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Yuuri is running on two hours of sleep. A horrible situation considering he has his thesis presentation in an hour, but honestly, it’s par for the course for him. He can’t remember a moment in the past week where he didn’t feel tired, nervous, or both at the same time, and now it’s even worse. His heart is pounding and he feels like he’s going to vomit and all he can think about is what if I mess up, what if I have to repeat my thesis, what if they hate me .
If Yuuri doesn’t do well today then he doesn’t think he could ever show his face to his adviser who has been so, so patient with him the last three years, from his last year of undergrad to his two years trying to get his Master’s. He won’t be able to show his face back home in Japan after spending all this time studying instead of working his ass off. He can’t show his face to his roommate who is a sophomore impressionable and naive enough to look up to him .
Yuuri really should have let Phichit come with him. He should have let Phichit hold his hand through this entire morning, should have taken some sleeping pills last night instead of letting his mind run, should have let himself rest yesterday instead of fussing over his powerpoint after it was already done. He should have done a lot of things, but here he is now, with bags under his eyes hidden under layers and layers of concealer courtesy of Phichit and a powerpoint presentation that he can barely remember.
Yuuri knows he needs to calm down. He knows that even though he needed the boost of energy, he probably shouldn’t have gotten coffee this morning because it just makes his anxiety worse. He knows that if he doesn’t pull himself together, he’ll no doubt bomb his final thesis presentation.
He tries his breathing exercises. He tries to empty his mind of his unhelpful, ugly thoughts and focuses on where he is right now. He’s sitting in the middle of a bus, crammed next to the window even though he’s sitting alone. He tries to concentrate on the passing landscape.
He’s worked so hard for this. He’s done his part in researching and writing and painstakingly editing and rewriting his work. He asked for Phichit’s help with his powerpoint presentation so it doesn’t look like a five-year-old made it. Yuuri knows his thesis is good because his adviser has said so multiple times. He knows all this, and he just needs to believe it. Preferably within the next hour.
Yuuri doesn’t always succeed when he’s trying to calm down, but this time, he’s snapped out of his episode by the sound of a child crying and a frantic Yuri, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Yuuri should have known it wasn’t meant for him, but for a split second while his mind has yet to connect the dots, Yuuri turns away from the window and towards the seats across his.
There’s a man with his son. He is dressed impeccably in a navy blue suit that makes his eyes seem even brighter despite the dim lights in the bus. Yuuri thinks he looks like the sky on a good, cloudy day, and Yuuri could stare at him forever , but there’s also a small, yellow-haired kid on his lap, red-faced and wailing.
“Yuri, please . I need you to tell me what’s wrong,” the man says. He wipes the tears and snot off the child’s face, though it must be a futile effort considering how much there is.
But Yuri doesn’t answer, only cries and hiccups and cries even more.
“Do you want a snack? One of your toys? What do you need Papa to do to make you happy, kotyonok ?” the man tries, but Yuri only looks away from him, only tries to move away from his lap. He isn’t allowed to, of course, because they’re in a moving bus and he might fall and break something. It only makes Yuri cry even louder.
Yuuri can already hear some people complaining, and so does Yuri’s dad, because he becomes even more frantic, more frazzled. He reaches into the bag on Yuri’s back and takes out a small tiger stuffed toy.
“Potya doesn’t want you to be sad just like Papa, so please tell us what’s wrong, sweetheart,” Yuri’s dad says, and for a moment, Yuuri thinks that Yuri will cave, that he will take Potya into his arms and stop crying. Instead, Yuri slaps Potya out of his dad’s hand and onto the floor, right by Yuuri’s feet.
Yuuri’s eyes meets those of Yuri’s dad’s, which are bright blue and wide and just a little bit sad. Yuuri thinks they’d look so much better when there isn’t that hint of sadness in them, and then he realizes what he’s thinking and startles, his cheeks warming. He looks away, only to fall into another trap, this time looking into little Yuri’s green eyes, sad and angry and guilty all at the same time.
It should be confusing, but it isn’t. Yuuri remembers one time when he was young, sad and angry when his parents told him that the local ice rink was closing down, so he took it out on his dinner and spilled his bowl of katsudon all over their wooden floors. He’d tried to stand his ground, but he knew he was wrong, so broke down crying while he watched his mother clean up his mess.
Yuuri doesn’t know why Yuri’s so mad, or why he’s so sad, but he knows that Yuri must feel bad for troubling his dad or at the very least, dirtying his Potya, so when Yuuri hands back the stuffed toy to Yuri’s dad, he makes sure to smile at Yuri.
He also might be entirely incapable of looking Yuri’s dad in the eye because he’s just—a lot. Too good-looking for a panicking dad who probably has a wife and definitely has a son he needs to focus on. Definitely out of Yuuri’s league and definitely not what he should be thinking about when he has his final thesis presentation in fifty minutes .
Right.
Yuuri’s about to turn away and mind his own business, but then he hears Yuri’s dad gasp.
“Yuri? Do you want to go to him?” he says, and Yuuri tries so hard not to look, but he does and he dies because Yuri is looking right at him, eyes wide and still drooling a little bit, but he’s stopped crying .
And also—
“Um. What,” Yuuri says, because did Yuri’s dad just ask his son if he wants to go to Yuuri ? Yuuri looks behind him, looks in the seat in front of him, and the only person there is an old lady dozing against the window, which can only mean that yes, Yuri’s dad meant him .
Yuuri isn’t qualified for this. There were barely any children younger than Yuuri back in Hasetsu, and for the last six years, Yuuri has been interacting exclusively with tired college students and even more tired middle-aged professors just trying to live their lives. Yuuri doesn’t know why Yuri’s dad is gathering his child and his bag in his arms and crossing over the aisle to sit next to Yuuri, doesn’t know why Yuri stopped crying in the first place, and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do so Yuri doesn’t cry again.
“Hi there!” Yuri’s dad says. “My name is Viktor, and this is my son, Yuri. Would you like to hold him?”
He doesn’t even give Yuuri a chance to respond. He just drops his son into Yuuri’s lap, holding on for long enough that Yuuri has a steady grip on Yuri’s middle and Yuri has a steady grip on Yuuri’s shirt, crinkling the fabric after Yuuri bought a steamer just to get the wrinkles out of his $3 dress shirt from Target.
It’s fine though. It’s probably not even going to wrinkle that bad, or if it does, then Yuuri can hide it under the cardigan Phichit packed for him because he always gets so cold in the lecture room they’re using for the presentations.
Even though Yuuri’s holding Yuri, he doesn’t know what else to do or what to say. Does he ask how Yuri is doing? Does he ask why he was crying or is that rude?
In the end, he settles for this:
“Is she yours?” he asks, pointing at the tiger that’s getting squished between him and Yuri. “She’s very pretty.”
Yuri doesn’t say anything, but he nods. Yuuri looks at Viktor, panicked, but he doesn’t do anything but smile at Yuuri and nod encouragingly, like that will help Yuuri come up with something to say. Well, it doesn’t because it only makes Yuuri more flustered.
Yuuri turns back to Yuri, sure that his face is redder than it’s ever been in his entire life, says, “Uh. You know, we have the same name. I’m also Yuuri.”
Yuri’s eyes widen and he presses up further against Yuuri.
“Yuuri?” he says.
“Yuuri,” Yuuri confirms. “I’ve never met another one though, so you’re the first.”
“First?” Yuri says, and he sounds so amazed and delighted that Yuuri doesn’t know what to do with it. Yuri turns to his dad, lets go of Yuuri so he can put his hands in the air, yelling, “Papa, first!”
“Yes, you are first, kotyonok, ” Viktor says. He takes Yuri’s little hand in his and shakes it as Yuri celebrates. Yuuri thinks he might cry because it’s the most adorable thing he’s seen all month, and Phichit made his hamsters wear Pokemon costumes for their Instagram account just last week.
Then, Yuri launches himself at Yuuri, wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s neck so that he’s standing on Yuuri’s lap, one foot on each thigh. Yuuri has no choice but to hold Yuri close, because if he doesn’t, Yuri might fall and break his neck and then Viktor will make Yuuri pay for the hospital bill even though Yuuri is pretty much a stereotypical broke college student who lives on ramen, box mac and cheese, and takeout.
This, at least, sends Viktor into a panic.
“No, Yuri, don’t do that,” he says. He gets his hands around Yuri’s tiny arms and tries to pry him off, but Yuri doesn’t budge. Yuuri would wonder just how much force Viktor’s using, if he’s not even trying that hard because he doesn’t want to hurt Yuri, but Yuuri can feel how tightly Yuri’s holding onto him. Viktor’s probably trying his best but Yuri’s trying harder.
“No! Yuuri.” Yuri says. It’s a little muffled because he has his face buried in Yuuri’s chest, but his sentiment is clear.
Yuuri wasn’t worried about his shirt before, but now he is. Yuri’s mouth is smack dab in the middle of his shirt and unless his snot and saliva dries in time for Yuuri’s presentation, he doesn’t think he can cover that up with his cardigan.
And now that he thinks about it—
“Yuri,” he says, adjusting his grip so that he has both hands at Yuri’s sides instead of having an arm around Yuri’s shoulder and another around his waist. “I have to go soon so you have to let me go.”
Yuri pulls away enough that he can look up at Yuuri with his big, sad eyes that make Yuuri question whether it really is important that the bus is only one stop away from his. But no, Yuuri has his final thesis presentation and if he’s late to that then he can kiss his Master’s degree goodbye.
For another semester, at least, but still.
“I have something that I need to do today and it’s very important to me, so I really need to get off soon,” Yuuri says, but this time, Yuri’s eyes tear up and his fists tighten on Yuuri’s shirt.
“But I’m first,” Yuri wails, and then he’s crying again and Yuuri has no idea why or what he should do or what he did before to stop it.
Viktor sighs, and this time, when he tries to take Yuri from Yuuri’s arms, he actually succeeds.
“Sorry,” he says. “I’ve been very busy the past few weeks so he’s a little mad at me.”
Maybe it’s because Yuuri’s pressured by the sight of his stop in the distance, just a few seconds away, or maybe Yuuri looks at the sad smile on Viktor’s face and feels an intense, burning need to see it disappear. Either way, Yuuri digs himself a hole and makes himself another problem other than the twenty-minute final thesis presentation he has coming up in forty-five minutes.
He still has those cards from that business mixer he attended two years ago when he was still trying to get a job in the industry instead of getting his Master’s like he really wanted. He takes one out and he thrusts it into Viktor’s hand, says, “I really need to get off at this stop but please call me if you need someone to look after Yuri.”
He doesn’t get to hear Viktor’s response because then he’s throwing his backpack over his shoulder and rushing out the bus.
His next forty-five minutes are less frazzled and more focused than he would’ve thought they would be just minutes ago, and his presentation actually goes well . He almost has a panic attack during the ten minutes he spends outside the lecture room while his adviser and his panel discuss his presentation, but he makes it through.
Yuuri passes his thesis defense and his adviser wants him to continue with his graduate studies and get his PhD next. Yuuri should be celebrating but instead, he can’t stop thinking about how he just gave his card to a stranger and offered to look after his child. He made a fool of himself, let himself be swayed by Yuri’s tears and Viktor’s sad smile.
And Viktor’s pretty face because who is he kidding .
Yuuri sits on a bench in front of his institute for hours until Phichit finally finds him at lunchtime.
“Yuuri! You didn’t text me,” he says, and no, Yuuri didn’t, because he’s scared and he doesn’t want to even check his phone in case he finds a message from Viktor.
Yuuri must look miserable, because Phichit sits down next to him, eyebrows furrowed and mouth twisted into a frown.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen with your presentation?” Phichit asks.
“No.”
“Then why do you look like that?”
Yuuri groans, says, “You don’t want to know”
Phichit sighs, wraps an arm around Yuuri’s shoulders and leans into his side.
“Tell me everything,” Phichit says, and Yuuri does.
Yuuri expects sympathy. He expects Phichit to pat him on the back and tell him that hey, at least he’ll never see Viktor and Yuri ever again.
Instead, Phichit says, “That’s not so bad!”
“Phichit! Did you even listen to me?” Yuuri says.
Phichit huffs out a laugh. “Yes, I did, and like I said, it’s not as bad as you think it is.”
“ Phichit .”
“What?” Phichit finally lets go of Yuuri only to take Yuuri’s cheeks in his hands and pinch . “He’s hot, his kid seems to like you, and you just got a lot of free time to spare.”
“But why would he even let me take care of his kid? He doesn’t even know me,” Yuuri says.
Phichit rolls his eyes. “He was literally the one who dumped his kid onto you so I don’t see why you think that’s an issue.”
Yuuri almost never wins an argument against Phichit, and this isn’t an exception.
Phichit pulls away, satisfied.
“Let’s hope he’s single so you don’t have to be a homewrecker, Yuuri!” he says, and Yuuri is going to kill him .
[unknown number]: Hi Yuri! This is Viktor from the bus this morning. You were probably joking but it would actually help if you wanted to babysit my Yuri. The daycare only lasts until 6 PM and my usual babysitters are busy this whole week. By any chance, are you free 6 PM to 9 PM? I understand if you can’t!!
Yuuri: hi viktor! it’s yuuri actually, not yuri. I just finished my last requirement so i am free :) when do you need me?
Viktor: Really???? Um today if you’re free??????
Yuuri: yeah, i can take him today :)
Yuuri: should i take him home btw or should we just go to a diner or a restaurant or something?? and do i pick him up somewhere? and also if you’re at work until 9 PM does he have dinner with me?
Viktor: I’ll send you the address of Yuri’s daycare in a second wait
Viktor: Also since we don’t really know each other yet, I’d prefer it if you took him to a diner today. There’s one a block away from the daycare so I’ll send you directions to that too.
Viktor: And a list of what you’ll need to do with Yuri of course!
Yuuri: ok thank you :)
Phichit leaves Yuuri so he can study for his last exam tomorrow, which means Yuuri has to trudge through the next three hours alone. He knows Phichit can’t help that his semester still isn’t done, so Yuuri watches him get on the bus home from Yuri’s daycare, and then he walks in.
The receptionist only asks for an ID before she releases Yuri to him, who’s looking less angry and more tired than he did this morning. That must be what hours of playtime will do to a kid, and Yuuri isn’t exactly complaining.
Yuuri shifts his weight from one foot to another as Yuri looks up at him, still gripping Potya to his chest just like he was when Yuuri left him.
“Hi there, Yuri. Do you remember me?” Yuuri asks.
Yuri nods, opens his arms in front of him, says, “Yuuri!”
Yuuri thinks that means he should pick Yuri up, and so he does. He secures Yuri against his hip, thanks the receptionist, and then they’re off.
“You’re going to spend some time with me while your Papa’s at work. Is that okay?” Yuuri says. Yuri looks at him with a crease between his eyebrows and his mouth twisted into a frown, so Yuuri tries to speak slower. “We’re going to eat dinner now at a diner near here. Your Papa says you eat there a lot, so you should have a favorite, huh?”
Yuri perks up when Yuuri says diner and favorite in the same breath. “Pirozhki!”
Yuuri’s eyebrows furrow. He didn’t catch that, but he trusts Yuri knows enough to point at what he wants when they’re actually in the diner, and he does. Yuri gets pirozhki that he downs in less time than what’s probably healthy for his age, and then he gets another one, half of which Yuuri ends up eating.
Yuri spends most of their time together doing his daycare homework, drawing a picture of his favorite place in the entire earth. Yuuri can’t really tell what it is that Yuri’s drawing, but Yuri tells him it’s a beach back home in St. Petersburg where he and his Papa would run around and play with their dog. The old man behind the counter glares at Yuuri the entire time, but he figures it must only be because he knows Yuri and Viktor but not Yuuri.
By 9 PM, Yuri is leaning against Yuuri and barely keeping himself from falling asleep.
“You can sleep, Yuri. I’ll wake you up when your Papa gets here,” Yuuri promises.
Yuri only frowns, says simply, “No,” even though his eyes are closed and his words are slurred.
Yuuri turns away to hide his smile and he’s met with the sight of Viktor, running from across the street. Yuuri feels his smile widen.
“Yuri, guess who’s here?” Yuuri says, shaking Yuri’s shoulder gently until he finally opens his eyes.
“Papa?” Yuri asks. He looks around the place, and Yuuri can see the moment when he spots Viktor because he sits up straight and his eyes light up.
Viktor bursts into the diner with a smile that reaches his eyes and his arms opened wide.
“Yuri!” he says, and he immediately goes to pick Yuri up, spinning him in a circle before he descends upon him with kisses. “Papa missed you, Yuri.”
Yuri screams happily as Viktor showers him with kisses all over his head and his cheeks. “Missed you, Papa.”
It’s almost like this morning never happened. They so obviously love each other and it makes something in Yuuri’s chest ache because he hasn’t seen his family in six years outside of Skype calls and he misses them . Maybe now that he has his Master’s degree, he can actually go back to Japan and visit his family without feeling like a shit son.
Maybe.
“Yakov, my usual to-go please,” Viktor says.
The old man behind the counter rolls his eyes, but he rings up Viktor’s order anyway, which only makes Viktor smile even wider. He turns back to Yuri, asks, “Did you have fun with Yuuri, sweetheart?”
Yuri nods, and suddenly, Yuuri finds Viktor’s smile directed at him. His cheeks warm and his heart skips a beat and he kinda wants to get up and run away, but instead, he stays where he is and smiles back, weak as it may be.
Viktor sits down across Yuuri, says, “Thank you for tonight. I really appreciate it. How much do you need for your time?”
“Oh no, it’s fine!” Yuuri says, waving his hands frantically. “You don’t need to pay me.”
Viktor frowns. “Nonsense. You did the work of my usual babysitters. I should pay you, Yuuri.”
“But it really was no trouble,” Yuuri says. “ I liked spending time with Yuri and I was free anyway.”
Viktor considers him for a moment, and Yuuri forces himself to stay still and power through it without blurting out something embarrassing. Then, Viktor lights up, so bright that it’s almost like one of those things on TV where a light bulb appears above a character’s head.
“Then allow me to pay for your dinner tonight at least,” Viktor says.
Yuuri opens his mouth to say no, but then Viktor’s already pulling out $100 from his wallet and shoving it into Yuuri’s hand.
Yuuri yelps, tries to push it back. “This is too much!”
“Well, if we don’t set a fixed rate now, then this is what you’re getting everyday,” Viktor says, and his smile turns sharp.
He’s giving Yuuri no choice but to relent, but Yuuri will not take this lying down. He probably shouldn’t be saying no to money, but there’s something about Viktor that makes him want to see that stupid forced smile disappear.
“Well then I’ll buy Yuri $100 worth of toys everyday. Let’s see how you like that,” Yuuri says.
Viktor’s mouth goes slack and his eyes widen and Yuuri thinks that hey , maybe he shouldn’t have said that. He’s never going to see either Yuri or Viktor again and he’s never going to get to come back to this diner and he’s never going to be able to take that bus on that particular time ever again. He’s going to have to walk or bike to uni and he’s going to be so sweaty .
But then Viktor smiles once again and this time, it knocks the breath out of Yuuri.
“I wonder what I should do with someone as stubborn as you, Yuuri,” Viktor says, and the way Yuuri’s name rolls off Viktor’s tongue sends a tingle up his spine. “Is there something you want, Yuuri ?”
Yuuri opens his mouth, but his words catch in his throat and his lips are dry and he feels just a little bit dizzy from how Viktor is looking at him.
“Noth—” Yuuri swallows past the lump in his throat. “Nothing.”
“Are you sure?” Viktor asks, and no, Yuuri doesn’t think he is sure, especially when Viktor flutters his eyelashes like that, what the hell . “Because I can think of a couple of things you might like, Yuuri.”
Yuuri doesn’t even manage a word this time, only hums, high-pitched and tinged with how flustered he is.
“A dinner this weekend maybe? A romantic one, of course. With candles and wine and a kiss goodnight,” Viktor says, and Yuuri’s brain short-circuits right then and there.
Well, it should have, but then—
“Who’s going to take care of Yuri?” Yuuri asks.
Viktor laughs. He laughs loud and long enough that it disturbs Yuri, who has dozed off ever since he found himself in his Papa’s arms.
“Papa?” he says, voice muted by the tendrils of sleep still clinging onto him.
Viktor quiets down, kisses Yuri’s forehead, says, “Sorry, Yuri. Go back to sleep.”
“Okay, Papa,” Yuri says, and then he closes his eyes and dozes off once again. God, Yuuri wishes he slept that easily.
“Anyway, I think my usual babysitters can take care of them this weekend,” Viktor says, “but if you’re alright going on a date with me and my son, then I don’t see why we can’t have a romantic dinner at home.”
A date. Yuuri doesn’t know what he did to deserve both a passing grade for his thesis presentation and a date with this beautiful man and his adorable son but he isn’t going to think about it.
“That sounds good to me,” Yuuri says, and when Viktor smiles at him, he smiles back.