Work Text:
namjoon can’t sleep. he shifts in the warmth of his bed, turning sides in hopes of feeling more comfortable— of feeling like his heart won’t jump out of his throat at any minute. sometimes, his mind races far too fast for him to catch up with and it's hard for him to shut down his body. this is one of those times. namjoon feels so restless. he feels overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time and it feels like his lungs are being filled with water. he can’t breathe.
namjoon sits up in his bed, reaching out for his phone on the bedside table. it’s 3:34 am. he groans and rubs his burning eyes with the heels of his palms.
*
somehow, on autopilot, namjoon makes it to yoongi’s room. before he knows it, he’s opening the door and poking his head into the dimly lit room— a sign that yoongi's awake. he finds yoongi with his headphones on, sitting on the bed with his laptop perched on his thighs. he looks so small and comfortable, his body wrapped in a comforter. namjoon winces at the thought of disturbing his hyung when he’s doing something important.
yoongi barely notices him come in, immersed in his work and headphones blocking out any sound. namjoon clears his throat.
“hyung?” namjoon says, quiet and unsure. yoongi almost doesn't hear him, but he looks up and blearily squints at namjoon.
namjoon is the tallest member of their group, but in this moment, he looks so little. so less. his shoulders are hunched and his eyes look tired and he’s wringing his hands together like he doesn’t know what to do with them.
“hyung,” he repeats, slightly louder.
“namjoon-ah? what’s wrong?” yoongi asks, and he knows something’s off just by looking at namjoon.
“i can’t sleep.”
namjoon looks so tired.
it must be so hard being in charge of their group. so stressful to have all that responsibility handed to him at such a young age. yoongi stares at namjoon for a few seconds, expression unreadable. namjoon’s brain is so beautiful, he thinks so intricately, so poetically. yoongi’s sure that his mind has reached the edge of the universe and back.
yoongi sits up, moves to the edge of his bed and pats the space next to him. namjoon complies, sitting with his thighs touching yoongi’s. he stares at their legs next to each other for a bit, marveling at the size difference.
“what’s up?” yoongi questions, voice low.
“i dunno, hyung,” namjoon starts. “it’s just one of those nights. my brain just won’t shut off— i’ve been trying for so long but i’m so frustrated and tired and i just want to sleep.”
yoongi hums. he understands how that feels. “tell me what’s on your mind. maybe if you let it out?”
namjoon doesn't hesitate. he starts speaking.
“living is so hard. sometimes i’m not sure who i am. am i even human anymore? i don’t understand anything, not myself or the world and i don’t know what to do, hyung. i’m so scared of the future and what it holds for me, for us all, and i know i’m the leader. i’m supposed to have everything sorted out but how can i do that when i don't even have my head sorted out? i feel like i’m falling down a black hole and i’m being squeezed but there’s no end to it and. and i don’t know what to do,” namjoon tears up a bit, sleepiness and frustration building up.
“i just want my life figured out but i don't know how and and sometimes i’m too scared to ask for help because i have this reputation as the leader and i— i don't know. i don't know i,” deep breath, “i’m really tired, hyung.”
“namjoon-ah, honeybear, it’s okay,” yoongi soothes. “you know we’re always here for you. all of your members, we’re more than that. we’re your family. c’mere,” he says, and pats his shoulder, pulling namjoon in so that his face is buried in the juncture of his neck. he feels tears wet his skin. yoongi doesn't mind.
“its okay to not have everything figured out. you don't have to hard carry the group alone, we’re part of the group too. let us help you, honey. you're doing so, so well. you're the best leader any group could ever ask for, we wouldn't have it any other way.”
yoongi brings his hand up to stroke at namjoon’s hair, tries to comfort him, “we’re so proud of you. hyung is so proud of you. i love you, i hope you know that.”
namjoon nods into yoongi’s neck, sniffling a little, and pulls back to look up at yoongi. his eyes are puffy and red from crying and exhaustion. “i love you too, yoongi-hyung. thank you.”
namjoon’s nose is red. his face is puffy and there are tears clinging to his eyelashes that make them look longer, and, fuck, his nose is so small and round. yoongi thinks he looks so adorable, so he kisses namjoon’s nose. namjoon immediately scrunches his nose, a strangled sound escaping his throat. his cheeks flush red and he brings his hands up to hide his face in that endearing way he does when he's embarrassed. it makes yoongi want to kiss his nose even more.
“hyung, you work so hard,” namjoon gets out after getting over his mortification, voice still a bit snotty, “you should take a break and sleep. i’m sorry i interrupted you while you were working.”
“never apologize for coming to me when things get hard for you. i would drop everything in a heartbeat to make sure you're okay. and so would everyone else, don't forget.” yoongi reprimands, but so gently you’d think that he's praising namjoon instead with the way his eyes are so soft while gazing at joon in the low light of his room.
“mm, you’re right, i’m beat. lets sleep, joon-ah.” yoongi pauses, clears his throat. “do you want to sleep with me? in— in my bed, i mean.”
namjoon smiles shyly, dimples on display. yoongi’s heart stutters. “yeah, hyung. i’d like that. your bed’s softer than mine. plus it smells like you.”
the tips of namjoons ears turn red, realising what he’d just said. you can’t even blame him, he has no brain-to-mouth filter right now. it’s past four am.
yoongi flushes at namjoon’s words too, pleased. they settle into yoongi’s bed like their love for each other; quietly, comfortably, hearts content. wrapped up in each other's arms, the outside world doesn't exist. namjoon can hear the rhythmic beat of yoongi’s heart. he feels yoongi breathing, his chest rising up and down steadily, and slowly tries to synchronize his own breathing with yoongi’s, satisfied when they match. namjoon kisses lightly on his collarbone.
“hey, hyung?” namjoon mumbles into yoongi’s neck, “i have a request.”
“yeah?”
“can you sing me to sleep? i like— i like your voice a lot.”
yoongi hums, silent for a few seconds, and namjoon thinks maybe he shouldn't have said that, idiot.
but then yoongi responds, “alright, joon-ah,” and namjoon melts back into yoongi’s chest. hadn't even realised that he’d tensed up in the first place.
yoongi starts singing, his voice deep and soothing. namjoon recognizes the lyrics of iu’s autumn morning. he closes his eyes and buries his face into yoongi’s chest, finding comfort in the vibrations of yoongi’s chest.
namjoon falls asleep like that, feeling safe, loved and cherished in yoongi’s arms. yoongi sings until namjoon starts to snore lightly. he sings until he starts humming, until it’s hard for him to move his lips. he falls asleep too, warm in namjoon’s arms.
when i hear small birds sing in the early morning,
as always, i wake up reluctantly.
through the window, the sun dazzles and shines.