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There was blood. A lot of blood. A teen’s body lay fucking lifeless on the concrete. What a nerd. Murdoc slowly climbed out of his wrecked car, feeling a sexy breeze blow through his terf bangs.
Upon realizing the severity of what he’d done, he ran away like the little bitch otter he was. He ran as fast as his cartoon legs would take him. He ran and ran, letting his nonexistent lungs burn. Once he finally had to stop, he realized he no longer recognized his surroundings. There were heavy trees that had branches sagging under the weight of heavy leaves. He felt his heartbeat increase. What had he done?
Murdoc looked around for an exit from the woods, where was he. As the intense fear heightened within his soul, he felt the world spin around him. There was a dead twink because of him. Fucking nice. The olive skinned man felt a pang of guilt, but that wasn’t saying much. He was a sadistic man of many emotions at once sometimes.
Just as he continued upon his mid-life crisis. The gross man suddenly felt a shift. He fell backwards and fell into a sudden cold water. Upon being completely submerged, he tried to breathe. Underwater. Like a fucking idiot. A chill overpowered his onision body, making it impossible for him to be aware. There was a body on that pavement, and a crime scene he left behind. He left behind someone’s body. Whatever that blue twink was going to do today, was no longer possible. Damn, Murdoc thought, it really be that kind of day huh.
Murdoc allowed his eyes to close, the murky image of forestry faded from his vision. The icy water began to induce a state of stillness in his body. Am I fucking dying? God that’s pathetic. But, he was ready to accept it. Between all the shit he’d done, maybe it was for the better that he drowned in a pond with two feet of water.
Barely conscious, and with skin that was probably an actual shade of blue, Murdoc’s body shifted. With a sudden motion upwards, his body was now out of the puny body of water. A pair of strong arms had him in their grasp, and the warmth radiated from their chest was enough to make the man begin to stir.
“Yew alrigh’ there lad?” a strong Scottish accent boomed above him, “Yew look like a fookin’ raisin over there, thot you were tryin’ to raise demons over there in that pond.”
Murdoc groaned, but with a sudden jerk his chest rose violently and water spurted out of his move. Gasping for air, his senses complete returned once again. The sun shone brightly in his eyes, was it daytime again? He doubled over, hissing as more water came up. Running a hand through his hair, Murdoc felt pure exhaustion take over his gross thirty year old man body. He leaned back, and his head met with the thigh of a big man, a huge dude, a fucking unit. Forgetting that there was company momentarily, he screamed in all his ugly glory, Murdoc fucking Niccals screamed into the face of an actual ogre.
“Stop fookin’ screamin’ it’s hurtin me ears,” the man explained, “hey did you get ‘ere anyways? Long way from England to wherever the fook I am righ’ now.”
Murdoc was stunned, why was the creature speaking and acting like a person? It’s not like they were both fictional and could take on any characteristics they wanted. The creature, no, the man, not even that, the hunk continued rambling on and on. The olive skinned man continued to listen, letting the thick Scottish accent soothe him. After nearly drowning, a sexy green man with an accent just as incomprehensible as his was just was he needed.
“And then that hoe fookin’ took me favorite saucepan, and me donkey. Well, he wasn’ really my donkey because slavery is bad.” Speaking like Eros himself, Murdoc found himself in a trance.
“Wait a second you sexy beast,” Murdoc interrupted, “I didn’t catch your name, what is it?”
He gave his best charms to the man; his nasty-ass yellow toothed smile. For a moment, the bigger man seemed to have been entranced by the flirtatious remark.
“My name is...Shrek,” he said, “what is yers, handsome lad?”
Murdoc smiled warmly, and for once in his life he didn’t feel like a sadistic alcoholic.
“ImMurdocNiccalsFromGorillaz.” He replied in a single breath, fluttering his eyelashes as if he were an anime character. Wait, what’s an anime? Doesn’t matter. Must seduce the green bear.
“What’s a gorillaz?” Shrek questioned, “Sounds fookin’ dumb if I’ve ever ‘eard it.”
He felt like he’s had this conversation before, a bizarre sense of familiarity surged through him. An inkling of panic crept its way up, what was a gorillaz? Some sort of porno he had probably seen when he was eight.
“Don’t know,” Murdoc added, “but you’re right, gorillaz sounds fuckin’ dumb. Don’t know where that came from. Maybe it’s a repressed memory from my childhood.”
Shrek let out a booming laugh, not caring to put a filter over the eccentric act. Damn, Murdoc thought, that’s fuckin uhhhhhhh hot. Shrek kept laughing at an inhumane volume and it soon evolved into a thunderous roar.
Murdoc stood up suddenly in fear. The laughing continued. He began to back up. The floor began to shake, Shrek’s jaw elongated as if he were just a 3D render. What is happening, I was just trying to get some ogre dick. He looked at his hands, but they weren’t hands. They were...pencil lines? He wanted to feel fear, but he couldn’t feel anything at all. The nonexistent gravity slipped under him once again. The same cold water rushing to encapsulate his face. He couldn’t drown this time. Murdoc was a cartoon. This wasn’t real.
“Despacito.” Murdoc cried.