. After then, he would steal a kiss from me and run away.
Like the child I was, I would chase him. We'd run and run deeper into the forest, laughing and smiling with the assurance of meeting up again.
And all that could be heard was the sound of our happiness and the psithurism of the trees in the breeze.
We stumbled upon a clearing.
It was an endless field of daffodils that stretched far off into the distance, farther than the eye could reach.
The sky was a beautiful pastel shade of peaches, splashed with pale amethyst hues and soft lilac tones and a dash of crystal blue.
I tackled him down to the ground and he fell into the mass of flowers, with me on top of him.
Loud giggles escaped Taehyung's lips as I tickled him on his sides, biting his ear playfully, making him squirm away and laugh uncontrollably.
The sound of his laughter was nothing short of mellifluous. Sweet like a melody; pleasant to hear. It alone could cure cancer, just like it could also cause the coldest hearts to melt into a pool of love and adoration.
I held Taehyung's arms above his head, and stared at him, panting beneath me, cheeks flushed a vivid cerise, eyes wide and full of wonder, chocolate milk hair sticking up everywhere.
I couldn't help leaning down to capture his lips.
Taehyung kissed me back eagerly. It was passionate, and I could feel his smile against my lips. I pulled away, trapping his bottom lip between my teeth teasingly before letting go.
We stared at each other in the eyes, at each other's reflection, and I watched as a myriad of words and emotions flashed through his eyes.
We didn't say anything, for there was no need.
We understood each other perfectly enough to communicate what we couldn't voice enough — through the sparkle in our eyes.
We kissed again, slower this time. Our tongues met, and I tilted my head to the side and cupped his face into my hands, deepening the kiss, as he clung to my neck.
He moaned against my mouth, and I took my chance to part his lips further and slip my tongue deeper inside as I explored the sweetness of his mouth.
We pulled away, breath hitting each other's lips, inhaling the same oxygen within our sphere. I buried my face in the juncture between Taehyung's neck and collarbone and settled for the soft, sensitive skin there.
He let out a string of soft moans and gasps and ran his fingers through my hair as I suctioned the sweet spot on his neck.
I focused on perfecting my masterpiece before pulling away, tucking a loose brown curl behind his ear and giving his lips a soft peck before helping him on his feet.
We started coming here everyday after school. It was our place, our special location. And we appreciated every single aspect of it.
From the squirrels to the rainbow group of roaming butterflies, from the big, verdant trees to the bright, yellow daffodils, from the loud chirping of birds to the soothing silence in the afternoon, and from the warm heat emitted by the sun to the cool breeze shaking the leaves and petals off the ground.
But it couldn't have been more beautiful without one thing.
~ And that was you, my sweet angel.
You and me, alone in the beauty of its paradise ~.
☆。*。☆。
It was another day in the field, we were lying side by side, surrounded by flowers, as we stared at the light blue expanse of the soft, mellow sky.
My fingers were entangled in the soft strands of his hair, caressing him as he hummed a sweet tune under his breath.
"Ggukie, I'm ready," he said.
The movement of my fingers ceased completely. I turned to him. Taehyung's eyes were closed but his lips were curved, and a soft, pretty shade of pink adorned his cheeks.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Ggukie. I want to."
A smile spread across my face.
And I leaned down to plant an ephemeral kiss on his lips.
☆。*。☆。
We eagerly ran back to my house just as the clouds parted and drizzled raindrops onto the world.
We were soaking wet but we only laughed harder. By the time we made it to my room, we were already naked, eager to warm each other up with the heat of our bodies.
I fell back on my bed, my back pressed against the mattress as Taehyung took off his last piece of clothing, and joined me on the bed, his body hovering over mine.
We made love for the first time that night.
I was nervous, fearing that I would hurt him.
He was a dandelion. Something delicate and precious that could be swept away with the slightest breath of wind. He was a little crystal, standing at the top of a cliff and shining underneath the sun.
One wrong move and he would break. But I knew that Taehyung trusted me. He was giving himself to me, giving me his body and soul, and leaving them under the care of my hands.
~ And I was grateful, my love ~.
In fact, as I held him in my arms, as our bodies connected and became one, as he gasped and moaned my name against my lips, I realized I was fortunate enough to even call him mine.
I was slow, rhythmic, gentle. His mouth met mine once again, and our tongues moved languidly against one another.
He tasted so sweet, like the richest nectar to ever exist. So sweet, flowers and bees were ashamed.
I whispered how beautiful and perfect he was as I looked into his eyes.
Because Taehyung looked like an angel. Breathing heavily above me, lips swollen and rubescent, eyes a glinting reflection of love and tenderness, sun-kissed skin glistening with a fine sheen of sweat and tears of glee.
His chocolate milk hair was matted to his forehead and he couldn't have looked more divine and celestial.
Our bodies fit perfectly together, and it was beautiful.
It was the satisfying feeling of snowflakes melting on your tongue, the feeling of relief after seeing a rainbow appear between somber clouds, the feeling of warm sunshine caressing your face on a cold, winter day, the reassurance of upcoming spring that comes with the arrival of lilacs.
The wonderful sentiment of redamancy. Of heaven and serenity.
It was the feeling of love.
And it was everything and all I'd ever hoped for.
Our hips met again and again, undulating to the rhythm of the music of our beating hearts. We moved in a dance only our bodies could follow, singing a language only the two of us knew.
Space was nonexistent, and our bodies were warm and as close as two souls can be.
Our watercolors were dripping, meandering around and leaving traces of color in their wake as they slowly came together in the middle of the canvas and sparked up the final touch of an improvised piece of art.
The room was dark but Taehyung was glowing, and flickering strands of gold radiated off his entire being.
Taehyung had the sun embedded in his skin, and I was holding the world in my arms.
I kissed him through his orgasm, and I followed right after, planting my seed inside of him.
Taehyung collapsed on top of me, falling asleep almost immediately. I cleaned us up, and went back to the bed, carefully arranging our limbs so that his head was lying on my chest.
I couldn't keep the smile off my face, or shake the tingling sensation taking over my chest.
It was perfect. Him, our love, all of it.
Pulling him closer, I planted a loving kiss on the crown of his head, closing my eyes a second later, and sleep immediately embracing me in its arms.
☆。*。☆。
"Jeongguk, look, a shooting star!"
We were on the rooftop of my house. My back was lying against the shingles, and my arms were wrapped around Taehyung's waist, who was snuggling against my chest with his head resting underneath my chin.
Taehyung sat up, and I looked up just in time to see him pointing his hand towards a streak of light drawing itself across the darkened night sky, disappearing only a second later.
"Make a wish!" I said.
Taehyung smiled and closed his eyes. Then, after a few seconds, he opened them again. "Done!" he said, beaming.
I smiled. "So, what did you wish for?"
There was a sparkle of sadness in his eyes, and my heart lurched inside of me in alarm. "Angel, what's wrong?"
Taehyung looked away. "Nothing."
I was about to keep probing, but his voice annulled my chance, the woe in his eyes gone like the ephemeral, antecedent phenomena.
"Did you know that falling stars or shooting stars have nothing to do with stars?"
I shook my head slowly, a bit taken aback.
"They're actually meteoroids, tiny pieces of dust and rock falling into the Earth's atmosphere. They travel so fast that they burn, and they are short-lived because they burn out before they can even reach the Earth. That's why we only see a trail of light that disappears before we can even say goodbye."
I laughed.
"But I still make a wish every time I see one."
"Why?"
Taehyung turned back to his position against my chest, gaze never leaving the freckled sky. "I don't know. I just don't let reality disillusion me. I've been doing it since I was little. When I learned the truth, I was sad. But it didn't stop me."
I brushed the hair out of his face and pressed my lips to the top of his head, eyes trained on the milky crescent moon hanging from the sky. "That's good, sweetheart. Live it how you want it."
"Ggukie?"
"Mhmm?"
"I don't want to become an adult."
I opened my eyes.
"And why is that, love?"
"Real life scares me."
☆。*。☆。
Girls at school would sometimes come to me for homework help or to propose drawing deals. And I would often accept as I thought there was nothing harmful or wrong about the matter.
But I soon noticed the small pout on Taehyung's lips as I interacted with them, the light frown on his brows, the lost, daydreaming look on his eyes every time we hung out.
And it hurt.
I missed the smile on his face so much that I started rejecting the girls every time they came up to me, focusing my attention solely on him.
And I watched as his smile slowly went back to its normal bright color . . . just like I also watched how it slowly turned gray-er and gray-er.
☆。*。☆。
I saw him fall in the hallway as he made his way to class. There were no obstacles interfering with his path, it was as if his legs had given up on him. But I dismissed it as it being due to his clumsiness.
Taehyung refused to talk to me for the rest of the day.
☆。*。☆。
The last bell had finally rung and he took off right away without waiting for me.
I chased after him.
He was running in the direction of the forest, and it looked like it was about to rain.
The sky was grey and the clouds were heavy with unshed tears.
But I still followed him.
He stumbled every once and a while. And I called his name, but he didn't stop.
The sound of his sobs became clearer with every step I took, and it was like someone had suddenly stuck a hand into my chest and ripped my heart out.
And then I was crying, too.
I was getting closer to him, and Taehyung's pace turned slower; weaker.
His feet tripped over a fallen branch on the ground, and he fell to his knees. He quickly got up, but didn't make any effort to keep going.
Instead, Taehyung made his way to the tree and turned around, ready to face me.
And as I got closer to him, my stomach twisted and my heart clenched inside of me.
Tears were cascading down his cheeks and his eyes were red and puffy.
Every fiber in my body was ready to hug him and shower him with endless words of comfort and love. But he didn't permit it.
Because when I reached him, Taehyung launched himself at me and before I knew it, my mouth had found his.
It was hot and humid. Rushed and intense. Erotic and fiery; ardent with passion and lust.
Taehyung kissed me, and I was gone. He kissed with so much desire and longing I couldn't help but get carried away by the rhythm of his lips and the feeling of their softness.
His tongue entered my mouth, and my brain exploded. His arms wrapped around my neck, and I took a hold of his waist, pulling him even closer to me.
Taehyung's back arched, his hips flushed against mine. Our lips moved fervently against one another and strings of saliva were hanging between the space connecting our mouths together.
Heat accumulated in my core. I was cloudy and hazy with want. I was excited.
I backed him up against the tree, the kiss still ongoing, and when his back hit the wooden surface, Taehyung took my hands onto his and positioned them on his buttocks.
"Make love to me. Please," he pleaded.
My jeans grew even more confined. But I didn't say a word, kissing him more hungrily instead.
My hands roamed everywhere on his body. On his chest, on his hips, on his waist, legs, and thighs. Around his butt, massaging his round globes indelicately and playing with the flesh however I pleased. Taehyung rutted against me, and it elicited a moan out of me.
Fire was burning at my core, its flames had spread farther and deeper, igniting a path of flickering lust in their wake, entangling themselves in my heart and setting my center aflame. I was drowning in my own desire, consumed by the heat, the need to touch him, to make him feel good.
Without even a hint of hesitation, I slipped my hand underneath Taehyung's shirt, feeling his soft, porcelain skin against my fingertips as I caressed my way inside his jeans, where I found the material of his boxer briefs and tore it apart.
I plunged a finger into his small orifice, groaning against his mouth upon feeling him clenching around me. His walls were soft and velvety, and my pants tightened. I explored everywhere inside of him, leaving no part untouched before I started delving in and out.
Taehyung let out a whimper, and two more fingers sank into him, disappearing inside the taut ring of muscle and emerging back out as I aimed for that bundle of nerves with every thrust.
His moans served as encouragement to me, and my lips attached to his neck, the sweet taste of cotton candy and vanilla milk on my tongue. I added a fourth digit and started pushing all of them in and out of his tiny entrance.
My mouth found his again, and our tongues played together as I pounded my fingers into him. I fingered him roughly and hastily, in more of a rush to prepare him. We broke apart, gasping for air as I looked at him.
Grazed by the hand of an angel and purified by a glimmer of moonlight, Taehyung looked beautiful.
The kind of beautiful that contains so much delicacy and innocence that it's nearly impossible to suppress the desire to corrupt it and claim it, and at the same time protect it and cherish it with all your love and might.
Lowering my jeans and boxers, I covered his mouth with mine again to muffle his scream as I slid into him.
Warm, he was so warm and adjusted. I had to stop and close my eyes just to savor the feeling of uniting, the amazing sensation of having our bodies connect and morph into one once again.
Taehyung told me to move, and I complied. Moving in hard and deep. I wanted to make him feel like he was in heaven. I wanted him to see the stars and the moon every time he closed his eyes.
The first time we made love, it was sweet and loving, slow and gentle. This time it was heated, demanding, rather passionate and vicious.
But it didn't make it any less beautiful.
The clouds had finally burst and the rain was pouring down on us.
But I kissed him harder, fastening my pace and synchronizing the movement of my tongue with my hips.
Droplets of rainwater were gliding down his face, mixing in with his own falling tears, and a gleam of lightning coruscated from his glistening skin, painting him silver and white, and violet and blue.
He was a china doll, dainty and delicate, but I wasn't being careful.
No, I was being anything but.
Little crescent marks were engraved on my shoulder blades, and Taehyung's bare neck and the exposed skin on his hips were blooming in ribbons of colors. His back had become a sculpture of scars and bruises as result of the tremendous force at which he bounced against the tree.
My senses were flooded, and my head was a river of thoughts, but I found myself being unable to catch any. No coherent thoughts anyways.
For there was only one thing my mind was screaming. One word, three syllables, eight letters.
Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung.
His skin was damp and glossy, carpeted with a layer of teardrops and raindrops combined, and the constant, dazzling flashing of shimmering light in the sky was reflecting itself on his glistening cheeks and arms.
Taehyung came so hard between our bodies, and his grasp around my neck weakened. I continued burying myself to the hilt and pulling out as I chased after my own release.
Burying my face on his shoulder, I climaxed, releasing my essence inside of him, breathing ragged and uneven.
After a few seconds of silence and getting continuously drenched by the rain, I pulled out and looked at him.
I planted a kiss on his forehead, and Taehyung smiled melancholically, his breath rising in visible puffs.
I scooped him into my arms in a bridal style, taking both of us home.
☆。*。☆。
I was worried.
In school, Taehyung would often look at the board and wince as if he were in pain.
I would ask him if he was okay, but he would simply wave me off.
In Biology, he would spend minutes reading the same sentence in our textbook over and over again. He would always be the last one to finish our notes.
Sometimes he would fall asleep with his head resting on the desk, and I would pick up where he'd left off and finish them for him, and carry him home afterwards so he could rest properly.
Taehyung started to forget things, even simple ones such as what class he was going to next, although our daily schedule consisted of the same four classes.
And I would always be there to remind him.
But Taehyung started distancing himself from me. He would avoid me in the hallways, and ignore my calls to him during class. He would skip lunch and disappear into thin air, as if he were never there in the first place.
One day, I went looking for him and found him in one of the bathroom stalls, hunched over the toilet as he emptied his stomach out.
I ran a comforting hand down his back and caressed his hair with my fingers, gently brushing it out of his face. Taehyung let me hold him, and when he was done, he launched himself at me and sobbed into my chest whilst I whispered sweet things in his ear, telling him that everything was going to be okay.
☆。*。☆。
Taehyung was sitting in the library during lunch, and when I sat in front of him, he looked up with a surprised look on his face, and the next words that came out of his lips broke my heart into a million pieces.
"Who are you?"
As much as I tried to utter a single sentence, my lips quivered and no words came out.
Taehyung sat there perplexed as silent tears streamed down my cheeks. Then his eyes widened, as if suddenly remembering. His face went pale as snow, and his eyes turned crystalline. He looked away, standing up and crying out, "I'm sorry," before running away.
I didn't sleep at all that night. I stayed up wide awake, contemplating everything happening: our relationship that was slowly but surely going downhill, my deteriorating grades, Taehyung's somber and yonderly demeanor, his starless, nebulous eyes, his sudden drop in health.
It was too much. I had too many questions, and little to no answers. I was determined to find them, get something out of Taehyung, because my heart was too tired of seeing him suffer like that, it couldn't fathom our decaying love.
So I went to his house the following morning. It was a Sunday, therefore school was out. And I was certain he was at home.
Except, nobody was present in the house. The door was closed and no sounds could be heard from the interior. I rang the bell, several times. But there was no answer.
I was devastated. And I turned around to leave, but then I saw him.
Taehyung seemed confused by my appearance, staring at me as if he couldn't recognize me.
Until I saw his eyes get lachrymose, my ears perceiving the soft sound of a whisper coming out of his lips. He said my name.
"G-Ggukie?"
And as l held Taehyung's gaze, his knees gave in from beneath him, but I was there to catch him.
Taehyung felt fragile in my arms, his eyes were vulnerable and intense, so much that it made me forget about my own dejection and want to hold him tight against me and cosset him with my love and adoration.
I brushed his fringe away from his forehead and stroked his cheekbones with my fingertips. "T-Tae."
I was ready to give in to any of his demands and fulfill every need of his like he was my king. But the only thing Taehyung asked of me was to take him to the field.
Which I did.
☆。*。☆。
We were laying side by side among the endless plethora of flora, thousands of yellow blooms tossing and dancing to the song of the joyful wind, gazing at the sky as I listened to the soft sounds of his breathing and the faint beating of his heart.
He was content and that was all that mattered at the moment, so I didn't prob for any answers yet.
The silence was comforting, and even though the sight I had before my eyes was breathtaking, it was something else I longed to see.
I raised myself up and leaned my upper body on my elbows, which were resting on the ground, fixing my eyes on him.
Taehyung's hair was a wild frenzy, soft brown curls falling over his forehead, and multiple leaves had found residence in it and adorned it.
His mouth was spewing out riddles. And even though I failed to understand, I found solace in the dulcet tone of his soft, mellow voice.
There was a flower petal on his vermillion lips as he spoke, and it made him look even more beautiful.
He spoke about dreams, art, beauty, and love. And there was a smile drawn on my lips as I listened to the anodyne melody of his soothing voice, lulling me into a state of ataraxy. I didn't utter a single word as I let him pour his heart out.
And when he was done, I leaned over and removed the petal from his mouth with my teeth, and now that there was no barrier in between, I brushed my lips over his, before finally closing the distance and taking ownership of them.
~ I was happy, my beautiful angel, because you were happy ~.
Seeing the vivid sparkle in Taehyung's eyes, the sweet ray of sunshine painted over his lips, the effervescent, honey laced tone of his words — made me feel so alive on the inside.
There was no pain, no sadness, no worries.
Just me and him.
☆。*。☆。
The following week, not a single time did he show up to school.
It was eating me from the inside out. I yearned to see his beautiful, angelic face, to hear his rich and sweet voice, caress his delicate body and lose myself in him.
~ But most importantly, I needed to make sure you were okay, my love. . . . ~
☆。*。☆。
I ran as fast as I could.
~ The first time I saw him, I knew right then and there that he was my one. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life by his side. I opened up my heart, and pledged my love and myself to him ~.
My breath ran short, and my heart raced wildly inside my chest.
~ I promised I'd always be there for him ~.
Pain ripped through my limbs, my feet colliding hard onto the floor with loud, solid thuds.
~ That whenever he fell, I'd fall to my knees too, and I'd stay there until he got up ~.
But I kept running.
~ I promised to fill up the dark voids of his life, illuminate those hollow spaces; erase the opaque colors off his palette, replace them with fresh, vibrant hues full of vividness ~.
The door was open, as if my arrival had been long awaited.
~ But I didn't know, my love ~.
I wasted no time.
~ I became aware of things ~.
And I burst right into the room.
~ But by then, it was too late ~.
The air was knocked out of my lungs.
~ And my dreams shattered ~.
The downside of being one of the most beautiful flowers in the garden field is the high risk of getting picked before the others.
I remember the smile on his face every time I ran my fingers down his ribs, those big, pretty eyes of his morphing into half little moons, beautiful cherry lips depicting joy and gentleness in the form of laughter.
Or the crystal tears of happiness that rolled down his cheeks whenever I did something nice for him.
Those special moments in which my fingers pulled at the right strings of his heart with just the perfect amount of force.
I remember the feeling of his lithe arms around me every time we had a sleepover at my house and he couldn't sleep without holding me.
The rejoicing that came with whispering sweet compliments into his ear just to see his cheeks blossom in color.
I remember the way he would timidly raise his hand in class, and smile proudly every time at the sound of approval he'd get awarded with in return.
The sensation of his sweet, gentle lips moving in sync against mine as we kissed.
The electrifying shocks of sweetness that hummed within our entwined souls as we came together in the form of intimacy.
The feeling of loving him, and getting that love returned in its full potential.
I would never.
Taehyung pointed his hand towards his diary. And I took his hand into mine.
He looked at me, and I understood everything.
"I-I . . . I l-love . . . —"
His voice broke down, and there was an intake of breath.
And then, silence.
I pressed my lips to his knuckles and kissed them softly, closing my eyes tightly.
And through my tears, I finished for him:
". . . . You."
I promised to protect him.
But he became my guardian instead.
☆。*。☆。
Dear, Taehyung,
How are you, love?
It's been a while. Eleven months, two weeks, seven-teen hours, fifty-six minutes, and twenty-four seconds, to be exact.
Nothing's the same.
My parents got divorced, so now I live alone with my mom. She's been looking more and more drained, and I've no idea what to do about it. Maybe it's because she's my own reflection, and I don't know how to deal with it myself. I graduated from high school, and I got accepted into Korea National University of Arts. And I feel grateful. You don't know how much, my love.
In two months, I will be packing up my things, and moving to Seoul to pursue my dreams. But I don't feel satisfied. It feels as though I am being raised into the air and dropped from a hundred meters above, falling but never reaching. Almost like floating. Except, it doesn't feel good.
Sometimes, I have a hard time distinguishing fantasy from reality. And it crushes me everything the realization dawns upon me.
And it's in those kinds of moments where I can't take it anymore, and I almost give up right then and there. But I tell myself that you wouldn't want this for me, that you'd want me to live, to be happy.
Whenever I'm alone, and I see the moon is right up and following me, I like to think that it's you. That it's you illuminating my path and driving me out of the darkness, just guiding me in the right direction. It keeps me going.
You thought grown-ups saw life as it was, nothing beyond what's on the surface. Just looking straight ahead and moving on without making further inspection for deeper meaning. Way too preoccupied with everyday things, and missing the important things in life.
You said you never wanted to become an adult.
Well . . . today is your birthday. Your eighteenth birthday to be exact. And I don't know whether I should cry or laugh. So, happy birthday, angel.
I chose today to be the day I finally read your diary. I've spent the whole day reading over your words while tears ran down my cheeks. In fact, the page on which I am writing to you, was the next blank page on your notebook that you had yet to fill out. So technically, this is the very last entry of your diary.
I didn't know you liked my eyes that much. So, thank you, angel. If my sixteen-year old self had known that every time I saw you writing in your diary during class, it was indeed about me, I would've died. But now, now that I know, it is not happiness that I feel.
There's so many things I didn't know about you. For example, I didn't know that your parents neglected you. That you technically lived alone, because your parents were busy working and living in their own little bubble of adulthood. Not only did they fail to acknowledge and show proper love to their little treasure, but also failed to fulfill their duty as parents.
When you told them you were sick, they didn't listen. They spoke over you and told you to clean the house. When you tried doing it again, they refused to believe you.
But it is not your parents that I hate. It is me.
I wish I had been smart enough to puzzle the pieces together. I wish I hadn't been fool enough to believe the smiles concealing your pain and sadness. I wish I had been good enough, and I am sorry, angel, I really am.
The day that you left, you took me with you. You took my soul and my heart, leaving me hollow and empty on the inside.
And I know I am greedy for saying this, but heaven has too many angels already. What was one less? Our planet has little to none. Why couldn't you stay with me? Why did you have to go, too? Out of all the people in this world, why you? I ask myself these questions everyday, and the fact that I will never know the answers wrenches my heart.
I miss you.
I miss your smile, your touch, those beautiful eyes of yours. I miss hearing your contagious laugh, your sweet little voice. I miss having an innocent aura around, I miss feeling the presence of an angel in my house. I miss you so much it hurts.
Ever since the day you left, I have not once gone to the field. Because it is not the same without you. And it will never be. But it also reminds me of the tears we shed together when we were there, the blissful moments we lived together whenever the flowers surrounded us and the sky and the stars returned our gaze.
We'll see each other again, angel, and I promise that this time the paradise will be even more beautiful. Our smiles will be extra brighter, and our love will be so strong the only thing we will be able to hear will be the loud sound of our hearts singing and calling for one another.
I will see you again, my sweet Little Prince. I promise.
I love you. Forever and always.
Love,
Your Jeonggukie.
☆。*。☆。
The sky is a thick, infinite blanket of ink splashed with glittering dots of illumination.
Golden, scarlet-stained leaves sway in the air with delight as the cool, autumn breeze blows over, pulling everything in its direction and fighting against the resistance of the tall, brown, stubborn grass on the ground.
The stars are a shining reflection of Jeongguk's eyes, and his hair is being brushed away from his face. Bright colors of red and yellow dance in his dark brown orbs as he stares at the flickering ribbons of dazzling brightness in front of him, thriving above the wood underneath, breaking into the darkness of the night and setting alight the small space around him.
He is wearing nothing but a thin, cotton sweater. But he's unbothered, sitting close enough to the fire to feel the radiating warmth emitted by the bursting flames, seeping in through his clothes and shielding him from the cold.
A white piece of paper dangles from his fingers, the letter that contains the seal of his love.
If Jeongguk were a flower, he would be the type of flower that is on the edge of the garden and has been stripped of its sunshine: merely the remains of a marcid flower, etiolated, and withered, barely grasping, and reaching for the smallest luster of illumination that can give life to its colorless petals.
There's a lacuna in his heart. He is a planet without its little moon. His orbiting journey is far from being the same without it. But he is learning to cope with it.
He's learning to live with acceptance.
Jeongguk feeds the letter to the fire, and he watches in mesmerization as the flames leap and swallow the piece of paper with hunger and fervor in just a matter of seconds.
The fire stirs, crackling, and roaring. Tiny pieces of hot glowing cinders disperse around and drift high into space, guided forward by the wind, leaping and twirling in a fiery dance, and drawing strokes of glowing orange across the black canvas that makes up the sky.
The lips of blazing heat kiss at Jeongguk's skin and entices him as he watches the burning ashes ascend further into the plumes of darkness and fade away into golden embers.
Silver wisps of smoke billow into the haziness, sunset sky now shielded by a veil of plain blackness, making the stars shine extra brightly and stand out even more than usual.
Jeongguk just knows, he just knows, that there's a new star in the heavens above.
It tugs at his heart, and he smiles.
For he awaits the day he becomes one of those stars, too.
THE END
☆。*。☆。