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Daniel sits quietly on the couch next to Seongwoo profusely editing of what's supposed to be a surprise for his fans tomorrow. Since he was about to leave his MC position on Music Core permanently, Seongwoo had the epiphany of going on a trip with a close friend to take photos, and partly prepare for his food support and mini exhibition on the said date.
The air is starting to regain its frosty bite, something that made the younger's spine chill at the sudden gust, brushing past at the tips of his spine. He shivers. “Hyung, what are we?”
Seongwoo freezes for a moment, feels his stomach coiling into god knows what. He's absolutely fucked when it comes to conversations like these. He knows he's a coward; he knows Daniel feels the same but he cannot possibly commit when both of their futures are on the line.
Treading uncharted waters was never Seongwoo's thing, and admitting his not so secret feelings meant that they would have to play a game of hide and seek. And once they've been caught, it'll be over for them. Both of them.
“U-uh... I have someone,” Daniel drops his phone, hands visibly shaking from the sudden confession. Seongwoo's nails dig deeper through his pants, not wanting to break down.
He's obviously lying. God knows how much he loves Daniel to the moon and back and all of the cheesy hyperboles there is. But this wasn't the right time; it was too early, too premature to accept their mutual feelings.
Mustering up every ounce left of his strength, Seongwoo opts to hurt Daniel instead. “I'm dating someone from Incheon.”
“Oh...haha,” Daniel is still shaking but manages to muster up the brightest (albeit the most painful) smile at the elder. “Guess I've been assuming too much. Sorry, hyung.”
Seongwoo feels the dull ache in his heart crippling all the way from his lungs. It's so so hard to breathe knowing you've hurt the most special person in your life. It hurts knowing you've severed ties with someone you love permanently; burning all the bridges, cutting connections and erasing all the beautiful memories just to secure a bright future. It kind of feels selfish and selfless at the same time.
Seongwoo feels like dying when he sees Daniel's tears trickle away as he makes a beeline out of the living room.
“Niel, wait,” Seongwoo grabs the younger's hand, eyes pleading because he might’ve made the biggest mistake of his life. As if, being a coward wasn't enough, Seongwoo opted to accumulate collateral damage. “Can we talk?”
Daniel looks at him, tears falling on his cheeks and eyes reddish from the overwhelming feeling of hurt Seongwoo stupendously gave him. “What's there to talk about, hyung? Tell me-- I thought we were cool with each other.
Fuck
, I even thought of going away with you when all of this ends.”
“I lied, Niel-ah. I'm s-so sorry,” Seongwoo stutters, both hands forming into a fist. Just what the hell was he up to, anyways? What was he trying to achieve by hurting the one he had loved dearly.
He had never expected to like Daniel; he was quiet and reserved, a complete opposite of what the younger was. But when Daniel had reached out for him, then and there he knew he had to protect him at all costs. Seongwoo takes a deep breath, trying to ahold of himself.
"I just didn't know what to say. I'm scared, Niel-ah--so so scared for both of us if everyone finds out. I just don't want you to lament, to regret everything just because you chose me hastily. I'm prepared to suffer just to see you happy. Please do hate me, Kang Daniel. Leave me, please."
“Hyung, you’re so fucking stupid,” Daniel pulls him into his arms and presses his soft lips against the elder’s willowy ones. The kiss is rushed; it stings a little bit but Seongwoo concedes, tears still falling from his eyes. He’s so stupid, he really is. “I don’t care about the fame and everything that I’m going to possibly lose if I chose you. As long as I have you, you’ll always be enough, hyung.”
“Niel,” Seongwoo breaks away from the kiss and heaves for a moment. “But I don’t deserve you, I’ve already wounded you with my words. Please, I---”
“Stop,” Daniel puts a finger on his lips, shushing him effectively. He then proceeds to wipe the tears away from Seongwoo’s reddish eyes. He can’t stop himself from appreciating Seongwoo’s heavenly features, his beautiful moles resembling that of a constellation, adorned at the surface of his cheek. He’s still beautiful even when he’s crying. “Wounds will heal, eventually. You are worth it, Ong Seongwoo. You are worth every pain in this world.”
Concomitantly, Daniel cups Seongwoo’s cheeks, planting a kiss on his lips once again. He can feel Seongwoo smiling through the kiss, he’s still teary-eyed but he knows the feelings are lighter now. It is more sincere than what they’ve been through all this time.
“You are my first,” Daniel breaks away from the kiss, giggling like a child while looking straight through the older’s twinkling eyes. “And you’re going to be my last, Seongwoo-hyung.”
Looking back at everything, Daniel is just as scared as Seongwoo was. However, he’s optimism makes him far braver than he will ever be. Seongwoo is undeniably warm, and feels a bit brave right now from the assurance Daniel is constantly whispering on his ears.
He wants to take a leap of faith.
He will take the leap the faith.
“And you’ll always be worth it too, Niel-ah. Can I be your boyfriend?”