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The world is spinning even with his eyes closed and Sidney hates it. He’s breathing deeply through his mouth in an effort to combat the nausea because Geno will kill him if he throws up. With a deep breath he slits his eyes open, glad to see they’re almost to his house. The gentle movement of the car isn’t helping any.
Geno pulls up into the driveway and Sid fumbles for his seatbelt, getting it loose as the car comes to a stop. He opens the door and the cold air against his face is refreshing.
“Sid!”
Alex is already outside, bundled in a fleece jacket and he hurries down the sidewalk, frowning.
Sidney swings his legs out of the car and stands. The world sways alarming around him and he feels like he’s going to fall over. Strong hands settle on his elbows, pulling gently and he closes his eyes, letting Alex guide him away from the car.
An arm slides around his waist and he leans into Alex. The other man is solid, immobile and for the first time since he took the hit, Sid doesn’t feel like he’s going to fly apart. He rests his head on Alex’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar, comforting scent of him. Some part of him knows he shouldn’t be this close, where all the neighbors could see, but Alex had been here well over a year, so most of them had probably already made an educated guess.
Sidney is vaguely aware of Alex and Geno talking, the rapid Russian going over his head. He has no idea what’s being said, and he doesn’t really care. The throbbing in his head isn’t much better and he just wants to go inside.
The conversation finally dies, and Sidney slits his eyes open to find Geno looking at him over the top of the car with a concerned look. He manages a wane smile. “Thanks for the ride Geno.”
Geno gives a tight smile. “No problem Sid. Jordy and I get car back tomorrow.” He looks at Alex. “Keep eye on him Sanja.”
Alex nods. “Course Zhenya. Have good night.”
Sidney lets Alex guide him up the walkway to the house and he’s glad they’ve kept it clear of snow. It would be a perfect end to his day if he ate shit on his way into the house after getting a concussion.
Once they get inside Alex kisses Sidney’s temple before moving him away from the door. He quickly shuts and locks the door before carefully stripping Sidney’s coat off. “Sid, how is head?”
Sidney groans, trying not to move, since every jostle of his head makes him want to vomit. “At this point having it cut off would be a gift, but since that isn’t an option, I feel like shit.”
Alex touches Sidney’s head, fingers light in his hair. “Understand. Feel good enough to shower?”
All Sidney really wants is to lay down somewhere dark, but he’s suddenly aware of the sweat caked on his body, since he had played most of a period before getting taken out. He also knows Alex likely changed the sheets today and he doesn’t want to get them dirty. “Shower.”
Nodding Alex shepherds him up the stairs towards his room and he knows any other time he would be irritated, but right now Sidney doesn’t care. It’s taking all his focus to stay upright, and he appreciates the comfort of knowing Alex is right behind him, ready to brace him if something goes wrong.
He reaches the top of the stairs and heads for the bedroom. He leaves the light off, since there’s enough light coming in from outside to cast stark shadows across the room. Removing his suit jacket he drops it to the floor and starts on his belt, making sure to keep his motions easy and unrushed. The less he jostles his head, the better.
Once he’s naked he enters the bathroom and dims the lights, until he can just barely see. He gets into the shower and turns the water on warm. It feels good on his skin, eases a little of the pain and he wishes he could stay in the shower until he starts feeling better.
As he’s getting out of the shower the room does a slow, nauseating loop. Taking a deep breath Sid grabs a towel from the bar and wraps it around his hips before sitting on the toilet. He closes his eyes and listens to Alex moving around the bedroom. He isn’t entirely sure what the other man is doing, but he appreciates it. The last few times he’s had concussions it had sucked to come home to a quiet, empty house.
It had given him too much time to sit around and wonder, about how serious the concussion was, how long he was going to be out, and the worst, if the latest concussion was going to be the one to make it so he couldn’t play. This though, the quiet sounds of Alex in the house is better, leaving warmth pooling in his stomach.
The nausea is receding a little though his head is still throbbing, and he slowly gets up and makes his way to the door. He doesn’t want Alex to think he’s collapsed or drowned himself in the shower. Opening the door, he sees the T-shirt and shorts Alex has laid out on the bed. He crosses to the bed, moving slowly and breathing deep. Dropping the towel, he dresses with slow deliberate movements.
Raising his head, he finds Alex in the doorway, watching him with serious eyes. They look at each other for a long moment before Alex shakes his head.
“Bed or downstairs?”
It takes Sidney a moment to make his aching head work and he realizes Alex is asking where he wants to be. He glances at the bed, but even the clean sheets and pillows aren’t enough to make him want to stay in the room. The last time he had a concussion, before Alex, he had spent almost all his time in his room. “Downstairs.”
Alex nods and they head back downstairs, Alex a few steps behind.
The TV is already on, the volume almost all the way down, which Sid is glad for. And its pretty obvious Alex already knew what he was going to say, with the blankets and pillow on the couch, as well as the bottles of water in easy reach on the coffee table.
Sidney gratefully sinks onto the couch, keeping his head steady as he does. He closes his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose. The nausea is a little better, but he’s sure that’s only because he isn’t moving. He listens to the sound of Alex moving around the living room.
A few seconds later the couch next to him dips and he cracks his eye open to see Alex sitting tucked in the corner of the couch, his feet up on the table, which he knows drives Sidney crazy.
Alex catches him looking and he grins, gesturing. “Come here Sid.”
His voice is pitched low and Sidney inches closer. A strong arm loops around his chest, tugging gently, and Sidney goes with the motion. He leans back against Alex, his legs stretched out on the couch. It’s comfortable and only gets better when Alex drags the blanket over him, cocooning him in warmth.
With a deep sigh he relaxes against the solid strength of Alex’s body and dozes off, despite the ache in his head.
-----
Sidney has no idea what time it is, just that something is shaking him and that he doesn’t like it. He gets one hand free of the blanket and blindly swats. “Knock it off.”
A laugh is his only response and he manages to pry his eyes open. The room is mostly dark, though the TV is still on. It takes him a moment to remember why he isn’t in bed and he groans, the ache in his head coming roaring back.
“Okay Sid?”
Sidney just barely remembers not to shake his head. “No.”
A bottle of water is suddenly in his hands and he twists the lid off, downing half the bottle in one go. He lowers the bottle and Alex is leaning into his space with two pills.
Alex nods, though his face is lost in the shadow of the room. “Is just Tylenol. Talk to Zhenya.”
Sidney takes the two pills and downs them with the rest of the water. He screws the lid back on the bottle and drops it to the floor. He leans back against Alex, glad when an arm slides around his waist. “What time is it?”
“After midnight. What day is it?”
Sidney groans, vividly remembering the last time he had a concussion and all the stupid questions. “January 3rd. Can I please go back to sleep?”
“Yes, Sid but going to have to wake you again.”
Alex sounds contrite and Sidney bites back the automatic retort. Getting angry at Alex isn’t going to solve anything, and he certainly doesn’t deserve it. He’s doing what he’s supposed to do, given Sid’s concussion. Instead he sighs and rests his head back against Alex’s shoulder. “Okay.”
-----
The living room is dark, the TV off and Sidney blinks against the darkness. He can feel the rise and fall of Alex’s chest against his back and he focuses on the movement. It gives him something else to think about beside how much his head aches. Slowing his breathing he matches it to Alex and the pain fades a little.
Alex makes a soft sound, his arm tightening around Sidney’s chest.
He isn’t sure how long he stays like that, enjoying the darkness and the steady presence behind him. Coming down here was much better than laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and feeling bad for himself.
Sidney realizes he needs to pee and with a groan he manages to get free of Alex’s octopus hold. His head starts throbbing with the movement, but he manages to get to the bathroom and back to the living room without dying.
He’s halfway back to the couch when he hears Alex shift.
“Sid?”
Sidney takes a deep breath, teeth grit against the pain. “I’m okay. I just needed the bathroom.”
He makes his way back to the couch and sits down. He leans into Alex, head resting on his shoulder. “Fuck, I hate this.”
Alex makes a comforting sound deep in his throat and pulls Sid closer, kissing his temple. “Will be better.”
Sidney closes his eyes as he draws the blanket back up. It’s going to be a long time until the doctors clear him to play, and he can only hope he isn’t stupid enough to take his frustration out on Alex again. He curls his hand into the soft fabric of Alex’s shirt and dozes off.
-----
The next time Sidney wakes up there’s sunlight streaming in through the windows and someone is knocking on the door. His head is on Alex’s thigh and before he can think to move, Alex is up and limping towards the door.
Sidney grabs a pillow that had fallen on the floor and jams it under his head as he pulls the blanket up with his other hand. Closing his eyes, he listens as Alex opens the front door. He hears Geno and Jordan, who is trying to keep his voice down and failing miserably.
He sighs but doesn’t lift his head from the pillow. “You can stop trying to whisper. I’m awake.”
Jordan comes in the living room, looking sheepish as he’s trailed by Geno and Alex. “Sorry. How do you feel?”
Sidney slits an eye open to glare at Jordan. “My head feels like it’s about to fucking split apart, so not great.”
Wincing Jordan manages a wry smile. “Yeah, dumb question. Anyway, Geno and I got your car here in one piece. I hope you feel better soon.”
He glances at Geno. “I’m going to go wait outside.”
Sidney settles deeper into the couch and closes his eyes again. Alex and Geno are talking, most likely about him but Sidney doesn’t really care. His head doesn’t feel much better and he’s so tried he thinks he could sleep for days.
The conversation finally dies, and a hand touches his shoulder. Sidney opens his eyes far enough to see Geno leaning over him, smiling.
Geno pats his arm. “Sanja say he take good care of you.”
Sidney looks to where Alex is standing behind Geno. “He was a pain in the ass, but other than that, yeah he did.”
Alex barks a laugh, his eyes bright and he shakes his head. “Rude Sidney Crosby.”
Patting Sidney’s arm again Geno straightens up. “I go Sidney. Feel better.”
Alex walks Geno to the door and when he comes back he kneels next to the couch. He gently combs his hand through Sidney’s hair, thumb rubbing against his temple. “Breakfast?”
Sidney’s stomach does a slow roll at the mention of food, but he swallows and nods. He knows he needs to eat something or it’s going to make him feel worse, but he really doesn’t want to. “Nothing heavy.”
With a grunt of pain Alex gets to his feet and nods. “Okay. I wake you when I done.”
Frowning Sidney watches as Alex limps towards the kitchen, a tight knot coiling uncomfortably in his stomach. Alex is in pain because of him, because he was selfish and had wanted to spend the night on the couch. He sighs and presses his head into the pillow, feeling guilty and miserable.
“Sid, breakfast.”
Sidney raises his head, peering over the arm of the couch. Alex is leaning into the living room, smiling, though his eyes are soft.
Groaning Sid slowly sits up, the blanket sliding to the floor. He rubs at his forehead and stands. “I’m sorry.”
Alex comes into the living room, frowning. “For what?”
“Your knee being sore. I know it’s my fault.” Sidney hates being responsible for someone being in pain, but the fact it’s Alex is making him feel even worse.
Shaking his head Alex comes further into the living room and cups Sidney’s face. He briefly rests his forehead against Sidney’s before pulling back. “Knee always hurts. Now mostly just stiff from being out all night.”
He drops his hands down to smooth down Sidney’s arms before gently tugging at his hand. “Breakfast is getting cold.”
Sidney lets Alex tug him down the hallway and into the kitchen. There are two plates on the island with a bowl of fruit between them. He lets Alex push him toward one of the stools and he sits down, watching the other man.
Alex gets a skillet out of the stove and it’s filled with scrambled egg whites. He dishes half of it on to Sidney’s plate before putting the rest on his plate. Setting the skillet aside he pushes down on the toaster and turns to get butter and jelly from the fridge.
By the time he gets everything on the island the toast has popped up and he sets the four slices on a small plate. Setting it in front of Sidney he gets water out of the fridge, handing a bottle to Sidney. “Good?”
Now that he’s near the food and can smell it, Sidney realizes how hungry he really is. He nods as he picks a piece of toast off the plate. “Yeah. Thanks.”
Covering his toast in butter Sidney adds a thick layer of jelly. It’s more than he would usually use, but right now he really wants the sweetness. He adds some of the fruit to his plate and takes a bite of the eggs. They’re perfectly cooked and there are still days he marvels that he and Alex manage to cook as often and as well as they do.
They eat in silence and Sidney feels a little better with every bite. His head still hurts, but the nausea is more manageable. He’s sure part of it is because of Alex’s presence. It’s been nice to not be alone in his house, because he knows he tends to sulk on the couch when he’s injured or sick, thinking about worse case scenarios.
Sidney finishes eating and pushes his plate aside. Rolling his head, he bites the inside of his cheek at the bolt of pain it sends across his temple. He takes a deep breath and looks at Alex, who is watching him with a concerned look. “I’m going to go lay down upstairs.”
Alex nods as he collects the dirty dishes. “Okay. Take more drugs. I wake you up for lunch.”
“Thanks.” Sidney picks up his water bottle and heads for the stairs. It takes him longer than he cares to think about to get to the top of the stairs, and by the time he makes it to the top he feels like his head is going to explode.
The curtains and blinds in his room are already closed, leaving the room in darkness. He sets the bottle down on the table next to his side of the bed and lifts the blankets to slide in. The sheets are cool and smooth against his skin, and the subtle smell of the clean sheets is reassuring.
Sidney draws the blanket up and closes his eyes, settling into the mattress.
-----
It’s nearly one in the afternoon when Alex wakes him. Sidney blinks groggily and wipes at his eyes. The throb in his head has receded to an almost bearable level. He scrubs a hand across his face. “I’ll be right down.”
Alex nods, leaving the room with a last look back at Sidney.
Crawling out of bed Sidney enters the bathroom but leaves the light off, since there’s enough light coming in through the window. He splashes water on his face and it feels good.
He heads downstairs and enters the kitchen, where Alex has a few sandwiches on a plate. The other man was nowhere to be seen and Sid sits down, taking two of the sandwiches. He’s halfway through the first sandwich when Alex appears, his hair damp, wearing his Sidney Crosby shirt.
Swallowing his bite of sandwich Sidney smiles. “I keep hoping you’ll lose that shirt.”
Alex grins, holding his arms wide. “Not nice Sid. This my favorite shirt.”
Shaking his head Sidney takes another bite. He isn’t serious about the shirt going missing, but it’s been an ongoing joke between them since Alex got the damn thing almost two years ago. It also helps that seeing Alex in the shirt, with his number and name on it, sends a visceral thrill down his spine. “Thanks for the sandwiches.”
“Welcome Sid.” Alex pulls the other stool out and sits down. “Better?”
Picking up another sandwich Sid bobs his head slightly. “It doesn’t hurt quite as bad and the nausea is better. I’m supposed to go in tomorrow for a check-up.”
He already has a good idea what they’re going to say, about needing more time and that it’s going to be awhile before he can get back on the ice. This time though, he’s hoping the concussion isn’t as bad as he thinks it is.
Finishing the last of his second sandwich Sidney pulls the empty plate closer before Alex can get his hands on it. “I’m feeling well enough I can manage to take care of some dishes.”
He grabs the last two sandwiches and carries everything over to the counter. Bagging the two sandwiches he puts them in the fridge and rinses the plates before sticking them in the dishwasher.
Sidney turns and moves to stand behind Alex, sliding his arm across his upper chest, hand resting flat against his shoulder. He sets his cheek on the top of Alex’s head. “Thank you.”
Even now, with as long as Alex has been here, Sidney still can’t help but feel like he’s taking advantage of him a little, with the fact he does all the cleaning and most of the cooking. And while Alex doesn’t complain, Sidney feels bad. Especially because he knows he doesn’t always remember to thank Alex for everything he does.
Alex pats his hand. “Are welcome Sid. Staying up?”
Sidney nods, knowing Alex can feel it but doesn’t move. The other man feels good against his chest and doesn’t seem to mind his weight, so he isn’t in a hurry to move.
A few minutes later Sidney moves and reluctantly steps back so Alex can stand. They make their way to the living room and sit on the couch, Alex handing Sidney the remote. He turns the TV on and puts it on highlights, because he is boring and both he and Alex know he’s going to fall asleep before too long.
-----
With a groan Sidney reaches out to silence the alarm. He feels Alex shift behind him and he reaches back, blindly patting at him. “Go back to sleep. Geno is picking me up, so I can see the doctors.”
He had thought about having Alex take him, but Geno was already headed in the same direction for practice, so it had seemed easier to have Geno do it. And at least one of them deserves to get some sleep. He rolls over and smiles when he sees the way Alex has the blanket pulled up, just his messy hair showing.
Now that he’s awake Sidney really doesn’t want to get up. The room is cool, and Alex is warm behind him, but he needs to go. The sooner he gets cleared the sooner he can maybe get back on the ice. Sighing he tosses the blankets back and slips from the bed, pulling everything back in place.
Ducking into the bathroom he takes care of his needs before padding back into the room. Alex hasn’t moved and is even snoring a little, which means he’s asleep again, lucky bastard. Sidney shakes his head and quickly dresses in sweats, a T-shirt and hoodie. He grabs a pair of socks and shoes on his way out, closing the door behind him.
The carpet of the stairs is cold against his feet and he sits down on the bottom step to pull his socks and shoes on. He grabs a jacket from the closet and shrugs it on before grabbing his keys and wallet from the table by the front door. Slipping out he locks the door behind him. His breath is visible in the cold morning air and he bounces a little on his toes, hoping Geno isn’t going to be late.
A few minutes later Geno pulls into his driveway and Sidney hurries to the car, sliding in. The interior is warm, and Sidney pulls his seat belt on before resting his hands over the vents. “I was expecting you to be running a little late.”
Geno rolls his eyes as he backs out of driveway. “Why not stay inside?”
Sidney leans back in the seat. “Alex is still asleep, and I didn’t want to wake him up.”
It’s Sidney’s turn to roll his eyes when he sees the way Geno smiles when he mentions Alex. His friend is still obnoxiously proud of himself for coming up with the whole plan to bring Alex over. And at this point Sidney can’t complain, because he has more than just passing feelings for Alex, but Geno really needs to stop acting like he is an all-knowing god.
Sidney carefully shakes his head. “You can stop acting smug any time now.”
Geno flashes a quick grin. “I not smug about anything Sid.”
Folding his arms across his chest Sid doesn’t say anything. This is a conversation they’ve had many times and right now he doesn’t have the energy for an argument with Geno, no matter how good-willed the whole thing will be. “No, of course not.”
They arrive at the rink and Sidney follows Geno to the building but peels off inside to head towards the doctors. The pit of his stomach is a knot of tension, because suddenly all he can think of is the worst-case scenario. It could be week or even months before he’s allowed to play again and having been there before, he isn’t sure he can do it again.
The doctor meets him as soon as he enters and points him in the direction of the examination table. Sidney hops up on the table, watching as the man looks at a clipboard.
“So, how are you feeling?”
Sidney shrugs. “My head doesn’t hurt as much, and the nausea is better, but both still come and go.” Knowing the doctor’s next question, Sidney keeps going. “After the game I went home and rested. There was someone with me who kept waking me up every few hours. Other than that I’ve just been resting.”
Even after all this time he isn’t sure how much of the support staff knows about Alex, so he prefers to be vague about his living situation with them.
“Excellent.” The doctor approaches him with a smile. “Well, let’s check everything else out.”
Sidney nods, patient as the doctor checks his pupils with a pen light. After that comes following the finger with his eyes and he bows his head when the doctor carefully feels over his scalp, fingers briefly lingering over where he got hit in the head.
With a sound the doctor steps back. “All things considered Sidney, I would say you’re doing well. Keep doing what you’ve been doing and maybe by next week I’ll be able to let you out on the ice.” He fixes Sid with a sharp look. “And as always, if you notice a return of your symptoms, immediately get checked out. Don’t try to be stupid about it.”
Hopping off the table Sidney nods. This isn’t the first time the doctor has told him that, and he doubts it will be the last. No doubt it comes from working regularly with a bunch of hockey players who aren’t always smart. “Will do. Thanks.”
Sidney makes his way to the ice and takes a seat on one of the benches since the entire team is on the ice.
Bylsma sees him and skates over. “What did the doc say?”
Sidney looks at the older man. “That everything seems okay, but I need to take the rest of the week off and let it heal. He’ll reevaluate me next week and see if I can start doing more, but right now he doesn’t want to run the risk of making things worse.”
Bylsma nods. “Alright. Keep me updated.”
It’s hard to watch the others on the ice but Sidney does. Another pair of eyes doesn’t hurt, and he knows they’ll expect him to have some critiques or ideas even though he isn’t playing. It sucks to be sitting on the bench watching the others. He wants to be out there with them, but sudden movements still make him nauseous and there’s still a lingering ache behind his right eye that comes and goes.
Rolling his shoulders, he watches the ebb and flow of his teammates on the ice and it’s enough to make it easier to ignore the throbbing in his head. They look good, their passes connecting, and Sidney almost feels bad for any team who thinks they’re going to be an easy target since he’s out of the lineup. Almost.
An indeterminate time later practice winds down and Sidney follows Flower back to the locker room. He stops outside the door, not wanting to interrupt what they have. If he goes in, he’ll be subjected to questioning looks and he really doesn’t need or want that.
About ten minutes later people start filing out and Sidney manages a half wave or wane smile for all of them. Jordan stops long enough to clap a gentle hand on his shoulder before disappearing down the hall.
Geno comes out of the locker room and looks at Sidney. “What doctor say?”
Sidney rubs at his temple, catching the concerned look Geno is leveling at him. “It’s going to be a few weeks before I’m back.” A few weeks is probably optimistic, but he wants to pretend the end is in sight.
Nodding Geno pats his shoulder. “Is okay Sid. We not let you down.”
“I’m not worried about that.” Sidney leads the way to Geno’s car, ready to get home. It was good to see the guys at work, to see his injury isn’t going to throw a wrench in the team but at the same time it hurts. He wants to be on the ice, to feel the vibration of the stick in his hands as the puck hits it.
He sighs as he gets in the car and rests his head back against the headrest. He can tell Geno wants to ask questions and he’s glad his friend knows not to. The last thing he wants is to hear questions he doesn’t really have a good answer for.
The car glides to a smooth stop and Geno clears his throat.
Opening his eyes Sidney blinks a few times, until his vision clears, and he sees his house. He sits up, unbuckling the seatbelt as he does so. “Oh. Thanks for the ride.”
Geno nods, his hands curled around the steering wheel. “Any time Sid.”
Sidney waves at Geno as he pulls out of the driveway and he goes inside. He toes his shoes off and kicks them into closet before shedding his jacket and hanging it up. Hands in the pocket of his hoodie he wanders further into the house. He’s disappointed about what the doctor said, though not really surprised. Thinking he was going to be back on the ice anytime soon was a stupid thought.
The living room is empty so Sidney heads for the kitchen, idly remembering it was a little after noon when he last looked at the clock in Geno’s car. Sure enough, Alex is in the kitchen, making something that might be lunch or a snack. He smiles when he sees Sidney, but it fades away, and Sidney is sure what he’s feeling must be written all over his face.
Sitting down he watches as Alex finishes making lunch. He accepts the plate, where there is thin sliced chicken and raw vegetables and he finds he is hungry, despite the knot of tension in his stomach. Alex sits across from him and Sidney takes a deep breath, prepared to deflect if Alex asks any questions.
Alex doesn’t speak, just offers a reassuring look and Sidney turns his attention to his food, suddenly feeling selfish. It seems petty, that he’s so concerned about his own future when Alex hasn’t been able to play for years. Alex has borne his career ending injury with dignity and good humor. His only concession is the odd painkiller, or a bag of peas from the freezer when he over does it.
Sidney picks at a piece of chicken, breaking some of it off. He swallows before looking up at Alex. “The doctor said I had to take the rest of the week off. If I’m lucky he might let me skate next week.”
Alex nods and reaches across the table, patting Sidney’s hand. “Will be good Sidney. Rest is best.”
He’s already tired of sleeping but Sidney knows its true. The last time he had a concussion it felt like all he ever did was sleep. Even now he’s ready to fall asleep and he knows the moment he sits on something comfortable he’s likely going to be out. He dredges up a smile for Alex and starts eating.
-----
Feeling like a kid on Christmas, Sidney practically bounds up the stairs towards the house. He had felt well enough to see the doctor on his own, driving for only the second time since his concussion. And he’s glad he did, because he probably would have annoyed whoever had given him a ride, with his inability to sit still.
Sidney enters the house and takes his jacket off but doesn’t take his shoes off. He wanders into the living room where Alex is stretched out on the couch looking half asleep as he twists to look at Sidney. “Hey.”
Alex pushes up on his elbow. “Hi. What doctor say?”
Sidney smiles slightly. He’s been feeling better, but there are still moments when his head aches and he doesn’t quite feel steady. “They cleared me to skate, as long as I’m with someone.”
Swinging his legs off the couch Alex sits up, grinning. “Is Sidney Crosby asking me on a skate date?”
Sidney can’t help but roll his eyes, because Alex’s gap-toothed grin is equal parts endearing and irritating, and of course he’s making a joke. “I’m asking you if you want to go skating with me. Not sure it qualifies as a date.”
“It is.” Still grinning Alex gets up and brushes past Sidney. “Need to change.”
Sidney makes his way back to the front closet. He digs his old skates out, as well as Alex’s, pulling them out of hiding by the bright yellow laces. Even before this, they haven’t had much time to get on the ice together, which bothers Sidney. He knows how much Alex enjoys getting to spend time on the ice and he tries to make sure they go every couple of weeks, if only for an hour.
Alex reappears a few seconds later, his enthusiasm undiminished. “Okay. Ready for date.”
Shaking his head Sidney thrusts Alex’s skates at him. “You’re going to stick with the date thing, aren’t you?”
“Yes!” He takes Sidney’s skates from him before chivying him in the direction of the front door.
Sidney lets Alex herd him outside and he takes a deep breath as he gets into the car. He still doesn’t feel great, but the thought of getting on the ice makes him happy enough to ignore it. The drive to the rink is quiet, save the radio and he doesn’t even care that Alex is jiggling his leg.
Alex scrambles out of the car when they get to the rink, grabbing their skates out of the back seat. He rounds the car and gently jostles Sidney. “Will be great!”
Sidney isn’t sure what exactly is supposed to be great, the skating or the fact this is supposed to be a date, but he doesn’t really care. He’s just glad to be cleared to at least skate, and Alex’s enthusiasm is slightly contagious.
He unlocks the door and they slip inside, taking care to lock the doors behind them. Turning on the lights they make their way to the gate on the boards. Sidney unlocks the door and pushes it open before sitting down to put his skates on.
Alex already has his on and is tightening them up with easy, practiced movements and Sidney can’t help the pang in his chest. It isn’t a new feeling, but it still gets him every time. He wishes, just once he had gotten to see Alex play. Grainy videos on YouTube don’t do justice to the strength and skills he’s seen when he and Alex play together on the ice.
Sidney sets his shoes aside and pulls his skates on. Alex is bouncing in the chair next to him and Sid slants him a look. “You don’t have to wait for me.”
“You the best Sid.”
Shaking his head Sidney starts on his own skates, pulling at the laces. He listens to the familiar sound of skates on ice and he’s glad they came out, though he wishes the circumstances were different. Short of games, one of his favorite things is when he and Alex can get to the rink and spend hours playing and chasing each other around the ice.
He knots his laces with a last tug and steps onto the ice.
Alex is already halfway around the rink, and he stops at the door as he waits for Sidney to catch up. “Okay?”
Sidney nods, and he doesn’t try to hide his smile, because this is a step in the right direction. He knows to normal people this wouldn’t seem like much, but for him it’s a victory.
It doesn’t take long before Sidney has lost track of how many times he and Alex have gone around the ice. The only sounds are of their breathing and the smooth glide of their skates against the ice. He knows he’s pushing a little, matching his stride to Alex’s longer one. The stretch feels good and even if he regrets it, he has plenty of time to recover.
Alex gently nudges him, grinning, and its good to be on the ice with him. Better than with a trainer, who never manages to get the rhythm right, or hangs back, making him feel like he’s being babysat. He leans a little into Alex and they jostle each other for a few strides before settling down, a little closer than before.
A few minutes later Sidney rubs at his temple. His head doesn’t really hurt, but there’s a tightness to his scalp. “I suppose we should call it. I have no idea how long we’ve been here.”
Alex nods, eyes scanning his face. “Okay.”
Sidney is about to step off the ice when Alex catches his elbow, tugging gently. He lets Alex back him against the boards, though he curls his hands in the sweatshirt Alex is wearing.
Squeezing Sidney’s elbow Alex leans down and presses a kiss to the corner of Sidney’s mouth before kissing him properly. He pulls back and smiles. “Was a good date Sidney.”
Sidney can’t help his snort of laughter and he pushes back against Alex, not that he moves. “I feel like I should be getting off easy, that you like such a cheap date.”
Alex laughs. “I easy Sid. Spending time with you good enough.”
The words send a flush through his body and Sidney is sure his cheeks are a little pink, if the way Alex is looking at him is any indication. He shoves. “Let’s go home and I’ll make lunch or dinner, where ever we are in the day.”
Alex ducks his head for another kiss before releasing Sidney. “You going to make same boring Sid?”
Stepping off the ice Sidney turns to glare at Alex. “The food I make isn’t boring.”
The look on Alex’s face isn’t reassuring and Sidney sighs. “Okay, maybe it is, sometimes.”
Alex sits next to him and leans down to start untying his skates. “Is okay Sidney. Can’t be good cook and good hockey player.”
Sidney rolls his eyes but doesn’t rise to the bait. Alex’s teasing doesn’t bother him like it does coming from other people, but he doesn’t feel like biting this time.
Looping his laces together Alex knots them before pulling on his shoes. “Need to shop anyway. Not much food in house.”
Sidney gets his shoes on. “Okay. Not like I have anything else to do today.”
They pick up their skates and head for the car, Sidney turning off the lights and locking the doors as they go. Outside he smiles as Alex bumps against him, acting like it’s an accident but failing miserably. Tossing their skates in the back they get in the car and Sidney heads for the grocery store closest to his house, where they usually go shopping.
The parking lot is mostly empty, which suits Sidney fine. He prefers shopping when he isn’t going to get mobbed. They cross the parking lot, Sidney letting Alex lead.
He doesn’t usually go shopping with Alex, for obvious reasons, but the few times he has, it’s been amusing. No matter how many times he nudges and mentions, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Alex write a shopping list.
He’s come across notes, scattered around the house, in English and Russian, but never a list. So, shopping with Alex usually involves following him around the store, with no idea what he’s looking for, as Alex mumbles to himself in Russian, peering down aisles as he goes. It’s an oddly okay way to spend an afternoon.
As they enter the store Sidney looks at Alex. “Do we need a cart?”
Alex makes a face Sidney recognizes as his thinking face, before nodding decisively. “Yes. Not much food.”
Sidney grabs a cart before relinquishing it to Alex, who looks like he’s on a mission. He knows not to get in the way. Tucking his hands in his pockets he trails behind Alex as they wind through the store, paying only a little attention to what goes in the cart. By now Alex knows what he prefers to eat and is good about keeping those things on hand. Though, Sidney is pretty sure he’s supposed to ignore the doughnuts in the corner of the cart.
They make it to the front of the store and Sidney can’t help but notice Alex’s slight limp. Despite his knee injury he doesn’t usually limp, unless he’s completely exhausted or managed to do something that makes his knee hurt. Sidney shakes his head, because he knows this is his fault. He didn’t want to get off the ice, and rather than complain Alex had kept up, keeping him company at his expense.
The cashier at the register obviously knows Alex if the way she’s smiling is any indication and Sidney can’t help the small flare of jealousy when Alex smiles back, leaning in slightly. He knows the feeling is irrational, knows what Alex feels for him, but he can’t help it. Part of it is because he’s used to having Alex to himself, except when the team is around, and none of them make him feel jealous when Alex pays attention to them.
The woman finishes ringing them up and Sidney nudges Alex out of the way, slipping his card into the card reader. Alex has money, but he suddenly has this inexplicable need to prove he can provide. He scoops half the bags up and waits for Alex to grab the rest, the other man smiling at the cashier, even as he levels a curious glance at him.
They carry everything out to the car and Sidney can feel Alex watching him, a look of confusion on his face. The worst part is Sidney isn’t sure why he’s suddenly acting like a child who doesn’t want to share. Alex made it more than clear when he came back to Pittsburgh he wasn’t going anywhere, no matter how stupid Sidney was.
And right now, Sidney is feeling stupid. He sets his groceries in the backseat and gets in the front seat. Alex isn’t far behind him and he pulls out of the parking lot. He feels like an idiot and he can tell Alex is curious, but is going to keep the peace, for which Sidney is glad. He doesn’t think he can explain why he acted like that.
Sidney gets half the groceries and their skates, leading Alex up the stairs. He tucks the skates into the closet before heading for the kitchen, Alex tagging behind him. They exchange bags, Sidney taking all the frozen and refrigerated goods while Alex tucks everything else into the pantry and cupboards.
Alex finishes putting the groceries away and turns to look at Sid. “Going to shower.”
Sidney nods. “Okay. I’ll get some dinner going.”
Despite what Alex said about his food being boring Sidney goes with the stand by of chicken and roasted vegetables. It means he can throw it all in the oven and get a shower while it cooks. He heads up to his room and quickly showers, still thinking about what happened at the grocery store.
Once he’s dressed Sidney ducks back into his bathroom to grab some pain relievers and rub. He knows Alex will probably ignore the fact his knee hurts, like he always does. Supplies in hand he makes his way downstairs. Alex is on the couch, his hair still damp, his bad leg up on the coffee table. “Hey.”
Alex looks at him, with a faint smile. “Hi.”
Approaching the couch Sidney holds up the bottle. “Did you take any?”
With a shake of his head Alex closes his eyes. “Is not bad Sidney.”
“I saw you limping.” He doesn’t wait for Alex to respond, instead ducking into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. Grabbing a kitchen towel, he checks the timer and sees they have more than enough time to do what he’s planning.
Reentering the living room, he gets two Tylenol out. He gently nudges Alex, until the other man looks at him. “Just take them. It will make me feel better.”
Alex sighs but accepts the pills and water, downing the pills with a quarter of the water. He sets the bottle down on the side table. “Thank you, Sidney.”
“You’re welcome.” Sidney sets the bottle down on the coffee table and tosses the towel over his shoulder. He gestures to Alex’s leg. “Put your leg down.”
A questioning look is what he gets, but Alex complies, dropping his leg with a flinch of pain. Sidney nudges the coffee table aside and goes to his knees.
“Going to give me ideas Sid.” A lazy smile is pulling at Alex’s mouth and Sidney is glad to see the playful flick of humor in his eyes.
Shifting his weight Sidney sits down and reaches out, fingers plucking at the bottom of Alex’s worn sweatpants. “You can get all the ideas you want, but nothing is happening.” He smiles at the crestfallen look on his face. “Maybe later.”
Before Alex can say anything, Sidney rolls the fabric up until it’s above Alex’s knee. This is the first time he’s gotten a good look at the injury that ended Alex’s career. There are several scars seaming the skin, from the multiple surgeries he had to try and fix his knee. Taking a deep breath, he gently touches the largest scar, that runs from above his knee to below it.
From there he moves to the smaller ones, making sure to touch each. Even under his light touch he can feel the heat emanating from the ruined joint and he can see the slight swelling. He drags his thumb gently along the edge of the patella.
Picking up the rub Sidney pops the lid off and squirts some of the rub onto his hands. He isn’t even sure what it is, just that it has a spicy, herbal scent and works wonders on relieving pain. Smoothing it over the entire knee he goes back to where he started, working it into Alex’s skin, making sure to rub all of it. As he works he can feel some of the tension leaving Alex and when he glances up, Alex’s head is against the back of the couch, his throat working as he swallows.
Sidney smiles and continues to rub, keeping his touches light. He isn’t sure why this never crossed his mind before and he feels a little stupid for just now thinking of it. “Better?”
His answer is a deep hum of contentment and Sidney smiles. He wipes his hands clean on the towel and sets it aside before slowly getting to his feet. He’s barely up when Alex leans forward and catches his hips, tugging.
Sidney goes with the motion, settling over Alex’s thighs, knees sinking into the couch. He rests his hands on his shoulders, smoothing along the muscles. “Hi.”
Alex smiles up at him, hands sliding up under his shirt, fingers rubbing at the small of his back. “Was good date Sid.”
Smiling Sidney leans down to kiss Alex, hand moving to stroke at the damp hair at the base of his neck. He settles back on his thighs. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. We’ll go back later this week, but we’re not going so long your knee starts to hurt. You need to tell me.”
With a shrug Alex strokes his fingers further up Sidney’s spine. “Is not big deal Sid.”
“It’s a big deal to me.” Sidney sighs. “I don’t like seeing you in pain, especially for me. Just, let me know next time.”
Alex nods. “Okay Sid.”
Sidney ducks his head to kiss Alex, just as the alarm on the oven sounds.
He sighs and shakes his head, carefully sliding off Alex. “Fuck, of course.”
The sound of Alex’s laugh follows him as he heads to the kitchen.
-----
Alex looks up from his phone as Sidney gets back in the car. “What he say?”
Sidney half turns to look at the other man. “He said things are a lot better. I can start doing more than skating and later this week I can at least get back to doing drills with the team.” He smiles as he starts the car. “Geno and Jordan are going to meet us at the practice rink, so we can get some two on twos done, among other things.”
Smirking Alex leans back in his seat. “Good. I like beating Staal.”
Laughing Sidney pulls out of the parking lot and heads towards the practice rink. “Please don’t say that where Jordan can hear you. I don’t need him trying to hurt himself right before we have a long home stand.”
Alex makes a face. “I make no promise Sid.”
“I suppose I should be glad you’ll give me that at least.”
-----
Sidney feels like he’s going to collapse as he and Alex enter the house. He really didn’t think he’s been lazing around that much since his concussion, but Geno and Jordan had chased he and Alex around the ice. He moves without thinking when Alex nudges him further into the house and groans. “I think I’m going to die.”
Alex tucks his stuff in the closet before glancing at Sidney. “Shower first, then die. Don’t want house to stink.”
“Fine.” Sidney toes his shoes off and kicks them in the closet. “Take something for your knee before you get in the shower. I’ll rub it down when I get done.”
Rolling his eyes Alex smiles. “Yes Sid. Nag worse than mama.”
Sidney brushes past Alex, hand brushing over his hip. “I just don’t like seeing you in pain. I’ll be down in about fifteen.”
He heads upstairs, laughing when he hears Alex muttering something he’s sure isn’t polite.
-----
Feeling like he’s got lead taped to his body Sidney collapses in front of his stall, surprised he made it. This is his first full practice since the concussion and he feels lucky to be breathing, let alone alive. He isn’t sure how he’s going to get undressed without dying and he’s pretty sure the rest of the team is laughing at him, if the amused looks they keep shooting his way are any indication.
Flower grins from where he’s removing his pads. “Don’t worry, once we’re all changed, we’ll call Alex and he can come give you a hand.”
Sidney bares his teeth at him as he shakes his glove off. “Fuck you Flower.”
Flower holds his hand over his chest. “Oh Sidney, how have we survived without your witty comebacks?”
The rest of the team is laughing, and Sidney ignores them as he reaches down to untie his skates. He knows witty comebacks aren’t his forte and he isn’t going to let Flower draw him into a battle he isn’t going to win. As he strips off his gear he listens to the conversations going on around him. Most of the gossip he’s caught up on, thanks to texts from Jordan, Flower and Geno, but it never hurts to hear it firsthand.
By the time he gets back into street clothes almost everyone is gone, save Geno and Jordan who are lingering, and trying badly, to look like they aren’t lingering. Sidney stands and looks at them. “Despite how I might look or feel, I can make it out to my car.”
Jordan shrugs while Geno smirks. “We make sure. Hate to hear from Sanja if you do something to face.”
“Alex would probably just laugh if I fell on my face.” Sidney joins them, and they make their way to the parking lot, where Bylsma is standing near the doors. He waves Geno and Jordan towards the door. “Go. I’ll text you when I get home so you both stop fucking worrying.”
Geno drags Jordan outside and Sidney stops. He can’t tell if what Bylsma is going to say is good or bad and it’s irritating. “What’s up?”
“You looked good today Sidney.” Bylsma looks him up and down before smiling. “You have a visit with the doctor tomorrow?”
“Yeah. First thing tomorrow morning.”
Bylsma nods and smiles. “Well, you’re going to still be on IR for tomorrow night’s game, but depending on what the doctor says, I don’t see any reason why you can’t play on Friday night. It probably won’t be your usual minutes, but you’ll get time on the ice.”
Sidney grins. “Great. I’ll let you know what he says as soon as I get done with him tomorrow.”
“Alright Sid. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
Sidney shoves the door open and slips outside, unable to keep from smiling. Jordan and Geno are both hanging around his car and they smile when they see him.
Jordan speaks first. “Good news?”
“Yes. As long as the doctor is good, I get to play on Friday.”
Geno grins and thumps Sidney on the shoulder. “Is good. Knew you be back soon.”
Sidney shifts his weight, fighting the urge to jingle the keys in his hand. He really needs to figure out how to kindly blow his teammates off, so he can go home and tell Alex. This is as much Alex’s victory as his with the way Alex has been putting up with having him underfoot, and all the time they’ve spent on the ice together.
Jordan gives him a knowing smirk and tugs Geno away from Sidney’s car. “Great news that you’ll be back, but we’ll get out of your way now. Good luck with the doctor!”
Sidney can feel the heat creeping across his cheeks, but he does his best to ignore it because now Geno has a smug, knowing look on his face. He really hates his teammates some days.
The drive home feels like it takes seconds and he let himself into the house. The TV is on, but Alex isn’t in the kitchen, living room or upstairs in the bedroom. Sidney makes his way back downstairs and nearly runs into Alex, who is carrying the laundry basket.
He slips out of the way. “Sorry.”
“Is okay Sid. How was practice?” Alex sets the laundry basket down, eyes skimming over Sid. “Look tired.”
Sidney rolls his shoulders. “I am, and practice was good. They’re leaving me on IR for right now, but if everything looks good, I’ll get to play on Friday.”
Alex smiles hugely and drops the laundry basket. He catches Sid’s elbow and tugs him toward the kitchen. “Good. We have shot to celebrate.”
Amusement fills Sidney and he lets Alex tug him along, fingers warm against his arm. “Isn’t it a little early for a celebratory shot? We don’t even know if the doctor is going to say I’m cleared.”
“Never to early for shot Sidney.” Alex levels him a look like he’s stupid even as they enter the kitchen. “And doctor clear you. You say feel better and he already say you better. Will play on Friday.”
In the face of Alex’s conviction, he’s going to get to play on Friday, all Sidney can really do is smile and accept the shot glass Alex is holding out to him.
-----
The meeting with his doctor is great and he knows he’s grinning like an idiot when he gets home. He bursts into the living room and before he can say anything Alex is on his feet and is pulling him into a hug.
Sidney curls his fingers into Alex’s shirt. “I get to play tomorrow night!”
Alex pulls far enough away so Sidney can see his face and he’s grinning, eyes bright. “See, told you it would get better.”
Sidney nods, elation a fire of warmth in the pit of his stomach, hands fisting in Alex’s shirt. He’s not stupid. He knows if Alex hadn’t been here, hadn’t been there for him when Geno brought him home, he probably would have spent more time wallowing in self-pity. Alex has been a steadying presence, whether he knows it and Sidney is forever going to be grateful for his presence.
He swallows against a knot of emotion he’s never given a name to. “Thank you.”
Alex cocks his head to the side as he looks down at Sidney. “For?”
“Everything.” Sidney tugs and Alex takes the hint, pressing him against the door, knee sliding between his.
-----
Friday morning dawns and Sidney rolls over to look at the clock. It’s a lot earlier than he thought it was but he knows going back to sleep isn’t an option. It feels like there’s a low level of electricity buzzing under his skin and he throws the covers back, with every intention of getting out of bed. From behind him Alex makes a sleepy, interrogative sound and Sidney shifts.
Alex’s back is to him and he leans over, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “Go back to sleep. There’s no reason both of us need to be up this early.”
He watches as Alex settles back into the bed and he draws the blankets back up as he slips out. Taking a quick shower, he pads out of the room and heads downstairs. Despite the fact he has hours before he has to be at the rink he feels tight with tension, like he’s going to explode.
Flopping on the couch he rests his head against the back and takes a deep breath. This is the first time in a long time he can remember feeling this anxious about the game and he doesn’t like it. At this rate he’s going to be exhausted long before game time, which isn’t going to do the team any good.
Sidney isn’t sure, but he knows he must have dozed off, despite the tension, because the next thing he knows is Alex is stretched out on the couch, head pillowed on his thigh, eyes closed. “Why are you up?”
Alex shrugs, but doesn’t look at him. “Bed not so nice when you not in it.”
Smiling Sidney rests his hand on Alex’s chest.
-----
Finishing with his tie Sidney heads downstairs. He’s finally managed to get a lid on his tension, though it has done nothing for the current of anticipation that is making it hard for him to sit still. Reaching the bottom of the stairs he glances into the living room where Alex already has the TV on to the local channel. Alex is sprawling across the couch, wearing his Crosby shirt and Sidney rolls his eyes but smiles. “You really don’t have to wear that shirt. This isn’t some big comeback.”
With a quick smile Alex bounces to his feet, stroking a hand across the penguin on his chest. “Is favorite shirt and is good time to wear it.”
He pads towards Sidney and stops just in front of him. His hands smooth over the lapels of Sid’s suit jacket as he looks at him. “Good luck Sidney.”
Sidney swallows hard as he looks up at Alex’s intense, sincere gaze. “Thanks.”
-----
Locking the car Sidney cuts across the lawn, toward the front door. He can’t keep the smile off his face, because not only did they win, he got to play and was part of his team again. Granted, it wasn’t his best game, with just a goal and assist, but he contributed and after the last few weeks, it feels like a great victory.
He opens the front door and Alex is waiting for him, smiling and practically vibrating with the need to move. Sidney closes the door and locks the door before starting to struggle out of his suit jacket. He has just barely gotten it off when Alex is crowding him back against the door, hands cupping his face.
Laughing Sidney gets a hand up, curling around Alex’s elbow. “It wasn’t that good of a game.”
Alex strokes a thumb across his cheek and it takes Sidney a moment to catch his breath. Somehow, he always manages to forget how overwhelming it is to have Alex this close, pinning him against the door.
“Was great Sidney.”
Sidney wants to disagree, but the words die on his tongue, under Alex’s intense gaze. Instead all he can think about is how great it was to play tonight, but even that is almost completely overshadowed by Alex, here and now.
Without thinking his hand tightens on Alex’s elbow, until he can feel the other man’s pulse jumping against his fingers. Alex’s boisterous, steady presence in his life is part of why he’s doing so well. He knows if not for him he would have spent the last few weeks sulking around the house, thinking terrible thoughts. With Alex here, it’s been impossible, and he doesn’t think there’s anything he can do to ever tell Alex how much it’s meant to him.
Smiling, feeling warm, more from emotion than the high of the game Sidney presses against Alex, leaning up to brush his lips against Alex’s chin before pushing up to kiss him properly.
Alex reacts like he was hoping, pressing a thigh between his legs and Sidney gets his other hand up, clutching at Alex’s shoulder.
Someday Sidney will find the words to tell Alex how he feels, how much he’s come to rely on his presence, but right now, his touch is all Sidney can think about.